Tuesday, May 12, 2009
The in between
I envy those people who see life as black and white. The answers are clear to them and they don't appear to have any doubts. They speak with confidence and offer little room for debate. I, however, live somewhere in the gray. I think, well kind of sort of understand it, but then again I could be wrong - that is where my thoughts shake out a lot of times. There are certain things I believe very strongly even though I don't totally understand them. I know my faith is solid, but sometimes I don't have answers for people. I am okay with that most of the time because I don't have to have it all figured out. That's not my job. I am a questioner. The black and white doesn't always settle things for me. One person's opinion doesn't make it true even when they are very confident in their thoughts. I often see things from a different perspective and wonder how people never question some things or seem to have no room for other possibilities. Maybe they do question and I just don't see it, but those who appear to have black and white answers on most issues seem foreign to me. I have some friends who are that way. Life seems to be laid out in a straight line for them. Life for me seems to be more like a puzzle, trying different pieces together to finally see the big picture. I may end up at the same conclusion as them, but I have to explore a little more to get there. Maybe I question too much, maybe they don't question enough. Maybe that is why we need a little of both types in our lives. I don't understand my black and white friends, but I love the certainty they bring to the table. Sometimes I need that concrete answer when I am off wondering through the gray things that don't really matter. It is an interesting mix in my life. One I don't always understand, but am glad that it exists anyways. What about you? Are you more "black and white" or somewhere in between?
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I kind of fall back on Bell when he said (paraphrased) that the challenge of the christian is to hold onto truth while leaving room for mystery and discovery, and the realization that i dont have it all figured out.
In my experience i am beyond the idea that there is no truth. Or even that truth is only personal, and changes from person to person or culture to culture. I think there are non essentials, or personal truths that change from person to person, culture to culture etc. And in those differences there is a lot of beauty, because it makes us different. Im ok with that.
But I cant get beyond the idea that there is something very core to being a human being that we all share. If you want to use the word universal or absolute, I have no problem with that. But mainly that people have value. This seems universal to me.
And so i hold on to stuff like that. As a believer in Jesus, I derive that value as it is reflected through the mirror of my faith. Jesus, shows me my value. And everyones value for that matter. In that sense I believe there is truth.
I think that specifics are often hard to get to sometimes. There are freedoms that exist, that may be different from person to person based on their experience, background, need... etc. I also think there are mysteries I am never going to be able to wrap my head around, like how can there be a Sovereign God who sees and knows all, past present and future, and also that i am working in some kind of freedom, even doing some crazy unGodly things sometimes, and yet, in Christ, I have been and am continuing to have his Grace. And so sometimes I add to the chaos of the world, in a tragic way, but his promise is that the chaos will be brought into something more beautiful as we go. All of that, even as I am called to conciously stay in Christ.... to put away the chaos.... and start living the beauty.... I can't get my head around that.
I think this is what it means to be a human being. There is fog out there that I am having to fight through all the time to try and live this life. But by faith, its all a process.... working out the Black and White, in the context of a Gray understanding. Sometimes the Gray understanding, is because there are things that are really Gray.... Freedom for those whose conscience allows. But sometimes my Gray understanding is simply because i am not God and I cant get it all. And so I am called to Live... not necessarily understand.
Those are my thoughts. its kind of where i am on stuff right now. Its kind of mind blowing when you think too much about it. And sometimes it gives me a headache and makes me a little woozie.
Jamie
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