Push and pull of life

I feel I live in the in between of life. Never fully on one side but consistently in the tension of the middle of things. Kind of like the title of the book I am reading - "Faith & Doubt". Not only in the middle of those two items but also between change & consistentency, radical & conforming, leader & follower, transparent & fake, and probably several more. Maybe it is just my Jekyll and Hyde personality or as I tell my wife I think I might by schizophrenic. One day I have radical ideas and authentic relationships and then the next day I question whether those ideas even make sense and wonder if those relationships were ever real. This is where I live. Rarely fully content, but questioning and thinking through things (maybe even a little too much). For me I think this is what it means to be in this world, but not of it. I have questions, relationship holes, etc. that only God can fill. I want those filled and get tastes of them occasionally but never fully satisfied. The good thing is that tension is constantly shaping and refining who I am. I understand when people say "yeah, but you aren't like most people" (heard that one this morning) and know that tomorrow I will probably be even a little bit more different. Most of the time I am okay with that, other times I question why I am like this. This is where I live right now between the push and pull of life. If you don't live in this tension right now, enjoy the beauty of the moment. Be fully where you are at and thank God. If on the other hand you can relate to this tension, know that you are being shaped and that at least for today I can understand where you are at.