Investments of a lifetime

I've started this blog about five different times this morning.  Sorting through different thoughts and trying to find some common thread running through these seemingly contradictory ideas.  What I've landed on as the common thread of my thoughts this morning is that they are about people I've invested in.  Some who I don't see very often, but the conversations start as if there hasn't been any gap in time.  Some who encourage so naturally and others that seem to only find  faults.  Some who will call, e-mail or text every so often just to see what is going on and others who put little effort into our friendship or have walked away.  Some who are pursuing Jesus with their entire lives while others have found other things to chase after and have become more part-time fans of Jesus.  Some who I want to be more like.  Some who I am already too much like.

That is the funny thing about the people in your life... you never really know what you are getting into until you jump in.  It will be messy.  It might hurt.  It might challenge you.  It might be what helps keep your sanity intact.  It may be someone who encourages you as you grow.  It may be someone who drains your time and energy.  It may be someone who appreciates you or someone who takes you for granted.  It might be a person who helps make you a better person.  It might be someone who drags you down.  You have to jump in to find out the possibilities.

I've been thinking about 4 or 5 different people this morning.  A couple of them I am looking forward to spending some time with in the near future.  Chris and Jeff have been there through a lot of years.  We don't get to see each other very often as my brother-in-law lives in Atlanta and Jeff in Taiwan.  If I was to pick who I am most like in personality and the way I process things, these two would differently be at the top of that list.  I almost always walk away encouraged when I spend time with either of them, whether it is just hanging out together or spending time talking about the deeper things in life.  They are two guys who reflect what following Jesus looks like and whose advice I seek out.

Then there are a couple of guys who seem to point out all that is wrong with the world.  They definitely see the glass at least half empty and who drain me mentally in their theoretical discussions about the things in life.  The conversations revolve around what is important to them.  Then there are those who just don't have time.  They have busy lives and honestly a friendship ranks somewhere below their job, their family, their favorite sports teams and the other things going on in their lives.  It is a friendship on the side.

The thing is that I fall into all of those at some point.  I bring all of my insecurities, my baggage, my encouragement, my negativity, my thoughts, my priorities... my messiness into those friendships as well.  The thing is we are supposed to go through life together.  The good, the bad, the ugly... it is all part of the package.  Who are you sharing life with?  Trying to man up and do it by yourself?  It doesn't work.  Investing in others comes with risk, but doesn't anything that is worth pursuing?  You've got 24 hours today, what will you do with it?

Are you willing to dream?

"There are no impossible dreams, just our limited perception of what is possible"

Don't know where this quote originated, but it is money.  How often do we limit what can be accomplished because we don't have big enough dreams?  We have this need to be able to touch and see it before we can imagine it.  We shoot down ideas simply because we have a limited view of what can be done.

What if we expanded our perception just a little?  What great things could happen if we really understood that nothing is impossible for God?  Better than understanding it, what if we lived that way?  What dreams have you given up on simply because they weren't realistic?  They seemed too big to happen?  You couldn't imagine how it could possibly happen so you gave up.  And a little bit of you dies.  We accept okay because we can no longer imagine the great.  We settle for what we can see with our limited perception of reality.

Dream big.  Don't lose your innocence of believing the impossible might just be able to happen.  Don't give in to the cynics and the critics.  They are a dime a dozen, but the dreamers are who will change the world. They see what could be and don't settle for what is only right in front of them.  Impossible says God is limited to our small imaginations.  Isn't believing in something beyond our imagination the same as faith?  We can't quite grasp it but we know in our hearts it is true.  It requires a leap into the unknown.

What has your limited perception kept you from doing?  Let's not be so quick to accept mediocrity and be willing to dream a little.

I ought to...

Finish this statement, I ought to________.  Now fill in this blank, today I will ________.  Which is easier to answer?  For me I like the "ought to" statement.  It is in the future.  It is a nice idea.  It is something that might happen.  It doesn't require anything of me now.  I don't think I am the only who has this tendency.

Someday we will get around to doing it.  We will make those changes we need to address when it is more convenient.  We will have those conversations that need to happen later this week.  We will start exercising/ eating better/having a devotion/________ tomorrow.  We like the idea, we just don't want to actually do it.  So we put it off and pretend it doesn't exist.  We hope that it will magically change without any work on our part.

Inconvenient, awkward, costly, sacrifice... that is what doing something now requires and that is why we avoid it.  But should we?  I have a love/hate relationship with the following quote - "Delayed obedience is disobedience."  I love the thought behind it, but sometimes I hate living it out.  When I know I am suppose to do something and don't... that is disobedience.  We can make it sound better by saying we will do it in the future, but the reality is that now is when we are suppose to do it.  We convince ourselves that we are too busy to fit it in today, but if we had the chance to go do that one thing we have really been wanting to do, I bet we could find the time.  So what are you putting off that needs to be done today?  Will you do it or will it be something you ought to do someday?

How did you get so lucky?

Ever caught yourself wanting what someone else has in their life?  Things like wishing you had a marriage like theirs, or had so and so's body, or had a prayer life like him, or that your kids were well behaved like theirs.  For me it is often my friends that seem to have a flexible enough work schedule that everything is done between 9 and 3 including working out, having a quiet time and getting to hang out with people and then going home on time to spend quality time with their families.  (If you are thinking I might be referring to you, I probably am.)

A couple of thoughts about this.  First, what we really want is the results and not the work to get there.  You want a prayer life that is incredible, then you have to make the time to spend in prayer each day which may mean getting out of bed a couple hours earlier or staying up after everyone else has gone to bed.  You want a marriage that is still amazing after 20 years, then you do the hard things along the way and learn what selflessness looks like.  You want to be healthy, then you make it a priority to eat right and exercise often.  We see the results and think how lucky they are.  The truth is that it takes work and commitment over time.  We want the instant gratification without sacrificing anything to get there.

Another thing is that we often don't see the whole picture.  We see a marriage or a family that looks perfect, but the reality is that they have their off days as well.  Days when they choose selfishness instead of love.  Days when their kids are driving them crazy.  Days when they are stressed with bills, and schedules, and trying to figure out how to divide 24 hours among all of the things demanding their attention.  Days when they choose to sleep instead of getting out of bed to have some time with God.  A day where they get to end of the day and realize they haven't spent any time thinking about God.  A day when they choose the dessert instead of the salad.  A day when they decide to sit on the couch and watch a movie instead of working out.  Hope this doesn't burst your bubble, but none of us are perfect.  We strive for looking like Jesus and do our best each day.  Some days we look more like Him than others.  The key is that the next day we try again.  The things worth having usually require us to keep working at them.

Finally, for those things you want, don't be bitter that they have what you want.  Celebrate that they have an amazing marriage.  Tell them how awesome they look and that you respect their willpower in eating healthy and working out.  Ask them to pray for you and be happy that they are so madly in love with Jesus.  And learn from them.  When you see those qualities in someone elses life that you desire, ask them what they do to have them.  Figure out how that works in your life and then start doing them.  It won't happen over night, but after time it might be you that someone is looking at wondering how you got so lucky.  

Concealment or confession

Why is confessing our sins so difficult?  For me the answer lies in my image.  Confessing means I bring out into the open the things that I struggle with, the sin that is in my life, the areas that I suck at... it shatters the nice little image I have in my head of having it all together.  It is awkward to start a conversation that requires my confession.  There is no easy way to transition into it.  And I think all of that is part of why we are told to confess.

