My ever-changing view of the world God sees

I simply devoured the book "Under the Overpass" by Mike Yankoski. A friend loaned me the book to read Monday night and I finished it within about two days. It is another one of those books that I think is redefining my worldview and what Christians should look like. I highly recommend this book. The book is basically Mike's journal as he stepped out from being a college student to being homeless for 5 months. He didn't do it as a project or even as a dare, but he needed to know if his faith in God was real and if he could actually be a Christian apart from the comforts he'd always known. The starting idea was this question - "What if I stepped out of my comfortable life with nothing bu God and put my faith to the test alongside of those who live with nothing every day?" Instead of trying to explain how it has challenged/encouraged me, here are a few of my favorite parts of the book that I marked to wrestle with as try to figure what God is placing in my heart.

• "What's worse? To not do dope or not love your brother? Why do we kick drug users out of the church while quietly ignoring those who aren't dealing with other, equally destructive sins? Why do we reject the loving, self-sacrificing, giving, encouraging, Jesus-pursuing drug addict but recruit the clean, self-interested, gossiping, loveless churchgoer? Which one do you suppose Jesus would rather share a burrito with under a bridge?"
• "The church was old and weathered. Above the mahogany double doors hung a sign in red letters: "No Tresspasing. Church Business Only." A new chain and two huge padlocks secured the gate at the sidwalk...Let's say your life is falling apart and you need help. Would you want to go there? Aren't the people in a sanctuary a whole lot more important that the sanctuary itself? We walked past a market that sold pop, beer, wine, cigarettes, pornography. The doors were wedged open. Ragged people came and went. It was one of the places that never close."
• "What says more about who you are in Christ - how loudly you say amen! in the service or how well you treat strangers in the foyer?"
• "What would happen, I wondered, if two rank, homeless strangers like Sam and I wandered in to enjoy the air-conditioning at my church back home? Good things, I hoped, but I wasn't so sure anymore. The months of rejection by church after church had given me my doubts. Regular church attenders tend to come to our places of worship to feel better, not to be hit with the unfamiliar, the uncomfortable, the threatening."

Thankful

I really love this time of the year. I know a lot of people kind of skim over Thanksgiving other than to eat and watch football (don't get me wrong I like that part of it to), but I like the fact we slow down at least for a few minutes and reflect on the things in our life that we appreciate. For me that reflection time shows that it is the people in my life that I am most thankful for. We run throughout the year doing this or trying to acquire that but when we really slow down to see what is important it turns out to be the people in our lives. Not rocket science, I know, but a good chance to stop and adjust our priorities. Consider that the day after Thanksgiving has become all about the stuff we can have and need according to the marketers. Maybe the day after can also include the chance to start reflecting a little more this next year about the people in our lives and how much they mean to us. Enjoy the eating, enjoy the football or enjoy the shopping, but let's not forget to actually give thanks as well. Take a minute to say thanks to God for the people impacting and investing in your life. Take a minute to let them know that you are thankful for their influence in your life and the part they play that no one else can. Happy Thanksgiving!

I am a good person...really?

I find it interesting that a lot of times we try to sugar coat the truth and make us sound better than we really are. We say things like - I am really doing well except for this one area. Or - I am good person most of the time I just occassionally slip up. Really? What is our measuring stick? Other people? I guess in that sliding scale we may be doing okay. Is our measurement in the "big" things? No murder, no affair, haven't been drunk - check, so I must be doing well. Been reading through Jeremiah recently with a friend and have noticed that God doesn't sugar coat calling out His people. He calls them on the carpet and says quit "whoring" yourself with other gods. Is our focus on pleasing ourselves most of the time? Then we probably aren't doing as well as we thought. Is our time and resources spent only on making us happy? Then we probably aren't as healthy as we think. Do we lie (no distinction between a little white lie and a big whopper), do we pursue other relationships more than we pursue God, do we justify our actions (if we have to justify it we are probably missing the point), do we excuse the little sins (don't think God sees a difference between them even though we want to use our sliding scales)? Not trying to be negative here but I think we need to stop playing the church game of "I'm doing okay". Let's get real with one another. We all have areas that need drastic improvement, so what are we going to doing about it? Talk about it - okay for a starting point, but don't let it end there. Pursue the radical changes that you know God is calling you to make. Usually that means finding someone, being transparent with them and then some accountability. (By ourselves, we can justify about any action we take so I think we need someone else to be invested in us as well) We aren't meant to do life by ourselves. We are community called to pursue God. Let's start doing that. Radical? May seem that way, but it is so worth it! It may be tough and suck at times (believe me it will be at some points), but I don't want God to call me a whore while I am pretending that I am doing just fine. Check how that worked out for the Israelites when you get the chance.

