The journey continues

Several of my blogs recently has talked about finding joy in whatever circumstances I find myself in. This is a journey and not a one time decision. Seems that is how most things work. I was talking about forgiveness today at lunch and the conversation led to how we often talk like forgiveness is a one time act. My perception is that one decision to forgive may mean forgiving that other person daily. It doesn't happen all at once and I am not sure when you reach that point of totally forgiving someone else. To me finding joy is the same way. I made a decision to have joy in whatever situation, but each day I make the decision to actually do that. One is the mental decision and then I try to live out that decision each day. All of that to say that I'm still finding my way on that journey through the day to day decisions.

Last night several things combined that challenged my decision to find joy. I was faced with the decision to give into the old way of thinking or to search for joy where I was at. I would like to say it was an easy decision and that I got it right, but reality is that I fought finding joy. I wanted to be critical, to point the finger at someone else, to withdraw from a relationship, to justify the way I was feeling and I did... for awhile. But the cool thing about this journey is that you can pick back up even when you get sidetracked. It took me a night to realize that I needed to set aside those thoughts that pull at me and to still pursue the right things. It meant having conversations that I didn't particular want to have. It meant serving even when I didn't feel like it. It may not always be fun, but doing the right things will bring joy.

Pursuing Jesus is like that. It will be challenging. It will require effort. It will cost you. Cost you things like sacrificing your pride, your selfishness, your "rights", but man is it worth it. I don't always get that right (probably get it wrong more often than right), but it is a decision that I want to make each day. That is a journey worth pursuing. What are you going to choose to pursue today? What journey are you willing to start down today? No matter what you decide, you are heading on a journey. You get to pick the direction you are heading each day. Enjoy the journey and I hope you find joy along the way.

Joy in unexpected places

As I continue this process of finding joy in the middle of the messiness of life, the next step in that process hasn't always been what I expected. (Not that I really knew what to expect.) Last week at AZero Lane quoted Charles Spurgeon who said, "Delayed obedience is disobedience." How does that fit into joy? Not sure that I have it all figured out yet, but here is what I do know right now. God often prompts us through the Holy Spirit. That person that springs into your mind that you feel you should call or e-mail or pray for. That feeling that you are suppose to do something for a particular person and you don't really know why. That prompting to have a conversation that you really don't want to have. To serve when you don't really want to. What do we often do with those prompts? I can't speak for you, but they have often got lost in the busyness of life for me. It isn't that I don't necessarily want to do it, but more like, not right now because I am busy. I have thought that I will get to it later when I have some more time. The reality is that I usually don't find that extra time and then I just simply forget about doing whatever it was that I felt prompted to do. So we come to now. What I decided was that I wasn't really being obedient to God. I was fitting him in when it was convenient. This last week I decided that whenever I felt that nudge that I was going to do whatever it was that day. It has lead me to some spots that I didn't expect. It has lead me to have conversations that felt awkward starting. It has lead me to serve in some ways that I hadn't planned on. But the reality is that I haven't missed the time I have spent on doing these things. Matter of fact, I have been more content and found joy in doing those things. Oh, they aren't always fun but I feel that I am really pursuing what Jesus was talking about. Having Him the first priority and trusting where he is leading even when I don't have a clue where it is going to take me. It has been refreshing. So are you ready to jump in? Challenge for the next week. When you feel that prompting to have that conversation, to help someone out, to make that difficult call, whatever it is, do it that day. It may be a little awkward, but it is better than being disobedient to God.

Bonus quote from Andy Stanley. "Unexpressed gratitude communicates ingratitude." Who are you assuming knows you are grateful when you should be telling it to them instead? Someone who has impacted your life, someone who has helped you out recently, someone who encouraged you recently and you are thankful for those words or actions... let them know you are grateful, don't just assume they know. See if you assume something that just makes... well you get the point. Have an incredible day of obeying and being grateful! I am guessing that you will find joy in the day if you do.

Half-truths, white lies, and other nice names

What do you do when you feel like you have been lied to? What if it is a white lie? What if the truth is bent to make it sound more favorable, but it isn't completely false? What if it is an omission of facts to make it sound better than it really is? What if it is a lie to protect your feelings? What if...

We can debate all we want what fits under the category of a lie, but the truth is the truth. There aren't shades of truth. It is as simple as it is true or it isn't. We want the grey. We want to be able to hide behind words so we call lies things such as half-truths, white lies, fudging the truth, etc.

So how do you deal with all of the various non-truths? If you feel someone has lied to you, do you call them out on it? Do you let it go because it is only a small lie? If someone says they will do something and then doesn't, is that a lie? Do you consider their intention in determining whether it is true or not?

Seems we live looking for the loophole. We feel we are the exception to the rule. We don't want absolutes. They don't allow much wiggle room for us make ourselves feel better. Absolutes say it is true or it isn't. Wonder why we have to make it more difficult than that?

Wonder what it would take to be amazing?

What would it be like for Jesus to be amazed at something you did? I was reading the other day the story in Luke 7 that talks about a captain in the Roman army and the faith he displayed knowing that Jesus could heal his servant by simply giving the command. Think about it. This is Jesus we are talking about here. You know the one who calmed the storms simply by telling it to stop. The man who had healed tons of people by his touch. He had to be use to the amazing. But it says here that he was amazed or taken aback by this man's faith. Wonder what he thinks of my faith? Do my small tentative steps amaze him or does he wonder why I don't display an audacious faith? Did the captain realize he was doing anything amazing or was he just trying to live out what he knew? Wonder if we tried to live out the things we know we are suppose to do like loving our enemies, forgiving one another, serving the forgotten of society, encouraging one another, if he would be amazed? Sometimes I think we compare our lives to others and say we don't measure up to them, but I wonder if God isn't more concerned if we are doing what He asked us to do. What do you think? Are you living an amazing life? Aren't we suppose to be?

A contradiction?

Listening to the radio this morning I heard the song "Misery" by Maroon 5. If you don't know the song it is a peppy, upbeat song that sounds like it would be about something fun, but in reality it is talking about being in misery. Seems there is a little contradiction between the words and the music. The song reminds me of a lot of Sunday mornings at church, only there the words don't match the reality of life. Those who know me very well, know that I can't stand the question "How are you doing?" It is one of those questions that people will usually answer with a "Good" or "Fine" and not even really think about it. It is a throw away question for most people, like talking about the weather. The reason the song reminds me of Sunday mornings is because there seems to be this idea that when you step in the church building that you are suppose to be perfect. Life is great for the 1 or 2 hours that you are there. You don't have any problems, but is that reality? I've seen and heard people say how good they are doing when I know they are struggling. Marriages are in trouble, people are barely making it financially, they are struggling with depression, life is throwing all sorts of problems in their path, but they are "good". I know we can have joy in all circumstances, but isn't this the place where we are suppose to lean into other people and God? We don't want to burden others with our problems. We can handle it on our own. Show no weakness. Have it all together. Compare our problems with others and say they aren't that bad. Can't we come clean and sometimes say we love Jesus, but we are having a crappy day? Somehow we seem to think as Christians things aren't suppose to be difficult. Life is suppose to be perfect because we are chasing after Jesus. I don't think that was the promise. I think what Jesus said is that he would be there for us in the midst of it all. So as someone trying to follow the way He laid out for us, shouldn't we be there in the middle of it all for each other? Hard to do when we continue to hide behind the mask of having it all together. So do the risky thing and be transparent. Oh, some people may not know what to do with that, but continue to search for the community that will do life with you. Life has some wonderful times and other times when it is painful and difficult. Are you willing to share both of those? It is easy to share the good, but those who are willing to share their tough times with me are those I am the closest to. Let's quit hiding behind the catchy tune and really hear the words. Let's make Sunday morning more like the conversations we have when we are hanging out at the coffee house or bar. Let's lean into each other whether it is Saturday night, Sunday morning or Tuesday afternoon. Can we drop the pose of having it all together?