Concealing our sin is about us and protecting our image.  Confession requires humility.  It means we have to sacrifice our egos and put our pursuit of Jesus as our only focus.  We realize we can't do it on our own.  Grace follows our willingness to be humble.  When we conceal our sins, we basically tell God we don't need His grace or trust Him to take care of us.  It is once again about us.

I see there being two steps to confessing.  The first is to lay it out before God.  For me this is the easier one.  He knows my thoughts, he knows who I am in the dark, he already knows the sins that I have done.  This step is matter of confessing to someone who already knows what I am there to talk about.  It is the first step to realigning myself with pursuing Jesus and a life that reflects righteousness and holiness.  It is tough because it shines a spotlight on the huge difference between what my life looks like compared to what Jesus has called us to live, but I know his love and grace will come easily.  The second step is confessing to someone else.  This is where the image is shattered for me.  To actually admit the ugliness that is in me.  To open myself up to correction.  To humbly admit I can't do it on my own.  This is where it moves from nice theory to the tough practical.  It may mean that I actually have to change.  Someone else knows my secrets and the sin that I have worked so hard to hide.  It no longer means just confessing to God when I sin again, but also that someone may ask me some very specific questions that will be awkward and tough to answer.

The strange thing to me is that everything in me yells to keep it to myself.  It isn't that big of deal.  I can handle it on my own.  They are busy with their own lives.  They will think less of me.  But the reality for me is that some of the people I most admire are those who have those tough conversations.  They live a life with humility that I want my life to look like.  They understand grace in a deeper way.  They are the ones who I see pursuing Jesus with their whole life.  They are the ones I look up to and want to model my life after.

So that is the choice we have with our sin, we can either confess it or try to conceal it.  There isn't a choice that lies in the middle.  What are you choosing today?  If it is to confess, then do it now.  Don't wait until it is convenient because it will never be that.  Don't wait until you have your life a little more together because we never have it all together.  Don't wait until you have the time, find someone and start that awkward conversation now.  Concealment or confession... it is your choice.

Simple, but not really

What does following Jesus look like to you?  It is simple really... whatever, whenever, wherever.  Well let me clarify that, it is simple to state, but really tough to live out.  What He asks for is all of us... whatever, whenever, wherever.

For me it often looks more like this.  I am willing to do certain things, but please don't ask me to get out of my comfort zone or do something that may be awkward or may cost me something.  Whatever really means what I feel like doing at the time.  And while we are at, I don't really want it to inconvenience me.  I mean I will sacrifice a couple of hours on Sunday morning so can't we squeeze it in then?  Maybe we justify that family time is more important than anything else Jesus may want us to do.  I mean His primary concern is that I have a happy family right?  I mean I know it is suppose to be about His glory, but really he understands that I am busy and can only give Him a little of my precious time.  And wherever definitely means right where I am at.  He wouldn't require me to go outside my comrfortable circle, would He?

Are we following or justifying how we already live? Removing myself is the toughest thing and that is what He asks.  He asks us to pick up our cross and follow Him.  A cross is about dying.  It is inconvenient.  It will require us to give up holding other things so that we can carry our cross.  It means whatever you are placing before Jesus must go.  Wherever He asks us to go, whether that is across the country or the world or across the street to your neighbor or to your family, we will go.  And it means now.  Not someday in the future.  Not after you are out of high school or college, not after you have a job or started your family, not after your kids are older or out of the house, not when you get married...now, this moment, daily.

Let's be honest, it isn't an easy call.  What do you need to do today to follow Jesus?  Not some general, good sounding generic statement, but specifically what does whatever, whenever and wherever look like in your life?  Tell someone.  Now follow Him.

Running and breathing

Complete, well thought out ideas aren't going to happen for me so here are a few random musings from my life right now.

• What if you rolled out of bed and were told that you were running a marathon today? No training, no easing into it, no buying the right running shoes, no time to eat breakfast... just go... and oh by the way you need sprint the entire way. That is what life has felt like recently. Breathing and taking the next step sometimes feel like a major accomplishment. Where is the beginners course?


• Be careful what you ask. Really I should say, be prepared for the answers you might get. I have had a couple of conversation recently where I essentially asked if there are areas in my life where I need to change or am lacking in character. You know those types of questions you ask honestly expecting to hear "no man, you are doing good" or some version of that. We often talk about having relationships that sharpen us. Guess what? Sharpening may involve some pain. It may be good for us, but it isn't always enjoyable during the process. I guess that is why we need to ask those questions and also honestly answer them when we are asked. Growth often involves some growing pains.


• Ever have one of those moments where you get the chance to breath a little and reflect on life? (Yeah, those are suppose to happen occassionally in life.) During one of those brief moments recently, I realized I am not who I was 3 years ago. Talk to someone you haven't been around much in a couple of years. You may find what you had in common then, isn't your life now. Where you spend your time and energy may be totally diferent. How you express your passions may have changed. Where you find community now may not have existed then. Sometimes it is good to look back and see how we got to where we are today. Don't camp out in the past, but reflect on how you are growing and changing in who you are suppose to be becoming.

Welcome to Friday. Now get out there and start running.

Masked motives?

Word vomit... have you ever experienced it? That moment when you start unloading on someone. You start tearing down who they are. Throwing up all of these bad things about them. I caught myself doing this recently. Oh, it was masked behind some legitimate sounding reasons and I also had someone encouraging and confirming the things I was saying. It almost sounded reasonable... almost.

The things I say or, as more often is the case, the things I think may be true. But what is the motive? To build up the person and help them move forward? Not usually. Usually it is based on something a lot less noble... selfishness and jealousy. I see what they have or the way they are treated and want it. So I start finding faults in them. Ways to bring them down to my level so to speak.

What do you do when someone you know gets promoted instead of you? What do you do when a friend gets some good news? Are you excited for them or do you start looking for reasons you should have gotten those things? Selfishness can bury itself deeply in us. It robs us of being able to find joy in others. I want that joy, but it means I have to put myself aside. That means more than just saying the polite thing when they are around. Joy has a way deeper meaning than that. It means truly celebrating with them. We know the "right" things to say, but do we mean them?

Another bad thing about word vomit is that it can be highly contagious. We are quick to jump in and point out someones less desirable traits. But what if we were as quick to encourage someone and tell them the good things we see in them? There is a time when we need to point out when someone is missing the mark, but it should always be about building the other person up in love and not because of our jealousy.

Can you celebrate someone else's good news, even when you find yourself in one of those tough places in life? We get to choose whether we have joy or selfishness. What is your choice?

Alone in the middle

Last week I was in the middle of tons of people and I didn't know any of them. I was in a mall in Dallas and felt as if I was all alone even in the middle of all of those people. Surrounded by people who didn't know me and really didn't even care. Have you ever felt like that even when you are in the middle of people you do know? Wondering how you could be surrounded by people but still feel all alone? That is where I've found myself recently... in the middle of it all, but still feeling alone.

I overheard a couple of people talking about someone who hasn't been around church much recently. The jest of the conversation was that the person who had been there sporadically at best recently, had been around long enough to know that they just needed to get involved and serve if they wanted to be a part of the community. The ones talking had tried long enough and now it was up to the other person if they wanted to find a place to belong. I've felt that way before. Felt I've tried to include others and that now they needed to do their part to fit in. But recently, I know what it feels like to be drifting out there some and just wanting someone to care enough and not give up on me. Not to have to do anything or act like I have it all together to have a place in community.

