Control and other myths

What do you do when your plans are totally thrown out the window? Do you shut down and refuse to go forward? Do you never plan anything to begin with so you don't even notice? Do you adapt and find a new way to start moving again to where you were originally headed? Some days (or weeks or months or maybe even years) don't go according to how we envisioned them at the start. A day that is turned upside down because of a meltdown by one of your kids or a flat tire or an unexpected snowstorm happens to all of us. Usually they are annoying at worst, but not really any long term damage, a hiccup to your day. But how do you handle the major detours in life... a job that ceases to exist, a test that comes back that your doctor wants to take a little closer look at, a relationship that just ends? What do you do then? Do you have to be the one in control?

We seem to fool ourselves a lot of the time. We think we have our lives managed and going according to our plans. What if our plans aren't really where we are headed? What if the place you are at now is where you are meant to stay and you had plans to move forward? What if the way you see things playing out isn't close to the way God has planned? How loosely do you hold on to your plan and realize that there may be a different plan coming that you hadn't anticipated? Are you flexible? Can you be wrong? I know some people who are so sure of everything (well at least that it is how it appears), but I wonder what happens when things change for them.

Change is inevitable. So what are going to do with the unexpected today?

Lifeboat

Which person are you in the lifeboat? Wait, you didn't know you you part of the lifeboat? Maybe I should say, which person are you more important than? Now I know that doesn't sound right, but that is what happens almost every day. We make judgements on who is important, based on such important things as how well they can jump and put a ball through a hoop or how they look or how much money they have or if their opinion on politics line up with ours. We make snap decisions of how valuable someone is based on truly stupid things. We want to be on the lifeboat so we are willing to throw someone else over in order for us to secure our place. Ever think something like this - at least I'm not as bad as______ (fill in the blank with the gossip, the adulterer, the person who looks different, the person who does really bad things, whatever), then you have bought into the lifeboat mentality. For me to be safe and accepted, then someone has to go overboard. Someone less important. Someone not as lovable and accepted as me. Someone who doesn't bring as much to the table as I do. Sounds pretty egotistical doesn't it? But isn't that what we do more often than not. We want to judge who gets in and establish who is important. So how does that reconcile with our call to love one another? Hard to say that I truly love someone when I am keeping a tally sheet of who ranks as worthy enough.

Boil it down to the bottom line and I know that I am not worthy enough. God loves me not because of who I am, but because of who He is. I deserve to be the one thrown overboard, but somehow there is enough room for me. See He doesn't operate on the lifeboat mentality. There aren't 3 easy steps to follow to be in. There aren't 4 qualities I have to have to be lovable enough. He loves me exactly where I am at. Take a moment and really wrap your mind around that thought. No social ladder to climb, to club to join by knowing the right buzz words, no getting in because I can do something that someone else can't...I am loved, period. Now that is what we are suppose to demonstrate when we love one another. So how are you doing? Are you willing to give up your lifeboat?

Not a thing I would change

Change isn't bad. Matter of fact, I am one of those strange people who actually likes change. Not change just for change sake, but when it makes a difference. But I've decided there might be a change that isn't so good... the change we try to make in others so that they will be more like us. When we try to mold or change others to fit what we think they should be we lose part of who they were created to be. We mess with God's creativity and think we can improve on it. Changing someone to fit our ideal rarely works. Not only that, but sometimes what we think we want, isn't really what we need.

I've realized I have been trying to change the wrong things. Recently I've struggled with how I've perceived a friendship. I felt wronged and that they weren't trying. Looking at it again, I realized that maybe they aren't what needs to change, but maybe my attitude and perception may be what needs to be changed. See I've looked at what I am getting out of it, but really the focus should be what I can put into the friendship. The fact is that is what we often do with our relationship with God and how we perceive the church. We feel that the worship isn't meeting our needs or that people just don't care enough about us so we make a change and leave for somewhere else. The problem is that usually doesn't change anything about the situation, but only the location. If my focus becomes about serving someone else, and not trying to change them, then I can enjoy that relationship to the fullest. When it becomes about me, then no change is really going to ever fulfill what I want. When I get what I think I wanted, then it changes to something else that will meet that need. When I am focused on others, then I get to experience the joy of serving them and can quit trying to change the world.

