Freeze-frame moment

Last night was one of those snapshot moments in time. No huge event, not particularly a lot of people around, nothing special to most of the people outside Starbucks listening to the live music, but for me it was one of those moments that capture what I am passionate about. I was there talking with one of my close friends about our lives. The conversation was easy and just seemed to flow as we talked about random funny things that have happened in our lives recently, about the incredible way that God continues to surprise us, the ways we have changed and grown over the last several years, about our families and about the people in our lives. We talked some about community (and how that I apparently use that word a lot on here) and that is what the snapshot moment captured in my mind. This is part of what community means to me and what I strongly desire. Simply doing life together - being real, through the ordinary things of life, through the tough crap, during the fun moments, all while trying (sometimes better than others) to put Jesus in the center of it all. Others might have seen just a couple of guys talking outside of Starbucks, but for me it was a lot more than that.

This morning while I was heading into work (After stopping by Jamba Juice to the start the morning off right and where I also got an extra $10 put on my gift card. It pays to stop in there regularly and now they usually don't even have to ask my name for the order either. Yeah, I stop there that frequently.) I heard the song "If Today Was Your Last Day" by Nickelback and it caught my attention. One of the lines says "each day is a gift and not a given right", another one says "what's worth the price is always worth the fight", another line says "every second counts cause there's no second try so live it like you're never living twice" and finally the chorus has these lines "could your say goodbye to yesterday" and "would you live each moment like your last". Dang! Isn't that how we should be living? Treating each moment as something special. Instead we fly through those moments and opportunities thinking we will maybe slow down for them tomorrow or when we have the time. Spoiler alert - we never have more time nor are we guaranteed that we will have the chance for that moment again. What would your day look like if you did treat it like it was your last day? Today seems like as good as time as any other to adjust our mindset and start enjoying the gift we have today. Enjoy the rest of your day!

The cost of change

How bad do you really want to change? What are you willing to sacrifice to accomplish it? Had a conversation with a friend last night about something he has been dealing with and how he would like to make some changes in that area of his life. As we talked about it, I realized how often we say we want to change some area of our life, but at the same time we don't really want it to cost us anything. We want the immediate benefit, but rarely want to put in the hard work to grow. Kind of like me saying I want to be the best basketball player (work with me here as I know there are lots of holes in this analogy), but at the same time I never practice, never work on my basic skills or never workout. I just show up for the game thinking I will be a great basketball player just because I want it to be that way. Sounds good in theory, but I don't want it to cost me anything. As we talked about it, we came up with a game plan. A plan that will cost him something of value if he doesn't work at making those changes. Excuses and wishing for change won't cut it. This morning I received an e-mail from another friend, who basically issued me a similar challenge. What I am really willing to do to make a change? Something that may cost me? Do you have something you need to change in your life? How much is it going to cost you?

Erotic Narcissist - you know you're curious

Today has been one of those whirlwind days - started early and has been controlled chaos at best for the rest of the day. I think as each year goes by I become less and less concerned with trying to control the situation. I am learning that control is often an illusion most of the time anyways. I can control only one thing - me (and sometimes I wonder if I even have much say in that). In high school and through my early 20s, I was a manipulator. As I was once described, I was the "puppet master behind the scenes". I could "control" most situations. Being in control though requires a lot of effort and also tends to put people on the defensive once they realize what is going on. I still have those urges sometimes to manipulate the situation, to try to get someone to behave the way I want them to. Bottom line is that "control freaks" are selfish. Things have to be their way or they aren't satisfied. To me that is the opposite of what I want to be. It is hard to serve in humility and be content when you are trying to always have it your way. I have had several situations lately that have presented the choice for me to either try to manipulate the person or accept them where they are at right now. Not always the easiest choice for me, but hopefully I get it right more often than not.

Random note - I am going to pick up this book sometime in the future. It is called "Narcissistic leaders" by Michael Maccoby. It talks about personality types of leaders and how they can be either productive or disruptive. The four types of leaders it describes are as follows:

• Erotic - They are driven by loving and being loved.
• Obsessive - They live by the rules, and the rules are set by some higher authority
• Marketing - They sense what the market wants and needs and then conforms to it.
• Narcissist - They impress us as a personality who disrupts the status quo and brings about change

Most people are usually a combination of these. My guess is that I am an Erotic-Narcissist. How cool of a description is that? I like to challenge the status quo often and have a high need to love and be loved. Pretty much the opposite of the Obsessive and am usually upsetting them by questioning all of the rules.

Walk carefully

How do you create an environment where there aren't eggshells to walk around? Ever been in a discussion where you have to be careful what you say because any contradiction may set someone off? Is there room to disagree and push back? Can you achieve the goal in a different way than how you originally thought when walked into the meeting? How do you respond to being challenged? Do you become defensive and upset that your idea has been challenged or do you consider if that new idea may actually be better in reaching your goal? Is there room for people to change their minds?

