Investing in other's lives build relationships. Real success is the relationships we build, the lives we touch, the people we love and those who invest in our lives. Give yourself away to others and you will find yourself in community. It's all about the people. That is your legacy.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Freeze-frame moment
This morning while I was heading into work (After stopping by Jamba Juice to the start the morning off right and where I also got an extra $10 put on my gift card. It pays to stop in there regularly and now they usually don't even have to ask my name for the order either. Yeah, I stop there that frequently.) I heard the song "If Today Was Your Last Day" by Nickelback and it caught my attention. One of the lines says "each day is a gift and not a given right", another one says "what's worth the price is always worth the fight", another line says "every second counts cause there's no second try so live it like you're never living twice" and finally the chorus has these lines "could your say goodbye to yesterday" and "would you live each moment like your last". Dang! Isn't that how we should be living? Treating each moment as something special. Instead we fly through those moments and opportunities thinking we will maybe slow down for them tomorrow or when we have the time. Spoiler alert - we never have more time nor are we guaranteed that we will have the chance for that moment again. What would your day look like if you did treat it like it was your last day? Today seems like as good as time as any other to adjust our mindset and start enjoying the gift we have today. Enjoy the rest of your day!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
The cost of change
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Erotic Narcissist - you know you're curious
Random note - I am going to pick up this book sometime in the future. It is called "Narcissistic leaders" by Michael Maccoby. It talks about personality types of leaders and how they can be either productive or disruptive. The four types of leaders it describes are as follows:
- Erotic - They are driven by loving and being loved.
- Obsessive - They live by the rules, and the rules are set by some higher authority
- Marketing - They sense what the market wants and needs and then conforms to it.
- Narcissist - They impress us as a personality who disrupts the status quo and brings about change
Most people are usually a combination of these. My guess is that I am an Erotic-Narcissist. How cool of a description is that? I like to challenge the status quo often and have a high need to love and be loved. Pretty much the opposite of the Obsessive and am usually upsetting them by questioning all of the rules.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Walk carefully
The thing is that if you are spending all of your time avoiding the eggshells then I am guessing that group won't last long. High maintenance can wear people out. Drama at every turn will lead to people abandoning the idea, even if it is a great idea, because it can "literally" drain your energy and hope for accomplishing anything. I have discovered that I like to stomp on eggshells. Not intentionally most of the time, but I like to question things. Challenge to see if there is a better way to do things. For me that means, I need to be aware that not all people are at the same spot as me. Practically it means that I can be the one who is okay with my ideas being changed, seeing the value in another person's slight adjustments or even if my ideas are totally scrapped. I can't change how another person deals with things, but I can help set the tone of a discussion by how I respond. How do you create a safe place to discuss things and challenge each other without worrying about walking on eggshells?
Friday, May 22, 2009
Thoughts from the week
- I like when people leave comments on the things that I write here. It makes it feel more like an on-going conversation than a totally random rant on my part. I like to hear what thoughts it prompts for you. (Thanks Jamie for making it feel more that way than it ever has before. Love the insights! Keep them coming.)
- Working with high school students, I often wonder if they "get it" before they graduate and leave to go do their thing. It was refreshing to hear a couple of our former students talk this last Wednesday night about their first year of college and how they have grown during it. Fits nicely with the discussions about the vision statement that the youth ministry team has been working on.
- Have had a busy week hanging out with several of the college students who are back in town. Love reconnecting and hearing about what is going on in their lives. I don't get to stay in touch with most of them to the degree I would like, but it is good to hang out with them and have some fun while they are briefly back in town.
- Received the following statement in an e-mail this week - "Pretty much anything worth doing sucks at times." This was encouraging for me. There are things that mean a lot to me, but that can also be really tough at the same time. Is it worth fighting through the garbage? Yeah, most of the time it is worth it, even thought it may suck to get through parts of it. Big picture is what I need to focus on, not the details of the moment.
- Looking forward to some fun coming up in the next several weeks. Chris and Andrea and the fam will be here for a couple of days. Get to go and party with an awesome one year old. Going to start meeting with a couple of different groups of guys for the summer. Move conference in Colorado is only about a month away. Then we get to head the other direction for some beach time in Florida. Lots of good things coming in the next couple of months. Woo hoo!
