Open book

I finished reading a fiction book called "Providence" by Chris Coppernoll last week and it got me thinking about what it would be like to write my life story. In the story the main character is pushed to write his memoirs and in the process revisits a lot of his past that he has spent the last 20 years packing away. Things he has locked away that have shaped and haunt him. How would I feel to see my "entire" life story written for all to read? I would want to edit parts of the story. Forget about decisions that I made, things that wouldn't look so good in the bright light, written for everyone to see. I would want the cleaned up version or better yet the fiction version that could add things that I didn't even accomplish. Not really though, as I know the things that have been part of my past are the things that have shaped who I am today. Not that I would make the same choices if I had the chance to make them again, but through those experiences (good and bad) I have become who I am now. I think that is part of God's plan to use us where we are at. We get the chance to take our past and use it shape what the future will look like. We can't change what has happened, but we can change what will happen. Another thing that struck me as I was reading this book was that God actually does see my "entire" story. We may think there are parts of us that no one else knows about but God is there for the entire story. He sees us as we are writing our memoirs. What does your story say? Who are the main characters in your life story? Interesting for me to envision my life as book being written for others to read. What chapter are you writing right now?

I'm not who I was

This hasn't been the typical holiday season for me. It has been unrushed with little on our calendar. I have taken a little break from blogging, haven't done much with our friends, and generally just been at home. It is as if our world has slowed down to a crawl this last week. Needed - probably, but I am now feeling anxious for the new year to start. Ready to see what is going to happen. Looking forward to the changes that I am sure will occur - the unexpected and suprising. As I've reflected about this last year, it amazes me the changes that have occurred. Some good things that I couldn't have anticipated - a good friend that I would meet on a plane, another friend whose life has turned 180 degrees, finding out what community really looks like, being moved/challenged to become a leader, learning what transparency is, entertaining thoughts of writing a book, learning I have an artistic bent, challenged to care for the least of these, developing friendships at a level that I have always wanted. Other good things continuing - enjoying the discovery of learning new things about my incredible wife, watching my boys grow into their personalities, loving the extended family that we have been blessed to be a part of, getting the opportunity to invest in young people, reading and learning. There have also been changes that I would have liked to have avoided especially watching people I care about making choices to walk away. I am not who I was a year ago. Another year from now I will have changed again, hopefully becoming more like Jesus. Pursuing him this year will continue to refine me. Don't know that I will always like the process, but at the same time I can't wait for it to begin. Waiting to see what changes are in store for this new year. How have you changed in the last year?

Today

Read a phrase again today that I have heard several times - "a long obedience in the same direction." (Eugene Peterson) Kind of fits with where my mindset is these days regarding pursuing God. Today I can control the choices I make, the decision to pursue with all of my being, to reflect His glory, to take care of the least of these. The todays add up to that long obedience. I get overwhelmed with thinking about the future and what I need to be doing or the impact that I am suppose to have, but God wants me today. My whole focus on him for this day only, not wondering about tomorrow or what I did yesterday. I can do it today, that is what He wants. That long obedience occurs one day at a time.

Had a challenge last night from a friend that said let's move from talking about taking care of the least of these and start doing it. We have our schedules packed with Christian things, but are we taking care of those we have been called to look after? Have a idea of what that might look for me and honestly it will stretch me. Another person's passion who says lets do this, let's move today on what we know we are suppose to be doing. Don't know how the idea works or have all of the details, but know that is what I am suppose to do. I love the community I have surrounding me. A community that encourages me and that I have fun with, but also challenges me to live it out today. Moving forward, hoping the cumulative effect of my decisions today will impact the future. Hoping that 20 years down the road that when I am sitting with those friends that we can look back and say we have together moved forward in "a long obedience in the same direction." Making today the day that I pursue Him with all of my heart. What do you need to do today?