The thing is that if you are spending all of your time avoiding the eggshells then I am guessing that group won't last long. High maintenance can wear people out. Drama at every turn will lead to people abandoning the idea, even if it is a great idea, because it can "literally" drain your energy and hope for accomplishing anything. I have discovered that I like to stomp on eggshells. Not intentionally most of the time, but I like to question things. Challenge to see if there is a better way to do things. For me that means, I need to be aware that not all people are at the same spot as me. Practically it means that I can be the one who is okay with my ideas being changed, seeing the value in another person's slight adjustments or even if my ideas are totally scrapped. I can't change how another person deals with things, but I can help set the tone of a discussion by how I respond. How do you create a safe place to discuss things and challenge each other without worrying about walking on eggshells?

Thoughts from the week

It has been a busy week, but a good week for me. Here are a few random thoughts that I've had throughout the week that I wanted to share. Hope you enjoy your 3 day weekend. I'm looking forward to sleeping in on a couple of those days and having a relatively free weekend.

• I like when people leave comments on the things that I write here. It makes it feel more like an on-going conversation than a totally random rant on my part. I like to hear what thoughts it prompts for you. (Thanks Jamie for making it feel more that way than it ever has before. Love the insights! Keep them coming.)
• Working with high school students, I often wonder if they "get it" before they graduate and leave to go do their thing. It was refreshing to hear a couple of our former students talk this last Wednesday night about their first year of college and how they have grown during it. Fits nicely with the discussions about the vision statement that the youth ministry team has been working on.
• Have had a busy week hanging out with several of the college students who are back in town. Love reconnecting and hearing about what is going on in their lives. I don't get to stay in touch with most of them to the degree I would like, but it is good to hang out with them and have some fun while they are briefly back in town.
• Received the following statement in an e-mail this week - "Pretty much anything worth doing sucks at times." This was encouraging for me. There are things that mean a lot to me, but that can also be really tough at the same time. Is it worth fighting through the garbage? Yeah, most of the time it is worth it, even thought it may suck to get through parts of it. Big picture is what I need to focus on, not the details of the moment.
• Looking forward to some fun coming up in the next several weeks. Chris and Andrea and the fam will be here for a couple of days. Get to go and party with an awesome one year old. Going to start meeting with a couple of different groups of guys for the summer. Move conference in Colorado is only about a month away. Then we get to head the other direction for some beach time in Florida. Lots of good things coming in the next couple of months. Woo hoo!
• Got the chance to visit with my friend who lives in Vegas for awhile this week. Always good to touch base with him as I have looked up to him for a long time. Also a good reminder of the high quality friends that we are surround by. In Hebrews it talks about being surround by a great cloud of witnesses, those who accomplished great things through their faith. I see that same faith lived out in our friends. Our own personal cloud of witnesses. (I don't know if that is theologically sound, but it makes sense in my head.)

Enjoy the long weekend and take the chance to reflect on the good things that have been going on in your life.

Choosing to remember

Can you remember the past and still start over with a clean slate? I am trying to gain a new perspective on some things in my life and I am having a problem with the fact that I still remember the history of how I got to where I am at. For example, I have friends who in the past haven't always followed through on what they said they would do. So now as I try to start with a new perspective and trust that they will follow through when they say they will do something, I struggle with believing that based on my past experiences with them. (By the way, just in case there are any paranoid friends of mine reading this, I have no particular person in mind with this example. Just trying to explain my thoughts with an example. Also no animals were hurt in the testing of this blog.) I don't want to forget the past, but I don't want it to keep me from growing either. How do you learn to trust again? I know you can't pretend that the past didn't happen. That isn't healthy, but neither is not being able to move forward in spite of the past. I think for me it means that I remember the past but still intentionally choose to trust. Sometimes that is easier for me than at other times. I want to move forward without the baggage, but also want to learn from having carried that baggage. What do you think? How do you move between these two choices?

Boundaries - yes or no?

Do boundaries protect us or limit us? Part of my personality is to push the boundaries. Tell me I can't do something, then I am likely to do just that. (Sometimes I am smart enough to not always act on that impulse.) Sometimes boundaries that have been established need to be broken. I have discussed with a friend of mine several times about him having permission to knock down any walls that I try to build between us. If I am hiding behind a wall things that aren't healthy or damaging to my soul, then I need someone who is willing to fight through that wall. But what about boundaries that have been set up simply because that is the way things have always been done? They may have been designed to protect us at one point, but can their purpose change to where they now limit us? What do you think? Are boundaries good for us or do they limit our potential?

Life theme

Read a quote from C.S. Lewis this morning that said, "Every life is comprised of a few themes." As I was praying this morning, that was part of my question for God. What am I suppose to be doing? What are those themes in my life? I don't know that I can clearly identify my life themes right now. I wonder if God may be developing some new themes for me or if I am just in a phase of quietness or growth in some areas. A life theme defines you. It is just something that naturally flows out of your life. I am not sure what defines me right now. I know what my convictions have been in the past, but I question whether those are who I am or more of who I want to be. It is hard for me to step back and clearly see what defines me. So what are your life themes? If there was a book about your life, what would the title be? I know what I would want my title to be, I just don't know that is what it would be though. Just wondering aloud again.