Tis the season

Tis the season for joy. That is what I am searching for this season. Not the Christmas season necessarily, but this season in life. To have joy in the middle of the messiness of life. This year has been one where I seem to take one step forward and then three back. During the craziness of life, I somehow lost the joy in my life. I let selfishness and my own self-absorption rob me of the joy found in the incredible things around me - the ability to be awed by God, the joy of relationships, the joy of serving, and the joy found in chasing after a life like Jesus.

What I am learning is that when it is all about me it doesn't leave much room for anyone else, including God. So how do I recapture this joy in life? Not really sure. For me it starts with the decision to find joy in the middle of all the crap in life and to have the awkward conversations. You know, the conversations that open myself up to others. Those conversations that require me to ask for forgiveness, to be challenged, to let others love and encourage me, to be transparent. Not exactly a fun process, but joy is more than just happiness. Don't get me wrong, I think happiness is part of it, but it is also way more than that. I want that joy, that even when things are tough, still lets me be content in who God is and how he made me. So the search begins. Ought to be easy to find since it is the season of joy, right?

A few thoughts

Ahh... "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." That pretty much describes the craziness that is my life. I have to intentionally choose to stop and look around every so often or I might miss some pretty significant parts of it. So after a fun-filled week in Houston (not really), a few final quotes and thoughts from Andy Stanley's book "The Grace of God" that I finished while seeing the sites in Texas (By sites, I mean the parking garage, the hotel, the office... exciting stuff like that.)

• "The story of Jesus is the story of God drawing near to those who had been pulled away by sin and were subsequently pushed away by the self-righteous."
• "As if six hundred laws were not enough, they (the Pharisees) created additional lists of rituals to observe and behaviors to avoid to ensure that the existing laws weren't accidentally broken."
• "We have to give Nicodemus credit for remaining in the uncomfortable light Jesus was shining on his ignorance and confusion. It would have been easy for a leader of his stature to take cover behind his education and pedigree. No one would have blamed him if he had chosen to scurry away before even more of his categories were scrambled by this itinerant preacher. Nicodemus had devoted his entire life to learning, teaching and upholding a religious system that shaped his identity and gave his life purpose; yet he paused to consider the possibility that there was something he had missed."
• "If people aren't following, it's because someone's not leading."
• "What about obedience? What about disobedience? What about repeated misbehavior? What about bad habits? What about justice? What about repentance? But I chose to ignore that little voice because all the what-abouts are irrelevant to a discussion of grace. There's no connection at all... But almost grace is like almost true. If something is almost true, it isn't. It's this tension that makes grace so slippery. There's something in most of us that screams, It can't be that easy! But as much as we want to qualify grace, it can't be qualified. Jesus didn't try to balance grace and truth. He gave a full dose of both."

When was the last time you paused to consider that you might have missed something? Are you arrogant enough to say you have it all figured out? Not that we verbally say that very often, but we often act like it. Our rules, our system, our fill in the blank... let the uncomfortable light of Jesus shine on it for awhile. Yeah, that will scramble things, turn them upside down, and make you pause for just a minute. What is your identity tied to? What extra rules are you creating?

The what-abouts... the details we want explained to suit us... grace throws them out the window. We want to give qualified grace. We want to receive Jesus' grace. It is that easy, but it also that hard. Grace and truth cuts through all of it, but we still have a hard time accepting it and giving it. Are you willing to give it away this week? No qualifications of obedience, repentance or justice... just give grace away? It will be tough and possibly confusing, but aren't most things, if we try to live a life following Jesus. I bet it will be exciting as well. Most dangerous things are. Have an incredible week living in radical grace!

A diplomat

As I sit here figuring out how to put into words some of the things that I am learning, Joshua (my middle son) is laughing at the movie they are watching. That has to be one of my favorite sounds. He has one of those laughs that you can just tell how much he is enjoying himself. It is a loud, contagious laugh that just makes me smile to hear. One of those things that make a parent forget the frustrations that sometimes come with being a parent. Awesome sound that I hope I never quit hearing.

"Without warning, light was shining in the darkness. And it was blinding. Confusing. Threatening. Unnerving. As a diplomat, Nicodemus, was prepared to be, well, diplomatic. As a diplomat, you slowly ramp up to the real issues. The important issues. But Jesus, in his entirely undiplomatic fashion, went straight to the heart of the matter." (Andy Stanley's "The Grace of God") Sounds about right. Take it, turn it upside down, do the unexpected, and go right to the real issues. I've experienced it. Jesus doesn't follow our set rules for him. He isn't the diplomat who leaves you wondering what he is getting at. He goes straight to the heart. It catches us off guard because, well, it is so unlike what we usually experience. We tap dance around what needs to be said. We don't want to offend so we avoid shining the light on sin.

I am so blessed to have friends surrounding me who follow Jesus lead. Shortly after reading the above section about Nicodemus from Andy Stanley's book today, I had one of those encounters. A friend willing to risk realness and shine a light on my darkness. I was told I was missing humility in serving. I needed to serve my wife with humility, not out of pride. Unnerving - check. Right - check. Things turned upside down - check. Sounds like I encountered Jesus through my friend's words today. Funny how Jesus doesn't fit into the neat, little boxes we want to place him in. He goes straight to the heart of the matter. Wonder how many times I have been diplomatic, when I should have been loving? Are you willing to risk it? Are you willing to live a life in the unexpected? Willing to love and show grace when that doesn't make sense? Willing to serve with humility? Willing to be entirely undiplomatic and talk about the real issues? It may be a little unnerving, but man, what a refreshing way to live! So what are you going to choose to do? That is the real question. Sorry if it isn't very diplomatic.

Audacious

Is simply surviving enough? I was talking with a friend last night and telling him how this last year has been the hardest one I can remember. It seems like nothing has been simple. Friendships that I thought were for the long haul have taken a detour. Finances that I thought were improving, have been stretched beyond what I could imagine. Things I've never questioned have been challenged. I've watched as marriages I thought were stable go through hard times and wonder if that could happen to me. I've been happy to just make it through the day without having wrecked my life or my family's at some points. It has been one of those years so far, but I don't think we were created to just survive. We have a purpose that we are to carry out and it isn't about survival. It is to love. Love God and love others. Survival focuses on me. Love focuses on others. So I don't think simply surviving is enough. No matter how slowly I limp through the process or how long this year seems to last, I have the choice to love through it all. Loving is more than simply making it through another day. It is showing grace when it seems like there should be punishment. It is giving even when it is unappreciated. It is listening when you would rather be doing something else. It is simply more than showing up for another day, it is the choice to keep fulfilling my purpose even when it is hard. Loving others especially when I don't feel like it.

"If the size of your vision for your life isn't intimidating to you, there's a good chance it's insulting to God." (Steven Furtick from "Sun Stand Still") I want this type of audacious faith. The type that says "if you're not daring to believe God for the impossible, you're sleeping through some of the best parts of your Christian life." I want the word audacious to describe how I live my life. (BTW, it is also one of my favorite words. Cool sound and more importantly an incredible way to live.) I don't want to simply survive, I want to live a life of audacious faith. I want words like grace, humility, and love to describe my life. I want God to use my life for way more than I am capable of. Simply making through another day doesn't seem to be enough any more. What about for you? Are you daring to believe God for the impossible? Can He do what you can't? Does the way you live reflect that?

Three thoughts that have been bouncing around in my head for the last couple of days.

• From Andy Stanley's book "The Grace of God" - "Jonah's sin was that his religion was really about him. While he eventually surrendered to the will of God, he never surrendered to the purposes of God in the world... He was grateful for God's multiple expressions of grace toward him but refused to celebrate God's grace toward the city. The moral of the story is pretty straightforward: receiving grace is often easier than dispensing it." How often does that play out in my life? One set of rules for me, but a different set for everyone else. I deserve grace (contradiction of terms because grace can't be earned), but what about the person who just offended me? What about the ex-boss? What about the person who took advantage of you? What about...
• Caught part of "Good Will Hunting" the other day. It is one of my favorite movies. I think I may know why now. (Besides liking Matt Damon movies and Robin Williams in this role.) I want to be like Robin Williams character and help someone grasp they have so much more potential than they realize. I want to make a difference. To be an influence. To wade through all of the bs and to challenge them to be more than mediocre.
• Today was about staying within today. Not being concerned (nice way of saying worried) about yesterday or what tomorrow will bring. Not worrying about what someone else will do as I can't control their actions. Not worrying about my past mistakes as I can't change what happened, but can do my best today.
  