The thing that brings me hope is that no matter what I may be feeling or how alone I may feel, I am pursued by God. It doesn't matter if I am the "prodigal" son or the "good" son. He loves me where I am at. At my best or even at my worst, His love doesn't change. We may feel that we are accomplishing a lot and really pursuing righteousness or we may be barely holding on and wondering if we will make it through another day... it doesn't matter as neither is enough. It isn't because of our performance or lack of performance that we are loved. It is because of who He is that we are loved. We are loved not because of how we fit in or if we feel alone, but because of His perfect love.

Maybe you are pursuing God with all that is within you right now or maybe you are wondering how you ended up all alone in the middle of a crowd... wherever you are at in life right now, you are loved more that you can imagine. Go ahead and try to out dream God. You can't. His love will stretch beyond it. We may not always do the best job of reflecting that love as Christians, matter of fact we fail at it sometimes, but because of that love we get to keep trying. It isn't about us at all, but it is all about Him. Not because we are worth it, but because He can't help himself and loves us in spite of who we are. He sees us as perfect, even when we don't. Wonder what it would look like if we started trying to see each other as He sees us? Wonder if there would be less lonely people? Wonder if there would still be people that we would give up on and just let them drift somewhere else because we are tired of trying? Kind of doubt it because I don't think God ever stops pursuing us. Wonder if that means as Christians that we should not stop pursuing others as well? Even when it is hard. Even when we don't feel like trying any more.

Just wondering what it might look like if we loved, no matter what.

Names from the past

Ever have one of those moments where you start off thinking about one thing and then a few minutes later you realize you have traveled a great distance in your thoughts and not sure how you got there exactly. Happened to me this morning as I was driving into work. I was reflecting on one of the roles I've served in the last several years that I've decided to step out of. My thoughts were swirling around that when a name popped into my head. Not sure how it was connected to what I had been thinking about before, but that lead to me thinking about another person. Before I knew it I had come up with a list of about 50 names. It was a little overwhelming as the names kept coming to my mind as one connection lead to another name who lead to a connection to another person.

Some of the guys I hadn't thought about in years. Some of them I talk to regularly. Some I had the opportunity to be involved with for only a short period, others I got to spend years getting to know. Some inspire me, others make my heart break. When I talk to some of them we pick up like no time has passed between conversations, with others it is awkward. They are spread throughout all walks of life. Some are in college, some are artistic, some are involved in business, some aren't headed anywhere, some are involved in missions, some I've lost track of and don't know what they are doing now. The list of names that flooded my mind this morning are the guys that I've had the privilege to invest in while the were high school students over the last 20 years. Each is unique and I often wondered how we ever connected. (A similar theme runs through most of my friends.) Some are close friends, some I see every couple of years and get to catch up with them, others I haven't talked to in a long while, but regardless of where they are at now, they impacted my life. Yeah, I was the one supposedly investing in their lives, but I am the one it changed. It changed how I love and serve others, it taught me to be more transparent, it taught me loving isn't always easy, it showed me that people can change (sometimes bringing unexpected joy and other times causing gut wrenching sorrow), it has shown me what pursuing Jesus looks like, it has been a wild and unexpected ride.

Maybe the change in thoughts this morning wasn't so random. Maybe it was a gentle reminder that even though some things may be changing, I am still called to invest in others. My life is going to impact others. That is a given. The question is will I do it intentionally and with a purpose or just let it happen. Another given is that you are also impacting others. Maybe not in the same way that I do, but still your life collides with others every day. You have a unique opportunity to make an impact in that other person's life. It may be only for a season or it may be over a lifetime, but it is your chance to invest in something more than yourself. What are you going to do with your opportunities? What will your list of names look like? What stories will you be a part of? It is your choice.

The pursuit of happiness

"I have often wished that Jefferson had not used that phrase 'the pursuit of happiness' as the third right... I would rather he had written, 'life, liberty and the pursuit of meaningfulness' or 'integrity' or 'truth." I know that happiness has been the real, if covert, goal of your labors here. I know that it informs your choice of companions, the profession you will enter. But I urge you, please do not settle for happiness. It's not good enough. Personal success devoid of meaningfulness, free of steady commitment to social justice - that's more than a barren life; it's a trivial one. It's looking good instead of doing good." - Toni Morrison speaking to the 2011 graduating class at the State university of New Jersey.

Don't know if the students were paying attention (come on, how many people actually listen to the graduation speeches?), but man, those are some profound and powerful words. How often do we settle for happiness? We look for what makes us happy, when we should be looking for so much more. Are you content being happy? Are you content with a life that may look good on the outside, but doesn't have much substance? Why do we chase the trivial when there are so many important things we could be chasing?

I've settled for happy more often than I care to admit. As long as things are good for me then I don't need to pursue much else. What would it look like if we pursued a life of meaning, or integrity or truth instead of our own selfishness? Pursuit isn't just some casual walk. It is a life focused on a goal. It is intentional, not just when we get around to it. Would my life be about more than just looking good if integrity and righteousness were my focus from the time I woke up in the morning until I finally went to sleep at night?

What are you pursuing? Does it have meaning or is it just another trivial pursuit? What are you letting shape your choices - happiness or something more?

Undeserved and unappreciated

Grace... it's one of those words I don't understand. I mean I know the definition and I can understand it theoretically, but I just can't get my mind totally around it.

When I receive it, I want to try and earn it. Which can't be done. It is free and undeserved. It is a gift and simply can't be earned. I wonder if that is why it is so hard to receive? It doesn't depend on me in any way, but is totally undeserved.

Giving it to others is also hard. I want to put conditions on it. Make it available only if you jump through certain hoops. To expect nothing and to give it away requires a selfless attitude. It is a gift that may not be appreciated or even wanted. It may be treated as worthless or not even noticed. It is hard to give away a gift without it being acknowledge, but if I do it to be acknowledge, then it really isn't free.

Grace is priceless, but we treat it so cheaply. We want it given to us, but are hardly willing to give it to others. I want to move from knowing about it and learn to cherish the gift it is. How have you experienced grace? How are you living graciously in others lives?

Grace... I am so thankful for it even though I don't understand it.

The effects of whine

Ever been around that person who always has something negative to say? Ever been around the person who can find something to complain about no matter how good things are? It is draining. Draining to be around that person and also draining to be that person. It takes a lot of energy to be perpetually unhappy. To be on the constant look out for things that aren't ideal for you.

The squeaky wheel mentality may be beneficial in the work place, but it doesn't translate well to the rest of or lives. The squeaky wheel may get their way, but at what cost? The cost of friendships, the cost of tearing apart the team, the cost of killing dreams... how long can we be absorbed with ourselves at the expense of others?

I was having a conversation a couple of weeks ago and the person jokingly said "Okay, let's take the focus off of you just for a minute". Ouch! But that is the reality of whining. It is all about you. The definition of being selfish. The negative attitude, the entitlement, the perception that all things should be as you want them, the whining until we get our way, the temper tantrum (it looks even worse on an adult than when you see a 3 year old doing it)... there is only one way to really fight it... being willing to serve in love. Serving means taking our eyes off of ourselves and looking to someone else's best interest. It may not feel natural and that is part of the point. We are naturally selfish, but unselfishness is counter-cultural.

The effects of whine are subtle. If you are reading this and thinking so and so needs to read this. Be careful because you may be the whiner waiting on an intervention to happen. There is a place to be critical and look for improvements. There is a time to challenge things. But can you honestly say it is in the best interest of others or is it about you?