What are you leading?

What is a leader? I have been thinking a lot about what qualifies someone as a leader. There are people with titles that indicate they are leaders, but they don't really seem to lead. Likewise there are others without any particular title or role, but who I would say are leaders. So position doesn't seem to be the determining factor. The more I have thought about it, a lot of what it comes down for me is taking action. Leaders lead. Pretty simple huh? That requires action though, not just talk. I have thought about leadership, but that doesn't make me a leader. I have talked about being a leader, but that doesn't make me a leader either. How do I lead? By doing something. If it creates momentum and people follow then you are a leader. If no one is following or there isn't any action at some point, then probably there isn't leadership. Not to long ago I had some conversations about things that I felt needed to be taking place in our church. Wisely, those with me basically challenge me to be the leader in those areas if I was passionate about them. It boiled down to one of my favorite questions to ask - So what? What are you going to do about it? We often want to talk about things and then wait for someone else to take the lead. That isn't necessarily leadership. It may be a part of it, but often we need to take some sort of active role in creating forward motion. Are you passionate about something? If so, that may mean you are the one to lead. I can recognize a good idea, but if I am not passionate about it then I probably won't be the best leader. I can support leadership in that role, but not lead. Coming back from Catalyst there were two primary things that I felt passionate about and felt that pull to answer the "so what?" question. I have put one of those in motion. That may have been the momentum for it to carry forward or it may require more action on my part. I don't know yet. The thing is that without the action I can tell you were that idea would be now. It would still be just a discussion that took place, but wouldn't have created any difference. The other idea? I have plans for that as well. The plan has been formed in my mind, now I need to move it into action. (Brian and Lane consider yourselves warned about "white space days" coming in the near futue.) What is it you should be leading? Do you have an idea? Got a plan? Sounds like all it may need is some action to get it going. Let's start putting some action to our lives and move beyond just talking. Talking is good (I love that part of it), but we also need to do more than talk or things will never change.

Beaten

I feel beaten up each Sunday morning recently. That's not a bad thing, but it sure is draining. We have been going through a series on finances and what that should look like. The thing is this is probably the area I have struggled with the most in my life. I know what I am suppose to do, but because of poor choices in the past I have a long uphill battle to go. So each Sunday I feel beaten up knowing that I fall so short of what God has called for me to be. Just imagine that whatever it is you struggle with being the topic of conversation for 5 or 6 weeks straight. Honestly it is tough to go on Sunday knowing that what we are talking about is what I need to hear. Makes me wonder when we talk about other things if other people have those same feelings. Wondering as they sit there if they are the only ones who seem to struggle with that topic. I have made a real push recently to be transparent with those people who are close to me and doing life with us. It isn't easy a lot of the time, but I think if we The Church are ever going to really make an impact in people's lives they are going to have to see something different in us. People who have problems just like them but who are real about their struggles and trust in God and others around them to help. Basically we have three choices when it comes to the things we struggle with - we can put on our happy faces and pretend it isn't there, run away from having to deal with it or face it and work through it. By far the last one is the toughest, but the only way real change will come about. So I sit through another Sunday feeling like crap knowing that even though it may be tough that God is working in my life. What do you need to deal with? Probably not the same thing as me, but let's start laying our cards on the table and being real about our struggles. Let's be different and stop pretending that we have it all figured out.

Two thoughts and a question

Read about a survey of 50 people over the age of 95 that were asked the following open-ended question - "If you could live your life over again, what would you do differently?" Three answers were consistently mentioned in the results of the study. The three answers were:

• If I had it to do over again, I would reflect more.
• If I had it to do over again, I would risk more.
• If I had it to do over again, I would do more things that would live on after I am dead.