Nike has it right

It isn't a lack of knowledge. It is simply a lack of application. Let's do the things we already know that we are suppose to be doing. Once we have those ingrained in our lives, then we can move on to the next thing. Need a suggestion - be joyful always, love one another, pray without ceasing. That should keep us busy for awhile. Now let's just do it.

The collison of grace

When was the last time you received grace? Grace isn't something we deserve, it is by definition receiving something we don't deserve and there is the problem for me. See I don't recognize it because I think I deserve it. I am entitled to it. Someone else owes me something because of what I've done in the past. But that isn't grace. See if I feel I've earned it somehow then I miss it. Oh it is still grace, but not in my eyes. I am ungrateful for receiving it because somehow I've screwed it up in mind that I am owed something.

That grace is played out often in my life, probably daily, but I miss it. I don't deserve an incredible wife, I don't deserve to be forgiven by friends that I take for granted, I don't deserve that I am relatively healthy, I don't do anything to earn even my next breathe... it is by grace that I receive any of it. I am beginning to understand that to see this amazing grace that is surrounding me, I have to change my perspective. I have to recognize that I am not entitled to anything. I have to be thankful for those things around me. I don't earn it. I don't deserve it. I can't be good enough to receive it. It is amazingly free. I just have to recognize it and accept it. No strings attached. No rules to follow. No earning it through doing certain things. When was the last time you experienced grace?

Don't let your friends write when tired

Ponderings from a tired mind (this should be interesting):

• Current breakfast - strawberry pop tarts and a diet Coke. Yesterdays breakfast - zingers and a diet Dr. Pepper (variety is the spice of life). Shouldn't I be beyond this college type breakfast? Oh well, good news though - pop tarts are a good source of 7 minerals and vitamins (not sure what they are since the package doesn't tell me that on the front) and they are made with real fruit. None of that fake stuff here. You know I like to keep it real.
• So how do you rid of an old trash can? If you sit it on the curb with the other trash, how do they know it is trash? Noticed several trash cans this morning and made me wonder how you dispose of them. (I told you upfront I was tired.)
• Often hear about having a team approach. What I am learning is that is often a buzzword to mean you help me out when I need it, but don't expect anything from me. Cynical? Probably a little bit, but hard to find team players without their own personal agenda. Not exempting myself in this either. A friendly reminder to myself to keep my motives out in front of me. It is easy to disguise selfishness under good actions. Doesn't change the attitude though, which is where it can be dangerous. Outward appearances really don't tell the story.
• Wonder if Twitter, Facebook status, blogging, etc. reflects our self-centered lives? We are just keeping our friends updated right? When was the last time you had an actual conversation or made a phone call to tell someone the same thing you post on these? Just wondering if I am feeding my already high level of selfishness more.
• I've been watching quite a bit of football recently and it got me thinking. What if we adopted the game pat in other areas of life? At work? When the waiter provides excellent service? When Brian preaches? Where else is it common and acceptable for another person to hit your butt and for it to mean good job? Brian and Lane - you have been warned.
• Ever wonder if you have chosen the wrong profession? I missed Fall break, the trip to the pumpkin patch, spending time with my wife, church and countless other parts of my family's lives recently because of work. Also made lots of mistakes. Hate feeling like an idiot. Wonder what I should be when I grow up?
• Challenge for the week (Tyler - I know you are missing these) - find one person who is hard to serve and serve them, tell two people who have impacted your live how they have made a difference in who you are becoming, find three reasons to be thankful and give four people hugs. Ready, set, go!

Today is a new day. No carry over worries from yesterday. No problems that you can fix in the future. Today, simply love. Really that is what we are called to do. Suit up! (Shanna, that was just for you. I am thinking if you roll parts of Barney, Ted and Marshall together then it ends up being me. Extra challenge for Lisa, Shanna, Lane and Kelli - pick a characteristic of each of those guys or something they do that you would use to describe me. That should keep you busy for a little while.) Bring on Tuesday!

The relentless waves

What do you do when the waves hit? What do you do when life comes at you so fast and relentlessly? The waves feel as consistent as the ocean recently. Non-stop, one after another. No break or chance to catch my breath before the next one hits.

I've retreated. Pulled away. It is subtle the way it works. One week of craziness is easily explained, then that moves into two and so on. Before you know it you have drifted down the beach away from everyone. Standing alone in the waves. Pulling away from others when that is what you probably need the most. Those around you to keep you from drifting. Those to pull up when the waves knock you down. Those to encourage you to keep surfing and not give up. But they get used to the drift as well. They know you are busy and trying to just survive so they give you space. The one week of space turns into two and then three and before you know it they are no longer in the picture.

Why do we choose the opposite of what we need? We need friends around, people who know the real us, people who love as relentless as the waves... we need community, but we choose isolation. We choose to go it alone. We choose to pretend things are fine. We talk ourselves into believing we are unique. No one else faces the waves. I have chosen those things recently.

So what do you do? I'm thinking the mountains sound good right about now. Screw the waves.

Loyalty vs. the bus

I have three very different boys. Their personalities, interests, taste, you name it and it is probably different for each one of them. One of the things that they do have in common, and one of the things I love, is that they are loyal to a fault. Each of them are loyal to their friends. Now they each do it in their own way that fits who they are, but they stand by their friends. The oldest one is still close with friends he met 10 years ago in preschool and kindergarten. Once a friend, always a friend is his motto. He is a collector of friends, always willing to add to the collection. The middle one has a smaller circle of friends, but is extremely loyal to those select few. He wants to spend his free time with that one who is his best friend. The youngest one never meets a stranger. Fifteen minutes after meeting someone at the park, he wants to invite them over to the house. A wider circle of friends, but very loyal to two or three that he always wants to be doing something with.

I hope they never grow out of that. One of the observations I have made recently is that as adults, instead of loyalty, it looks more like Survivor. Alliances of convenience are made. It helps them get what they want and then when it comes down to it, they are willing to throw you under the bus to get ahead. It is hard to trust someone who is willing to throw you under the bus. Loyalty doesn't seem to apply anymore.

I know there is still loyalty in friendships, I have experienced it. It just seems more rare as you become an adult. I wonder if it is because loyalty often comes from vulnerability? When I trust someone enough to let them see the cracks in my life, the things I struggle with, the transparency of who I am and they still stand by me that creates loyalty. A person who knows how imperfect I am and still chooses to be there defines loyalty. It is the being there through the good and the bad.

Do you feel like you are always a step away from being voted off the island? Do you wonder if you will be thrown under the bus so that they can look better? Are you willing to risk vulnerability? Are you loyal? Some things we should never grow out of.

Powerful words

Words can be powerful. Twice this weekend I received some unexpected words of encouragement.

On Sunday, an older gentleman at our church stopped Lisa and I as we were leaving. He pulled us into a partial hug and told us that he had been watching us. He had watched us grow up in front of him and that he loved watching us because we were the cutest couple. Powerful words coming from a man I watched with his wife and thought that is how I want to grow old together with Lisa. You know that cute older couple that still holds hands and truly enjoys each others company. A couple that has demonstrated a consistent faith and poured their lives into multiple people over the years. I've watched as he struggles to adjust to life since his wife has died, but here he is still pouring into people. Powerful words.

On Friday, I received a thank you message on Facebook. It was unexpected because it was a thank you for something that happened a year ago. Last year I had the opportunity to go to Catalyst with Lane and a couple of his cousins. I hadn't ever met his cousins before that week, but those couple of days had a significant impact on my life. I got to listen and spend time with three guys who are chasing after Jesus in incredible ways. They have invested their lives in impacting students lives, loving their wives, and being awesome examples of what men are supposed to be. I wasn't able to go to Catalyst this year (major bummer), but Levi was there this year and took a moment to say it reminded him of hanging out last year. Words of encouragement received at just the right time. Powerful words.