The rhythm of rest

How do you rest? Do you ever think about it? We seem to be concerned with the next thing on our list, but rarely do we make time for resting. (Maybe we need to put it on our lists.) For me in the past, it has been about going full speed until I collapse. Trying to get everything done on the list. The thing is the list is never complete. There is always one more thing (or person) demanding my attention. Screaming it's importance and needing to be done now. So off we run to the next thing without ever slowing down to rest.

For me resting includes being with friends. Having time to talk or play and have fun. It might come in a variety of ways and look different depending on who I am with, but it means moving away from doing and simply enjoying just being. It doesn't mean once I get everything else completed; it means in the midst of the craziness of life. An hour or two to hang out with a friend over coffee (which I still don't drink even though I have spent enormous amounts of time at coffee shops) or playing Frisbee golf on a Saturday morning or getting beat at tennis once again. It is spending time talking with my wife once the boys have gone to bed. It is playing cards with friends and enjoying good conversation and laughter. It may be serving someone or finding time to just listen. Rest is vital, but something we don't do very well.

So when will you intentionally rest this week? When will you commit to slowing down enough to enjoy what is around you? There is meant to be a rhythm to our lives and part of that is resting. Also I have learned that when I rest well, then the other things on the list are lot easier to accomplish. I remember my brother-in-law stating it this way, we should work out of our rest instead of resting from our work. What is your ideal way to rest? Now go put it on your list and make the time for doing it.

Costly assumptions

We assume that others want the same things we want. We assume that others see and process things the same way we do.

You want to climb the corporate ladder and are willing to sacrifice time and energy to move up it. You assume that everyone else is motivated by the same goals and defines success the same way.

You are spontaneous and enjoy having an open agenda that allows you to just go with the flow. You don't like structure and assume everyone else thrives in the same environment.

You value quality time and just want to hang out and talk. You assume that is energizing for everyone else as well.

None of these are bad, but it isn't the way everyone thinks. We assume the way we process things is where everyone else starts out as well and that can be costly. Those assumptions could burn people out, drive away the people who enjoy structure and cost a friendship.

Sometimes we need to walk in someone elses shoes. Try to understand where they are coming from. Ask lots of questions to understand what motivates them and how they are wired. It may be similar or it may be very different from you. If you are different, neither way is necessarily better than the other, but you have to work at understanding how they see things. We've got to lose the assumptions. The assumption that we are right and everyone else is wrong. The assumption that our way is the only way. The arrogance that comes from assuming we are the norm and anything different is just weird. We have to stop assuming before the costs gets too high.

It will take hard work. It will take admitting we are wrong sometimes. It will take humility and sacrificing the need to have it our way. To quit assuming may be tough to do, but you know what they say happens when you assume... it may just make an ASS out of U and ME.

Code word "opportunity"

Here is an "opportunity" for you... those words strike fear in me. A lot of times that is polite business talk for "I have some crappy work for you that is going to take lots of time and energy." Opportunity = hard, thankless work.

What do you do when you are presented with difficult times or a situation that is less than ideal? Those really are opportunities. Opportunities to respond in love or grace. Opportunities to not complain and not be selfish. Opportunities to press into Jesus even though, or maybe because of, the situation feels out of control.

Now that doesn't mean it won't be hard work. It may be trying. It may seem like you are alone in you efforts. Difficulties, or opportunities if you like, are still difficult. It doesn't mean you just try harder. It doesn't mean you put on a "happy face" and pretend things are just great. I have a friend who is always doing GREAT! when you ask him how he is doing. I don't trust that because that isn't my reality. I have struggles. I have times when I question if I have clue in being a parent (so do my children), I have times where life feels overwhelming, I have financial pressures, I have times where I feel distant from God, I have times where I feel all alone... I also have times where things are great, times when life is fun, times when I feel like I am truly pursuing Jesus with my whole life. Life is a mixture of difficulties and joy.

The difficult times are often where character is developed. It is an opportunity. An opportunity to continue to make wise choices even though it is difficult. An opportunity to trust God even when it doesn't make sense to us. An opportunity to respond in love even when the world says to get even. The push and pull of life can be tough, but it is also where we can be shaped. It is easier to have joy when things are going your way, but when I see people respond with joy in the "opportunities" of life, that is when I take notice. When I see someone choose to forgive, even though their current "opportunities" in life may be justified in responding harshly. Those difficulties really may be opportunities to impact someone. It may not feel much like an opportunity, but it may be having a greater impact than you realize.

So what are you going to do with your "opportunities" today? Run and hide? Fake it and pretend it is great? Trust there is a purpose and approach it with joy? You get to choose how you respond to life's opportunities.

A little bit random

"Today I don't feel like doing anything" - The Lazy Song by Bruno Mars

"La, la, la, whatever, la, la, la, it doesn't matter, la, la, la, oh well, la, la, la" - Tonight, Tonight by Hot Chelle Rae

Those are two of my favorite songs right now. Probably a coincidence that they also describe my mood pretty well. It has been one of those crazy weeks (or six months) where there seems to be an endless supply of demands for my time. As I told one of my friends, it seems like I have pressure coming from 9 different directions in any given day. Hard to be motivated when you know the next day is going to be just a busy as the current one and there is no end in sight. So the idea of a day of not doing anything sounds pretty good. Imagine a day of just fun. Sleeping in, maybe reading some of that book you can never seem to get to, or watching the entire season of "Studio 60", having a two hour lunch date with your wife, catching a movie in the afternoon, or taking a nap (not high on my list, but my wife would appreciate that), hanging out with friends, playing outside, going for a bike ride... not having anything you had to do but just a day to do whatever. What would you do with a day like that?

Not sure why it is called the rat race, but I guess that would make me a rat these days. We weren't meant to run full speed all of the time. Rest is essential. We may have different ways of resting, but God created us to enjoy life. We just need to stop and enjoy it. What do you find enjoyment in doing? Give yourself a break today and enjoy it. Take an hour, half a day, or the whole day and rest. Go ahead, tell your boss I said it was okay. Make time in your schedule to rest. Don't worry, the rat race will still be there when you get back. You won't miss anything, but you might actually be energized in a way you haven't been in quite awhile. La, la, la, whatever, la, la, la, it doesn't matter, la, la, la, oh well, la, la, la...

Performance doesn't equal worth

What are you performing for? Schools base a lot of emphasis on test performance. Work demands you jump through hoops and continue to take on more so that you can get ahead. Relationships gear toward the mindset of "what have you done for me lately?" Who are you becoming? How are you going to get there? The mentality that says prove to me that you are worth it.

A lot of times that is what we make God out to be like as well. We ask "Are you following the rules? Are you doing the things we think you should be doing? Are you becoming who God wants you to be? We make our pursuit of Jesus one more thing based on our performance. Here is the reality... God is not in love with who I am becoming, but rather in love with who I am right now*. Let that soak in. It isn't based on me in anyway. It is based on who God is. His character... His love... His grace... His acceptance of me in my current messed up state.

We want to prove that we can do it, so we perform like we are suppose to. We gut it out. We push ourselves to the next level. We try to manage it. We try to control everything. We forget how messed up we were when we surrendered our lives to God. We are now trying to prove that we are worth it. He doesn't want our performance. He wants us. Lean into who He is. His character... His love... His grace... His mercy. We don't earn any of those with our performance. Forget who you are trying to become and realize who God is now.

* - Thanks to Lane for this awesome quote and sorry if I didn't get it exactly right. It is one of those mind blowing comments that will continue to stretch how I see God. Hopefully it continues to make me realize how much I need to press into God and his character and not rely on myself. I will continue to get it wrong no matter how hard I try, but God still loves me in this moment and not for where I am heading. How refreshing is that?