I heard the song "Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars today. Ever time I hear that song I think of my wife. The chorus says:

"When I see your face

There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are"

It is true that my wife is amazing just the way she is and I am incredible lucky to have someone who accepts me just the way I am... because I know how screwed up I am and definitely not the easiest person to live with. I get to see the way she serves and loves others every day. Don't know if the world stops and stares at her for awhile, but they should. That is how we are suppose to live life. She is amazing and there's not a thing that I would change. Wonder if that is how God sees each of us? Amazing in the way he created us.

Risk and reward

How do you risk? Not asking specifically what you are risking (we will get to that), but how you approach risk? Are you the type to wade in just a little bit and test the waters? Do you have to know you will most likely succeed before you risk anything? Does fear of failure keep you from wholeheartedly jumping in to risk? Read on Steven Furtick's blog today about "drowning in the kiddie pool" when it comes to risk. If you are going to fail, and it is possibility, then do you want to fail trying something small (the kiddie pool) or jumping in the middle of the deep end? You might fail at either, but aren't some risks worth taking? The little risk doesn't accomplish much. Matter of fact, couldn't a cautious, tentative, "little" risk be insulting to God? Doesn't it say to God that we really don't think he is capable? We want to manage the risk, keep it controllable. But controllable by who? By what we can do or what God has in mind to accomplish?

Big risk equals big reward. It might mean big failure too. But I think I would rather try something big and fail, than sit on the sidelines and do nothing. God doesn't accept us on our success rate, but instead He wants us to trust Him. If you have ever done a "trust fall" at camp or something similar, that is what God is asking of us. He wants our trust, not how successful we are by ourselves. Trust is the key to a relationship. It is hard to have much of relationship if you don't trust the other person. Think about it... if you can't trust someone how much faith do you have in them? You can say all of the right words, but you probably aren't willing to risk much for them. So how do you risk? Are you willing to risk for the important or does you pride, or fear of failure, or ego, or selfishness, or comfortableness keep you from risking big?

This morning I got to see someone take a risk. He jumped into a conversation with me (always a risky thing) and laid some hard things out there to discuss. There was a chance it could fail. He could have been rejected. I could have gotten angry and attacked who he is. He took a risk on our friendship. See trust is always a risky thing. Trust gives up the control. Transparency can be a risky thing, but the reward can be awesome. I appreciate that he was willing to jump in the middle of the deep end and not just be content to stay in the kiddie pool. The shallow end was a choice he had, but man, what do you miss by staying in the ankle deep water? Never heard someone describe a great friend as someone who was willing to wade into the shallow for them. No, usually that is the person who is willing to ride the waves of both the good and the bad. Some things are worth taking a risk for. What are you willing to take a risk on?

Truth you NEED to hear but may not WANT to hear

What do you think? Read the following on Grant English's blog (www.grantenglish.com) yesterday related to MLK Jr:

Speaking spiritual truth to audiences that
NEED to hear it but don't WANT to
hear it is at the heart of good pastoral
leadership. Love your enemies
is a nice, pithy saying until there is a
face to it. Putting faces and edges on this
truth so that it can
easily be understood and applied is vital for spiritual
development.
Smaller communities will keep us accountable. But the pastor that paints
an unforgettable image of what obeying spiritual truth looks like gives that
community a place to
stand. King did this not just for a church, but
for a nation. "I have a dream..."
gave an entire nation a clear
picture of what the spiritual truth of unity COULD
look like. What
almost goes forgotten 50 years later is that King spoke to both
white and
black audiences who did NOT want to hear this
TRUTH.

So are you willing to speak the truth that NEEDS to be heard or are you going to tell them what they WANT to hear? How about on the receiving end of it? Will you hear the TRUTH and be moved or will you reject anything that isn't what you WANT to hear? Truth is truth no matter where we hear it or who says it. We can't choose to not listen simply because it isn't what we want to hear or from someone we don't want to hear it from. What spiritual truths are you choosing to ignore because you don't WANT to hear it? Who is keeping you accountable to the TRUTH? Are you listening and watching as it is painted for you so that you will know where to stand? The TRUTH is still relevant 50, 100, or 2000 years later. Seek it out today.

