What to say

Do you say what needs to be said? Not what you want to say, not what is easiest to say, not to be quiet when it needs to be said... but to actually say the things that need to be talked about.

If you are a Christian, we are told to confess to one another, but I still rarely see that happen. As we discussed this a little bit last night, the thought that struck me was that not confessing may be the ultimate in selfishness. We continue to try to control the situation and choose to disobey God. Not saying what needs to be said is about protecting our image. We can give lip service to doing the right things, but if we need to confess and don't, then we are out of alignment with God. Wonder why we are so infrequently willing to talk about the sin in our lives when we know it is there? Other than pride, what holds us back? Sounds pretty selfish to me.

Another thought that has been floating around in my mind this morning is this. If we do what we are suppose to do 95% of time, we are still totally disobedient. 95% may get you an 'A' in school and put you in the top of the class, but with God that 5% of not listening, doing, saying, confessing or whatever still makes you disobedient to Him. He wants it all. Kind of circling around with my thoughts of loving God with all of my heart, mind, soul and strength. I want the easy out when things are tough. I want the reason that lets me slide on something that I know I should do. I want that 5% wiggle room, but God wants it all. Anything less is disobedience.

So what do you need to say? Now go do it. Anything less isn't acceptable.

Variety to start your day

Definitely in A.D.D. mode already this morning. Couldn't quite seem to land on one thought to write about so that must mean it is a random bullet point day. Gives you some variety for today.

• What happens when my selfishness collides with your selfishness? I've been thinking about humility a lot recently. To me it is one of those traits in a person that I am drawn to. It is one of those things that can't be faked very easily and even if it is fake I don't think a person can sustain it for long. The hard thing about humility is that you can't recognize it in yourself. The moment you start feeling you are humble probably means you just lost it, but it is something that stands out in others lives. I have a friend who when we first met I was just drawn to. As I got to know him, I decided it was the humility in his life that I found so attractive. He just seemed to live a life looking to serve others and not needing to be promoted. Then I no longer saw that as a defining characteristic of him. My selfishness collided with his selfishness. I stopped striving for humility and stopped seeing it. I want to be defined as living in humility. I have decided it will be a constant battle because it won't be something I can see progress in. I just have to live looking to serve others and fight with my own selfish tendencies.
• Incredible sunrise this morning. One of my favorite things has to be seeing when the sun just breaks over the horizon and the sky is painted in an amazing array of pink and purple. I always want to stop and take a picture (if only I kept a camera with me). Amazed by the creativity of God that captures my imagination.
• Are you a left-brained person or a right-brain person? Are you the creative type or more analytical? I think we all have a certain mode we function best in. For me it depends on the day, but that isn't the normal. The thought I have been wrestling with is that we are told to love God with all of our mind. You may see the world through a Mac lens or a Windows lens, but God wants you to use both. We often use the excuse that we aren't wired to be structured and organized and plan things (that would be you creative types) or that we just can't see why it matters what emotions the look and feel create (that would be the analytical group). Where I am landing is that God wants all of our mind. It takes effort to see things from another perspective. It requires us to be intentional in using both sides of our brain. God created us so he knows how we are wired, but that isn't an excuse to do what is most comfortable. He wants it all.
• I am currently reading "Primal" by Mark Batterson. It was the start of my thoughts on the bullet point above. I am also struggling with the rest of that command, which is to love God with all of my heart, soul and strength. I might unpack a few more of those thoughts as I read through the book and as it filters through as I am reading Acts again.
• My heart hurts for Sean and Sheyenne as they deal with their loss. I have been amazed by their hearts as Shey has shared her thoughts along the journey. I don't know how to comfort someone I don't know extremely well and who is half way across the country, but their story is impacting me in ways that is hard to explain. One of those situations I don't know how to explain the "whys" of but stand amazed at the strength I see in their hurt. They are some incredible people and so glad that they have opened their struggles for me to catch another glimpse of God even when it is painful.

Off to see "Shutter Island" tonight, so if I can't sleep tonight because I am spooked, I might be writing another post in the middle of the night. Hope you have an incredible day and take the chance to be amazed during your day.