Sounds like things we could start doing now instead of waiting until later in life to wish we had done. What do we need to reflect on, risk, and invest in today?

Have been reading Philippians the last several days and noticed the contagious happiness and joy throughout Paul's letter. Take these brief verses out of chapter 1 (Message version). "Every time you cross my mind, I break out in exclamation of thanks to God. Each exclamation is a trigger to prayer. I find myself praying for you with a glad heart." (Philippians 1:3) "So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well...Live a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God." (Philippians 1:9-11) We can't teach happiness. Yeah we can talk about it, but most of it is caught by being around someone who shows by their behavior what it is. Do we show that joy of following Christ to those whose path we cross daily and are watching us closely?

Finally a question that I have been thinking about. What is the difference between being content and settling? I struggle with the line between those two things. I hear people say we need to take things where they are at, but does that mean we are content or settling? I want to be okay with where I am at in life, but I don't want to settle in that spot. A lot of time I think we call settling contentment so that it excuses us from trying to change things. I want to be content with circumstances, but I don't want to settle for the fact that we can't change them. I want to always be risking and pushing forward, but doing so knowing that where I am at is part of the process. To me it is fine line that a struggle with finding the balance in. What do you think? I have been told that I have high expectations, but I don't want to settle for less than those. How does contentment fit into that? Those are some of my thoughts from this last week while I was unplugged from my normal world.

Moving from talking to jumping

Yesterday was one of those "Ah ha" type days for me. 4 different ideas I have been thinking and talking about for awhile moved to taking a leap. Why taking a leap? Because even though I had thought a lot about these things I still don't have them all figured out. That is the leap part. Jumping into the unknown and taking action. Often I feel we get stuck in the talking part. We talk about what we are going to do in the future when things line up right, we have the right resources, when we have the time, when whatever...for me that never happens. The perfect time usually doesn't exist, so we end up just talking and never putting feet to our ideas. That wears me out when people talk about things but don't follow through. I think that is why sometimes we can be seen as hypocritical by others. We talk a lot, but really don't do much. The things I did aren't huge or radical (maybe different as I tend to approach things from a different viewpoint than a lot of people), but they were steps in the right direction for me. It was being willing to initiate some change to hopefully help create some momentum, to ask questions and hopefully start some discussions that are long overdue, to jump into a new friendship, and to step back from some others. Not huge things in themselves, but movement instead of just more talk. Talking and thinking are big parts of the process, but don't let it end there. Where do you need to take a jump? What do you need to risk without knowing how it will turn out?

Challenge

Read the following challenge from Perry Noble's blog and just had to laugh because God is disturbing me in a big way over the last couple of days. He wrote on his latest entry... "I challenge you to pray that God will disturb you in a way that causes you to take action and seek Him with your whole heart! (Jeremiah 29:13)" I've been praying to be disturbed and I think He is now calling me to action. Can't say that I feel prepared, but if I am going to challenge people to risk failure then I guess I have to as well. Don't like when God uses what I tell someone else, to turn around and challenge me. He is sneaky like that. Great sense of humor though. He must laugh when he hears me say something and goes "Oh, that will come back to bite you before you know it."

Thoughts from a sleep deprived mind

Bullet point day again. Working on about 4 hours of sleep so forgive me if the thoughts are a little random (that happens regardless of the amount of sleep) and may not make total sense. These are few things that I like...

• Jamba Juice drink and yogurt to start the day off.
• Love the e-mail (more like a book actually) from my sister-in-law about community. Good to hear that others crave community as much as I do.
• Love to be involved in meeting other people's needs anonymously. The ability to bless them and let God receive the praise.
• The fact that people can surprise me by responding differently than I would have guessed.
• Love that my wife and I talk frequently about life and that she puts up with my random thoughts (still think my weight management plan is an excellent idea!)
• That God has given me a taste of what community will be like someday.
• Love transparent people. Have had the opportunity to get to know two people like that in the last several months. Have to say it has changed who I am more than anything in recent years.
• Like the fact that I can still learn and change. Don't ever want to stop learning.
• Love that I have friends who challenge me.
• Like the fact that our Sunday school class is willing to try new things and wants to serve others.
• I get the opportunity to invest in high school and college students lives.
• Like reading blogs and books that motivate and challenge me.