Bunny trail

Have you ever tried to explain something to somebody and received a blank stare back? Or have you been talking with another person and end up at the same conclusion but have no idea what the other person was talking about or how they got to their conclusion? Clear communication is tough. You battle the other person's biases, perspectives that have been shaped by their past, differences in how you process things, and personality differences. So how do you best communicate with someone else? I am learning that the biggest part of communication for me is the listening part. Listening to what they are saying, not what I want them to be saying, or thinking they may be meaning, but really hearing what they are talking about. Finding the bottom line of what they are saying and then figuring out how to explain to them what I mean in similar terms. Some people are story tellers and will best hear you when you talk to them through stories, some people are just-the-facts type people and hear the details without any extras thrown in, some "hear" you best through actions - there are multiple ways that people communicate. The trick is learning which one they are so that you can talk to them in their language. I am not really sure what type of communication is my style. I tend to be random, but can also be straight to the point sometimes. Definitely hear and believe actions speak louder than words, but also need the words to go with them a lot of the times. Love stories and seeing the example, but can also get lost in the story and not hear the point as well. Really I don't know that I have or that most people have one style of communicating. Not really sure why I am writing about this other than I question how well I communicate the important things to people. Wonder when I talk what people are thinking as they are nodding their head in agreement - Oh, that makes perfect sense! or What the heck is he talking about? or Are we even talking about the same thing? Probably on my mind as I have talked with a variety of people the last couple of days, and not really sure that I have communicated well in any of those circumstances. Well enough of my rambling about communication. Time to move on to other bunny trails.

Change - what's the cost?

Change - what does it cost? Been thinking some more about the whole New Year's resolutions idea. I think we want to change things a lot of times (why we have New Year's resolutions to begin with), but we don't want it to cost us anything. We want results with out the pain of getting there. We want to to skip the price paid to change. Can you have change without it costing you? I don't think so. Whether it is physical (watch the number of people at the gym in January and then compare that to how many are there in February) or to change some behavior, it is going to cost you something. Sometimes a radical change. Most people I know, don't like change. What I have decided is that the change isn't the scary part for them, it is what is going to cost. Giving up something, doing something new or different (cost is the anxiety of the unknown), giving up time, giving up something you enjoy - that is the cost of change. Usually for me that change isn't going to happen by myself, I need someone pushing me, encouraging me, reminding me why the price is worth it. I may be able to go so far on my own, but someone pushing me will help me past the limits I think I have. Another thing about change, there are no shortcuts. If we cheat or lie about where we are at in the process, it may look like we are changing to others but really we aren't. If we decide to workout 4 times a week, but then start explaining why we can't make it to the gym this week, my guess is that change isn't really happening. We have an idea of what we want to change, but we aren't willing to pay the price for that change. I have some things I am trying to change right now (call it long-term New Year's resolutions), I have people helping to encourage and push me in those areas, but if when they ask me about it I lie about the progess I am making, have I really sacrificed to change? Probably not. Change is a process, but it is one that requires a commitment, a willingness to pay the price over the long haul. If you really want to change something, consider the cost first. If you are willing to pay that price, find someone who can help you push it to the next level, and then start the process. Change has a cost, but usually it is worth it. What do you want to change?

Slowing down the pace

Funny how life seems to have a definite high energy and slower pace mode for me. I tend to go in mulitple directions at once or retreat from the frantic pace. Sometimes I think I would like to go at a more steady pace but I really don't like that very much (probably my neurosis with predictability). Honestly if I could sustain the high energy, especially relationship wise, I would, but God has wired me to rest. Been thinking through the idea of working from my rest, instead of resting from my work. When I step back and allow things to come to me (think basketball, of letting the game come to you instead of trying to force things) then I am much more productive. Running at a fast pace doesn't mean that I am getting anywhere fast, just expending a lot of energy. I think God created the Sabbath to help us refocus and to let the game come to us. He knows that we will spend lots of time and energy running around without really accomplishing much, so slowing down occassionally allows us to adjust and see things we might miss if we are running full speed ahead. I feel I have been in one of those slower times the last couple of days. My initial reaction is to start doing things... trying to force things to happen, but I think for me it is good to have the slower pace and just be still. That is one of the hardest things for me to do... just be still. But in the stillness, it gives me the chance to reflect on what is important to me and see if I am really investing in those areas. That is preparing me to work from my time of rest. Slowing down enough to adjust and now move forward with more energy and a more defined purpose. This is probably toughest for me to do in relationships. I love talking to people and being involved in their lives, but I think sometimes it is good for me to back away and adjust my focus and expectations. Let the game come to me and not force it. Probably doesn't make a lot of sense to most people, but for me it helps clear the clutter of where I am suppose to be investing my time. Not forcing it where I want to go, but allowing it to happen. What about you, do you work out of your rest or rest from your work?

