Desperation

"Let's be leaders who are not merely dependent upon our own strategies...but rather are DESPERATE to see Him move in a way that is unexplainable and undeniable." - from Perry Noble's blog today

I wonder if a lot of the time I don't hear God because I don't really think I need Him. I have my plans, I am using the latest strategies, I know how to manage, but then... a crisis happens. My plans are turned upside down, my strategies don't work, everything is out of control... I become desperate. Then I turn to God. I know I can't handle it and am willing to listen. A crisis doesn't mean you aren't necessarily following God. It doesn't mean that He is disciplining you. It may be a reminder though. A reminder that He is in control, not us.

Some of us don't want to rely on others. We want to do it ourselves. Needing helps means we aren't in control. We aren't as strong as we think. It means we don't know as much as we think we do. We haven't got it all figured out. I wonder if that point of desperation... that point where we have run out of our options... is where God longs for us to be? So desperate for Him that we passionately pursue His vision and not our own. We keep asking and listening until we know.

Are you flying solo? Do you have it all under control? What happens when the crisis occurs (and it will at some point)? Are you desperate enough to search for God? Are you willing to ask others for help? Seems we have to get over ourselves before we are really of much use. As long as I'm in control, the outrageous, unexplainable and seemingly impossible probably isn't going to happen. Are you desperate for God?

Why?

Hanging out with a friend last night (BTW, I simply love having 3 or 4 hours of conversations about life with the friends I am close to. Not conversations about the weather or a sports team, but about the fun, hard to understand and challenging parts of life. I can always count on random conversations from the important to the funny when I get together with my good friends.), I did a poor job of trying to explain something to him and have been thinking about a better way to explain it. The question sort of came down to this - Why pray? Shouldn't we just do it ourselves?

Seems a lot of people fall into one of two different sides. The first being that we should work our butts off and accomplish everything we can on our own. The second being, pray about it and wait for God to take care of it. Both are right and wrong in my opinion. The first says I can do everything by myself. The second says I don't have to do anything. For me, it is a combination of those two things. I have a part to play and God has the rest. I have certain abilities and need to use those, but there are some things that are beyond me. Kind of like playing on a team. I may play midfield on a soccer team. I have certain things that I am suppose to do in playing that position. I set up the strikers. I play the first line of defense. For the team to work, I have to do my part, but I don't play keeper. The keeper can do things that I can't. He can catch the ball. He can punt it. He sees the whole field and directs players where to set up. Neither player works on his own. Not a perfect analogy I know. God could simply play the whole field and doesn't need us. But, for whatever reason, he has chosen us to play a role. We are to display His love where we are at. We are the plan he chose. So we have a part to play, but we aren't expected and can't do it alone.

So why pray? Doesn't He already know what we need? Yeah, I think he does, but he won't impose on us. He will wait for us to take part in the plan. He won't force us to do anything. He may want you to help you, but He will let you make that choice.

Also what we need, may be different than what we are praying about. We often think we know what is best, but really we don't have a clue most of the time. If we did know what was best like we often think we do, then why do we constantly mess things up. Oh wait, that is when we blame God. Funny how we think we can't mess up and don't need any help, but still we are willing to blame God when our way doesn't work.

How does it all work? Don't have a clue. Why does He choose to do things that don't always make sense to me? Probably the same reason that a parent makes choices that might not make sense to a 3 year old. He understands a whole more than me.

Don't know if that helps in any way or just makes things muddier. So what do you think? Why pray?

Leadership skills they forgot to teach

Took a self-assessment test on-line about leadership today. It was based on the book "Derailed: 5 lessons of Catastrophic Failures of Leadership" by Tim Irwin. The interesting thing to me was what he determined as the four key areas that can derail a leader. They are as follows:

• Authenticity - alignment between the inner person and the outer person - between beliefs, values and behavior
• Humility - "Self-forgetfulness" - channeling one's ambition towards excellence in performance, rather than self-aggrandizement
• Courage - choosing to do the right thing under difficult circumstances
• Self-management - skill, insight, sensitivity, impulse control, optimism, and persistence applied in the particular environment in which we work and live

Funny that those aren't what are usually taught as the important things in becoming a leader in school. Haven't seen many classes to teach humility or authenticity. Seems that the opposite of these are what is usually stressed as what is need to be successful. I think courage is the one that jumps out to me the most. Choosing to do the right thing even when it is difficult. It is easier to follow the crowd or to compromise in the little things, but isn't that where the derailment usually begins? We don't realize that a compromise in the gray areas or the little things will lead us to possibly a huge failure down the road. We arrogantly think that when it comes to the "tough" issues we will be able to choose the right thing, but if we can't have courage in the small choices why would the bigger ones be any different? I like this list as litmus test to determine what we should look for in our leaders. If you were going to make a list of 3 qualities that are essential to being a leader, what would it include? I guess more importantly, does your life reflect those qualities?