Learning

I feel that I am learning again the importance of listening. Learning to take things in and think about them before speaking. Learning the lesson of James 1:19 all over again. "...Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." I think I have become enamoured with hearing my own thoughts. Throwing out ideas, giving my opinion, and thinking I have it all figured out. I want to let other people's thoughts settle into my brain. Focus on listening to what someone is really saying. Become a learner again. Ready to listen. Try to choose my words more carefully. I want my words to mean something when I speak. Not just another opinion, but something that has been truly considered before it is spoken. This is what I need to learn right now. What are you learning?

I want a do over

"Is there tension, do we disagree, do we challenge each other - absolutely, but I wouldn't change that." That is quote from yesterday's blog. I change my mind. I don't like the tension, I don't like the disagreements, I don't want to be challenged. Makes me wonder if God just had to laugh when I wrote that yesterday. Kind of like when new parents to be say "My kid will never do that." Inwardly I just laugh because I am thinking "Oh, you will be surprised what your kid will do." God definitely has to have a sense of humor. Laughing as we act like 3 year olds who think the world revolves around them. Laughing as we act like teenagers who have it all figured out and don't doubt for a minute that we could be wrong. So choose your words carefully today because you never know if they may be put to the test in the next minute.

Strength in diversity

What do you do when what you are good at challenges people, ticks people off or rubs them the wrong way? My facebook status stated that my spiritual gift may be being a pain in the butt. I ask questions. Lots of questions. It is how I process things, shift through to find the important, how I challenge someone to see from a different perspective, it is how my mind works. I do it almost without thinking, but is that a good thing?

Another thing that energizes me is hanging out with people (which usually involves asking questions). I love when my schedule is lined up with chances to spend time with friends. I can tell when I haven't had that outlet for awhile. I am hard wired to spend time involved with people on a deeper level. Not big groups, but people who I can talk to and find out about what is going on in their lives. I simply have a passion for that.

We all have things that define who we are. Those differences or quirks are what makes community so good for us. Energizing at times, frustrating at others. We learn to live with each other, finding those strengths and passions, and growing because we are different. I love the diversity in the people who make up my community. The one who is more radical than me, the one who calls for caution, the structured, the random, the seriousness, the funny, the encouragement, the challenge - the different extremes that make my life full. What an incredible mixture that lets us be even better as a group. That, to me, is what we are suppose to be as the Church. Not some select group of people who are completely in agreement with us. Diversity, tension, and humility in those differences can produce some tremendous chances for growth. What do you bring to the table - both good and bad? How does your personality, passions and weaknesses make your community richer? Who do you surround yourself with that is different from you?

I have the initials of the three guys who are the closest to me as part of my tattoo. The tattoo is a reminder of the community I have in my passion to strive on focusing on being centered on Christ. Those three guys are very different from each other and from me, but because of those guys my life is so much more than I thought possible. The strengths they have balance out my weaknesses, their passions cover things I might not think about, they see things from a different point of view than me, and I know that I am better because of that. Is there tension, do we disagree, do we challenge each other - absolutely, but I wouldn't change that. That diversity, centered around Jesus, makes them closer than I could have ever imagined. What does your community look like?

Humility in leadership

Been thinking a lot about leadership recently. I feel I live in two different worlds when it comes to leadership. Business has one model and the church has another. Most of the time they are operating from different points of view. From a biblical perspective, a leader is called to be a servant. Leaders were often compared to shepherds in the way they were concerned with their flock. Looking out for the interest of others first. Humility probably best describes to me what a leader in the church should demonstrate. Now compared to the business world these qualities aren't what would probably describe most leaders. The business world has a different purpose so I don't think it is fair to expect the same descriptions all of the time. It is hard for me to switch gears between these two worlds sometimes. What works in business isn't necessarily the right method for leadership in the church. Here are a couple of thoughts that I am trying to sort out in the context of being a leader within the church.

Like I said I see part of humility as looking out for the interest of others. So what happens when the people I lead have different interest than mine? Do I try to lead them to match my interest or do I adjust to look out for their interest first? A tough tension to manage sometimes. On Tony Morgan's blog he listed a couple of questions related to leadership that I was wondering how others would answer about me (this would be the interactive part of the blog).

• When people consider who I am as a leader, do they think "servant" first? (If not, what word do you think of first? It is okay to have a different answer. I am just trying to see it from a different perspective.)
• Am I pursuing my ambitions, or do I consider the interests of others? (Remember honesty is always the best policy. If it points out weaknesses in me that is good because if I don't know about them then I can't change them.)

Are you a servant-leader? (Reality is that we are all leading in some way.)