New year's resolution with a twist

What if next year your only goal was to pursue God? No other agenda, no set list of things to accomplish, no worrying about the day to day stuff, but purely and simply chasing after God. Scary? Exciting? Overwhelming? Impossible? Irresponsible? What emotions or thoughts does doing something like that generate for you? I read an excellent post by Amy Storm's on this idea (by the way, if you don't read her blog you ought to as she is very talented writer) that got me thinking about what that would mean for me. Isn't that we are suppose to be doing anyway? Pursuing God as if our life depended on it (which it does by the way). Would my life be more radical, less hurried, less worried about things I can't control, more passionate about the "least of these"? Having only one passion and one goal to concentrate on. I think the rest of our lives would simply fall in line because we would be chasing the most important thing. We talk about having our priorities in order and wouldn't this be the ultimate priority list? I think our pursuit of Him would evolve as the year went on. It may look different at times in the way that we pursued Him, but the method isn't the point, the pursuit is. Could I truly accomplish it? Don't know, but I know by trying to pursue Him above all else would definitely shape my life, the actions I take, the decisions I make, every part of my life. Any takers on setting only this one goal for next year?

Wrapping up "Tribes" and a question for you

Finished reading Seth Godin's book "Tribes" this weekend and wanted to share a couple of final thoughts from it about leadership that stood out to me. The following are what he calls the elements of leadership:

• Leaders challenge the status quo.


• Leaders create a culture around their goal and involve others in that culture.


• Leaders have an extraordinary amount of curiosity about the world they're trying to change.


• Leaders use charisma (in a variety of forms) to attract and motivate followers.


• Leaders communicate their vision of the future.


• Leaders commit to a vision and make decisions based on that commitment.


• Leaders connect their followers to one another.

One other quote that I really like - "Remarkable visions and genuine insight are always met with resistance. And when you start to make progress, your efforts are met with even more resistance...the forces of mediocrity will align to stop you, forgiving no errors and never backing down until it's over." The more I've thought about it, this last quote really encourages and motivates me. I have met resistance in several of my ideas and they seem to take quite awhile to make progess and I was frustrated because I didn't understand why people didn't "get it". Looking at it now, I would say that the forces of mediocrity were at play. The comments of "we can't do that" or people pointing out why things would fail instead of building enthuisasm for change used to irritate me (still does sometimes), but really a lot of the time it is about us settling. Change requires work, so it is easier to settle and accept something that is mediocre than fight for the vision.

So what do you think about his definition of a leader? Know anybody who you would say has those 7 elements? Next book up for me is "Compassionate Leadership". There seems to be a theme running through my current reading selection. Another chance for some interactive participation here, sometime this week I will post a blog based on something you would like to hear my thoughts about (not that they are important, but as a way to start some dialogue). Not looking for anything in particular and if I don't find any that interest me that is fine as well, but curious what thoughts you would like to talk about.

I want to be a heretic and part of a purple cow

In the process of reading Seth Godin's book "Tribes" right now (about 3/4ths of the way through it) and wanted to post a couple of ideas/quotes from the book that I really like. A few thoughts of mine to follow those:

"Some tribes are engaged in change. Many are not. And it doesn't matter whether it's a church or a corporation, the symptoms are the same. The religion gets in the way of the faith. Static gets in the way of motion. Rules get in the way of principle. People show up because they have to, not because they want to. Desire is defeated by fear, and the status quo calcifies, leading to the slow death of the stalled organization."

"The only thing that makes people and organizations great is their willingness to be not great along the way. The desire to fail on the way to reaching a bigger goal is the untold secret of success."

"Workers in the balloon factory are always afraid, particularly of something happening. Things that happen are rarely good, because they disturb the status quo. That's why initiative is such an astonishingly successful tool: because it's rare."