The good and bad of summer

I love that our summer is busy and our home is open, but sometimes it takes a master schedule to keep track of everything going on. We have boys away at camp while we have extra ones to spend the week or weekend. We have three boys and anywhere from 3 or 4 extra on a part-time basis. I love that our home is the place they gather. It is something that Lisa and I talked about before the boys were old enough to even have friends coming over.

Summer also means that we get to take some trips. I like exploring new places and doing things as a family (Next up is San Antonio with a visit to Sea World and a couple days at Schlitterbahn with one of our extra boys going along with us). Love the more relaxed schedule also. Not something lined up every night of the week which is the way it tends to be during the school year. The down side of summer is that we haven't sees a lot of our friends over the last month (funny how they have trips planned also) and that sometimes the relaxed schedule leads to boredom for the boys.

That's the thing with life in general. With the good there is sometimes some bad as well. With the bad there can possibly be some good just around the corner as well. We get a little bit of both. With both it is our choice how we see things... I get to relax because I have some down time or I am bored because I don't haven't anything to do. Our attitude and perspective goes a long way in how we see things. What do you choose to see in life... the good or the bad? Just remember it is your choice how you view it. Hope your summer is filled with some fun and a little relaxation along the way.

What did you say?

Unless you are heard, does it really matter what you think you said? I may present the most eloquent, well thought out, completely revolutionary idea, but in the end it doesn't matter if you don't hear it. We tend to think that if we simply restate what we said just moments before (in the exact same manner) that it will all of the sudden be clearer the second time. What I believe is that to be heard, I have to be able to communicate in the way you understand.

This was reinforced to me last night while I was talking with a couple of friends. One of them wants the facts... just give me the steps from point A to point B, the other hears with his heart... tell me a story that I can relate to. So if I wanted to be heard, then I needed to tell them in a way they would understand. Same message, but delivered two totally different ways.

That is the problem. We all have our natural communication style. If someone has the same, then communicating is easier. Trying to explain it to someone with a different style requires some effort on our part. You have to be able to put yourselves in their shoes so to speak. How do they hear? If you want them to get it, then you have to talk their language. Another example of where we have to think about others, when the natural instinct is be concerned more with our own needs or wants.

The problem is even more exaggerated when you are trying to communicate something of importance to a group. You now have an even bigger hurdle to jump as you now have multiple styles of how someone will best hear the idea. Is it important? Then you better plan on saying it multiple ways to the point of where you feel you have maybe over communicated it. Just saying it once or in just one style, you are going to miss a large part of your group.

How do you process the things people try to communicate to you? Can you change your style to talk to someone who hears differently than you? Not easy to do, but worth it if you want to be heard.

Developing over time

Perseverance - an important character trait, but one we don't want to have to develop. We believe in instant gratification, but perseverance is developed over time. Perseverance is the sticking to it of life. It is the staying steady even when the feeling may not be there.

In my push to be more disciplined recently, I've decided perseverance is what will be needed more than anything else. To get up and work out in the morning will require perseverance. My muscle aches, I didn't get enough sleep, I haven't seen the instant results from working out that I want... a ton of reasons not to work out, but perseverance will see me through. The desired results won't happen over night, but it will require a steady, day after day consistency.

Perseverance is that "no matter what" attitude. It can't be shaken. That is pretty radical these days. We sometimes see it sports and we admire it. But more often than not we see the results of it and want those now. We don't want to put in the year after year of training that the athlete went through to reach that place. We want the easy. Which is way different than perseverance. We see it in athletics, but the other areas of life is where perseverance makes a bigger difference. It is sticking with what we know is right even when don't see the instant reward of doing that. It is the integrity to keep making the right choices even though they may not be the easiest ones. It is sticking beside a friend even when the times are tough. It is not being willing to give up on someone or something even though it is hard. Perseverance isn't developed in the easy parts of life, it is grown in the dry patches. Those times when we feel like giving up. When we don't understand the why, but know what the right answer is.