- Got the chance to visit with my friend who lives in Vegas for awhile this week. Always good to touch base with him as I have looked up to him for a long time. Also a good reminder of the high quality friends that we are surround by. In Hebrews it talks about being surround by a great cloud of witnesses, those who accomplished great things through their faith. I see that same faith lived out in our friends. Our own personal cloud of witnesses. (I don't know if that is theologically sound, but it makes sense in my head.)
Enjoy the long weekend and take the chance to reflect on the good things that have been going on in your life.
Choosing to remember
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Boundaries - yes or no?
Life theme
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Learning
I want a do over
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Strength in diversity
Another thing that energizes me is hanging out with people (which usually involves asking questions). I love when my schedule is lined up with chances to spend time with friends. I can tell when I haven't had that outlet for awhile. I am hard wired to spend time involved with people on a deeper level. Not big groups, but people who I can talk to and find out about what is going on in their lives. I simply have a passion for that.
We all have things that define who we are. Those differences or quirks are what makes community so good for us. Energizing at times, frustrating at others. We learn to live with each other, finding those strengths and passions, and growing because we are different. I love the diversity in the people who make up my community. The one who is more radical than me, the one who calls for caution, the structured, the random, the seriousness, the funny, the encouragement, the challenge - the different extremes that make my life full. What an incredible mixture that lets us be even better as a group. That, to me, is what we are suppose to be as the Church. Not some select group of people who are completely in agreement with us. Diversity, tension, and humility in those differences can produce some tremendous chances for growth. What do you bring to the table - both good and bad? How does your personality, passions and weaknesses make your community richer? Who do you surround yourself with that is different from you?
I have the initials of the three guys who are the closest to me as part of my tattoo. The tattoo is a reminder of the community I have in my passion to strive on focusing on being centered on Christ. Those three guys are very different from each other and from me, but because of those guys my life is so much more than I thought possible. The strengths they have balance out my weaknesses, their passions cover things I might not think about, they see things from a different point of view than me, and I know that I am better because of that. Is there tension, do we disagree, do we challenge each other - absolutely, but I wouldn't change that. That diversity, centered around Jesus, makes them closer than I could have ever imagined. What does your community look like?
Monday, May 18, 2009
Humility in leadership
Like I said I see part of humility as looking out for the interest of others. So what happens when the people I lead have different interest than mine? Do I try to lead them to match my interest or do I adjust to look out for their interest first? A tough tension to manage sometimes. On Tony Morgan's blog he listed a couple of questions related to leadership that I was wondering how others would answer about me (this would be the interactive part of the blog).
- When people consider who I am as a leader, do they think "servant" first? (If not, what word do you think of first? It is okay to have a different answer. I am just trying to see it from a different perspective.)
- Am I pursuing my ambitions, or do I consider the interests of others? (Remember honesty is always the best policy. If it points out weaknesses in me that is good because if I don't know about them then I can't change them.)
Are you a servant-leader? (Reality is that we are all leading in some way.)
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Extreme yard makeover
Friday, May 15, 2009
Two thoughts, one blog
Now on to a totally unrelated thought. I am reading "Surprised by Hope" by N.T. Wright to discuss with a couple of friends of mine as we go through it. This is a tough book for me to read. I struggle with reading books that are heavy on the academics or philosophy since I tend to be a bottom line, how does this apply in the real life type person. (Probably explains why I didn't study very much in high school and college. Well, that and the fact there always seemed to be much more interesting things to do with my time than study.) So as I am struggling with reading through the finer points of the case he is laying out (Inside screaming you could have stated this in a paragraph and not taken an entire chapter to say it. I don't need all of the background to convince me.) when one of his points hits the mark with me. I think as Christians we have maybe once again focused on one small detail and missed the bigger picture. Christmas is probably the one time of the year that we as a church gear up for more than any other. We sing Christmas carols, have whole sermon series devoted to the birth of Christ and make it a six week celebration. Christ birth is significant, but not compared to how we treat Easter. Yeah, we focus on Easter, but not with the same enthusiasm and passion. It draws a big crowd for that one Sunday and we sing some really slow songs about it (aren't there any more upbeat songs that we can find for our Easter services?), but not much more emphasis is placed on it. Here is where the light bulb came on for me. The birth of Jesus is talked about in a couple of chapters in the Gospels, the resurrection is what the entire old testament is leading up to and what the rest of the new testament is based on. So what do we focus on? The couple of chapters of course. Much like how we pull our favorite verses out, but choose to ignore the other ones we don't like quite as much. If I get nothing else out of this book, at least it has adjusted my focus back to seeing where my hope as a Christian should be focused.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Things that I think, read and wonder about
- Read in the paper today that Tulsa ranks #1 in the nation in E.D. (erectile dysfunction). How exactly does this survey take place? Is this polled by the same people who also do elections? Wonder if that will be in any of the Oklahoma travel ads in the near future (OKC also ranked #6 so Oklahoma is well represented in this survey)? How exactly does this make the front page of the scene section of the newspaper? This is major news?