"The largest enemy of change and leadership isn't a "no." It's a "not yet." "Not yet" is the safest, easiest way to forestall change. "Not yet" give the status quo a chance to regroup and put off the inevitable for just a little while longer. Change almost never fails because it's too early. It almost always fails because it's too late."

I am not a big fan of the status quo. I would have to say that I like the idea of being a unicorn in the balloon factory. Making people nervous because I might pop some of their balloons. I want to be a heretic - the person who challenges the status quo, the one who is willing to do it differently, the one who believes change is possible. Changing the status quo, gives you the opportunity to create something remarkable. I want our church to be remarkable like a "purple cow. Brown cows are boring; purple ones are worth mentioning. Those ideas spread; those organizations grow. Boring ideas don't spread. Boring organizations don't grow." I want to be part of something remarkable, something that is involved in being creative in reaching people, something that brings about change in people's lives, something that is different than the normal most people settle for. Being a heretic sounds like a good idea to me. They don't still burn heretics do they?

The number 17

The number 17 as in the number of years that we will have been married this weekend. I know, most of you of you are thinking that's not possible because we don't look a day over 29 and you know we didn't get married when we were 12. Really, thinking about it though, it is surreal that we have already been married that long. The great thing is that even though we have known each other close to 20 years now, that I continue to learn new amazing things about my wife. As we have changed our marriage has also changed and grown stronger. I look at my parents who have been married for 48 years and think about how much more I get to learn about my my wife and the chance I have to find out more things to love about her as we move towards that. Here are 17 things that are true about my wife and our marriage:

1. My wife's smile still captivates me
2. She is an amazing listener
3. I still love our date nights even though they may not be as creative as when we were dating
4. Love that my wife will listen to my outrageous ideas and even try them sometimes
5. We make it a priority to find time to talk about our lives and where we are at and where we are heading
6. That ministry has been woven into our marriage
7. That she is generous and loyal beyond my understanding
8. That our sex life is incredible! (Yeah, I will be in trouble for saying that one on here even though it is true.)
9. I had no idea what an wonderful, daring, winding road our lives would take when I proposed 17 years ago on Federal Hill in Baltimore
10. My heart still skips a beat when we hold hands
11. Am thankful that Becky (a mutual friend) made it possible for us to meet (Even though I about screwed it up by breaking up once. What a moron I was!).
12. That we have incredible friends and family as part of our lives and cherish that immensely
13. We will make it to Hawaii by our 20th anniversary
14. Feel God has given me way more than I deserve or could have ever imagined for a wife
15. Love when she rolls her eyes at my suggestions and pretends she doesn't like them
16. That we still have fun in our marriage
17. That I am more in love with her today than I thought was possible

AZero rocks my comfort zone

I really like AZero, our Wednesday night high school program. Lane's teaching usually manages to kick my butt and that is a good thing. I like that style of teaching/preaching that throws it out there in front of you and makes you wrestle with it. Definitely would say that teaching is one of Lane's gifted areas. Anyway, last night was a really cool time for me. Before we got started, I had the chance to catch up with one of our former students who is now in college. He is one of those success stories that makes you stick with youth ministry. A lot of time you see those students who decide to walk away from their faith during and after high school and it can break your heart and question why you even bother working with them. It is really encouraging and refreshing to talk with those students who have a passion for Christ and want to live out trying to follow Jesus. We had a small group and were definitely lacking in the guy department, but the worship time was amazing for me. I was in the back by David and it was so incredible to hear and see the passion he displays while we were worshipping. Worship time, in whatever form, is one of my favorite parts of any service and to be around others who pour themselves into that time is really encouraging for me. (By the way, Ryan did an awesome job of leading us in worship also.) I don't think I could summarize what all Lane covered so I won't even try, but I will share what I wrote down - "I suck at making Jesus famous." We are called to make our lives about Him and that is the bottom line. I realized how little I do that makes Jesus famous. I talk a lot about Him, but he wants more than our talk, he wants our whole lives to revolve around Him and about Him. I want my live to be about making Jesus famous. What does your life say to others?

Conversation with God

Do you like challenges? Here is the latest one that God threw my direction.