So what are you doing with your words? Are they making a difference in other people's lives? Never know when that five minutes you take to encourage someone may make the difference they need that day. Words are powerful. You can choose to tear others down, gossip, lie, build yourself up or maybe make an impact on someone else. What will your words do today?

Creativity

Over the last couple of years I've come to realize how much creativity appeals to me. Photography, music, paintings, books... the artistic just draws me in. Why? I wouldn't consider myself especially a creative type. I mean, my job is an accountant. Not exactly know as a creative bunch in general. Facts and figures are what should appeal to my logical side, but it doesn't. It is the story told. I am held captive by the story. A painting has a story it is telling. A book lays out the story and reveals the characters. Who they are and who they are becoming. A photo can capture a moment in the story. It can say such much more than just the facts. Nature shows creativity. I can sit on the beach and be amazed at the vastness and how huge it is. I am stunned by an incredible sunset. I can't stop that moment of being awed when I first see the mountains.

The beauty in the story is where it is at for me. What I am realizing is that is what draws me into friendships as well. I never thought of my relationships as part of my creative side, but it is. It is where I see the painting that my friends are creating with their lives. I get to see the story lived out in front of me. It isn't cold hard facts, but a story being told where we have a role. Not the main role, but a part to play. Our stories overlap and create color and texture in each others lives. My life is a subplot in their story. It moves the character forward. It helps to shape who they are becoming as well as who I am.

I know some prefer the academic - the facts and theories to be proved, the science, the logical side. I understand they are useful, but it is the story that draws me in. Movies are appealing because they draw you into the story. Your life is a story as well. Who are you drawing into your story? What is your story revealing? The great thing is that like a lot of art, your story is fluid. If you don't like what your story has to say so far, you can change it. Facts can't be changed, but the story is still being written. Facts are what has happened. The story is what can happen. What are you going to write, draw or paint in your story today? Who will it bring to tears as they see the beauty in what you are creating? Where does your story overlap with someone elses? Don't stop being creative.

My dislike of structure

How do you manage changes in your rhythm of life?

I don't consider myself an especially structured person. I like a general idea of the plan or an overview of what is going on, but pile on the details and I begin to lose focus. So when life becomes especially structured, I get a little stir crazy. All of that to say, that right now my life is feeling very structured. New responsibilities, changes in friendships, little free time... all of those create a new rhythm for me. So how do you manage a season that isn't part of your natural rhythm? Just suck it up and plow through it? Try to find some less structured time? (And how exactly would you do that?)

Not a bad place, just a different one for me. I do like (once I am fully awake) having some time in the morning to read. That structure is good and definitely helps me start off the day with a better perspective of what is important. I just miss some of the creative things of life and the freedom to invest in people. Still find some time for these things but it takes more planning... and structure (aarrgh!)

So what season are you in? A good one... enjoy it to it's fullest. A tough one... hold on and things will change. A structured one.. I have no clue.

(A side note. One of those creative things I miss is writing on here. So bear me with me through the sporadic postings, random rants, and lack of challenging thoughts. Hopefully the season is a short one.)

Just wondering

Two thoughts from today.

• I spent most of the day in training and felt lost for a great majority of the time. The training was pretty technical and I didn't understand most of the terms. The teacher spends most of her days normally dealing with this type of stuff and was flying through it without a second thought as to whether these terms meant anything to me. The thought that stuck me was that is what we do a lot of the time when we gather as a church family. We use terms like sanctification, baptism, tithing, etc. that most people who haven't dealt with it much, have no clue what we are talking about. We fly through it without a second thought as to whether it makes sense to anyone else. It makes sense to us, so doesn't everyone else understand these terms? Wonder if we need to include a glossary of terms we us? Something that says hear is what we are talking about when we say this. What good is it if you can't easily understand the words? Good to see things from a new perspective every so often.
• Grace is amazing. (I think someone should write a song about that.) Knowing that even when I sin, God has covered that. Selfishness, gossip, anger, sexual sins, lying... doesn't matter what type of sin, His grace covers it. Wonder why we are so quick to accept that total inclusion for "our" sins by this grace, but not so much when it is someone else's sin that we don't struggle with? Grace covers it all from the "little" sins to the "big" ones. (By the way, no such thing as little or big sins. They are all equal, even though we want to rank them according to some scale that is justified in our minds.) Don't forget it is amazing for all people... you and the person you think is beyond help.

Just some things that made me think today. Hope they make you think a little as well.

What describes you?

"He was totally exemplary and trustworthy." - Daniel 6:4 (The Message)

"Things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely." - Galatians 5:22-23 (The Message)

My thoughts as I read those verses this morning - that is the standard. Not the goal, but the standard. If I am living life the way God laid out, then those should describe my life. They couldn't find any skeletons in Daniel's closet because he was totally exemplary and trustworthy. Wonder how hard it would be to find something in my closet? (Not very hard.) The book of Galatians lays out two different scenarios - one chasing after a life like Jesus and one of selfishness. The one above is what life should look like when we are chasing after Jesus, but when we live a life of self-interest and live one way at times and another way according to how we feel on that day, then it looks more like this.

"Repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness... paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community." - Galatians 5:19-21 (The Message)

Sucks when the wrong description describes your life. Nice slap upside the head to start the morning. What about you? Which list would describe your life? I hope you are living in the freedom that God has given us. I hope your life is marked as exemplary and you are trustworthy. It is gift, but we have to choose it.

What do you do in the middle?

I believe there is a rhythm to life. Seasons of rest and seasons of activity. But right now I feel like I am skiing in an avalanche... with one ski... and a huge drop looming in front of me. Overwhelmed doesn't even begin to describe it. My question for the day is how do you find rest in the middle of the craziness? Do you just suck it up and deal with it? Doesn't seem very restful or like much of a plan. Do you pretend it doesn't exist? Again that doesn't seem to accomplish much. What advice do you have for someone in the middle of it all?

What would you choose?

If you could pick one characteristic to describe you, what would you want it to be? (Note that I said what would you want it to be, not is it the one that describes you.) I think I would choose humility. Not the false humility of "Aww, it wasn't anything" while on the inside thinking "yeah, I am pretty amazing". (Come on, you know people like that. And you can spot it a mile away.) Humility can't be faked. It is a way of life. A willingness to do whatever it takes to serve someone else. There isn't anything below your level. Need chairs set up. Awesome, I would love to help you do that. That kind of attitude about life. Knowing we haven't really done anything to deserve where we are at in life. A humbleness in your attitude. Some people think of humility as being weak. I guess I see it as choosing to serve because you love them more than yourself.

Do you know someone who shows the characteristic you picked? Take a minute today to thank them for their example. We need to recognize and celebrate people who show good character. It is easy to talk about things like humility, but it is a lot tougher to live it out daily. They don't need to be recognized, but I think we need to recognize them. (Does that make sense?) So what are you going to do today to develop the characteristic you chose from the original question above? It starts today, not some day down the road.

Tough conversations

Have you ever needed to confront someone or address a difficult topic with a friend? Did you look forward to it? Man, that is one of the toughest things for me to do. I spend quite a bit of time trying to find just the right way to approach it and still dread actually starting the conversation. I look for excuses not to have the conversation. When that fails I look for reasons that someone else would probably be better at having the conversation. When that lame excuse fails, if I decided not to run away from it, then I suck it up and hesitantly try to say what needs to be said. The closer the friend, the harder to get the conversation started. I started reading Isaiah today and thought about how tough it must have been to be one of God's prophets. To be the one chosen to have that tough conversation with your family, friends, and complete strangers. Delivering a needed message, but one that may not be received well. Knowing it is right doesn't always make it easier to deliver. Sometimes that only hurts you more because you know someone you love needs to hear it.

Are you willing to say the loving thing? Are you willing to confront? The loving thing may not always be easy to hear or say, but the loving thing is doing what is in the other persons best interest. I hope the people in my life are willing to have those tough conversations with me. I hope I can do the same for them even if it is awkward. Do you need to start one of those conversations today? At least you hopefully won't be called to have that confrontation for years like the prophets often ended up doing.

Airport thoughts

Spent a little time hanging out at the Dallas airport today. I always find this interesting. Here are few things I noticed while there and some additional random thoughts from the day.