Perseverance won't be easy. It won't be a quick. And for me, it will require assistance from others. People to come along side me and remind that it is worth it even when I don't see it. For those to encourage me to keep moving forward when all I want to do is quit. For those to challenge me to remember what is at stake and to fight for that. Perseverance is developed in our lives, but it should be a team sport in getting there. Are you having trouble staying in the game? Find someone to help you. It may require you to open up and be transparent in the uncomfortable areas of life, but don't forget that it is worth it. Running at a good pace right now in your life, then who can you come along side and encourage, challenge and carry during their rough times? Wherever you are at in live, just don't quit. Keep moving forward even if it is a little bit at a time. Persevere.

Limitations - good or bad?

Are your limitations a good or bad thing? Do you know what your limitations are? I've been thinking about my strengths and weaknesses. There are certain things that I suck at and other things that I do pretty well. I don't think I'm that different from most people. My limitations and strengths may different than yours but we all have some of both.

Now operating out of one of your strong areas can be energizing. You could do it all day long and not get tired of being there. But what about when you are asked to do something in an area of weakness? It can be draining. It can be frustrating. It can be discouraging. But it might be where you are supposed to be. We tend to think that we should only do what comes naturally or operate in our strengths. Our weaker areas we want to avoid. We don't feel that is where we should be.

I wonder if that is true all of the time? As I sat in a meeting last night, the topic of conversation was right in the middle of an area of weakness for me. It wasn't an energizing talk for me to say the least, but I still think I was suppose to be there. I know a lot of my limitations, what I'm good at and where I struggle, but most of the time it isn't really about my limitations. I wonder if a lot of times we place our limitations on others and more importantly on God? Just because I can't do it, doesn't mean the team can't. Just because I am not the best possible candidate in my mind, doesn't mean God can't use that specific weakness to show His strength. (See a little story about stuttering, murderer named Moses and what God used him for.) See we may love to operate in our strengths (and we should), but sometimes we learn the most when we operate in our weaknesses.

So what strength do you need to be using? What area of weakness do you need to grow in? Good chance you will be called to use both. Don't let your limitations keep you from doing what God may have planned for you.

Monday perspective

Lots of random things running through my mind today. Thoughts from the last week, thoughts from things I've read, thoughts about how interesting life can be, thoughts about how to possibly respond to the only request from last week on what topics to cover on here... cross-dressing (thanks for the challenge Dayton.) So in no particular order, the things jumbled up in my mind.

• Last week in San Francisco was awesome. I love the mix of cultures, the fact you can hear five or six different languages in the span of walking two blocks (with most being of Europe and Asian origin), that the temperatures were 35 degrees cooler than here, that there was lots of down time in the evenings to spend with Lisa, that the hotel we stayed at was over 100 years old. It was a week that was unplugged and unhurried for the most part. Which was tough for me. It was as if everything had been put on pause. By the end of the week, I was way more than ready to jump back into life. A nice break from the normal, but I'm ready to be surrounded by community again. (There were probably even some cross dressers there as well. That's about all I've got for you Dayton. No personal experience to draw from on that topic. How about you?)
• What makes us live lives smaller than what God intended? What do we tell ourselves or hear from others that makes us willing to accept the manageable instead of what could be? What is holding you back? We have big dreams and settle for less than those. The strange thing is that God has more than even those big dreams intended for us. We settle for less than what we can imagine let alone try to live what God sees us possible of doing.
• Funny what we treat so nonchalantly. I was talking to a friend on the phone shortly after he had been in a car wreck. "Yeah, we flipped about 6 times according to some people who were behind us." Said as if that happens every day. No big deal. I meet with some college age guys who talk the same nonchalant way about their lives. Lives that have more twist and turns than I can imagine. Kids raising the parents, abuse as if it was no big thing, drugs a normal part of growing up, all just treated so nonchalantly. Kids that have seen more life in a short time than I probably ever will. Kids that have learned to cope with the absurd as if it was normal. Funny what we can get use to. Wonder if that is why we often treat Jesus so nonchalantly as well? It is just part of the process, right?
• Saw Toy Story 3 and Karate Kid over the last week. Both good flicks that I would recommend. (Not some sort of, kind of recommendation that can later be denied as being a recommendation like some people... Lane... give. 5 out of 5 stars on both.) Also have managed to watch quite a bit of the World Cup action. USA was robbed of a goal on some phantom call that no one can explain. Shouldn't have been down by two goals in the first place, but still should have won instead of settling for a draw. (Which by the way, how bizarre to have a sport that accepts a tie. Can't think of any other sport where they just leave it at a tie.)
• Decided that today was the day to start being more disciplined. No more excuses. Last night I felt overwhelmed with life - finances, lack of physical discipline, selfish beyond belief, just to name a few of my thoughts. So today it starts over. I started P90X again (out of town trips have made it sporadic at best) and eating better. Back to living within the budget. Not worrying about how I feel, but trying to be more concerned with serving others. And starting the morning off with some time reading the Bible and praying consistently. May not ever be perfect at any of the above things, but I know I can do better in all of those areas.