God: Know that person that you are pissed at right now... call him and find a way to love him. (And yes I think God would use the word pissed. Ticked off just doesn't do it sometimes.)
Me: Come on, I don't need to do that. I am sure he is busy.
God: Talk to him.
Me: Can't I just keep being mad? Let my anger build up some more?
God: Now.
Me: I need some time to make sure I don't say something I will regret later.
God: I'm waiting.
Me: Okay. Fine.

I am so glad that God keeps at my heart. He is relentless in His love for us and wants us to be the same with others. Will I get mad again? Probably. And I will probably have to learn the same lesson over again. It isn't about me, it is about God's love. Hard to do? You bet, but if we are going to try to be like Jesus then we shouldn't expect things to be easy. Rewarding...definitely, but not easy To my friend that I was pissed at, I'm sorry and I hope you can forgive me. What lessons are you learning these days?

Random ramblings

Lots of different rambling thoughts today. Also one of those days that I am not sure why I blog. Lots of questions, but not many answers - that pretty much sums up where I am at right now. Anyway, you guessed it, it is a bullet point day as my thoughts are so A.D.D. that I don't think I can stay on one topic. (Not that I usually do, but at least I usually try to.)

• Can a person be too transparent? Also what is our motive for transparency? Is it to say this is where I am at and need help or is it to say this is where I am at, affirm me?
• Am I a sponge when I ask for advice? Do I listen to it or am I looking for someone to agree with me?
• Ever wonder why God has you in a certain place or situation? I so often feel that I am winging it, but still have the feeling that God has placed me there for a reason. Wish he would let me know what that reason is more often? (Maybe... I guess sometimes that reason may scare me more if I knew what it was.)
• I envy people who approach life simply. Those who don't care what others think. Not saying it is right, but would be nice to not live in the tension most of the time.
• Can't shake the feeling that God is stirring in my heart for the homeless. Not sure what I do with that yet, but don't think it is a coincidence that one of my new friends has this passion as well.
• Am amazed at some of the changes I have seen in people recently. Good changes that I am glad that I get to be a part of.
• Strange how a very difficult situation that I was involved in (winging it again) provided affirmation for me in the process.
• Reading Seth Godin's book "Tribes" right now. A tribe is about connections. That sounds right up my alley.
• Like this quote from Anne Jackson's blog "being the church can look different in different ways and different environments." Let's allow for creativity and what that can look like. The cookie cutter approach doesn't work.
• Don't like when people don't follow through on what they say. Screams "you don't matter" in my head.
• Seriously love reading blogs. Wonder how I could make a living by doing that?

Feeling a little reflective today. Probably won't post again until I feel I have something more worthwhile to say (or something funny happens, or something ticks me off, or ... yeah, I will probably post again tomorrow even if I don't have much to say. Can't seem to help it.)

Good thoughts from another blog

Does the fact that God knows your thoughts, your motives, your inward attitude keep you awake at night? Do we know what it means to truly repent or is it part of a game we play? Does the fact we can saturate ourselves with things that aren't in line with God's holiness and then come to Him as if nothing has happened bother you? Go read Perry Noble's blog post called "Kissing toilets" and see what you think. What does it reveal about our hearts?

Two thoughts for the price of one

I am finding myself spending more time trying to get my mind around some tough topics. One is the realization that people I know, some even pretty well, may be going to hell. Yeah, I have always know that, but I don't live it with much urgency. I have rationalized in the past that I can't push them or say certain things around them as it may offend them and I may lose an opportunity when they are ready to talk about it, but really that is the easy way out. They may talk about a relationship with Christ in a theoretical sense or even go consistently to church, but that doesn't mean they are going to heaven. I think a lot of times, I am more concerned with how they will view me instead of the fact that they may be gambling with their eternity. Don't know when you cross that line from being concerned with them to being pushy, but I think I truly have a lot of room before I get to the pushy stage. Looking at some of the friendships that I have challenged, they really haven't been hurt any when I have questioned what they believe or how they are living that out. They may not agree and are fine with where they are at currently, but it doesn't change the fact that I need to be doing my part as well. Can't shy away from the tough assignments even though I would rather pretend a lot of times that everyone I know is going to be included with the lambs. Reality tells me otherwise.