• On the automatic door going into the airport this morning, I notice in big, bold letters that it says "This door opens". Wait a second, are there doors that don't open? Aren't those called windows or walls? Not sure what to do with this. Are people really confused that a door would open? Seems obvious to me, but maybe I am just quicker than the average airport visitor.
• I had this thought as I waited in the security line at 5:30 this morning. (Random thought... why are this many people here this early in the morning? Seriously, the line was as long as I've ever seen it. Who wants to fly this early?) So why do liquids have to be in 3 ounce or smaller containers? If you are going to make a bomb on a plane with these items, couldn't you still make one... only it would be a small one? Also, could you just take 6 small bottles of the liquid you needed? I don't think there is a limit except that they have to fit in a small plastic bag. Seems a small bomb would still be effective, but this is outside my expertise.
• Going through security in Dallas I noticed that you couldn't take tools longer than 7 inches on board. So are ones that are 6 1/2 inches okay? Does that extra 1/2 inch make that much difference? Also after this it listed that chainsaws, drills, etc. were not allowed. Really? Are there that many travelers wanting to take their chainsaws with them that you need to specifically address this?
• Also I got "randomly" selected for extra security measures. They ran the electronic wand over my hands and then the tips of my fingers. Not sure what to make of this? What exactly were they looking for? This was a first for me. Also is it just me or does anyone else start feeling guilty just because they are selected for the extra security? I start wondering if the other passengers will now avoid sitting by me on the plane as I might be a threat.
• Like that they post what color threat we are currently under. Purple? Lime green? Plaid? Really it doesn't matter because I don't know what the various colors mean. This isn't like when you are on the beach and they fly the red flag warning you not to go into the water. I can see the huge waves and understand the danger. No matter what the color security threat we are under, it all looks the same to me at the airport. Also I don't think I will suddenly change my mind to fly because we are now under an orange security code. Maybe I ought to check that out before I go to the airport. I could always get up at 4:00 a.m. and check the security color code first before I decide if I want to take a ride on the airplane.
• Where else, but on an airplane, would you be excited to get a package of 6 peanuts? People act like they have just won the lottery because they got a "free" snack and a bathroom size cup to have a drink. Maybe if you are lucky, you might also get some crackers. Wonder if we started handing out small snacks at church like goldfish crackers if people would get excited? I mean I know the 3 and 4 years old like this, but would it be as exciting as the 6 peanuts you get on the plane?
  

That doesn't even touch on the people watching that I got to do. Definitely an interesting mix of people at the airport, but that is another post all to itself. Hope your Friday was as entertaining as mine was at the airport. Actually, I hope yours more exciting than that. And remember be careful with those long tools.

Improv or scripted?

Yesterday was a day of curve balls for me. Things thrown at me that I didn't really see coming. Oh, they were things I knew were out there. Things I sort of had a plan for. But what I thought was the situation... changed... without warning.

We can prepare for things, but I recommend holding on loosely to those plans. Things rarely go as expected. And I am okay with that. It may take me a little while to process the sudden change, but then you adjust and move on. What other option do you have?

Kind of think life may be lived best as improv. You make it up as you go along. It rarely looks like a movie because it doesn't follow the script very well. A sudden change in characters, an unexpected twist in the story, a prop you didn't see coming... you adapt and improvise. Seems to be how life happens for me. May be different for you. Maybe you have it figured out, have a plan and stick to it... me, well, I'm just winging it.

The unexpected can be both good or bad. We can't control the unknown, but the great thing is we get to decide how to deal with it. We get to choose our attitude and our perspective. We learn, adapt and keep moving forward.

Don't know what life is throwing your direction right now, but I hope you choose to make the wise choice. Not the easy choice, not even the "right" choice.. but the wise one. Ready... here comes life so hang on and do your best.

Where is the line?

Do you ever think you have it all figured out? You know exactly what needs to happen. You take the matters into your own hands so that it will get done the right way.

Is there a line between confidence and arrogance? If so, what is it? When it is my plan, it is confidence... when it is someone else's plan, then it is arrogance?

Is there humility in your life? Do you allow that you might be wrong? When your expectations aren't met does it collide with your pride and sense of intelligence? Don't we do that with God? We tell him what the plan should be. This is how we should accomplish it. Oh, we don't say it that boldly most of the time. We hide it comfortably in the "right" words to make it sound spiritual. We convince ourselves that because He hasn't handled it in our time frame that we will just take care of it. Aren't we really just full of crap?

Do we see things the way Jesus does? He seems to take everything and turn it upside down. What we value may be the wrong things. We love the person who speaks their mind. The smart person. The one who is driven to succeed. We look at the principled and declare them to be trustworthy.

But the one who ignores the social norms, the one who asks the awkward question, the one who is invasive and a little too personal, the one who is bold in their worship... those types scare us and we shy away from them.

Those two people are describe in Mark 14. Guess which one Jesus praised? The woman with the questionable past who was outrageous in her worship. The other, the one we deem as a role model today, was Judas. One approached with complete humility and the other with his own plan. One was unrestrained in their worship of Jesus while the other couldn't understand God's plan because Jesus was suppose to come as a conquering hero, not serving the forgotten and awkward.

Are you worshipping or worried about your plan? Doesn't seem to me that we can hold on to both of these at the same time. Does humility describe your life? Don't mistake humility for weakness. It takes great strength to humbly chase after Jesus. Arrogance is easy.

Never the same ending twice

I was talking with Lisa last night about what to do in a friendship that appears to be coming to an end. See I don't do endings well. I don't expect relationships to end so therefore I don't know how to wind them up when they do. I've been through friendships that have ended before, but no two are ever the same, so I can't take what I've learned from those and apply it to the current one. I've had ones that changed due to the pull of time and distance. I've had ones end because of the mistakes I've made. I've had the short lived ones that were for a season or for a particular reason. Lots of different kinds of friendship, but none that I ever went into thinking there was an end coming. When I become friends with someone I just don't expect it to end. Naive? Probably. Unrealistic? Probably. But I just can't see the exit strategy. I don't see it stalling and failing to grow. I don't see the change of personalities coming. It comes as a surprise to me any time it has happened (may be that I am just a really, really slow learner.) So here I am and sense it happening again. A change coming. We are walking away and I'm not sure how to end it. Oh, they probably don't see it as ending. Just life and circumstances changing. Things happen and you move on. I just have trouble with the moving on because that says it is over. I'm not ready to give up, but that doesn't change where I am at. How do you end a friendship that you have invested yourself in? How do end something that is part of you? How do you stop caring? How does it end?

Looking forward

My youngest son is energetic to say the least. His approach to life is 100% all out from the moment he wakes up (well maybe not immediately as he doesn't tend to be a "morning person") until he collapses in bed at night. He sees most things as "awesome" and can't wait to take on life. So when he is looking forward to something, you get to hear about it frequently. This is one of the reasons we don't tell him where we are going on vacation until it is close to the time when we are leaving.

This last week was no different. He asked multiple times what day it was and when would it be Sunday. He couldn't wait for Sunday to get here. Why? Well, see last week he was baptized and this Sunday would be the first time for him to take communion. He couldn't wait. He was looking forward to the experience. He was simply excited and was ready for it to be Sunday.

I love that part of his personality (most of the time). The joy he has in what he gets to do. The 100%, full throttle experience of life. His first thought on Sunday as he climbed out of bed was that it was going to be be an awesome day because he finally got to take communion that day. My thought... I wonder why I don't approach communion like that? Why isn't my first thought about the opportunity I get to spend time with God and how awesome that will be? Wonder why I don't look forward to life with the same enthusiasm? Maybe if I recognize that today is going to be awesome simply because I get to chase after Jesus, then I will experience the joy of living life at full throttle.

What about you? Do you approach life with a wondrous joy and anticipation of what could be? Or do you wake up expecting the worst, only to find it come true? Wonder how things would look if on Monday morning we were already looking forward to communion on Sunday? Wonder if that is what it is really suppose to look like? Maybe that is part of the child like faith we are called to experience.