What do you do with the radical?

Seems Rob Bell's latest book is a little controversial. I am in the process of reading it right now so I will hold off on giving my opinion about it, but the way people have responded to it has gotten me thinking.

Upfront, so that you know where I am coming from, I like the way Rob Bell writes. He asks lots of questions and doesn't feel it necessary to answer all of those questions for us. He looks at things from a different perspective a lot of the time and challenges us to think about it. I appreciate that whether I agree with his opinion or not. He takes what we have always heard and does a pretty good job of turning that upside down.

A couple of reasons I like that style. First, that comes naturally for me. I like to challenge things "just because that is the way we have always done it". Why are we doing it that way? Is there a better way? Have we gotten it wrong? What if I am missing the point and need to change how I see it? Those questions are where I start. Another reason is because when I read scriptures, I see Jesus doing the same thing. He says things like "You have heard it said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." (Matt. 5:43) This is what you have always believed, now turn that upside down. See Jesus often challenged what the "religious" taught. He would challenge them to see the bigger picture or tell them they had it wrong.

That is thing that has me curious by the harsh responses to Bell's new book. Is this how people responded to Martin Luther's radical ideas back in the day? Is this how the Pharisees responded to Jesus' new interpretations of what they had always heard? Now I am not saying that Rob Bell has it right. I don't know. What I am saying is their room for us to be challenged? Could what we have always heard be wrong? Could we grow beyond what we currently know? Do you have it all figured out? If someone disagrees with you, are they going to hell? (Depending on how you see hell apparently.) Accept the questions. Dig into the scriptures and see what you think it has to say. Don't take someone else's word. Don't just fall back to what you have always heard either. Questioning isn't bad. (I sure hope it isn't anyway.) Blindly accepting things just because that is what you are comfortable with or you have always done it that way or grown up knowing, that is when it gets dangerous. I can disagree with someone who challenges my way of thinking and still respect them. I have a harder time respecting someone isn't willing to be challenged.

What do you do with the radical? How do you respond to someone who challenges your way of thinking? Probably says more about your heart than it does about whatever topic you are talking about. Remember, for those of you who are my friends, questions are good. When I ask that second question with 6 sub-parts, I am helping you grow, not being annoying.

It is up to you

How do you respond to a challenge? Does it motivate you? Does it cause you to shutdown? Does it make you dig in your heels and refuse to move? Challenges are a given in life, how you respond is up to you.

How do I respond? Well this week I've met several challenges and have probably responded with each of the ways listed above. I've felt pressured by one challenge and it makes me want to dig in my heels and be stubborn. I've wanted to grow in some areas and those have motivated me. I've met a challenge that has been a constant struggle of mine and it makes me want to quit.

People can also be challenging... some in a good way, others not so much. I have one friend who stretches me and challenges me to smash boxes. I have had conversations with another friend that challenges my beliefs and how I perceive those around me. I have people that I am around that are just plain difficult and challenge my patience. Some challenge me to do more. There is no end to the ways we can be challenged by the people in our lives. With all of these, it is again up to us how we respond.

Loving them is a choice. It is the one Jesus challenges us to live out each day. How are you going to respond?

How are you going to celebrate April 18th?

Why not April 18th? Isn't it as good as January 1st? Today starts day one. A fresh start. The past is just that... the past. It may shape who I am currently, but it doesn't define who I am becoming. We are like a painting that is never quite done. We can add bold colors with wide brush strokes or add small dots that are hardly noticeable, but we keep adding to the picture. Each decision I make today adds a little more color, a little more texture, a little more depth.

I gave myself permission to start anew. See I can be my own biggest critic, stumbling block, and the one who holds me back. I like to think that others actions take away some of my choices, and some might, but I still get to choose how I respond... what I learn from it... what perspective I have of the situation... what attitude to have. Today is the chance to start with a clean slate.

What would you do differently if you could? Start today. You may still have consequences from your past choices to deal with, but you control your next step. Will you choose a new direction? We can always adjust to a better path. The next decision you make can determine where you are heading now. A wise decision now can correct the path. It doesn't make everything magically better, but it is one step towards it. One step and possibly a new attitude and perspective.

What will today hold for you? What are you willing to change instead of saying you can't? We can change. I have and will continue to change. Who I am today looks significantly different than who I was 10 years ago. The small choices are the ones that will define the big ones to come.

It is April 18th... time to start your new resolutions with the choices you make today. Change can be exciting. You don't have to wait another 9 months to make the decision to start new. What will look different for you tomorrow?

The encouragement experiment

What would happen if I chose to see some positive in any situation I was in? What if I could find something encouraging to say to those around me instead of critiquing them? What impact would this have on the situation? Would this change in perspective change the situation...change me... change the other people? These were some of my thoughts about a month ago as I continued trying to understand the season of life I am currently in. I have felt adrift in my role in ministry, how the friendships in my life have changed, new responsibilities at work, and how everything fits together for this season in our lives. So began the encouragement experiment. Here are few things that I have learned so far. People are starved for encouragement. I don't know if it is our insecurities, the fact that we so rarely get encouragement or that we are wired to need it that we long for it so much. Probably a little of all of those. Simple words of encouragement impact other people's attitude significantly. When we hear that it matters what we do, we are more likely to recapture that joy in doing it or at least understand that it has a purpose. Simple concept, but one we often choose to ignore. I am guilty of assuming that someone knows that I appreciate what they are doing. How do they know unless I tell them? The change in perspective doesn't change the situation, but it does change my attitude about it. I have struggled with the change in some of my friendships. The fact that I used to be extremely close to some friends and now there is more distance in those friendships. Determining to be encouraging in their lives hasn't magically made everything perfect, but it has allowed me to see the strengths in those friends. I still long for consistent community, but my change of perspective allows me to appreciate the glimpses of it that they provide. Same for other areas in my life also. Things may not have changed much at all in the situation, but I am more content in the situation. This isn't some power of positive thinking experiment or flattering other people. This is an experiment to find joy in living where I am at. Even though I don't always understand the circumstances or situations I am, I always have reasons for being joyful. For me that joy is best shared by encouraging others. It is taking the time to see those good things in others and telling them about it. It doesn't necessarily change the situation, but I know it is changing me and hope that it might make a difference in someone else as well. When was the last time you were encouraged by someone else? When will you make the effort to encourage someone this week? It may not come naturally for you. So what. We only become better at things we are willing to practice at. Start practicing now even though it may be awkward or uncomfortable. Find the joy in where you are at in life.

The nomadic life

Ever feel like a nomad? What I mean is that feeling you can have of not really belonging somewhere or that you may be just be passing through. That's how I feel recently. Which is a little strange since I have lived in Tulsa for almost 21 years now. I know... that's not exactly the normal nomadic life experience.

I've experienced this at least one other time in my life. It was over ten years ago when we looked into moving to Las Vegas. (My wife is starting to cringe at this point, wondering what new idea I have been thinking about. Change for me = exciting, change for her = stressful.) At that time our closest friends had just moved from Tulsa. We had done life with them for several years including starting our families and doing ministry together. I was thinking about changing professions at that point to pursue some things I am passionate about. It was one of those times in life where we didn't really have any strong connections holding us here. Long story made short, we didn't move then. There was another plan for us here at that time. Things for us to experience and a place for us to serve.