Now that is a calling

I've been reading in Hosea recently. If you don't know the story, here is my summary of it. God tells Hosea to go find the sluttiest (Is that a word?) whore in the country and marry her. He also tells Hosea that she will betray him after they are married and, oh by the way, keep taking her back. They are to name their children exciting names like No-Mercy and Nobody to make a point. See God wanted Israel to understand what His relationship was like with them. They keep betraying Him and taking up with the latest "it" thing.

Now imagine that God tells you this upfront. This is your calling. This is what God wants you to do with your life. Who is ready to sign up? The strange thing is that Hosea does it. He marries Gomer (again you have to love God's sense of humor) and continues to love and serve her even when she betrays him.

I have a lot of friends that are in ministry as a profession and others that are neck deep in serving in the Church. The term "calling" is often thrown about as they try to determine what God wants for their life. But after reading Hosea, it confirms again to me that it isn't about our lives, but what it reveals about God. Our callings aren't always meant to move us to something bigger and better. We may be called to serve in the same ministry without being noticed for 20 years. We may be called to step down from the position we are in and serve in a way that means less pay for us so that it glorifies Him. What would you say to friend that told you he was called to marry a prostitute? Yeah, I would probably try to talk him out of it also or have him locked up for his own good. But who are we to tell God how He is suppose to do it? Check your calling and see it is bringing glory and praise to God or if it is about you? Not all callings are to be the king like David. Some may have you serving the lowest of the low without much appreciation in this lifetime.

Take the time to read some of the stories in the Bible from a new perspective. Imagine you are the one God asks to do some of the wild stuff that Moses or Joshua or David did. Now ask yourself what crazy stuff he is asking you to do right now because he has an incredible story planned for you as well. You might get to be a king, but you might also be asked to do something not quite as glamorous.

Cravings

What do you crave? What is it that you can't wait to have. Maybe you have felt like you were starving and couldn't wait to eat (we hear this frequently at our house, even though they have no clue even what being really hunger is like); maybe it is being married and all that provides; maybe it is for a sleek, new ______ (fill in the blank with the latest technological wonder, toy, car, whatever); maybe it is sweets or a beer. The thing is you know what it means to crave something. The thing that hit me this weekend is that we are suppose to crave righteousness like that. In Matthew 5:6 it says "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied." All of those other things that we crave, don't totally satisfy us. Oh, they may for a period of time, but they don't fully satisfy us. I don't know about you but I don't often think about craving righteousness. Maybe when I felt I've been wronged, but even then righteousness probably doesn't best describe what I want. What does someone who hungers for righteousness look like? Righteousness is one of those words we want to make harder than it is. To me righteousness boils down to doing the next right thing. We want to argue and debate what the next right thing is. If we make it hard enough to accomplish or understand then we can justify not doing anything. So what does someone who is pursuing righteousness look like... maybe content? When we have done what we know to be right, we are content. We don't have to rationalize our actions or worry that we will be caught shading the truth. Righteousness, though not always easy to live out because of selfishness, is very satisfying. Try it for a day or if you are really brave a week. Hunger for righteousness and doing that next right thing. It may be a challenging week, but I bet it will be more satisfying than the latest "thing" you are currently craving.

Something new is starting

Do you make resolutions for the new year?

I love the start of a new year. It feels fresh and clean... that anything is possible. I know it is just another day on the calendar and that we can make resolutions on May 16th as well as on January 1st. Resolutions aren't limited to right now, but there is something for me about the beginning of a new year and thinking of the possibilities that lay ahead. Whatever went wrong or the tough times in the last year are behind us. What lays in front of us is hope. Hope of what will be. The possibilities are endless. Good things await... things we can look forward to. Starting at the beginning is exciting to see what will unfold during the next year.

But do we remember the good things from the year that just passed? Do you take the time to see what went right or take a moment to think about what you learned this last year? See sometimes before we hope for what is to come we need to stop and remember where we have been. The experiences, the relationships, the changes of last year are shaping what you hope for. How does your past year shape what your resolutions are this year?

All that being said, I haven't really made any resolutions yet this year. I am still learning what joy looks like and how it is shaping my view of what lays ahead. Who knows, maybe my resolutions will start in March this year or August. The timing doesn't really matter, but our attitude does. Learn from where you have been and take that and move forward. We can't change anything about 2010 now, but 2011 is full of potential. What are you going to do with your potential in this next year? So I'm curious, what did you learn in 2010? Any particular resolutions you are making now?