Things I am pondering

Some random thing have caught my attention this week. Not sure how they all tie together but these are the things that I have been thinking about.

• What does it say to someone when we say "I've been busy"? Read the following quote yesterday on one of the blogs I follow - "The truth is we are all busy and we all make time to do what we really want to do. When I say those words to someone what I'm really saying is this - I am too busy for you." Ouch! Sometimes the truth is painful. We throw out the limp excuse of busyness, when in reality we find the time to do the stuff that is really important to us. I've been dismissed by this excuse before as someone rattles off their lengthy list of things they have been doing and I've wondered why I didn't make the list. Why did they have the time for all of those things? Were they politely saying "I am too busy for you"?
• What are you talking about that isn't even relevant? I read a list yesterday that is put out each year by a small college about things that the incoming freshman class have either always lived with or have never known to exist differently. It's their perspective of the world. Things like - few in their class know how to write in cursive, that parents and teachers feared that Beavis and Butt-Head might be the voice of a lost generation, they have never used a phone that has a cord attached to it, Nirvana is on the classic oldies station, having hundreds of cable channels but nothing to watch has always been routine. Does the cultural reference that you are using mean absolutely nothing to the audience you are trying to reach? Is the latest thing you are worried about going to be just another one of those things that end up on this list? Made me wonder what to do as I listened to a couple of guys argue about the importance of e-mail, when in reality for the under 25 crowd e-mail is too slow and outdated anyway. They simply don't use it. Can you change to reach a new generation or are you using references they simply don't understand? Change isn't bad. Embrace it or miss some very important opportunities to reach a different generation. Are you waiting for them to adjust to yours? It isn't going to happen.
• Is a forgotten e-mail, appointment, text, promise or phone call really that big of a deal? I would argue yes. The follow-through is crucial. When we don't follow through we might miss an opportunity. If someone is ready to open up, to make a decision to move forward, shows an interest in Jesus and we don't follow through, then we have at least missed an opportunity and maybe even hindered their growth. When we miss the follow-through, we miss when they wanted to talk, we missed the chance to help them move forward when they wanted to make the effort to move forward. You never know when the opportunity will be available or when they will want to, so the follow-through is crucial. How is your follow-through? Do you do the things you say you will do? Do you show them they are important or do you tell them with your actions that you are too busy for them? We often want to skip the details and just look at the big picture, but if you don't pay attention to the small things you might not even get the opportunity for the big ones.
• Be ready to embrace the unexpected. I was writing a letter to one of the students that leaves for college today and it hit me how strangely our friendship started. It was a little over a year ago that he showed up to where I was hanging out and talking with some of the guys that I had asked to be in a small group. He was a friend of one of the guys and I had never really talked to him before that. He jumped into the conversation that night and continued to keep coming back over the next year. A year of unexpected twists and turns, challenges and incredible conversations. I hadn't planned on meeting with him when I started out last year, but God had other plans. Are you ready to have your plans changed? Sometimes the unexpected is where we get to grow the most. Having a plan isn't a bad idea, but be ready to embrace the unexpected in the plan because that might be where something incredible happens.

Just noticed that today is post 400 for me. Almost two years of writing about the things that grab my attention, the incredible ups and downs of living in community, the way God keeps challenging me, the hard lessons to learn, the things and people that I am thankful for, the books that spark more thoughts, the conversations, the random thoughts and observations, the funny moments and a small glimpse into my perspective on life. Don't know why you check in here, but glad that you do. Hopefully you take away something to think about and realize how crazy God is for you. Hope you have an incredible day and that the unexpected will invade your day.

You only get 24

How do you slow down? Maybe the better question is do you slow down? Time, like many things, is limited. The way we spend it says what our priorities are. Sometimes our time is demanded by things outside our control, but most of the time that is just an excuse we make. We choose our schedules. We choose to say yes or no to the things that require our time. Sometimes we over commit. We think we can do it all. Maybe you can, for a season, but probably not long term. Sometimes we spread ourselves so thin so that we don't have to stop and think. Hard to reflect on things if you are moving at 100 mph all of the time. Sometimes we stay busy so that no one really knows us. We offer five minutes to people. We can appear to have it all together for five minutes. If we invest hours into someone else, then those cracks might start to show. We don't want to stop and examine those weaknesses and we surely don't want to expose them to someone else. We run full speed ahead. We are "on" all of the time. We don't ever fully invest in the relationship. We don't stop to hear God. We don't make the time to invest in others. We simply keep running at full speed until we collapse. We multi-task, which really means we don't fully invest in anything. We think "I am doing this so I will just combine it with this and cover both of them". Really though you haven't given yourself to either. Having a conversation while texting and taking that third phone call really doesn't count as time invested in someone else. Oh, you spent time in the same area, but have you really invested in them? Have you told someone they are priority and then shown it by investing some of your 24 hours in them? How are you going to spend your 24 hours today? It is limited and valuable. Use it wisely on the things that matter.

Movies vs. life

I've decided that what I like in movies isn't necessarily the same as what I like in real life. Let me explain. I watched "Inception" a couple of weeks and thought it was one of the most creative movies (from a story line perspective anyway) that I had seen in a while. It stood out because honestly a lot of movies are very predictable. By the time the opening scene has unfolded on screen, I can tell you what is going to happen at the end of the movie. Not necessarily a bad thing when I'm watching for an adventure movie, buddy movie or the most predictable of all, a romantic comedy (also known as a chick flick). But I like a movie where I don't know where the story is going or when there is a twist in the story that is so totally unpredictable. Films like Sixth Sense or Memento or now Inception have those "I didn't see that coming" moments. Those moments like at the end of "Inception" when the top is spinning and you are wondering will it fall or not? (Not really a spoiler if you haven't seen the movie.) It isn't all neatly wrapped up and concluded by 15 minutes into the movie. You don't know that there will be a happy ending of the guy getting the girl, the good guys will win, or the under dog will become the hero. It leaves you hanging and wondering.

I like that in movies, but not so much in life. It seems a lot of life is that way. You are left wondering how it will turn out. There are unpredictable turns. Things that blindside you. Plot twist that make you wonder how the good guys will win or even if they will win. Life is a lot of things, but predictable isn't one of them. Oh, we treat it like tomorrow will be exactly as we have it planned. That we can control the uncontrollable. That our lives will follow a certain script. But for me, the next step is really about all I can see. I don't know where the movie is heading. I have a vague idea where I want it to go, but really I need to just concentrate on the next step because the rest is out of my control. For all of you who like predictable, I'm sorry, but life isn't one of those things. We simply can choose what is right in the next step. What is wise with the next choice that is before us. We don't really know where it is going to take us during our lives.

Maybe, as I think about it, that isn't bad. The unpredictability of life keeps us coming back to God. We can keep turning back to Him and ask "What now?" What is the next step in this incredibly wild and unpredictable story that is unfolding. How do we fit into His story? What is our small cameo role? How will it impact the story line? Will it make a huge difference in how the story unfolds?

So what movie or movie type does your life look like? What are the unexpected twists so far in your life? Just remember those twists are what make the movie good. In life, those unexpected twists are where we grow and learn.

Move forward

Pep talk - MOVE FORWARD. Sometimes that is what I need to hear. Maybe you do too. Stop looking back and simply move ahead. It is good to reflect and review, but don't camp out in the past. The past can't be changed, as much as we would like to change it at times. One step forward at a time. Don't worry about the next twenty after that. Concentrate on the next step that lies in front of you. Do it right and then move on to the next one.

I believe we are either moving forward or stepping back. Staying in place is not an option. If you stay put the things around you will change, so effectively you have taken a step backwards. Relationships - with your spouse, with friends, with God, as a group - aren't static. So simply move forward.

Talking to myself today (as is usually the case). You are welcome to take the same advice of my little pep talk if it applies to you though.

The danger of the unsaid

What are you leaving unsaid? I have thoughts that I don't always voice, but they shape how I see things. I build on those thoughts over time and they continue to grow. I wonder if this is how bitterness is formed? We choose not to say the hard things. We leave them unspoken, but not forgotten. They slowly build a wall that others don't even know exists until it is a solid wall that is hard to scale. What if we had those tough discussion earlier? What if we sacrificed our comfort to deal with the unsaid?

