How do you deal with people who let you down? (If it hasn't happened yet in your life, my guess it will at some point. I hope not, but we all tend to be messed up in our own way and bring that into our relationships.) I would describe myself as logical and that I tend to observe and analyze the situation fairly well (over analyze is probably more accurate according to my wife), but I also know that I can have pretty intense emotions especially with the things I am passionate about. So this last week has been a struggle as I dealt with wondering if it was worth investing in other people's lives anymore (something I am passionate about). What the exact issues were don't really matter, but how some friends responded does.
One of them simply asked how I was doing. He was available to listen. He didn't offer any solutions or try to solve the problems, he was just available. Another friend encouraged. She pointed out things from the past where she saw that my investment had made a difference. She also suggested that I watch "A Wonderful Life" and imagine myself as Jimmy Stewart's character to see the impact that I may have had in people's lives without even realizing it. (I love creative ideas!) Another friend offered some tough words to hear. Words that challenged me to look at whether my expectancy that exists in friendship (the looking forward to being together, laughing together and talking) had turned into an expectation (a rule that expects them to act a certain way to meet my expectations). An idea that she found intriguing from the book "The Shack". My way of dealing with it at the time was to pull back from those people for a time (wrong way) and then decided to serve them (a lot better way). To continue to invest even though I wanted to do anything but that.
I need each of those voices in my life. Friends who will listen, friends who will encourage, friends who will challenge. The cool thing to me was those voices were from people I didn't expect. (May be onto something with the whole expectancy vs. expectations thing. One of those things I realize, but a whole lot harder to put into practice.) So where do you need to listen, who do you need to encourage, do you need to challenge someone, do you need to serve? We all have a part to play. What is your part for today?
1 comment:
Serving instead of pulling back, even though you want to do anything but. Good challenging thought there. Yes, service instead of flight. Engaging instead of abandoning. Sometimes I think it's possible that pulling back a little might be the way to serve someone, in certain situations (taking personal responsibility, allowing healing over a breech in friendship, etc.) But serving in the midst of pulling back is what we need as well. Serving with no expectation of personal gratification or returned service - that definitely requires a motive examination. Sometimes I know I serve someone by speaking truth and sometimes by biting my tongue! Knowing when to speak truth and when to let it reveal itself is tough. Or realizing sometimes that you are not the one He wants to reveal that truth - that's tough too. Anyhoo - good reflection today.
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