Extreme yard makeover

16 people, 2 hours, 1 transformed yard. This morning was one of those times when I feel that we got it right. The point was to love in a practical way. About a month ago our church had a day of service where we went and cleaned some gutters, trimmed some bushes, raked some leaves, etc. for the people in a mile radius of our building. Part of our class ended up at the house of on older lady whose yard was completely overgrown and out of control. A whole, full-sized industry truck was filled to the brim and that was just from the front yard. Since that Sunday, one of the ladies in our class has continued to talk with her and today was the day that we arranged to go back and start on her backyard. I loved seeing the hearts of those in our class serving someone that most of them have never meet. Everyone pitching in and working to make a noticeable difference. Another trailer full and a backyard that actually let the sunlight in now. Extreme yard makeover. I often hear Christians painted in a negative light as being hypocrites and not very loving. Today in this lady's backyard, out of sight from most people, I saw what Christians look like when we get it right. Loving someone because we have received love and can't help but share that. No preaching, no trying to convince you of a political stance, no ulterior motive, only to help in a practical way. This is what community looks like. We as Christians don't always get it right, but sometimes we do reflect Jesus. And when we do, it can look amazing. Been going to Sunday school classes for a long time and this is the first one that I would feel comfortable for my non-Christians friends to just show up at. If I wasn't there, they would still be loved and hopefully catch a glimpse of what Christ looks like. Seeing a group, messed up as we are, trying to follow Christ is something incredible. I think we are a lot like the yard that we cleaned up today. We all have been messy and not the ideal picture, but when Christ works in us, we can look radically different at the end of the day. Thanks to our class for being an example of Jesus to me today. You are amazing.

Two thoughts, one blog

I wonder how effective I am in evaluating myself. I'm in the process of considering something and as part of that process I've been asked to do a self-evaluation to determine if I am qualified. The basic idea is do you have these qualities, are you developing these qualities or do you not have them at all and based on that do you qualify for the position. I struggle with answering most of them with anything other than developing these qualities. The reason is that I know there is room for growth in almost every area of my life. So how do I say I've achieved these specific qualities when really I am closer today than I was 5 years ago, but I still don't demonstrate them all of the time. I think it would be easier for someone else to fill out my self-evaluation for me. (Any takers?) I need at least a scale of 1 to 10 on these questions to allow for me to distinguish which qualities I do demonstrate better than the others. Oh well, at least I am not graded on this assignment.

Now on to a totally unrelated thought. I am reading "Surprised by Hope" by N.T. Wright to discuss with a couple of friends of mine as we go through it. This is a tough book for me to read. I struggle with reading books that are heavy on the academics or philosophy since I tend to be a bottom line, how does this apply in the real life type person. (Probably explains why I didn't study very much in high school and college. Well, that and the fact there always seemed to be much more interesting things to do with my time than study.) So as I am struggling with reading through the finer points of the case he is laying out (Inside screaming you could have stated this in a paragraph and not taken an entire chapter to say it. I don't need all of the background to convince me.) when one of his points hits the mark with me. I think as Christians we have maybe once again focused on one small detail and missed the bigger picture. Christmas is probably the one time of the year that we as a church gear up for more than any other. We sing Christmas carols, have whole sermon series devoted to the birth of Christ and make it a six week celebration. Christ birth is significant, but not compared to how we treat Easter. Yeah, we focus on Easter, but not with the same enthusiasm and passion. It draws a big crowd for that one Sunday and we sing some really slow songs about it (aren't there any more upbeat songs that we can find for our Easter services?), but not much more emphasis is placed on it. Here is where the light bulb came on for me. The birth of Jesus is talked about in a couple of chapters in the Gospels, the resurrection is what the entire old testament is leading up to and what the rest of the new testament is based on. So what do we focus on? The couple of chapters of course. Much like how we pull our favorite verses out, but choose to ignore the other ones we don't like quite as much. If I get nothing else out of this book, at least it has adjusted my focus back to seeing where my hope as a Christian should be focused.

Things that I think, read and wonder about

Okay, so it has been one of those days where I have had a bunch of random thoughts. Several of them that could have lead to interesting conversations, non-stop "that's what she said" jokes, and strange looks if I would have had the opportunity to actually talk to some of my friends today when they occurred to me. So with that setup, here are some thoughts that I have been thinking today:

• Read in the paper today that Tulsa ranks #1 in the nation in E.D. (erectile dysfunction). How exactly does this survey take place? Is this polled by the same people who also do elections? Wonder if that will be in any of the Oklahoma travel ads in the near future (OKC also ranked #6 so Oklahoma is well represented in this survey)? How exactly does this make the front page of the scene section of the newspaper? This is major news?
• Currently listening to some new stuff on my IPod these days. Most recent additions - Carolina Liar, We the Kings, Mayday Parade and Hoobastank. Also been listening to The Fray, Thriving Ivory,Cartel, Eric Hutchinson, O.A.R. and Jason Mraz this week. Any suggestions on some good new stuff?
• Also read in the paper today that Carlton Pearson is becoming the senior pastor at a church in Chicago that runs 6,000 members. Not even sure what to think about this - mostly sad that there are that many people who has similar beliefs as he has stated recently. (Reading the paper always provides some weird things to think about.)
• How is it that the moment I am about ready to give up on a friendship or step back from it that they make some effort that makes me rethink that? Is there some sort of built in radar that I am about to quit making any more attempts? Seriously, ask my wife. I will talk about how maybe I need to change focus or actually take steps to create some space there and then all of sudden they become proactive. The timing is strange to say the least.
• I usually like rainy days, but seriously. I think all of May has been rainy. A couple days of 75 degree temperatures and sunshine would be nice. Sometimes I think living in San Diego would be nice. Consistent sun and beautiful temperatures (not to mention the beach).
• What is it about elevators that prompt us to start conversations with complete strangers? Is it the fact that we are stuck in a small, confined area and that complete silence would be awkward? Maybe we need to figure out what it is so that we could generate it on Sunday mornings so that people would actually talk to the people around them that they don't know. Just trying to think outside the box here.
• My thoughts keep circling back to "The Unlikely Disciple" that I read a couple of weeks ago. How do we get to the place that we are willing to step into someone's shoes to better understand their perspective? We don't have to agree with them, but isn't this what it means to love them? Not love them when they reach the same conclusions as us, but where they are at right now. Can't help but think that as a Christian that is what I am suppose to be doing.