Let Monday begin now.

Ready for the weekend

It's Friday so that must mean it is time for a post of my random thoughts. These are the things that bounce around in my head during the week. Things that make me pause, things that I find funny or just random thoughts I have. So enjoy.

• I've sent out two e-mails so far today. One to say "I'm sorry" and another to say "You were right". Why are those some of the hardest words to say? Amazing how much pride I can have and not want to admit that I could possibly be wrong about anything.
• Been a week to touch base with friends I haven't talked to much recently. Traded e-mails, texts and phone calls with several friends in the last couple of days. Love hearing what is going on in their lives. Also love the fact that I can bypass all of the surface and just jump into the real questions without much effort.
• Amazed at how God works. Simply amazed. I was having trouble seeing the point in some things and He allowed me to see the answer to my why questions. That doesn't always happen, but it was very refreshing for me this week because it did.
• Looking forward to answering a message I got last night from a friend that was full of questions. Bring on the questions. I love my friends. Even though they are just as twisted, random and unbalanced as me.
• Also looking forward to a week of being unplugged. No activities for the boys to plan around in the evenings, no access to a computer and probably limited responses to any phone calls/ text messages. Also get to hang out in the evenings with my wife. A week long date. How cool is that? That and the fact the temperatures are suppose to be in the mid-60s. Oh yeah, bring on the week. (By the way, that means no blog posts next week. And there was great weeping heard around the country. Yeah right.)
• Okay just for fun. If you read this blog, leave a comment of what topic you would like to see covered here. When I get back, if there are any suggested topics, I might take a shot at giving my thoughts on it.

Let the weekend begin!

Staying out of trouble

"We haven't given them something worthy of giving themselves completely over to. Instead we've settled for simply trying to keep them out of trouble. We are training them to be good little boys and girls... The truth is you can stay out of trouble but fall short of your calling. You can stay out of trouble, but live a life of little impact or significance." - Steve Furtick

I love working with high school students and their outrageous belief that God can accomplish the impossible. But I think we often fail them. We try to contain that belief and tell them to be realistic. We try to make sure they follow the big three of no sex, alcohol or drugs. We try to set up all of the boundaries that they need to stay within. We say here are the rules and if you follow them, then you will stay out of trouble. It isn't about staying out trouble. It is about chasing the amazing example of being like Jesus. See he didn't do a very good job of staying out of trouble. He hung out at parties (gasp), he had friends who had lived lives of promiscuous sex (we don't want our kids hanging out with that kind of person), he got the religious pissed off because he didn't follow the rules (students should follow the rules and not wear that in a worship service), and he generally turned all of their rules upside down. I wonder if that is because to Him it wasn't about the rules or staying out of trouble, but about them being great men and incredible women who were madly in love with God and living a life focused on loving others? I wonder if we spent less time on the rules and more time challenging them to chase that God, if those other things might lose their pull? Would casting that vision in front of students be worth them keeping their pants on? Let's stop trying to control the behaviours and give them something worth pursuing.