Second thought is I wonder if I will ever be able to clearly say what I believe. I know the core of what I believe, but I have been challenged a lot recently in what all that means. Things I used to take for granted, I now wrestle with and try to figure out how that plays out in my life. Things I haven't really thought about or taken the time to look at seem to be popping up with greater frequency. I don't think it is a bad thing, but a sign that I am growing. I just wonder if it all makes sense at some point. Do we get to the place where the doubts or questions we don't know how to answer finally become clear to us? I feel like the more people I know, the more I study, the more I question, the less I know. Maybe I am just realizing that there aren't any easy answers. The circumstances, the people, my past all influence what I believe and that is constantly changing. What I believed with conviction 5 years ago may not be the same as today. Some days my head just hurts from trying to make sense of it all.

Our newest ornament

We have a new ornament on our tree now. It is a picture of my friend Brian. Why exactly you might ask? Well let's just say it seems like it was my 25th choice. Not that I don't love Brian and am thrilled to have his picture (in a stylish suit coat and all), it is just that it wasn't my first choice (or second or third or...). We had an ornament exchange for our Sunday school class this weekend with dirty Santa rules. For those of you who might not know what that means, it means that when it is your turn to pick you can open a new gift bag or steal from someone else if you like theirs better. After a couple of times being stolen the ornament is then frozen and can no longer be taken. Well it turns out that whatever ornament I picked tended to be the one everyone else wanted. So I got to open way more gifts than everyone else, but also ended up with the picture of Brian on the second to last pick. Amazingly the last person to pick didn't want it or as a matter of fact neither did his wife. (Some lame excuse on her part about already having the picture available on her computer to begin with. Weak excuse if you ask me.) The party was fun and more importantly it is a good reminder that we are part of an awesome community of friends (strange definitely, but also awesome. Matter of fact, I am now waiting on a picture of Lane to balance out the tree. I figure it they can give me such strange and unusual gifts for my birthday then they deserve a prominent place on our tree as well.) A huge part of community and doing life together is having fun. I love the fun we have with our core friends. I also know that if I needed one of them at 4 a.m. that they would be there as well. That is doing life together for me. The incredibly fun times as well as those moments on the other end of the spectrum. I feel so incredibly fortunate to have that type of community with our friends. The thing is that it doesn't happen by accident. It takes reaching out and investing in other people's lives - the good parts and the hard parts. If you don't have that community with some people right now, start the process and find some people to start living it out with. Trust me you won't regret it. You may end up with some strange ornaments, but also some incredible friendships.

Experience or do?

"There's a lot I want to exprerience, but not a lot I want to actually do." What do you think about that quote in regards to the church? I read this quote this morning on Seth Godin's blog and it got me thinking about us as the church. It often seems to me that we are about the experience of church, but not really living it out. The doing part is the risky part. The part where you may fail or people may criticize you for doing things differently. The experience part to me is a lot of times about me. I want to feel good. I want to feel like I belong. Me, me, me.... We can experience things and not really accomplish much. I think that experiencing something can mean being there but not really investing in it. I can experience a football game. Go and watch, cheer for my team to win, but I haven't really done much to impact the game itself. Now if I am out there playing, even if in a small role, I affect the outcome. I may miss a tackle or catch the winning touchdown, but at least I am in the game. Success or failure, I am doing something. What if the church became more about doing? We are known by the fruit we bear, not by the number of experiences we have. I know our faith isn't based on our works alone, but I think it is based on more than some talk and warm fuzzy feelings. What are you experiencing that you should be doing? An experience may be the launching pad to doing something, but at some point we actually have to do something. Invest somewhere today.