Those are some of my thoughts on another rainy Thursday. Maybe the lack of sun is finally getting to me. Trying to keep things interesting though.

Good question - wish I had an answer

Brian's comment that he left on my blog titled "What is community?" raised some good questions that I am not sure that I have answers for. How do you teach people, especially guys, to have friendships with depth? Which is part of what being in community is about. Most guys that I know would fit the term "relationally retarded" as Brian described it. Once you finish talking about sports, work, their hobby if they have one, girls (which may be their hobby especially in high school/college) then you are pretty much left with talking about the weather. I understand that not everyone you meet will produce in-depth conversation, but I do think everyone should be able to talk in-depth to someone. Guys generally just don't get how to talk about things that matter because it means they have to mentally or emotionally put themselves on the line which require trust and vulnerability. How do they learn to have community? By seeing it? I don't know if that works. I think we are pretty good consumers (watching it in front of us) but don't often put into practice that knowledge. Why do you think so many Christians have the head knowledge (can tell you what you should do), but fail to practically live it out? We consume lots of information so I don't think that just seeing it lived out in front of someone will really teaches them community. Honestly I think it requires someone investing heavily in another person to truly get what community means. That is why I question whether you can structure a group to produce community. I think that framework may open the possibility to community but rarely will it produce it within that group. Most people don't know what true community looks like so seeing it may produce a desire for it, but then we have the responsibility to take it deeper. I have lead several small groups over the years. Those groups can be fun and have a purpose but rarely does it produce consistent in-depth conversations. What they do provide though is a place for me to start investing deeper with a couple of specific people. That is when community starts happening in my mind. I can only think of twice in my life when I was able to go deep in conversation and be transparent with another guy quickly. Most of the time it has happened over years and with intentional thought into taken those friendships deeper. So what's the answer? Investing in people over time and learning to trust each other. With those things come the community that I think a lot of people long for. No quick fix, but consistency over time. Sorry to break it to you, but your Facebook friends probably won't be there for you when things get tough and you need to be real with someone. A few might, but it will be the ones who have invested in you. What do you think? How do you learn to have real friendship that will last over time?

The in between

I envy those people who see life as black and white. The answers are clear to them and they don't appear to have any doubts. They speak with confidence and offer little room for debate. I, however, live somewhere in the gray. I think, well kind of sort of understand it, but then again I could be wrong - that is where my thoughts shake out a lot of times. There are certain things I believe very strongly even though I don't totally understand them. I know my faith is solid, but sometimes I don't have answers for people. I am okay with that most of the time because I don't have to have it all figured out. That's not my job. I am a questioner. The black and white doesn't always settle things for me. One person's opinion doesn't make it true even when they are very confident in their thoughts. I often see things from a different perspective and wonder how people never question some things or seem to have no room for other possibilities. Maybe they do question and I just don't see it, but those who appear to have black and white answers on most issues seem foreign to me. I have some friends who are that way. Life seems to be laid out in a straight line for them. Life for me seems to be more like a puzzle, trying different pieces together to finally see the big picture. I may end up at the same conclusion as them, but I have to explore a little more to get there. Maybe I question too much, maybe they don't question enough. Maybe that is why we need a little of both types in our lives. I don't understand my black and white friends, but I love the certainty they bring to the table. Sometimes I need that concrete answer when I am off wondering through the gray things that don't really matter. It is an interesting mix in my life. One I don't always understand, but am glad that it exists anyways. What about you? Are you more "black and white" or somewhere in between?

What is community?

How do you get to the point where you have friends that you know you could go to with any problem and they would be there for you? Friends that you know would raise your kids if you died, friends who would give you their car if you needed one, friends who you could call at 3 a.m. and they would be there immediately. The thought was kind of running through my head Saturday night as I had a conversation with a good friend of ours (codename "Hanna") who point blank told me I was wrong about something. In a world where we edit 95% (just a random percentage I made up) of what we say so that it doesn't offend or isn't politically incorrect, I am so glad that I have friends who will call it straight with me. Not what I want to hear, but what I need to hear. But how do you get to that point?