Speaking when no one else will

Awkward silence. No one wants to answer the question, but everyone wants to hear the other answers. We wait until it is safe. We wait until others have opened the tough discussions before we decide to ease into the fringes of the discussion. The elephant in the room that everyone wants to pretend isn't there. We are curious, but not willing to be open about our own thoughts. So the awkward silence exists.

Are you willing to speak even when no one else does? Are you the one who needs to start the difficult conversation? You won't get credit for it. You will feel you are on the ledge by yourself. Wondering if the others will join in or leave you out there by yourself. Are you willing to be real even though it may be uncomfortable?

What question is out there that you need to answer? What elephant needs to be dealt with? Are you willing to be the one to start the conversation when no one else will? The awkward silence is waiting for someone to speak when no else will.

Random thoughts as I jump back in

I've been a little slack in writing on here. Just haven't had much to say publicly, but have had lots of thoughts. I'm in one of those spots in life where things feel in transition. For as much as I like change, I can't stand change in my friendships. So it has been hard for me to decide to step back from some of those relationships. Nothing bad, no arguments, just a sense that what was is no longer what will be.

Some days I long for the freedom I had in relationships as a teenager. The ability to hang out all night and talk about the important and the not so important and then turn around and do it again the next day. Not saying that I want to be a teenager again (I don't), because I like where I am at in life. I have an incredible wife and an amazing family. I just don't like the structure that life as an adult requires sometimes. I want the freedom to invest in people without having to schedule it out two weeks in advance. Teenagers haven't perfected how to hide behind the walls of the image of having it all together like most adults try to portray. It takes effort to peel back the layers we hide behind but we don't make the time to do that. It gets lost in rush of busyness. We have meetings to go to, jobs, family commitments, and the list is endless.

That is part of where I am at and part of what prompted my decision for Lent. For Lent I decided to give up T.V. I don't watch a lot of programs, but that is time that I can spend investing in others and in my relationship with God. What would you do with an extra 5 or 10 hours a week? I often hear people say there just aren't enough hours in the day... well I think I have just found some extra time in my week. Lent is relatively new thing for me. Curious about you. Do you give up something or decided to do something for Lent? (Know one couple who decided to have sex every night during Lent. I think a couple coming closer together can bring them closer to God as well and that is the point of Lent.) So to quote a friend of mine, that is me right now. I've been reading quite a bit lately so those thoughts might be making it on here soon. We'll see if I can't get back into being a little more consistent on here. I know my three readers will appreciate it.

More than actions

Have you heard the quote "actions speak louder than words"? I've always felt that was true, but I wonder if we need to even dig a little deeper. Maybe add - reactions speak even louder. How I react to something reveals what is really in my heart. I can act a certain way and not really believe it, but how I react shows what really lies underneath. Words are only as meaningful as the actions and reactions that back them up. There is a reason for the phrase "talk is cheap". Words don't cost you anything. You can promise something or say you will act a certain, but without the action it doesn't add up to much. Likewise though you can act a certain way, but without the love behind the action does it really count for much? Reactions match the intent with the actions. You say you are a christian... does how you react support that? What are your reactions saying about you? Never mind the words... if we get it to our heart then the actions and reactions will speak a whole lot louder and clearer that even shouting the words can. We are told to love God with all of our heart. Do you act like it? Do you react like it?

Let me tell you a story

About a year and half ago I had an idea. One of those ideas that when I ran it past my wife I am sure she was thinking "Oh crap! What are we in for this time?" (She probably didn't say crap, but whenever I say I have an idea it causes her to hesitate and wonder what we are in for now. Anytime I start a conversation this way, I am sure she thinks I am about to rock the boat and usually she is right.) It started with something I read (I think from one of Craig Groeschel's books, but I wouldn't guarantee it) as a lot of my ideas do. The basic plan was to open our home and lives to some incredible friends every Saturday night. Hence the "open refrigerator night" was born.

