Good question - wish I had an answer

Brian's comment that he left on my blog titled "What is community?" raised some good questions that I am not sure that I have answers for. How do you teach people, especially guys, to have friendships with depth? Which is part of what being in community is about. Most guys that I know would fit the term "relationally retarded" as Brian described it. Once you finish talking about sports, work, their hobby if they have one, girls (which may be their hobby especially in high school/college) then you are pretty much left with talking about the weather. I understand that not everyone you meet will produce in-depth conversation, but I do think everyone should be able to talk in-depth to someone. Guys generally just don't get how to talk about things that matter because it means they have to mentally or emotionally put themselves on the line which require trust and vulnerability. How do they learn to have community? By seeing it? I don't know if that works. I think we are pretty good consumers (watching it in front of us) but don't often put into practice that knowledge. Why do you think so many Christians have the head knowledge (can tell you what you should do), but fail to practically live it out? We consume lots of information so I don't think that just seeing it lived out in front of someone will really teaches them community. Honestly I think it requires someone investing heavily in another person to truly get what community means. That is why I question whether you can structure a group to produce community. I think that framework may open the possibility to community but rarely will it produce it within that group. Most people don't know what true community looks like so seeing it may produce a desire for it, but then we have the responsibility to take it deeper. I have lead several small groups over the years. Those groups can be fun and have a purpose but rarely does it produce consistent in-depth conversations. What they do provide though is a place for me to start investing deeper with a couple of specific people. That is when community starts happening in my mind. I can only think of twice in my life when I was able to go deep in conversation and be transparent with another guy quickly. Most of the time it has happened over years and with intentional thought into taken those friendships deeper. So what's the answer? Investing in people over time and learning to trust each other. With those things come the community that I think a lot of people long for. No quick fix, but consistency over time. Sorry to break it to you, but your Facebook friends probably won't be there for you when things get tough and you need to be real with someone. A few might, but it will be the ones who have invested in you. What do you think? How do you learn to have real friendship that will last over time?