Today has been one of those whirlwind days - started early and has been controlled chaos at best for the rest of the day. I think as each year goes by I become less and less concerned with trying to control the situation. I am learning that control is often an illusion most of the time anyways. I can control only one thing - me (and sometimes I wonder if I even have much say in that). In high school and through my early 20s, I was a manipulator. As I was once described, I was the "puppet master behind the scenes". I could "control" most situations. Being in control though requires a lot of effort and also tends to put people on the defensive once they realize what is going on. I still have those urges sometimes to manipulate the situation, to try to get someone to behave the way I want them to. Bottom line is that "control freaks" are selfish. Things have to be their way or they aren't satisfied. To me that is the opposite of what I want to be. It is hard to serve in humility and be content when you are trying to always have it your way. I have had several situations lately that have presented the choice for me to either try to manipulate the person or accept them where they are at right now. Not always the easiest choice for me, but hopefully I get it right more often than not.Random note - I am going to pick up this book sometime in the future. It is called "Narcissistic leaders" by Michael Maccoby. It talks about personality types of leaders and how they can be either productive or disruptive. The four types of leaders it describes are as follows:- Erotic - They are driven by loving and being loved.
- Obsessive - They live by the rules, and the rules are set by some higher authority
- Marketing - They sense what the market wants and needs and then conforms to it.
- Narcissist - They impress us as a personality who disrupts the status quo and brings about change
Most people are usually a combination of these. My guess is that I am an Erotic-Narcissist. How cool of a description is that? I like to challenge the status quo often and have a high need to love and be loved. Pretty much the opposite of the Obsessive and am usually upsetting them by questioning all of the rules.
1 comment:
I remember being an erotic narcissist in my teenage years. Ok, it lasted well into my adult and married life. And I know people who are in recovery for that very thing. But that's probably not what they're talking about.
However, in the leadership world that is probably my best combo of the 4. I think there is a natural antagonism between the disrupter (Narcissist) and the rule follower (Obsessive). i think I have a hint of Marketing. I think I am pretty good at sensing the market (when Im not driving the ship, or when its not my market per se...), but Im not a big fan of conforming to the needs. I can see how thats somewhat necessary in the business world, but I think in the Family world the sensitivity has to be used for guidance, like a father. I can see the necessity to pull it together in a way that it becomes palatable. Sometimes you have to live in the world of people to try and guide them into a better world.
As far as the control/manipulate thing goes. I agree that I am more and more coming to realize that the control that I have is minimal at best. Not to say that it's not a struggle when I really really want it to work out "my way". But my life lesson seems to be that even the choices I make are influenced by everything in my past, present and my perception of the future. Somehow, someway there is this ability to step off into things, always with this swirl of Stuff going on around it. Sometimes life looks like chaos, but I think there is a bigger hand, or a thread of direction happening in the chaos. But its not my thing. To take something and "make it happen" from my perspective is an illusion I think. Rather, I think Im supposed to join the thing that is directing the show.
Clarification: The way of Jesus, as best as I can understand His way, helps me to make sure I am not joining the wrong side.
Thats me.
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