These are a few things that I like and am thankful for. What brightens your day?

Two more quick thoughts

1) Read the following quote from a session by Mark Batterson - Seth Godin says, "If you are not remarkable, you are invisible." So many of us as church leaders aren't doing anything remarkable.

A lot of my favorite quotes tend to come from him recently. The point for me is that we need to be doing some remarkable things as a church, otherwise who cares. Are we invisible to the community around us? Need any more motivation to shake up the status quo? I don't!

2) Had lunch with a friend that I've known a long time today. We used to work together for a couple of years and have maintained a friendship through all of the job and location changes between us. There have been some major things that have impacted him over the last several years that we hadn't really talked about. Didn't know whether to bring those up or not since it has been probably at least a year since we last talked. Decided last night that life is too short to waste time not talking about the important things. So glad I did. It was good to hear his heart and to honestly talk about the struggles he has faced in dealing with those situations. Kind of where my heart has been heading for some time. Transparency and realness are rarely easy, but it is lot healthier than ignoring the problems or stuffing them. We also talked about another co-worker/friend we had worked with during that time who committed suicide several years ago. He was the one who rarely showed that things bothered him. Always the one to make us laugh. I wondered at some points if there was something going on with him but didn't want to be blunt or risk the awkward questions. Wonder if the outcome would have been different if I was willing to risk my uncomrfortableness to be real and ask what was going on? We don't have time to hint about the things going on in our lives, it is time to be transparent. Have something going on with you, then find someone and tell them about it. Wondering if someone is hurting, then ask them. Let's get on with being a real community.

Rambling thought of the moment

Love when I read something that hits where I am at. Between the things I talked to my wife about last night (my passion for community and how I think most people don't see it the way I do), the chapters I read this morning from Psalms and James, and then the following thoughts from one of the blogs I try read talking about leadership:

• One of the struggles that I feel leaders face is the one to stay focused...
• If focus is going to be maintained... it isn't going to happen by accident, you will have to fight for it.
• a move of God will have two characteristics... It will fire people up! It will piss people off!
• I seem to have the spiritual gift of pissing people off...and I'm perfectly okay with that...if I am constantly making people happy then I'm not hearing from Jesus!

I think I sometimes share his spiritual gift. Don't know if I piss people off, but I do think I make a lot of people uncomfortable. Some people I don't mind pissing off, others it is more of a struggle because I really want to be accepted by them. I will keep trying as one day it will all make perfect sense, right? Lots of questions, few answers... that is the theme of my life.

Shortest post ever

It stops now. I am tired of all of the talk. For me it is about relationships. My relationship with God and my relationship with others. The rest of the crap doesn't matter. Love God, love others - can't get much more direct than that.

Creativity source for me

Apparently it is going to be one those multiple post days for my blogging. I woke up this morning with a bunch of different thoughts and creative ideas (at least creative for me). Matter of fact, I thought of several on my work today. I imagine it was rather entertaining for other people if they saw me as I didn't have any paper in the car so as I came to a stoplight I would scribble my random ideas wherever I could find open space on the newspaper. This while at the same time trying to send a few text messages to people on ideas or questions so that I wouldn't forget them as well. I have determined that for me those creative ideas come mostly after I have had the opportunity to spend quality time with people in my community. Those extended, uninterrupted times of talking and sharing life. I really don't want to be just another slot in someone's schedule. I know that isn't how people usually intend it, but that is how I feel. It is a rushed and somewhat disjointed conversation. I never fully engage when I am on the clock. Not sure how that works in the day to day for others as we live in the world of an hour or less in most things we do. Our schedules are so packed (mine included) that we leave little margin for anything else in our lives. For me that means I may have to sacrifice some things (probably sleep either in the morning or late at night) to have that quality time when others are available if possible. I know that I am wired way differently than most people. I don't want to be one more thing that somebody has to fit into their overbooked schedule or rush through to mark off the calendar. I want to savor and engage in the conversations that I am in. I want to fully be there and not wondering how I can get to the next thing on my schedule. I want to make the people in my life my priority and not the checklist of things I need to get done.