- Currently listening to some new stuff on my IPod these days. Most recent additions - Carolina Liar, We the Kings, Mayday Parade and Hoobastank. Also been listening to The Fray, Thriving Ivory,Cartel, Eric Hutchinson, O.A.R. and Jason Mraz this week. Any suggestions on some good new stuff?
- Also read in the paper today that Carlton Pearson is becoming the senior pastor at a church in Chicago that runs 6,000 members. Not even sure what to think about this - mostly sad that there are that many people who has similar beliefs as he has stated recently. (Reading the paper always provides some weird things to think about.)
- How is it that the moment I am about ready to give up on a friendship or step back from it that they make some effort that makes me rethink that? Is there some sort of built in radar that I am about to quit making any more attempts? Seriously, ask my wife. I will talk about how maybe I need to change focus or actually take steps to create some space there and then all of sudden they become proactive. The timing is strange to say the least.
- I usually like rainy days, but seriously. I think all of May has been rainy. A couple days of 75 degree temperatures and sunshine would be nice. Sometimes I think living in San Diego would be nice. Consistent sun and beautiful temperatures (not to mention the beach).
- What is it about elevators that prompt us to start conversations with complete strangers? Is it the fact that we are stuck in a small, confined area and that complete silence would be awkward? Maybe we need to figure out what it is so that we could generate it on Sunday mornings so that people would actually talk to the people around them that they don't know. Just trying to think outside the box here.
- My thoughts keep circling back to "The Unlikely Disciple" that I read a couple of weeks ago. How do we get to the place that we are willing to step into someone's shoes to better understand their perspective? We don't have to agree with them, but isn't this what it means to love them? Not love them when they reach the same conclusions as us, but where they are at right now. Can't help but think that as a Christian that is what I am suppose to be doing.
Those are some of my thoughts on another rainy Thursday. Maybe the lack of sun is finally getting to me. Trying to keep things interesting though.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Good question - wish I had an answer
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
The in between
Monday, May 11, 2009
What is community?
We had a discussion Sunday morning about community and why it is so hard to find. To me community is just another word for my circle of friends. The people that are there as we go through life together. Those people that I count on and that can count on me. My community is pretty diversified as far as personalities, where we met, how long I've known them, etc., but the key is that I trust them. That's the tough part and why I think most people don't really know what community is. To trust someone, you have to be vulnerable first. We usually go about it the wrong way. We want someone to prove themselves before we start to open up our lives to them. We sit back and wait for them to ask the right questions, to offer to meet a need they don't know about, to guess at what we are going through. If you want to be part of a real community, then it requires you to be willing to open your life up to someone else. You may get burned. I've been burned before and that makes it tougher the next time to trust, but man when you find that real community, it is so worth it! Friends who you can count on, friends who you can be real with and who can be real with you, friends you can laugh with, friends who you know have your best interest in mind. Who wouldn't want that?