I feel I need to add that I don't follow rules very well so I might be a little biased here, but hard to argue with Jesus' example. Don't look for me to be the filter of what is appropriate rules to follow. Pretty simple rules for me. Am I loving God and loving others? The rest are details that I am not sure really matter that much. If we can get those two rules down, I think we will be fulfilling what God has called us to do. (I know my friends will be shocked to find out that I don't follow the rules very well. I'm so predictable in my desire to be a rule follower.)

Encouragment part II

Can 5 minutes make a difference? Definitely! Well, at least for me they can. They made a huge difference for me today and my guess is they might for someone else as well. Five, ten or even thirty minutes really isn't that big of a deal. You might miss a T.V. show that you can DVR or you might have to get up a little earlier or stay up a little later or give up a little bit of your downtime (seemingly non-existent if you have little ones), but man, can that time be used to invest in someone else's life. You might not call it an investment when you do it and you might not even know the impact it has, but to quote a friend of mine "it was really good for my soul" today because a friend took some of his valuable time (and he is super busy like all of us) to encourage me. And I really needed that today.

Lane took the time to hang with me a couple times today. To listen to me (a rare commodity), to challenge me (it is the loving thing to do), to laugh some with me (another important quality that is often over-looked) and to talk about life. I love conversations like that. Then he blew me away this afternoon by giving me some more encouragement. Words that affirm who am I and let me know that it matters. Encouragement that will continue to impact me for a long time.

See that is the thing with encouragement. It doesn't take a lot of time, but it does take being intentional. It means taking the focus off of myself for a little while and using that time to build someone else up. See I spend the vast majority of the day focused on me, but when I take that time to instead to pour into someone else, my time is way better spent.

So look around you. Who do you need to encourage? Who could benefit from you investing a few minutes of your day in them? It won't cost you much, maybe a little time, but it can make a huge difference in their life. What are you waiting for?

The little things

How do you handle the tough things in life - the hard decisions to make, the difficult conversations to have, admitting you are wrong and asking for forgiveness, dealing with the consequences? I think these are the things that define who we are. These are the types of situations you can't fake with a smile and pretend everything is okay. These define your character and integrity. The good times are fun and they reveal parts of who we are, but the difficult shows the cracks. When you apply pressure or stress to an object it will reveal where the defects are at. Same with us. The tough situations will reveal who you are.

The question is when these situations occur, and they will, how are you going to handle them? Are you willing to let others see your faults and help you or do you "man up" and tackle it on your own? The pressure will come and others are watching how you respond. We think a lot of the time we live in a vacuum and our choices don't impact others, but the reality is that our choices are influencing others. They see the real character and integrity of who we are or where we are lacking in those. The small choices we make each day lead us to how we will handle the tough ones. Compromise your character and choices in the small things and when the stress is there the cracks will only grow larger. So maybe the better question is how are you going to handle the small things in life? What does your actions today say about your character and integrity? Character and integrity are built one choice at a time and it only takes a little compromise to cause a dangerous crack in the foundation.

Worthy pursuit

Is it worth pursuing? I wonder if we ask that question quite frequently without knowing it. Is it worth the effort that it will require? Or will I just sit back and see what comes along?

I often talk on this blog about pursuing Jesus. See to me pursuing something means I am determined to do my best in that pursuit. It is a choice I make to whole-heartedly chase after something. I chose to pursue my wife when we were dating. To put my best effort forward. (Hopefully, I continue to show that same kind of pursuit even though we have been married for quite awhile now.) It isn't something you would do with a weak, half-hearted attempt. A pursuit implies that it matters deeply to you and something you are willing to sacrifice for.

What are you willing to pursue? A lot of the times we give lip service to pursuing things. We know something is important and we talk about pursuing it, but are we willing to sacrifice for it? Talking about doing something isn't the same as doing it. Pretty simple huh? But still we often do that. We talk about what we are going to do, but then we never get around to actually doing it.

Complacency is the easy answer. It doesn't require me to do anything. It is the opposite of pursuing something. Sometimes I think we get to spot in our pursuit where we stop to rest and forget to start pursuing again. We become complacent and comfortable where we are at. We take things for granted. We feel we are entitled. We have stopped pursuing.

So what is important enough for you to pursue? What are you willing to sacrifice for? Jesus? Community? Your family? Your career? Friendships? Are you actively chasing those things? Are you making any sacrifices? Or are you complacent? What is worth pursuing?

Good enough?