Living it out

Not sure how to express my thoughts right now. I just had an office-wide meeting to let us know that one of my co-workers just died from the cancer he had been battling. I had only really met him once so on a personal level it didn't impact me a whole lot, but the actions of my co-workers have spoke volumes. The head of our office and the head of his department had gone to see him last Friday and spend time with the family. Today when they let us know that he died this morning there were a lot of tears shed and memories shared about him. There was concern about his family and how to help them financially. I saw a family hurting and that is something I haven't ever experienced in the workplace. The thing that really took me by suprise was that after the meeting we had a time of prayer. I don't work for a Christian organization, but there are lot Christians who work here. As imperfect as we may be in our Christian walks and the variety of personalities and opinions that exist here, the fact that we did something that in most environments would be considered politically incorrect simply floored me. People trying to live their faith and make an impact has carried to the values of this office. I am simply blessed and amazed to be working here.

An amazing letter

I love to get mail especially notes or letters. (Bills and junk mail really just don't do much for me.) I am keeper of those notes. I have notes from when Lisa and I were dating (we are talking notes from 18 or 19 years ago - classics), notes written to us from the youth when we were in New Orleans for an extended stay (some from a student who is now one of our closest friends almost 15 years later), notes of encouragement from friends, notes saying this is what you have meant in my life, basically all kinds of notes that mean something to me (I still love getting these types of letters in case you feel the desire to write one). I will occasionally read some of these notes when I get in a mood to reorganize stuff and be amazed at the people who I have been fortunate enough to have invest in my life. The funny thing is there is one letter that I tend to take for granted. I was talking to a friend last night (one of those awesome rambling and random conversations that cover things happening in our lives) when he quoted a couple of verses from James (can't remember the exact quote this morning, lack of sleep will do that to you) that really made me stop and think about the awesome letter (the Bible) God has written to me telling me why he loves me and what he sees in me. It is one of his ways of telling me where he sees me fitting in His story. The role I get to play. It is an incredible story and letter that each time I go back to it, it shows me something new and different (not that I always understand it or follow it like I should, but that is part of the ongoing relationship with Him). The cool thing is, like my friend did last night, we can share this letter with others because it is written to them as well. Share the story that is your life with others (that is what community is anyway). Take a moment out of your busy day and write a note letting someone know how much you appreciate them or what they mean in your life. Let's add to someone else's collection of meaningful letters.

Tweaks won't cut it

Been looking over my notes on leadership from Catalyst again as it has been almost a month since we were there. Good thoughts that I will probably keep coming back to for quite awhile. Reviewing the random thoughts on leadership that Andy Stanley talked about in the final session. I think we as a church could spend an entire year wrestling with these five quotes and if we could honestly answer them then we would dramatically change things. I often think we hear a good idea, think about it, and then move on without ever really doing anything with it. We are the ultimate consumers without ever really doing anything. He quoted Craig Groeschel who said "To reach people no one else is reaching, we must do things no one else is doing." The take away thought was this - become preoccupied with those you haven't reached as opposed to those you are trying to keep. Sadly, I think as the leadership of the church we become focused on those we are trying to keep instead. We don't want to change things as it may upset people. We think a tweak here or there is a major accomplishment and we pat ourselves on the back for being such forward thinkers. Tweaks won't get it, we need to try things that are radically different. Don't know what those things are but I want to hear people's ideas on what we need to try. I can tell you that changing from hymns to current worship songs isn't the answer. That is still looking inward for the most part and not really reaching people no one else currently is. We mistake people coming in from a different church as reaching new people. It isn't in my opinion. That is just working to keep people happy already in the kingdom. Don't know the answers, but that is why I think we need to be wrestling with these ideas. If it was easy, what would the sacrifice be in that. What radical ideas have you seen or think we should be trying as the church? Don't wait on someone else to come up with the ideas, but think about the people you know and what it would take to reach them. Think your idea is too radical - then that may possibly be the one we need to be pursuing. Let's start being more than consumers and being the radicals we were called to be.