We had a discussion Sunday morning about community and why it is so hard to find. To me community is just another word for my circle of friends. The people that are there as we go through life together. Those people that I count on and that can count on me. My community is pretty diversified as far as personalities, where we met, how long I've known them, etc., but the key is that I trust them. That's the tough part and why I think most people don't really know what community is. To trust someone, you have to be vulnerable first. We usually go about it the wrong way. We want someone to prove themselves before we start to open up our lives to them. We sit back and wait for them to ask the right questions, to offer to meet a need they don't know about, to guess at what we are going through. If you want to be part of a real community, then it requires you to be willing to open your life up to someone else. You may get burned. I've been burned before and that makes it tougher the next time to trust, but man when you find that real community, it is so worth it! Friends who you can count on, friends who you can be real with and who can be real with you, friends you can laugh with, friends who you know have your best interest in mind. Who wouldn't want that?

Read a blog this morning with another thought about community in the Church. He asks some good questions. "Have we made people too reliant on the church for putting them in relationship with other people? Have we made people too reliant on the church for 'growing them' in their faith? Have we pulled people into relationships with other Christians at the expense of their relationships with people who need Jesus?" I have always found it awkward at best when we as the Church try to organize small groups, Life groups, whatever you want to call them for the purpose of building community. Where else in your life do you choose your friends like this? Let's all sign up with some random people we don't know so that you can share life with them. I don't think small groups are bad, but is a friendship really something you can just sign up for though? Doesn't it make more sense to give people opportunities that they can organize around? Find people who have similar passions and then start building a friendship. That's how it works most of the time outside of the church. Or find people you connect with and start doing things with them. Why do we feel the need to structure the way people build community? I do think there is immense value in being part of a community, I just question whether it is something you can manufacture by throwing people together in a room and calling it a small group.

Life as a secret agent

Had to laugh at my co-workers this week as it become known that I had gotten a tattoo this last weekend. I think I was probably the last person they suspected of getting one. Got me to thinking that if I ever made a career change that I should maybe consider being a secret agent. Apparently people don't know much about me and that I am somewhat mysterious because of that. They try to figure out what it is that I am thinking about or what my smile is really saying (seems I have a smirk that gives away that I am thinking something - people usually get it wrong about what I am thinking, but it doesn't stop them from confidently tell me why they think I am smiling. Yeah I've been know to smile just to make people wonder.) I have always been the one who can blend with just about any crowd while avoiding the spotlight (which is the way I like it). I have lots of interest just not a lot of opinions that I feel are necessary to share. I guess that isn't the norm as most people seem thrown off by that. Another quality that would make good for a career as an agent is my ability to pretend that I am hearing something for the first time when actually I already know all of the details. Had a phone call last night where I got to use this skill. I already knew everything they were telling me, but I still let them go on with their story. Funny to see if it matches with the details that I already know. I think I've perfected this from being a youth sponsor for so long. We work as a team and try to keep each other up to date on what is going with the students, but for some reason the students don't think we talk to each other at all. Sometimes it makes for an interesting conversation when the "facts'" don't always match with the previous telling of the story. I've learned to appear to be hearing it for the first time even though I already know what questions I will ask.

I had a friend tell me recently that I ought to be a therapist. I do like to listen to people, but kind of think that a therapist should be more mentally stable than I am. So what other career choices does your personality qualify you for? Any other suggestions on what might be a good match for me? Not that I am looking to change, but I find it interesting how other people view me. Their view is so different than from my perspective most of the time. Those differences in perspective are what make life so interesting.

How to say "no"

Do you say "no" very well? That isn't something that comes easy for me. I don't want to let anyone down so at times I have committed to things that may have been best if I said no to. Fitting in one more evening of doing something or getting together with someone when the better idea might have been for me to have some down time. What filter do you use to determine if you should say no to an opportunity or to something someone else feels you would be good at? I am trying to listen better to those around me. Those who question whether I have too much on plate or if my skill set is really suited for those opportunities. Does anyone else have trouble saying "no"?

People who are challenging

When was the last time someone challenged you? Challenged what you believe or challenged you to live out what you say you believe. I think, if we are not careful, we have the tendency to surround ourselves with people who think just like us. We want to hear we are right. The equivalent of being surrounding by "yes men". We respond to something and we want people that will agree with us and justify our actions. Strength in numbers and all of that. What I am finding out though is that the people with the most differences from me (whether it is personality, beliefs or thoughts on how to accomplish something) are the ones who help me learn the most. Not saying that I always like it, but it is a good way to refine what I believe. To be able to explain my thoughts to someone who is drastically different from me or has a whole different set of beliefs requires me to really know what I believe and to be able to communicate that. I have some people in my life who challenge me at my request, others who challenge me by who they are, and a few who do both. Who challenges you? Do you appreciate it or would you rather not deal with it? Feel free to disagree with me.

No compromises allowed

Do you have certain things that you won't compromise on under any circumstances? If you can make a list of those things, then I can tell you what you value. There tend to be a lot of things that we have an opinion about but hold very loosely to them. If the right situation comes along, we can be convinced or willingly give up those opinions. What are your non-negotiables? What are the things that you value so much that you aren't willing to compromise on? I had a friend give me his list of non-negotiables. Things that say what his life is about. Do you have a list? My guess is that even if we don't have something written down, that we all have a list of things we aren't willing to compromise on. Then again maybe not. Does it depend on the situation? Relativism and tolerance seem to be the unwritten rule these days. What we believe can change easily depending on the situation (relativism) or we may be afraid to state something we aren't willing to compromise on because that may offend someone (tolerance). Tolerance is cheap. Loving someone even when they don't agree with your non-negotiables, that takes a little more effort. Staying with your convictions even when the circumstances are tough, that requires some effort as well. What are your non-negotiables? Do they reflect the things you value in life?