Read a blog this morning with another thought about community in the Church. He asks some good questions. "Have we made people too reliant on the church for putting them in relationship with other people? Have we made people too reliant on the church for 'growing them' in their faith? Have we pulled people into relationships with other Christians at the expense of their relationships with people who need Jesus?" I have always found it awkward at best when we as the Church try to organize small groups, Life groups, whatever you want to call them for the purpose of building community. Where else in your life do you choose your friends like this? Let's all sign up with some random people we don't know so that you can share life with them. I don't think small groups are bad, but is a friendship really something you can just sign up for though? Doesn't it make more sense to give people opportunities that they can organize around? Find people who have similar passions and then start building a friendship. That's how it works most of the time outside of the church. Or find people you connect with and start doing things with them. Why do we feel the need to structure the way people build community? I do think there is immense value in being part of a community, I just question whether it is something you can manufacture by throwing people together in a room and calling it a small group.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Life as a secret agent
I had a friend tell me recently that I ought to be a therapist. I do like to listen to people, but kind of think that a therapist should be more mentally stable than I am. So what other career choices does your personality qualify you for? Any other suggestions on what might be a good match for me? Not that I am looking to change, but I find it interesting how other people view me. Their view is so different than from my perspective most of the time. Those differences in perspective are what make life so interesting.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
How to say "no"
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
People who are challenging
No compromises allowed
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
How do you connect?
What pleases God?
Sometimes I wonder if that is why serving others is so hard to do. It requires us to be about something other than ourselves. Even that we get wrong a lot of times because we see serving as a way to reflect how spiritual we are. All of the sudden what is suppose to be about focusing on others has become about what we get out of it. We help someone and look for the "thank you's" to validate what we did. Can we be content if no one knows what we do?
So back to where I started. What pleases God? Is it possible to please God without faith? Isn't that what we try to do. We focus on the things we can do and accomplish, but do you think God is waiting on us to start having faith in him and then we can really do something? What are you trying to do that you can't accomplish on your own? Are we living by faith as a church? At some point if you are living by faith, then you come to a jumping off point. That place where you aren't in control and you have to have faith. Are you pleasing God with your life?
Monday, May 4, 2009
Tires and tattoos
I guess that counters the relaxing day I had Saturday. One of those extremely rare days where I was home by myself all day and didn't have much that I had to do. Managed to watch 3 movies (Iron Man, Dark Knight and Oceans 11 in case you were wondering) and then got together with some friends for dinner and played Apples to Apples (which I have only played twice and have won both times - I may want to retire while my streak is intact). In the middle of the day I went with Lane and got a tattoo (wait a minute... let that one soak in). Yeah, I love what it stands for (community) and have thought about it for awhile. Can't say that any of my friends were that surprised and my wife wasn't either (She didn't know that I was planning on getting one on Saturday. We had talked about it before though.) Just trying to keep things interesting and not be predictable. Well that and the fact that I realize how amazing the community I have is and the tat is a great reminder of that.
So there you have it a weekend of tires and tattoos.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Simple to understand; harder to live out
Friday, May 1, 2009
Catching up
Book recommendation - 5 stars
It has been so refreshing to hear someones honest opinion about things most Christians don't even stop to think about anymore. It is just the way we have done things for so long, we don't even question if they make sense or if they are even biblical. Funny enough, I actually relate to his feelings of seeing things from an outside point of view as often as I do the "Liberty Way's" take on things. It is written with humor and honesty. I respect someone who is willing to honestly try to look at things from someone else's point of view. Not just a political statement or an easy cliche, but really investing in seeing what it is about. As a Christian, it frustrates me to no end, when people spout the Bible and say that completely clear things up. Yeah, God has spoken about a lot of things but honestly some of it is hard to hear and not the way I want to do things. When honest questions exist, we can't just sweep them under the rug without trying to understand them.
Bottom line - I think the book provides a lot of things to think about. How do people really see the way I live? Do I come across as a total nut job (they exist in every camp), does what I say and do cause people to pause and question how they live, am I honest about the doubts I have at times and can I accept the doubts others may have? Lots of good thoughts. If you read this blog and like the way I process things, then I think you might want to pick up this book. Disagree with a lot of my thoughts, then this book might be a good book for you too. Probably one of the most openly unbiased looks at being a Christian that I have read. Thanks Lane for the recommendation. I owe you one for this one. (Actually, I think it might balance out the movie recommendations. We will just call it even.)