I have some of those same feelings now. The connections over the last couple of years have changed. I am in a space in my life where I am in transition. I wonder what I am being prepared for in life? Maybe it is a move to somewhere else. Maybe it is a change in my community and who I get the chance to invest in. Maybe it is my plate being cleared for new opportunities to serve. Maybe it is God just asking if I am willing to go where He is leading. I don't really know right now, but I am learning to lean into God more. Seeking out what He is planning. I feel like a nomad waiting to see where I am heading next.

The funny thing is that I think that is how we are supposed to live anyway. Holding loosely to what is around us so that we can be ready to serve wherever. I long for deeply established friendships, a place to serve wholeheartedly, and knowing what the plan is, but God seems to be saying "trust me". I wonder where this is leading? A little exciting and a little nervous. What is the next step in this adventure called life?

Excuse me...your selfishness is showing

Ever notice how kids pretty much think the world revolves around them? They want something and they don't really try to hide the fact. When a three year old is throwing a temper tantrum, it is pretty obvious that they aren't getting want they want. The sad part is I don't think we really out grow that. We may get better at disguising it because who really wants to see a 35 year old screaming and kicking on the ground because they didn't get their way. But don't people still do this, only in more subtle ways.

The thing with selfishness is that it is pretty easy to identify when we see it. We notice when somebody is looking out for number one and is willing to throw anyone else under the bus who gets in their way. We see the climber who is trying to make sure that he gets the most toys and not let anyone take any of his away. We know when a person has an agenda that is about themselves even when they try to hide it under some noble cause. Because selfishness is easy to spot.

Ever walk out after using the restroom and leave your fly down? You may not notice it for awhile, but I can guarantee you that those around you have. You happily go about what you are doing exposed to the world. Maybe someone will finally tell you that you pants are unzipped (a good friend would), but most likely they will let you discover it on your own. Unfortunately that is how we treat our selfishness as well. We walk around with our selfishness hanging out and no one bothers to correct us. I mean let's face it, telling someone they are being selfish isn't exactly a fun conversation to have. We will just let them figure it out on their own rather than risk having an uncomfortable conversation.

If you see my selfishness showing (or that I forgot to zip my pants for that matter), please tell me. It may be a little awkward, but I would rather know than be walking around exposed to the world. My pants being unzipped may be a little embarrassing, but it is an accident. Being selfish is a choice that is wrong and needs to be corrected. Can we stop being so polite and just start helping each other? So before you head out into the world today remember to check your fly and also make a choice to be selfless instead of selfish. Not always easy to live out, but the reality is that the world doesn't revolve around you anymore today than it did when you were three.

Guidelines on being yourself

Be yourself... and here are the guidelines of what that means. Does that seems a little contradictory to you? That's the realization of what I've been trying to do. Oh, I don't come out and tell someone that exactly. It is a little more subtle than that. See I have an idea of how I want things to be and how I want people to fit into that role. I set expectations in my mind of how a conversation will go or how a person should respond or how I want someone to act and then when they don't I am frustrated or angry or disappointed. See they didn't fit into the guidelines of what I had created.

We are attracted to those differences in each other and then we try change them. We talk about celebrating diversity, but then we try to fit everyone into the same mold as us. See I understand myself so I want others to fit into that same mold. This is how I would respond, so if you respond the same way I can understand that. When there are differences, it creates tension. It means you have to work harder at understanding that person. It means you might have different ways of handling conflict or ways you express gratitude or ways you process your thoughts. When they are different than what I expect, that means either I can be dogmatic and insist you change to my style or I have to work at understanding you.

So that is where I am at. I am working at accepting people and enjoying them for who they are right now. Not who I want them to be or even who they could be, but just as they are currently. I'm not going to lie and tell you that I am even kind of good at doing it or that it is easy for me. But I will keep trying. See to do anything else means I give into my selfish side. The side that has to have it MY way. The part of me that is egotistical enough to think that MY way is always the best way because it is mine. It may mean that part of what I want, I don't get. But you know I recall hearing somewhere that life isn't suppose to be about me. Sometimes that is hard to hear and it is definitely hard to live out. So around me, be yourself. We may be different and I might not ever understand you, but I want to celebrate the amazing way you were created.

I guess a large "but" is in order here. (Really I just wanted to write large butt in a sentence.) Being yourself doesn't mean that there aren't areas where we need to change. We need to grow and be challenged. Sometimes we need to hear that from others and we can't hide behind the easy out of "that is just the way I am". This isn't about being tolerant, but learning to love others. Sometimes loving another person means telling them the hard truth. Loving someone else means I have their best interest in mind. It doesn't mean having it my way. So are you loving well or just wanting it your way? Tough question to answer sometimes. It can reveal part of us that we don't like to see. Want to know how you are doing in loving others? Ask them. If they tell you aren't loving them well, don't argue with their answers and try to explain why you are. Take it in and learn how to love them. It is tough and may mean you give up some of what you want, but isn't that what loving them means... putting their interest above yours?

Comparison factor

What is the difference between comparing myself to someone else and being challenged by their example? I often think - I want to be like that or be able to do that, but I am not like that. Often times comparison can make me bitter, but someones example makes me better. I'm not sure I always distinguish the difference between the two very well though. When I try to measure up to someone else, I see the gap between us. I compare what they have to what I don't have. I become bitter because my focus is on what I don't have. But I am inspired and challenged by incredible examples. I think the difference is my focus. Comparison focuses on the differences between us, while when I am challenged the focus is on where I want to end up.

I am extremely fortunate to be surrounded by some people who set the bar high in their lives. Their examples constantly challenge me. They challenge me to be a better husband, a better dad, to be a better leader, and most importantly to pursue a life that reflects Jesus more. Do you find yourself comparing yourself to others? My guess is that probably means you either think more highly of yourself than you should or not highly enough of the way God created you. This verse stood out to me this morning as I was reading through Galatians.

"Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best that you can with your own life." (Galatians 6:4-5, The Message)

Are you doing your creative best with your life? Your creativity isn't dependent on anyone else's. Be challenged by the examples around you and celebrate them, then go do your creative best to live it out.

And the journey continues...

What makes you better in the various roles in your life? Being a husband and dad are two huge roles in my life that I love, but they take work. Being selfless doesn't come naturally for me and it requires a lot of that it both of those roles as well as any other relationships you have. As Lisa and I were discussing things last night (one of my favorite parts of the day) I shared a connection that I made in mind yesterday. For me to do those roles well, I need to be involved in investing in others and being a part of a community that does life with me. I know some people could spend 24/7 with their families and love it and be perfectly content, but I am actually better at loving my family when I have other relationships in my life. This last season has been tough for me in that area because I haven't had much of either of those things.

Let me back up a little. For the last 10 years, I have spent time investing in some incredible guys. I didn't have a clue what I was doing when I started meeting with Dayton and Josh ten years ago. That was okay though because they didn't know what it was suppose to look like either. We figured it out as we went. And I continued figuring out with Mark, David, Raymond, Ryan, Kyle and Cohen. Incredible guys who stretched me. Countless conversations about life. Lots of laughter. Some tears. Some challenging times. Some mountain top times. An opportunity for me to invest in someone else. A chance to learn to be a little less selfish and love those guys where they were at. I still love hanging out with each of those guys and hearing what is going in their lives. Getting to see the way their lives are being shaped. They are each very different, but I love that diversity and creativity. Some I don't get to see as frequently now as others. That's part of life that rubs me the wrong way. I want to be able to hang with each of them and see how they continue to grow, but now we just get to only occasionally catch up. I haven't found that next person to invest in and miss that. I miss being challenged to be better by pouring into someone else. As frustrating as it can be at times, I also know it helps make me a better husband and dad.