Am I good enough? Do you ever ask this question? Do you ever struggle with the need to be constantly improving? I don't want to be just average. I don't want to settle for just okay. Am I a good husband? Am I good dad? Am I good friend? Am I good employee? Am I a good leader? Am I good sponsor? What do I need to do to be better? It is a never ending process. I don't think it is wrong to want to be better, but...

Sometimes that means I miss the moment. I miss the chance to celebrate the good that is happening right now. If I am always looking to the future then I can forget to enjoy the present. It is kind of like being on vacation and being so busy planning your next trip you don't take the time to enjoy the one you are on. It isn't bad to be planning ahead but we can miss some of the fun and incredible moments happening right now. I can look so far down the road that I miss the chance to enjoy the good.

Also the same applies to God. I work hard at trying to be better. I try to earn His love. If I read my bible every morning, if I pray often enough, if I... but I can't be good enough on my own. I will fail. I won't measure up. I will sin. I am so busy trying to be good enough that I forget to enjoy the moment. I miss the chance to hear Him say he loves me just because. Just because He created me. Just because He wants to spend time with me. It isn't based on what I can do or how good I can become. It is simply because of who He is. Trying to be better and improve myself isn't wrong, but I don't want to miss the great because I am busy trying to be good enough.

Sometimes I need to hear someone answer the question "Am I good enough?" Hear someone say that it matters that I am part of their life. That it does make a difference. Sometimes I need that encouragement, but I don't ever want to get so busy trying to be good enough that I forget the simple fact that am I loved just as I am right now. How much I am loved isn't based on how well I perform. I am good enough because He is perfect.

Random thoughts from the last 24 hours

It is interesting to me how many random things catch my attention. They may only hold my attention for a minute, but they still capture it for a little while. So here are some of the random things that have held my thoughts captive over the last 24 hours. (Some of them I will continue to dwell on for quite awhile, while others of them will be quickly forgotten shortly after writing them.)

• Saw that the Al and Tipper Gore are getting divorced after 40 years of marriage. Really? This is sad to me. Sad that you could love someone for that long and then be willing to give up on that. Don't know anything about their marriage (obviously), but isn't it worth fighting for? On a brighter side, I'm going to St. Louis this week to celebrate the fact that my parents will have been married 50 years later this year. I feel incredibly blessed to have their example of what a loving marriage looks like in my life.
• Noticed a "slippery when wet" sign this morning as I came into the building. I pass it every morning on my way in, but I just now noticed it. (Not bad. It only took about 2 years to notice it.) Do we really need to tell someone that if something is wet that it will probably be slippery as well? Isn't this common knowledge? Do we really need signs for obvious things? Maybe I give too much credit to people on what should be common sense. I really don't think common sense is really all that common. (Also laughed at this sign for other reasons, but I won't bring that up.)
• Being teachable is an important quality that doesn't get enough recognition. Hard quality to come by as a lot of people think they have it all figured out. (Funny how you can have it figured out and the person who disagrees with you can also have it figured out. Someone must be wrong.) Teachable means you are humble enough to know that there are things that you can still learn whether you are 14 or 72. I don't think you can be too humble. I dare you to try? (Which by the way, humility can't be faked. Maybe for a little while, but it is a characteristic of who you are or it isn't.)
• Felt kind of quiet last night for no particular reason. I appreciated the friend who asked me (a couple of times actually) if something was wrong. There wasn't, but I noticed I felt more joy when I was able to start focusing on someone else. Sometimes serving and focusing on others may be the best cure for our problems. It takes the spotlight off of ourselves and lets us love others. We are really good at loving ourselves, but we can always use the practice at loving others.
• Don't watch much TV or very consistently for that matter, but if I was to pick a character that I relate to the most it would be Jim from "The Office". I love when a comment is made and he gives that look to the camera. That look that says "Did you get what they just said?" I experience that frequently. It is best when it can be shared with someone else who gets it. Nothing more frustrating that having one of those comments made and no one to share it with. Love that my wife has been corrupted by me (her words) and catches those most of the time and that some of my good friends also operate on the same immature level as me. Makes live more interesting and fun. (Also like the character that he played in the movie "It's Complicated")

Hope you notice some random things that make you laugh today. Look around because they are there. Also hope you have some thoughts that make you did a little deeper as well. Good balance of both of these are good. Enjoy your Wednesday!