Not all things need to be said. Sometimes we need to choose silence so that we can reflect on our thoughts. But if we start building up a wall because of them, then maybe it is time to attack that wall and voice them. Maybe it is a simple misunderstanding. Maybe it is a lack of communication. Maybe it is huge, hairy problem that needs to be dealt with. But until it is voiced, we can't start working on it together. It is left unsaid and unresolved.

Are you avoiding the tough conversation? Are you hiding behind the wall saying it isn't that big of deal... yet? I know it may be awkward. I know it might be very uncomfortable. Maybe it deals with stuff you would rather keep shoving in the closet. That is easier in the short term, but what will it cost you in the long term? What conversation do you need to start right now to deal with those unsaid thoughts and feelings? Can't tell you it will be easy. It may be one of the toughest things you do. To admit your insecurities, your doubts, your hurts, the things you have left unsaid for a long time, but doing the right thing is always right. Don't avoid what is wise for what is most convenient. So do you have anything you need to say?

Hang on

Is hanging on enough? Seems to be a season when that is about all I can manage. I feel I have given about everything in me and that still doesn't seem to be enough. The demands far outweigh the supply right now. Grasping for a reason to serve and to love when I don't want to. When I really want to throw in the towel and join the masses in just caring about myself. But (and it is a huge but), I think we were created for way more than that. We are to live in community; to love and be loved; to serve and to be served; to encourage and be encouraged; to pray for each other; to go through life together while we pursue Jesus. But still I wonder if hanging on is enough while I search for that type of community?

As things seem to be overwhelming me, it is amazing how much a simple word of encouragement can be refreshing in that time. Last night a friend of ours expressed her thanks to me for doing some things I love to do anyway. But I can't tell you how much that meant to me. Sometimes I need to hear that. That acknowledgement that it matters. That it is worth it. When from my perspective I am having trouble seeing the point, it is good to have a reminder that serving and loving is always the right answer. A word of encouragement is such an easy thing to give, but so rarely used. That simple act made my week and helped give me the strength to keep moving forward even while I want to just quit on people. So Kim, thanks for some much needed words of encouragement at just the right time!

If you feel at the end of your rope, feel alone in your struggles, feel your friends have disappeared when you need them the most... hang in there for today. Hang in there while God is working. Even though it may be tough to see and you don't feel like it, He is there. And really that is more than enough.

No clue what I'm doing

I find it interesting when people ask me for advice (not that it happens that often) because I usually have no clue what I am doing. The best I have to offer is that I might be a little farther down that particular road (experience or old age, whatever you want to call it) and can tell you what mistakes I've made in getting to where I'm currently at (hopefully you can learn from other's mistakes). I don't have it all figured out and I probably won't ever have it all figured out. I love the process though... not the process of learning through my mistakes (that sucks), but the process of helping someone else. I love to get the opportunity to encourage someone. To help them out even though I don't feel like I have a clue what I am doing. It is a good reminder for me that if I'm available that I can be used.

Now on the other end of the spectrum are those who seem to have it all figured out. I don't know what to do with them. Doubts, insecurity, not sure what steps to take... those I understand, the amazingly self assured... not so much. They act as if they have all of the answers. Maybe it is confidence in themselves. Maybe they do have it nailed down. I don't know, but I sure have a hard time relating to them. They appear to walk through life and never question their decisions. They are right and they are happy to tell you why.

Just thinking about that yesterday as I had a conversation with someone as they tentatively step out. Not sure where they were headed, what waited down the road for them, but still knowing they were supposed to move forward. I can't tell you the answers either, but I am more than happy to go with you and try to figure it out as we go. I may not have the answers that you are looking for (actually I will probably have a lot more questions than answers), but I'm available to try to figure it out with you.

Any other clueless people out there?

Sleep deprivation

Some thoughts from the sleep deprived as I head into the weekend.

• Why sleep deprived? It is that wonderful time of the year just before the college students head back for the fall semester. Lots of students are briefly in town which means some good time to hang out with them and catch up a little with what is going on in theirs lives. The down side? They are college students and are used to the crazy late nights. I love hanging out late into the night as well, but let's just say that my wake up time comes a lot earlier than when they roll out of bed during their summer break. Some awesome conversations the last couple days. Just wrecking the amount of sleep I get though.
• I have a new appreciate for how those telephone books magically appear on your doorstep during the year. We have had the privilege of helping deliver about 1,000 of those the last couple weeks as part of a fundraiser. Let's just say mid-afternoon in July in Oklahoma is not the most pleasant time of the year to be outside delivery books. Also I wonder how much longer phone books will be around. Five years before they become obsolete? Can't say that I will miss them and I definitely won't miss delivering them.
• I love buying birthday presents for friends. I take it as a challenge to find just the right gift for them. Don't know that they appreciate them as much as I enjoy giving them, but it is the thought that counts right? Trying to match the gift with their unique personality is a fun exercise. When I have the time to be creative, the process is even more fun.
• Ready for the weekend to relax and kick back a little. Looking forward to having some friends over and just spending some time having fun together. Also hope to spend an evening hanging out with my wife. Been one of those good, but busy weeks. I am also looking forward to finding a new book to read. Any suggestions?

Have a great weekend!

Right or righteous?

"That is just the way I am. You just have to accept that"... BUT I don't want to. Don't know if you have heard someone say that before, but that is one of those phrases that absolutely drives me nuts (That and "How are you doing?" as they pass by with maybe 2 minutes to spare to listen to you if you answer with anything other than fine. Another rant for another day). What I have realized is that we can say that just as loudly with our actions (or inaction) and usually more often than we actually verbalize it. I kind of wish people came with an honest, up-front warning label attached - Please don't expect anything more than this from me. Don't listen to the words or promises that I say as I really am not going to change. I could, but that requires hard work and it is much easier for you just to accept me and not ask anything of me.

As much as that drives me insane, I have also realized it is often in my heart as well. This is the way I want it and I don't want to change. I wonder if that is what my life says at times. When people are watching me do they see someone set in their ways and demanding that the world bends to my ways? Is it easier for me to pray for God to change someone else, than look at my own heart and see if it is the one that requires change? Bottom line is my selfishness often collides with your selfishness. I want it a certain way and you want it a certain way. Who will give in?

We have a sense of entitlement. We think we are right and that is what is most important. I wonder if that is the case though? Maybe it isn't about me being right and more about me being righteous. I would bet God is more concerned with my heart chasing after righteousness and living selflessly, than me digging in to prove that I am right and insisting on my way. But that will require change. A change of perspective, a change of attitude, a change of what I value, and a change in my actions. Are you willing to make that sacrifice? Are you willing to give up the argument of who is right?

I have a choice. Do I walk away? Or do I change? See I am not in control of the other person. They have the same choice as well, but I can't change them. I can want to and try to influence or manipulate them, but it isn't really about them. It is about my heart. What am I going to pursue... being right or righteous? I can tell you which one is easier and what I think the right answer is (not the same thing), but as much as I want to, I can't make the choice for you. Which will you choose?

The potential crash

Potential - the currently unfilled capacity to improve, develop or achieve; the possibility or expectation to become. Potential is what could be. You can see the possibilities. I've known a lot of people who have potential. I can see the things they can accomplish. The incredible gifts they possess and the impact they can make. BUT, potential can also be wasted. At some point it stops being potential and becomes what could have been. You see the things that could have been accomplished. The opportunities that might have been if they had tried to live up to their potential. Potential gives hope, but potential wasted is sad. You realize that they have settled where they are and don't want to make the effort to improve or achieve more.

I can't imagine what potential God sees in us. He created us and knows what we can accomplish. But, we tell him we can't do it. It takes too much effort. It is too big for us. We want to stop where we are currently at because it is comfortable and safe or at least it is known. The unknown is where potential lies. It is where we haven't gone yet. It is what might be waiting for us to achieve. We may have stopped and wasted opportunities, but the cool thing about potential is that there is always more for us. We may get sidetracked and give up, but God still sees the potential in us. We always have the chance to become more.