Another area of my life that has always been a high priority is having guys in my life who know the real me. I need some guys who know me beyond the surface. Guys who can challenge me. Guys who can call me out when my words and actions don't meet. On Sunday, even before Brian issued his challenged, I was wondering who I could ask if there are inconsistencies in my life between what I say I believe and how I actually live my life. (Brian was teaching on our lives bearing fruit. Also a nice illustration about our lives being like a sponge as well.) See that is a question you have to ask someone who is deeply involved in your life if you want any helpful feedback. It has to be someone you are doing life together with. The person who sees you at your best and maybe more importantly at your worse. See we can hide the worst part from most people. If you see someone for a couple of hours once a week, it is easy to appear normal. The thing is I know I am not normal. I have strengths and weaknesses. We all do. It is when I have other guys investing in life with me that those strengths can accomplish a lot more and my weaknesses are supported by them. I don't think we were meant to do life by ourselves, but that is how most of us choose to do it. Community, like mentoring, takes a lot of work. It is inconvenient. It is messy. There are some awesome moments and some not so awesome times. I have been lucky enough to have some incredible guys as part of my life for different seasons of life. Brian A., Shane, Chris E., Boyd, Jeff, Chris G., Brian J., Joe, Lane and Joel... guys who have all helped shaped who I am today. Some for longer seasons of life than others, but each making my life better. With most of those guys I could still jump into the middle of a conversation with them as if no time had passed. All of them are great dudes. But most of them couldn't answer the question about if there are inconsistencies in my life because we aren't currently doing life together.

That is where it connected last night. I need to be investing in someone and living life within a community. I know it isn't earth shattering news or even rocket science, but those things make me better and maybe a little less selfish. Now the tough part is finding those people. Who else wants to commit to the sometimes messy process of doing life together? It will require work and dealing with challenging people like me. Doing life together can't be faked. It becomes apparent rather quickly if your words and actions don't match. That is the good and bad of being that involved in someone else's life. Transparency removes most of our hiding places which can be scary, but it can also be awesome. And the journey continues as I look for those people in this new season of life.

Control and other myths

What do you do when your plans are totally thrown out the window? Do you shut down and refuse to go forward? Do you never plan anything to begin with so you don't even notice? Do you adapt and find a new way to start moving again to where you were originally headed? Some days (or weeks or months or maybe even years) don't go according to how we envisioned them at the start. A day that is turned upside down because of a meltdown by one of your kids or a flat tire or an unexpected snowstorm happens to all of us. Usually they are annoying at worst, but not really any long term damage, a hiccup to your day. But how do you handle the major detours in life... a job that ceases to exist, a test that comes back that your doctor wants to take a little closer look at, a relationship that just ends? What do you do then? Do you have to be the one in control?

We seem to fool ourselves a lot of the time. We think we have our lives managed and going according to our plans. What if our plans aren't really where we are headed? What if the place you are at now is where you are meant to stay and you had plans to move forward? What if the way you see things playing out isn't close to the way God has planned? How loosely do you hold on to your plan and realize that there may be a different plan coming that you hadn't anticipated? Are you flexible? Can you be wrong? I know some people who are so sure of everything (well at least that it is how it appears), but I wonder what happens when things change for them.

Change is inevitable. So what are going to do with the unexpected today?

Lifeboat

Which person are you in the lifeboat? Wait, you didn't know you you part of the lifeboat? Maybe I should say, which person are you more important than? Now I know that doesn't sound right, but that is what happens almost every day. We make judgements on who is important, based on such important things as how well they can jump and put a ball through a hoop or how they look or how much money they have or if their opinion on politics line up with ours. We make snap decisions of how valuable someone is based on truly stupid things. We want to be on the lifeboat so we are willing to throw someone else over in order for us to secure our place. Ever think something like this - at least I'm not as bad as______ (fill in the blank with the gossip, the adulterer, the person who looks different, the person who does really bad things, whatever), then you have bought into the lifeboat mentality. For me to be safe and accepted, then someone has to go overboard. Someone less important. Someone not as lovable and accepted as me. Someone who doesn't bring as much to the table as I do. Sounds pretty egotistical doesn't it? But isn't that what we do more often than not. We want to judge who gets in and establish who is important. So how does that reconcile with our call to love one another? Hard to say that I truly love someone when I am keeping a tally sheet of who ranks as worthy enough.

Boil it down to the bottom line and I know that I am not worthy enough. God loves me not because of who I am, but because of who He is. I deserve to be the one thrown overboard, but somehow there is enough room for me. See He doesn't operate on the lifeboat mentality. There aren't 3 easy steps to follow to be in. There aren't 4 qualities I have to have to be lovable enough. He loves me exactly where I am at. Take a moment and really wrap your mind around that thought. No social ladder to climb, to club to join by knowing the right buzz words, no getting in because I can do something that someone else can't...I am loved, period. Now that is what we are suppose to demonstrate when we love one another. So how are you doing? Are you willing to give up your lifeboat?

Not a thing I would change

Change isn't bad. Matter of fact, I am one of those strange people who actually likes change. Not change just for change sake, but when it makes a difference. But I've decided there might be a change that isn't so good... the change we try to make in others so that they will be more like us. When we try to mold or change others to fit what we think they should be we lose part of who they were created to be. We mess with God's creativity and think we can improve on it. Changing someone to fit our ideal rarely works. Not only that, but sometimes what we think we want, isn't really what we need.

I've realized I have been trying to change the wrong things. Recently I've struggled with how I've perceived a friendship. I felt wronged and that they weren't trying. Looking at it again, I realized that maybe they aren't what needs to change, but maybe my attitude and perception may be what needs to be changed. See I've looked at what I am getting out of it, but really the focus should be what I can put into the friendship. The fact is that is what we often do with our relationship with God and how we perceive the church. We feel that the worship isn't meeting our needs or that people just don't care enough about us so we make a change and leave for somewhere else. The problem is that usually doesn't change anything about the situation, but only the location. If my focus becomes about serving someone else, and not trying to change them, then I can enjoy that relationship to the fullest. When it becomes about me, then no change is really going to ever fulfill what I want. When I get what I think I wanted, then it changes to something else that will meet that need. When I am focused on others, then I get to experience the joy of serving them and can quit trying to change the world.

I heard the song "Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars today. Ever time I hear that song I think of my wife. The chorus says:

"When I see your face

There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are"

It is true that my wife is amazing just the way she is and I am incredible lucky to have someone who accepts me just the way I am... because I know how screwed up I am and definitely not the easiest person to live with. I get to see the way she serves and loves others every day. Don't know if the world stops and stares at her for awhile, but they should. That is how we are suppose to live life. She is amazing and there's not a thing that I would change. Wonder if that is how God sees each of us? Amazing in the way he created us.

Risk and reward

How do you risk? Not asking specifically what you are risking (we will get to that), but how you approach risk? Are you the type to wade in just a little bit and test the waters? Do you have to know you will most likely succeed before you risk anything? Does fear of failure keep you from wholeheartedly jumping in to risk? Read on Steven Furtick's blog today about "drowning in the kiddie pool" when it comes to risk. If you are going to fail, and it is possibility, then do you want to fail trying something small (the kiddie pool) or jumping in the middle of the deep end? You might fail at either, but aren't some risks worth taking? The little risk doesn't accomplish much. Matter of fact, couldn't a cautious, tentative, "little" risk be insulting to God? Doesn't it say to God that we really don't think he is capable? We want to manage the risk, keep it controllable. But controllable by who? By what we can do or what God has in mind to accomplish?