How do you connect?

How do you connect with God? I think a lot of times we limit the creativity of people by telling them that prayer is the way to connect with God. That is definitely one way to connect, but is it the only way? Can connecting mean more than just talking? Do you feel more connected to God when you paint, take pictures, hike or write? What environment moves you closer to God? I think if we could grasp this concept as a group then it might change how we see and do things. Things would move from the black and white that we often try to paint them as to an explosion of color. Are you comfortable with people experiencing God in different ways? I think in our minds we get it, but when it comes to a Sunday morning do we limit the ways we connect? Are we trying to fit everyone into the box we have always seen? Not sure how open I am at times, but I want to continue to explore different ways to connect to God. Is there anything you could change in your life to help you connect better? Trying to see things from a different perspective today.

What pleases God?

How do you please God? I think we often treat God like a cosmic slot machine. If we pray the right things, then he will give us things. "Help me" is another favorite that we use a lot. I think we often confuse "help me" with "do it for me". God, why don't you just do it all and I will sit here content and praise you. This spot is nice to watch you do the things I think you should. Does it cross our minds that our purpose is to please God? We live surrounded by people selling us the thought that it is all about us. What matters is what we want and when we want it.

Sometimes I wonder if that is why serving others is so hard to do. It requires us to be about something other than ourselves. Even that we get wrong a lot of times because we see serving as a way to reflect how spiritual we are. All of the sudden what is suppose to be about focusing on others has become about what we get out of it. We help someone and look for the "thank you's" to validate what we did. Can we be content if no one knows what we do?

So back to where I started. What pleases God? Is it possible to please God without faith? Isn't that what we try to do. We focus on the things we can do and accomplish, but do you think God is waiting on us to start having faith in him and then we can really do something? What are you trying to do that you can't accomplish on your own? Are we living by faith as a church? At some point if you are living by faith, then you come to a jumping off point. That place where you aren't in control and you have to have faith. Are you pleasing God with your life?

Tires and tattoos

Today definitely has the feel of a Monday and one that started early on top of that. My Monday morning feeling started Saturday night. On the way home from some friends house on Saturday night, my car had a blow out about a mile from home. I was able to pull into a place that could replace the tire - on Monday morning. Okay not the worst thing that could happen as it would require a little juggling of our schedules as I usually take Caleb to school on my way to work. That meant Sunday we were down to one vehicle. Again manageable. Me and the two younger boys went to church as Lisa stayed home to sleep and recover from the day spent outside at the "Mom & Me" weekend for boy scouts and Caleb was still out of town. So I am in class listening to the discussion taking place when a friend shows up with Jacob who is complaining that his stomach hurts. Time to head home and try to figure out how I am going to connect with a couple of people that I was suppose to talk to after church. Oh well, that is what all of the technology we have is for. We go down to collect Joshua (remember only one car and we can't tag team this like we would normally do) and I find out that Jacob had actually gone AWOL. Yeah, he asked to go to the bathroom and then decided his stomach was hurting and went to find us (he forgot that Lisa hadn't come with us only an hour earlier) without telling anyone. Glad he knows people around the church who helped him find me. (By the way, the stomach ailment mysteriously disappeared rather quickly after we got home.) The rest of the day is pretty quiet and ends on a good note as a good friend called to let us know some exciting things that are happening with one of the girls in her small group. That gets us to this morning. I dropped Caleb off and headed by the tire place to be there when they opened at 7:30 to see how long it would take to replace the tire. Appears that don't have that tire there at the store (funny because the tire I am replacing I just bought there about 2 months ago). So my options are now that they might run to the warehouse later today and if so they will pick up the tire. If not, then it will be Wednesday before the truck comes. I am hoping to get the call that they decided to run to the warehouse today for some reason (I guess getting my tire isn't enough of a reason to make a trip there.) I would say that qualifies as a long Monday already.

I guess that counters the relaxing day I had Saturday. One of those extremely rare days where I was home by myself all day and didn't have much that I had to do. Managed to watch 3 movies (Iron Man, Dark Knight and Oceans 11 in case you were wondering) and then got together with some friends for dinner and played Apples to Apples (which I have only played twice and have won both times - I may want to retire while my streak is intact). In the middle of the day I went with Lane and got a tattoo (wait a minute... let that one soak in). Yeah, I love what it stands for (community) and have thought about it for awhile. Can't say that any of my friends were that surprised and my wife wasn't either (She didn't know that I was planning on getting one on Saturday. We had talked about it before though.) Just trying to keep things interesting and not be predictable. Well that and the fact that I realize how amazing the community I have is and the tat is a great reminder of that.

So there you have it a weekend of tires and tattoos.