Ideas for a book

Since I didn't have much else to do on the plane today (besides watch the cute old couple next to me who I think it must have been their first time to fly), I started daydreaming again about writing a book. Don't know that I have much to say that hasn't already been said before but ever so often I get the idea to start writing one. Even picked out a title - "What the hell are you thinking?" Went for the shock factor as I was imagining someone like the lady who runs the library at our church trying to decide what to do with it because of the title. Also funny to imagine people talking about it at church and trying to decide if they should say the title or substitute heck in there. (I know, I have a twisted sense of humor. Just imagine the things I edit out that don't make it on here. Like I said in an earlier post, I am more comfortable these days being called radical or different.) Anyway, some of the topics I thought about for chapters included:

Transparency - willing to risk being real
Wrestling - living in the tension
Friendship - what does it take to make it worth having
Jumping - risking the chance to fail
Dreaming - what could be accomplished if we followed the dreams God gives us

Another one of those dreams that may or may not happen, but love the wild dreams God has been planting in my heart. Dreams not about succeeding in the world, but dreams about making a difference. My biggest fear is that when I am done here on earth that God will say to me - Yeah, but what difference did you make for me? I know that I often don't know whether I am making a difference or not (don't like that at all, but that is how it is for me most of the time), but I have to be willing to follow those dreams wherever they lead. So if you know me, what other topics might make good chapters for me to write? Let me hear your feedback. If you are going to read my thoughts, at least give me some suggestions.

Thoughts from 35,000 feet

Over the last several weeks of flying to various places and living out of hotels, I have written about 6 pages of notes about ideas and questions I have. A page about a dream to make a difference that I haven't had the chance to share with my fellow dreamers yet. Another page about questions related to the idea of "white space" sessions on leadership. A page of notes from the book "Faith & Doubt" and ideas from it that made me think. Another page of random things I learned about myself and questions I have about why I am like I am. So on and so on. Lots of ideas and questions that I am ready to move on. I am ready to jump or at least throw the various ideas on the table and discuss them with others. Here are some of the random thoughts from my last page of notes from 35,000 feet in the air:

• We all have unique stories of how we got to this point in life and can learn a lot from other people's stories


• I am drawn to transparent people and feel the freedom to be more of myself around them


• I like to wrestle in those areas of doubt and the unknown, not theoretically but in how they impact lives


• I have an artistic bent and enjoy the creative side more than I ever realized


• Realization that wishful thinking doesn't change my reality


• Like non-traditional friendships and don't really care what normal looks like


• Don't want to waste my energy trying to make certain friendships work and am okay with some of those shifting to a different type of friendship (see friends in basically three circles - close friends who I share life with on the deepest levels, good friends who we have some areas or interest in common and buddies who I like to hang out with and have fun with but don't really know my thoughts and passions)


• Brought to my attention again that God moves in some really strange ways and I think he does that intentionally


• It is more convenient to lie than tell the truth a lot of times, but why?


• Good listeners brighten my day and encourage me


• Why are some people in leadership positions when they don't make very good leadership decisions?

This is how my mind usually works. Which may explain why I have heard from 5 different people in the last couple of weeks that I am hard to read. Translation - what the heck are you thinking because we don't understand you and you don't talk very much. The last part makes me laugh because when I get talking about something I am passionate about I don't usually shut up. Ask my wife, as I tend to start talking to sort things out and that usually takes a couple of hours. (Usually late at night when others are ready to start winding down.) Life is good, but I am ready to start doing somethings instead of just thinking about things.

Final thoughts on "Faith & Doubt"

A couple of quotes from "Faith & Doubt" that I really like.

• The Christian faith is bi-polar. Disciples live their life between worship and doubt, trusting and questioning, hoping and worrying.
• Disciples are not people who never doubt. They doubt and worship. They doubt and serve. They doubt and help each other with their doubts. They doubt and practice faithfulness. They doubt and wait for their doubt one day to be turned to knowing.

