I'm not sure even how to organize my thoughts right now, but I keep wondering what happened. In high school and college I had two really close friends. One was the best man in my wedding and the other was one of my groomsmen. We knew each other really well and had lots of fun together. (That is probably an understatement.) One of them practically lived at my house for several years. I considered them my brothers. Fast forward to now. I just read last week on facebook that one of them is getting divorced after almost 15 years of marriage. My heart hurts for them as a couple and also because I realized that I have let that friendship drift to where I don't even know him any more. It has been probably at least 6 or 7 years since we last talked. We used to touch base through phone calls and e-mails but those became more sporadic over time. We simply drifted due to the busyness of life. It wasn't intentional and maybe that was the problem. A relationship, whether it is a friend or a spouse, takes you being intentional about it. The last time I talked to my other friend has been about as long. Ironically, he showed up in my life again briefly after he went through a divorce and then slowly proceeded to drift out again. These were guys that I was in their weddings. People I used to count as my closest friends.
So what is the answer? I don't like when I've been told that is just life. People will pass through that are only there for a season. I don't like those answers. I don't ever approach a friendship going in thinking - oh well this might be good for awhile but if our friendship drifts apart, that is okay. For me, it means I am intentional. It means I continue to make every effort I can. I get frustrated when I feel a friendship is one sided or is taken for granted, but I don't want to simply allow it to drift. I hurt for those guys. I don't know how to undo the slow drift that has occurred, but I can try my best to keep it from happening again. How intentional are you in investing in the people in your life?
1 comment:
I understand the slow drift, especially the drift that involves old friends.
I feel like I am currently in the middle of a slow drift of sorts, but in many areas of my life. As a person in the middle of it, i will admit that its pretty confusing being here because you kind of know answers, but you also know things that haven't worked in the past, and so you start having trouble coming up with new ideas to get out of the fog so to speak.
You are definately right about intentionality. I think intentionality is always going to be the method to get out of the slow drift. Specifics of intentionality are hard to pin point sometimes. And when feelings are involved it makes it just a big ball of confusion.
Sometimes my struggle is knowing where to start. I agree on the not approaching a relationship from a temporary mindset. Thanks for these thoughts today.
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