One word

I love spontaneity and randomness. I often ask questions that ask people to describe something in one word. When I ask how would you describe me in one word, as long as the answer isn't "predictable" we are going to get along fine. Predictable to me means boring. I know some people like predictable and that is okay as long as you allow room for things to shake up that predictability. I love the feeling of wondering what is coming around the corner in my life. What is the next big adventure that I get to be a part of? I don't have it figured out how to be reliable and dependable and still maintain that randomness that I desire, but I am willing to venture out and try to make it happen. I was recently described as challenging. Not sure that I like to be described that way either but at least it wasn't predictable. Okay, this is the interactive part of this blog. Some of you who read this consistently (or more than once) time for your participation. Based on reading this blog or if you know me well, what word would you use to describe me? (And it can't be "predictable" because I know some of you would do that just because. Also there is always an understood "and why?" when I ask a question.) (Bonus points for those overachievers - what word would describe you and what word don't you like used to describe you?) Participate today. Don't wait for the long lines to form. Make a move to take some action now. Don't make me call you out by name. Have fun and be creative!

Spring cleaning in December

I am in a mood to get rid of junk. This last week I was up in the attic getting down our Christmas decorations (We probably have enough stuff to decorate every room in our house and two trees at a minimum. Have to say my wife loves Christmas decorations, music and basically anything related to this time of the year.) when I came across some boxes with various stuff in them. Looking through these boxes I wondered why I had kept some of the things in there. Things that I am sure 5 years ago meant enough for me to save it, but looking at it today I couldn't tell you what significance it had. So out it is going. Some going in the trash, other stuff going to others who can hopefully get some use out of it. I found 3 coats of mine that I don't wear anymore and probably never will. Couldn't somebody living out on the streets, or somebody whose house got burned down, etc. get a lot more use out of those than letting them sit in our attic? I don't want more things to replace those either. I want to simplify. That doesn't mean we get rid of everything and live with the bare necessities (huge sigh of relief from our boys I am sure), but it does mean that I don't acquire more things just to have things.

I have also decided there is some other junk I need to get rid of. Things from my past that I have been carry around for too long, hurts, insecurities, doubts - you name it, we all have stuff we hold onto that really needs be thrown out. The hard part is that I know that this type of cleaning isn't a one time process. It will need to be done again and again as I start collecting more junk that I don't need. This is the area I really want to simplify my life in. Learning to live in the moment and not hold too tightly to the past or worry about what is coming around the corner. To live fully in the moment. Get a head start on your January resolutions and spring cleaning. What do you need to clean out?

Experiencing life to the fullest

I am learning to live life closer to the edge and not be so timid. Having the desire to shake things up and want to experience a more radical life. Learning to follow through and explore my dreams and not settle for thinking "maybe some day." Over the last six months or so, I feel the perfect storm has happened in my life. I feel I have drastically changed or probably a better definition is that I am becoming more of who I was created to be. Lots of who I am has always been there - the questions asked to better understand and challenge, the desire to have real relationships, the desire to challenge the status quo, wanting to be a better husband, dad and friend, the love of learning new things. All things that been a part of me for a long time, but the change is the way they are displayed in my life. What created this perfect storm? Hard to say what all has influenced it but a few things definitely stand out - the start of it was my changes in jobs. It seems my creativity (which is limited especially compared to the creative people I am surrounded with in my life) was freed up tremendously once the stress of my old job was removed. I want to do things in ways they have never been done before. I want to meet new people and challenge those who say things can't been done a certain way. Another huge factor was the influence of certain people in my life. I am challenged, humbled, motivated and extremely blessed by the impact of those friends. I know what transparency looks like, I know what humility looks life, I know the fun that can be had, I know what patience looks like, I know what "doing life together" means. Another part is the desire to expand my view of the world. This has been shaped by the books I read, the blogs that challenge and inspire me, the friends who are constantly refining my perspective. I see the homeless differently, I want to make a difference in our community and foreign places, I want to write, I want the Church to be what it was created to be, I want to lead even though I don't feel qualified, I want to be labeled a radical, the main thing is I don't want to settle. I don't want to settle for mediocre friendships, I don't want to settle for "that is the way we have always done things", I don't want to settle for it can't be done, I don't want to settle for the American dream, I don't want to settle for being an average husband or dad, I want to challenge, push, and love differently than the norm. I still have doubts, I question what impact one person can make, I don't feel qualified or even have a clue what I am doing a lot of the time, but I want to live this one shot at life passionately and with purpose. I want God to say that is what I created you to be all along.