I especially relate to the first quote. I feel I go from trusting God completely, to questioning what I am suppose to do next. My faith exists with unknowns. I wrestle with issues. I don't doubt my faith, I just don't understand how it always works. Faith is not a guarantee that you will have all of the answers (actually I feel I have less definites now than several years ago), but you have to trust the one who is going to catch you. One final quote from the book:

• The last words used to describe the disciples in the gospel of Matthew - our last glimpse of men who followed Jesus for three years, learned from him, and saw him crucified and resurrected: "Then the eleven disciples went to...the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted" (Matthew 28:16-17) This is an amazing picture. They have seen him, listened to him, followed him, studied him, and seen him crucified and ressurected - and the last thing we read about them is "and some doubted." Matthew doesn't cover this up. He points it out.

Sharing your life...sort of

Had an interesting conversation with a friend mine recently about his view on relationships. He is in a very public position as a pastor so he as all sorts of people who think they know him. Because of this he has been come even more guarded in who he develops friendships with. He stated that he really doesn't have the desire or need for any new people to be close to him. He shares things happening in his life in his messages and therefore people think they know him well so he has become skeptical of people's motives, power trips, etc. and doesn't really let many people in. I can't relate to this at all. I love getting to know people on that deeper level. Knowing what makes up their story and has shaped who they are today. Sharing at that level is kind of the safe way in my opinion. This last weekend, I was in a setting with about 25 people. We were discussing things and I decided to share some of where I am at regarding leadership. The thing is that I realized that though I was vulnerable in why I question my leadership role, etc. I wasn't really risking much in sharing. I controlled the environment. I could leave out pieces of the puzzle. If it had been a one on one situation or smaller setting, questions probing what I meant could have been asked. Don't read this wrong, I think there is value in sharing in the larger settings, but if that is the only place you share part of your heart, I think you are missing out. Contrast that situation with later that night I was talking with a close friend who was able to ask the deeper questions about where I am at in life right now and challenge me. I think we need some of both. Even this blog only reveals part of who I am. I share a lot of my thoughts here, but those 4 or 5 people who I do life with see even more of me (whether that is good or bad you would have to ask them). Find those people who make up your community and jump into life together. Don't settle for the lite side of doing life together. Risk being vulnerable and transparent and really share your life with some other people. I don't think you will regret it.

What does your soul long for?

Do you ever stop and wonder what it is your soul really longs for? Things seem to be running by so fast these days that it is rare that we stop and listen... really listen. Since I've been living the nomad life the last couple of weeks (Can't imagine wandering in the desert for 40 years!), I've had lots of time to just be quiet. It is kind of unsettling at first to have so much quiet time especially when I am use to lots of noise around our house. During that time of slowing down, I've begun to sift through the things that my soul really longs for and trying to compare it to things that God's heart longs for. Unfortunately they aren't always the same, but I know that he isn't finished with me yet. The way he is refining those things is through the circumstances I encounter and through the people who are shaping me. Talking to a friend last night and he mentioned the scripture that talks about how iron sharpens iron. I definitely understand and appreciate that so much. The friends who have helped shape the rough spots of my life and help my come closer to having the heart of Jesus. What dreams has God placed on your heart? What place in your soul is waiting to be filled? How do we do this thing that we have been called to live out? It is a process that takes place day by day through our everyday routine. Take the time to stop and listen. Take the time to ask others. Never stop being a learner.

Thoughts that capture where I am at these days

Ran across the following quotes on one of the blogs I try to occassionally read:

• We've got to get to the place where we believe Jesus is absolutely right about absolutely everything.
• If you're not ticking off religious people you're not following Christ. Can't have a reformation without offending a few Pharisees along the way!
• 50% of our church budgets ought to go to the "the least of these" Our we putting our money where our mouth is?
• Truth that only makes it into our head is informational. But truth that penetrates the heart is transformational. Reformation isn't the byproduct of good ideas. It's the byproduct of deeply held convictions.
• Christianity has become a way of thought instead of a way of life. We've created a culture of where we know more and do less all the while thinking we're growing spiritually.
• If you don't change you become part of the problem.