Big risk equals big reward. It might mean big failure too. But I think I would rather try something big and fail, than sit on the sidelines and do nothing. God doesn't accept us on our success rate, but instead He wants us to trust Him. If you have ever done a "trust fall" at camp or something similar, that is what God is asking of us. He wants our trust, not how successful we are by ourselves. Trust is the key to a relationship. It is hard to have much of relationship if you don't trust the other person. Think about it... if you can't trust someone how much faith do you have in them? You can say all of the right words, but you probably aren't willing to risk much for them. So how do you risk? Are you willing to risk for the important or does you pride, or fear of failure, or ego, or selfishness, or comfortableness keep you from risking big?

This morning I got to see someone take a risk. He jumped into a conversation with me (always a risky thing) and laid some hard things out there to discuss. There was a chance it could fail. He could have been rejected. I could have gotten angry and attacked who he is. He took a risk on our friendship. See trust is always a risky thing. Trust gives up the control. Transparency can be a risky thing, but the reward can be awesome. I appreciate that he was willing to jump in the middle of the deep end and not just be content to stay in the kiddie pool. The shallow end was a choice he had, but man, what do you miss by staying in the ankle deep water? Never heard someone describe a great friend as someone who was willing to wade into the shallow for them. No, usually that is the person who is willing to ride the waves of both the good and the bad. Some things are worth taking a risk for. What are you willing to take a risk on?

Truth you NEED to hear but may not WANT to hear

What do you think? Read the following on Grant English's blog (www.grantenglish.com) yesterday related to MLK Jr:

Speaking spiritual truth to audiences that
NEED to hear it but don't WANT to
hear it is at the heart of good pastoral
leadership. Love your enemies
is a nice, pithy saying until there is a
face to it. Putting faces and edges on this
truth so that it can
easily be understood and applied is vital for spiritual
development.
Smaller communities will keep us accountable. But the pastor that paints
an unforgettable image of what obeying spiritual truth looks like gives that
community a place to
stand. King did this not just for a church, but
for a nation. "I have a dream..."
gave an entire nation a clear
picture of what the spiritual truth of unity COULD
look like. What
almost goes forgotten 50 years later is that King spoke to both
white and
black audiences who did NOT want to hear this
TRUTH.

So are you willing to speak the truth that NEEDS to be heard or are you going to tell them what they WANT to hear? How about on the receiving end of it? Will you hear the TRUTH and be moved or will you reject anything that isn't what you WANT to hear? Truth is truth no matter where we hear it or who says it. We can't choose to not listen simply because it isn't what we want to hear or from someone we don't want to hear it from. What spiritual truths are you choosing to ignore because you don't WANT to hear it? Who is keeping you accountable to the TRUTH? Are you listening and watching as it is painted for you so that you will know where to stand? The TRUTH is still relevant 50, 100, or 2000 years later. Seek it out today.

Now that is a calling

I've been reading in Hosea recently. If you don't know the story, here is my summary of it. God tells Hosea to go find the sluttiest (Is that a word?) whore in the country and marry her. He also tells Hosea that she will betray him after they are married and, oh by the way, keep taking her back. They are to name their children exciting names like No-Mercy and Nobody to make a point. See God wanted Israel to understand what His relationship was like with them. They keep betraying Him and taking up with the latest "it" thing.

Now imagine that God tells you this upfront. This is your calling. This is what God wants you to do with your life. Who is ready to sign up? The strange thing is that Hosea does it. He marries Gomer (again you have to love God's sense of humor) and continues to love and serve her even when she betrays him.

I have a lot of friends that are in ministry as a profession and others that are neck deep in serving in the Church. The term "calling" is often thrown about as they try to determine what God wants for their life. But after reading Hosea, it confirms again to me that it isn't about our lives, but what it reveals about God. Our callings aren't always meant to move us to something bigger and better. We may be called to serve in the same ministry without being noticed for 20 years. We may be called to step down from the position we are in and serve in a way that means less pay for us so that it glorifies Him. What would you say to friend that told you he was called to marry a prostitute? Yeah, I would probably try to talk him out of it also or have him locked up for his own good. But who are we to tell God how He is suppose to do it? Check your calling and see it is bringing glory and praise to God or if it is about you? Not all callings are to be the king like David. Some may have you serving the lowest of the low without much appreciation in this lifetime.

Take the time to read some of the stories in the Bible from a new perspective. Imagine you are the one God asks to do some of the wild stuff that Moses or Joshua or David did. Now ask yourself what crazy stuff he is asking you to do right now because he has an incredible story planned for you as well. You might get to be a king, but you might also be asked to do something not quite as glamorous.

Cravings

What do you crave? What is it that you can't wait to have. Maybe you have felt like you were starving and couldn't wait to eat (we hear this frequently at our house, even though they have no clue even what being really hunger is like); maybe it is being married and all that provides; maybe it is for a sleek, new ______ (fill in the blank with the latest technological wonder, toy, car, whatever); maybe it is sweets or a beer. The thing is you know what it means to crave something. The thing that hit me this weekend is that we are suppose to crave righteousness like that. In Matthew 5:6 it says "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied." All of those other things that we crave, don't totally satisfy us. Oh, they may for a period of time, but they don't fully satisfy us. I don't know about you but I don't often think about craving righteousness. Maybe when I felt I've been wronged, but even then righteousness probably doesn't best describe what I want. What does someone who hungers for righteousness look like? Righteousness is one of those words we want to make harder than it is. To me righteousness boils down to doing the next right thing. We want to argue and debate what the next right thing is. If we make it hard enough to accomplish or understand then we can justify not doing anything. So what does someone who is pursuing righteousness look like... maybe content? When we have done what we know to be right, we are content. We don't have to rationalize our actions or worry that we will be caught shading the truth. Righteousness, though not always easy to live out because of selfishness, is very satisfying. Try it for a day or if you are really brave a week. Hunger for righteousness and doing that next right thing. It may be a challenging week, but I bet it will be more satisfying than the latest "thing" you are currently craving.

Something new is starting

Do you make resolutions for the new year?

I love the start of a new year. It feels fresh and clean... that anything is possible. I know it is just another day on the calendar and that we can make resolutions on May 16th as well as on January 1st. Resolutions aren't limited to right now, but there is something for me about the beginning of a new year and thinking of the possibilities that lay ahead. Whatever went wrong or the tough times in the last year are behind us. What lays in front of us is hope. Hope of what will be. The possibilities are endless. Good things await... things we can look forward to. Starting at the beginning is exciting to see what will unfold during the next year.

But do we remember the good things from the year that just passed? Do you take the time to see what went right or take a moment to think about what you learned this last year? See sometimes before we hope for what is to come we need to stop and remember where we have been. The experiences, the relationships, the changes of last year are shaping what you hope for. How does your past year shape what your resolutions are this year?

All that being said, I haven't really made any resolutions yet this year. I am still learning what joy looks like and how it is shaping my view of what lays ahead. Who knows, maybe my resolutions will start in March this year or August. The timing doesn't really matter, but our attitude does. Learn from where you have been and take that and move forward. We can't change anything about 2010 now, but 2011 is full of potential. What are you going to do with your potential in this next year? So I'm curious, what did you learn in 2010? Any particular resolutions you are making now?