So what are you doing with your potential? Dare to dream a little. My guess is that what God is seeing as your potential is so much more than your hoped for dream. Let's start working at making what could be into what is. To quote the anti-drug campaigns of the 90s, "Your potential is a terrible thing to waste." (Okay, so it said mind instead of potential, but it still works.)

Can you say random post?

Listen or talk? How do you know when to be quiet and listen versus when you need to say something? I tend to listen more than talk so it is sometimes a struggle to say what needs to be said. For others they might tend to talk more when maybe they need to remain quiet and just listen. For me, when I know I need to say something I will. I still approach it tentatively, wondering if I am doing the right thing, but still put it out there even though it isn't as eloquent as I had hoped or imagined in my mind. That's okay because once it is out there on the table, it can be discussed. Not sure what you do when you feel you need to be quiet when you usually talk.

Not at all related to the above thought, but I enjoyed a great weekend with my wife. My awesome aunt watches our boys for us a couple of weekends a year so that we can have some time for just the two of us. Much needed time away for us as a couple to recharge and spend time together. I also love that our boys get to spend time with our families whether it is at my aunt's, my parents or Lisa's parents. So thankful that they have that extended family so active in their lives. We managed to go to three movies over the weekend (Aside awesome note - you can watch a movie before 6 at the Cinemark in BA for $2.75. We were able to see all three movies for what it would have cost us to see one at the other theaters. Nice deal.) and I actually liked each of them. They were "Dinner for Smucks", "Charlie St. Cloud" and "Inception". "Inception" was our favorite even though it takes a good 30 minutes at the beginning to even understand kind of what is going on. I thought all of them were good though and a little different than anything else I've seen in a while. Good weekend spent with my wife.

Another totally unrelated topic. I love to talk to my friends about the stuff going on in their lives. To hear what is rocking their world, challenging them to grow, funny things they think and have happen in their lives, to find out how they are really doing, to ask the awkward questions that few others will, to hear what they are passionate about, to find our more about them. It doesn't happen in one conversation nor does it ever seem to reach the point where we run out of things to talk about. I look forward to those conversations and get to have several of those this week. A couple of friends that I don't get to see as often any more will be in town and I am planning on hanging out for a while with each of them. Probably means I will have less sleep this week, but a small price to pay to hang out with some awesome guys that I have the privilege to call as friends.

What are you looking forward to this week?

One of my favorite words

Can you be too honest? Think about that question some. Are there degrees of honesty? Can you be honest to a point, but once you cross that line you have become too honest? Honesty seems to me to be an either/or type of thing. Either you are honest or you aren't.

I think what people mean when they say that is that you have crossed the boundary of the social acceptable topics. You know, those topics that when people talk about them create an awkward (One of my favorite words. It just sounds awkward saying it.) moment of silence. Are there topics that you can't be honest about? Again that doesn't seem to make sense to me. Why not be honest? Awkward... okay I get that, but let's just call it that.

I like that I have friends that I can talk about those taboo topics. I can ask those questions that may be deemed inappropriate. We become stoic on conversations about our finances, about what our relationships are really like, about those thoughts we don't share with others... you know, we don't want to be too honest about the things that really bother us. We choose to hide behind the fear of too much honesty. That people can't handle us being honest about what we are really like. I wonder if it is more about us not wanting to reveal our flaws than them being able to handle our honesty.

So I guess the question I have is this - Are you willing to talk about the awkward?

Is great a realistic option?

Is great sustainable in a relationship? Can you consistently have a great marriage? Can you have a great friendship that last? Can your relationship with God maintain at that great level?

I was reading about some of the players up for consideration for the pro football hall of fame. We mark them as great in their profession. Why? Because the did it well year after year. They put in the time and effort in the little details. The workouts, the repetition of the plays over and over during practice, the studying of the film, throwing the ball or catching the ball over and over, adjusting the technique to gain an advantage... all of the little details that played out on the field. We saw the results of their total commitment to being the best. Yes, they were usually gifted athletes, but it was the details that made them great.

So you want a great marriage? Are you paying attention to the details? You want a great friendship? Are you paying attention to the details? Want a dynamic relationship with God? Are you paying attention to the details? The details, day in and day out. We look at the results of a great career, a great marriage, someone we would describe as a great friend and we want the end results. But do you want it enough to sacrifice for it? Are you willing to give yourself 100% to it? Are you ready to bring it every day?

I wonder if we want those things, but look for the changes we need to make in the other person to have them. I want a great marriage, but my spouse needs to change_______ (fill in the blank). I would like to have great friends, but they don't _________ (fill in the blank). I want to chase after Jesus, but He needs to do ________ first. We make it about the other person, when I wonder if it isn't about us being selfless. I wonder if we spent more time focused on serving the other person or God if those relationships than trying to change them if they would be great?

Do you want the end results without the work? Sorry, it doesn't happen that way. Test it out. Ask someone who you think has a great marriage, or someone you would describe as a great friend or someone who has a great relationship with God what their secret is. I would bet a large part of it boils down to showing up every day and thinking about the other person. It is about listening when you don't "feel" like it. It is about serving when you don't "feel" like it. It is about spending time with them. It is about being consistent in their lives. So what do you think? Is great an option?

Shh... don't tell

What are your secrets? What are those things that you keep hidden from others? We keep the things that happened to us, the things we did, the addictions we have, the thoughts that we have when we are alone, the feelings that we don't measure up, the fear of rejection, the wrongs we do... we keep them safely to ourselves. What would people think if they find out? So we protect them. We aren't proud of them, but we visit them often. Really they keep us close by. We are never too far from them. Oh, we might go along as if they don't exist, but they are still there quietly behind the curtains where we don't let others know about them. We think we are managing them, but I wonder if they really don't have the control.

We are told to confess our sins. The secrets hold us back. We worry that others will look at us differently or reject us, so we don't confess. We worry that we may lose control of something, so we don't confess. We don't want to admit to the deceitfulness or selfishness that can exist in our hearts, so we don't confess. We want to stop the addiction, but still we don't want others to know, so we don't confess. Confession is about freedom. It isn't about airing your dirty secrets so others can point out your shortcomings or sin. It is about releasing you from the control of the secret. The secrets we keep that hold us back. They keep us from being who God sees us as. Look at that closely. God doesn't hold those things against us. He sees us as we were meant to be, but we choose to keep coming back to those things and put them in charge. Which are you pursuing with abandon - Jesus or keeping your secrets quiet? We throw ourselves into things to keep us busy so that we don't have to think about those secrets.

How brave are you? Are you willing to confess? It may be painful to name those secrets. It may be awkward. It may have consequences. But until we confess, we really don't know what it means to be free. Why would you choose to stay locked up when you can have freedom? It isn't about what you have done, thought, are addicted to, lied about... it is about being free to pursue Jesus with your entire heart. Do you need to confess? Who do you need to talk? What are you waiting for? Don't listen to those familiar whispers telling you to wait until it is convenient or that no one really needs to know or that it isn't really that big of a deal or that you can handle it on your own. Just find someone and confess what it is you are holding on so tightly to.

Living small

"The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren't small, but you're living them in a small way." (II Corinthians 6:12 - The Message)

Wonder how many of us would admit that we choose to live small lives? We fence ourselves in. We convince ourselves that there are things that we just can't change about ourselves. We listen to the doubts whispered in the shadows of our lives. We accept the small because the thought of living wide open is scary. We like the confines of the known instead of the vastness of the unknown. We would rather live doing small things on our own than allow God to do something incredibly large through us. We choose the close, the comfortable, the manageable, the known, and the small.

But our lives aren't small, we just choose to live them that way. What is that thing you dream of doing, but are afraid to try? What is it that quickens your pulse and pumps adrenaline through you like nothing else, but you convince yourself you can't do? What boundaries have you set up for yourself to protect the current status, to keep you from change, that you are convinced can't be changed because of who you are? Does that smallness come from within you? Is it your doubts, your fears, your limitations?

God sees what might be in us. We try to tell him why we can't. We want the small, he see the potential for huge things. Wonder who is right? Are you choosing to live a small life? It is our choice how we live... will it be big or small?