I have been thinking recently a lot about how we do things as a church (locally, not as in the big picture this time) and several of the above sum up my thoughts of what we need to do or change pretty well. I don't ever want to settle for the status quo, but also don't just want change for change sake. Radical and different - I am more and more okay with those being used to describe me. Actually, I hope those are the kinds of words that people use to describe my faith. I don't want to run over people with new changes, but I also don't want to wait for a long time for everyone to get on board either. I don't want to be part of the problem, but I do need to become part of the solution. Ready for an adventure? I am feeling some change is coming our way if the radicals of the church start living it out. Are you a radical?

Lost art of time

Something I've noticed recently is that people don't have the time for conversation and just to hang out and enjoy each other's company. We always seem to be on an overbooked schedule. Watching our watches, checking our text messages, trying to get to our next meeting on our schedule but not really slowing down enough to be in the place where we are at currently. One of the things I really enjoyed about getting to know my friend from Vegas was that we didn't have to hurry our conversation. We were able to hang out for 6 or 7 hours and talk. Not rushed, not an hour slot to try to fit in a conversation, but just time to enjoy hanging out and do things together. We were away from our calendars and our normal routines. For me relationships are a big part of my life, but it is hard to develop those when you are trying to fit it in for an hour on someones calendar. I know that sometimes that is the just a season of life, but it seems to me that is more a lifestyle than just a season for most people. We've lost the art of being together. Kind of reflects the way that society as whole is dysfunctional in its' relationships. Relationships don't happen in the forced confines of an hour, but as you spend time around each other doing life. My wife asked me the other day what I wanted for my birthday and it got me thinking that the thing I most want is time. I don't want another new gadget or something that a year from now will be out of style, but time spent with good friends is what I really enjoy. It seems to have become one of those MasterCard priceless items. The funny thing to me is that time should be one of the easiest things to give, but for most people today it is one of the hardest things to come by. Why are we running so fast and running by those people in our lives? Time to slow down and invest in something that matters - other people. Hope you have an incredible, relaxing day spent with the important people in your life. Make the time, it is so worth it!

Make footprints worth following

Noticed on our refrigerator this morning a red ribbon that had the quote "Make footprints worth following." It was from the boys' Red Ribbon week (a drug awareness campaign) at school. It got me thinking that should be our theme through life. The reality is that we are making footprints, the question is are they worth following? I may try to convince myself at times that the choices I make in life don't effect anyone but myself but or are insignificant but really I am leaving a trail of my choices that will impact someone. I can look at my life and see the times when I have clearly followed someone else's footprints and realize that my path also will be followed and run alongside others. So how do you make ones worth following? For me it requires constant examination of my motives and choices along with friends who will tell me when my path is heading in a wrong direction. I desire the warning signs from those close to me that my trail is not making a path worth following or that I am going in the right direction. Can't tell what type of footprints you are leaving ask someone close to you? We are leaving them and people do notice. Make them worth following.

Push and pull of life

I feel I live in the in between of life. Never fully on one side but consistently in the tension of the middle of things. Kind of like the title of the book I am reading - "Faith & Doubt". Not only in the middle of those two items but also between change & consistentency, radical & conforming, leader & follower, transparent & fake, and probably several more. Maybe it is just my Jekyll and Hyde personality or as I tell my wife I think I might by schizophrenic. One day I have radical ideas and authentic relationships and then the next day I question whether those ideas even make sense and wonder if those relationships were ever real. This is where I live. Rarely fully content, but questioning and thinking through things (maybe even a little too much). For me I think this is what it means to be in this world, but not of it. I have questions, relationship holes, etc. that only God can fill. I want those filled and get tastes of them occasionally but never fully satisfied. The good thing is that tension is constantly shaping and refining who I am. I understand when people say "yeah, but you aren't like most people" (heard that one this morning) and know that tomorrow I will probably be even a little bit more different. Most of the time I am okay with that, other times I question why I am like this. This is where I live right now between the push and pull of life. If you don't live in this tension right now, enjoy the beauty of the moment. Be fully where you are at and thank God. If on the other hand you can relate to this tension, know that you are being shaped and that at least for today I can understand where you are at.