Simple to understand; harder to live out

Had one of the verses from this morning that stuck in my thoughts. It was one of those times where I read the verse and then kind of zoned out of the part of the message for 10 minutes or so as I thought about what it meant. The verse is John 14:15 and it says "If you love me, you will obey what I command." Do you love God? Lots of people claim to love God. I often wonder if we don't love the idea of God more than God. It's pretty simple according to this verse. If you love God then you obey Him. See this is where the simple becomes hard. Mentally I think this is where we say "yeah, but..." and fill in our excuses of why we don't want to obey certain of His commands or why we don't think they make sense. Honestly, God says it is pretty simple - if you love me, you will do what I ask. He doesn't ask us how we would run things, he doesn't say if you feel like it today then obey me, he doesn't say do whatever you want, he asks us to trust that He has our best interest in mind. Imagine a parent asking a toddler how he should do things or telling him to obey today if he feels like it. Doesn't really make much sense, but that is what we want. We want to pick and choose and love God when it is convenient. One of the things I like about the series we are doing on Wednesday nights right now is that we have to wrestle with some of the hard things Jesus said. Commands we don't like or even want to do sometimes. But is comes back to this one statement in my mind - "If you love me, you will obey what I command." So when we choose not to follow His plans, then I think we are clearly stating that we don't truly love God. Sound harsh? Maybe, but I don't think our "yeah, but..." rationale really cuts it. So do you claim to be a Christian? Do you love God? Bottom line then is are you obeying Him? Not difficult to grasp, but are we living it out?

Catching up

Had the chance to catch up with a good friend of mine recently that I haven't had the opportunity to talk with in person in the last two years. Jeff and his family have been in Thailand for the last couple of years which makes it a little difficult to run out and spend some time talking at Starbucks, but we got the chance to do that recently as they are back in the states right now. It was very refreshing for me and something I needed. See, of all of my close friends, Jeff is probably the most like me personality wise. It is so easy to understand where he is heading with a story and pick up where our last conversation ended. Also getting to hear his take on things and talk about things going on in our lives motivates me. Jeff is probably often tagged as quiet (Wrong assumption. He may not be the one who likes being in the spotlight, but quiet or reserved really don't describe him. Funny how both of us get that label occasionally and how wrong it really is.), but I got the chance to hang out and talk for about 4 hours the other night. One of the things that kept running through my mind as Jeff was updating me on how things are changing for them and the direction they are headed was how it all tied so nicely into what we had discussed Wednesday night with the high school students. Being open to what God has planned for us and that sometimes He reveals things to us in small steps (usually so the big picture doesn't overwhelm us). Looking at the way Jeff's life and the plans that they have made as a family have come together over the last couple of years and even more so over the last couple of months is awesome to see. It was a chance for me to step back and see the big picture of how God can sometimes work. Being able to bounce ideas and thoughts off of him as we discussed our lives is something I value more than about anything else in my friendships. Knowing there are several people in my life who know me well (and in spite of that continue to hang out with me) and definitely would go the distance and then some for me is encouraging. Don't know how people do it without those type of friends in their lives. Good night to realize how amazing God is.

Book recommendation - 5 stars

Since I've been slowed down quite a bit the last couple of days with this cold or whatever I have, I had the chance to do a lot of reading (200 out of 319 pages as of this morning). A couple of days ago Lane sent me a link to an article a about a book called "The Unlikely Disciple" by Kevin Roose. The jest of the book seemed intriguing to me so I went ahead and ordered the book and have been reading it like crazy the last couple of days. Probably one of the most interesting books I have read in awhile. Two thumbs up with a caveat - you might not agree with some of his views, but that is part of the reason I find it so appealing. The writer of the book was a student and journalist at Brown University (a liberal college by his definition) that decides to enroll for a semester at Liberty University (Jerry Falwell's ultra conservative college) to get a behind the scenes look and to write about the other side of the cultural war.

It has been so refreshing to hear someones honest opinion about things most Christians don't even stop to think about anymore. It is just the way we have done things for so long, we don't even question if they make sense or if they are even biblical. Funny enough, I actually relate to his feelings of seeing things from an outside point of view as often as I do the "Liberty Way's" take on things. It is written with humor and honesty. I respect someone who is willing to honestly try to look at things from someone else's point of view. Not just a political statement or an easy cliche, but really investing in seeing what it is about. As a Christian, it frustrates me to no end, when people spout the Bible and say that completely clear things up. Yeah, God has spoken about a lot of things but honestly some of it is hard to hear and not the way I want to do things. When honest questions exist, we can't just sweep them under the rug without trying to understand them.

Bottom line - I think the book provides a lot of things to think about. How do people really see the way I live? Do I come across as a total nut job (they exist in every camp), does what I say and do cause people to pause and question how they live, am I honest about the doubts I have at times and can I accept the doubts others may have? Lots of good thoughts. If you read this blog and like the way I process things, then I think you might want to pick up this book. Disagree with a lot of my thoughts, then this book might be a good book for you too. Probably one of the most openly unbiased looks at being a Christian that I have read. Thanks Lane for the recommendation. I owe you one for this one. (Actually, I think it might balance out the movie recommendations. We will just call it even.)