Guidelines on being yourself

Be yourself... and here are the guidelines of what that means. Does that seems a little contradictory to you? That's the realization of what I've been trying to do. Oh, I don't come out and tell someone that exactly. It is a little more subtle than that. See I have an idea of how I want things to be and how I want people to fit into that role. I set expectations in my mind of how a conversation will go or how a person should respond or how I want someone to act and then when they don't I am frustrated or angry or disappointed. See they didn't fit into the guidelines of what I had created.

We are attracted to those differences in each other and then we try change them. We talk about celebrating diversity, but then we try to fit everyone into the same mold as us. See I understand myself so I want others to fit into that same mold. This is how I would respond, so if you respond the same way I can understand that. When there are differences, it creates tension. It means you have to work harder at understanding that person. It means you might have different ways of handling conflict or ways you express gratitude or ways you process your thoughts. When they are different than what I expect, that means either I can be dogmatic and insist you change to my style or I have to work at understanding you.

So that is where I am at. I am working at accepting people and enjoying them for who they are right now. Not who I want them to be or even who they could be, but just as they are currently. I'm not going to lie and tell you that I am even kind of good at doing it or that it is easy for me. But I will keep trying. See to do anything else means I give into my selfish side. The side that has to have it MY way. The part of me that is egotistical enough to think that MY way is always the best way because it is mine. It may mean that part of what I want, I don't get. But you know I recall hearing somewhere that life isn't suppose to be about me. Sometimes that is hard to hear and it is definitely hard to live out. So around me, be yourself. We may be different and I might not ever understand you, but I want to celebrate the amazing way you were created.

I guess a large "but" is in order here. (Really I just wanted to write large butt in a sentence.) Being yourself doesn't mean that there aren't areas where we need to change. We need to grow and be challenged. Sometimes we need to hear that from others and we can't hide behind the easy out of "that is just the way I am". This isn't about being tolerant, but learning to love others. Sometimes loving another person means telling them the hard truth. Loving someone else means I have their best interest in mind. It doesn't mean having it my way. So are you loving well or just wanting it your way? Tough question to answer sometimes. It can reveal part of us that we don't like to see. Want to know how you are doing in loving others? Ask them. If they tell you aren't loving them well, don't argue with their answers and try to explain why you are. Take it in and learn how to love them. It is tough and may mean you give up some of what you want, but isn't that what loving them means... putting their interest above yours?