We didn't have a clue what it would look like, but we had buy in from everyone. I can honestly say we look forward to Saturday nights every week. Our boys are disappointed if for some reason not everyone is coming over to our house on Saturday. Those nights are also some of the nights I have laughed the hardest. Any game we play has the potential for lots of laughter. Whether it Kelli's competitive side coming through, inappropriate (not sure that there is much off limits with this group) comments made (and not just by the guys either) or just the fun of being together. Dinner allows us a chance to talk about life, from the serious to the not so serious. It is a chance to slow down and enjoy each other.

I also have a greater appreciate for those with the gift of hospitality. To prepare dinner for usually 12 or 13 people (with several more to be thrown in the count when they get a little older) was an new experience. I had no clue what was involved, but love the chance to do it. I often think of how easy my parents and Lisa's made it look. We grew up with people always coming over and they still can prepare for 20 people to invade their houses without it phasing them. I also think about Patricia Wilson and how often she has opened their home and prepared food for large numbers of people. (Teenagers no less.) About how easy Pat Howe makes it look as well when their family comes over. (And family includes a lot of people.)

The friends that come over - Shanna, Brian, Beth, Cole, Levi, Shurabe, Hope, Lane, Kelli, Canon, and Ledger - have impacted our live tremendously. These are some of the people we choose to go through life with. The friends we laugh with, lean on and enjoy life together. What started as an idea a year and half ago, is so much better now than I could have ever imagined. Thank you for being such a huge part of our lives.

A challenge

How often do you step back and do a real hard, critical examination of your life? Do you open yourself up for others to take a look? I am in that process now. Here is a couple of things that I am learning.

• I don't have it all figured out. Duh, right? But I often pretend that I do. Reality is that I may be farther down the road in understanding some things than others due to my experiences and the way I'm wired, but that doesn't mean I have arrived. Ever have one of those moments where you are pretty confident of something and then someone will offer a different perspective or opinion and your internal response (maybe even out loud) is "Oh, crap! I never thought of that." Seems to happen frequently with me. I am incredibly lucky to be surrounded by people who are constantly doing that for me. They widen my perspective and help me to see things from another angle. I don't have it figured out, but I need to keep at the process of learning.
• Tackle the tough areas. You know that area that you don't want to deal with because you know it will be messy. Dive in and deal with it. Ignoring it doesn't make it go away. Pretending it doesn't exist doesn't solve anything either. This is the area where an outside perspective is needed the most and probably the hardest to let someone in. It will be awkward. It could be a painful process, but how is ignoring the elephant in the room going for you? I think the scariest thing for a lot of people is letting down their guard and risking letting someone see the stuff we like to push to the back corners - the selfishness, the addiction, the fact we are screwed up.
• Don't wait until it is convenient because it will never be convenient. Are you too busy right now? Wonder who controls the choices of how we spend our time? I often try to convince myself it is out of my control, but reality is my choices are what lead to where I am at on the path. It may be painful to change direction or take a step back, but often that discipline is what is required if I truly want to change. First step in changing is evaluating where I am at. Honestly and brutally sifting through it all.
• I can't do it on my own. As much as I want to convince myself that I can handle it, I need others to help. I need someone to challenge me, someone to encourage me, someone to ask the questions I want to ignore. I can lie to myself and not feel bad, but it is a lot harder to look someone else in the eye and do it. It is painfully obvious when someone needs help and won't ask, so why do we think we are any different?

So those are some of the things I have been wrestling with recently. Probably not anything new to you, but are you willing to dive in and do some examination in your life? The challenge is there. Your choice.

Commitment

How committed are you? What would your list of committed to "no matter what" look like? My guess is those are the things you care about the most.

I went and saw "The Book of Eli" last night. Good movie and I also happen to like most of Denzel's films. One of the thoughts I had after the movie was how committed Eli (Denzel's character) was to his purpose. 30 years spent for one purpose. Sounds like some serious commitment to me. So what are you willing to stand for? Who are you willing to stand by?

Had a friend throw out the idea that dating may actually be a training tool for divorce. We learn how to break up. How to walk away from the other person. A practice of how to walk away from marriage later on. Don't know if I buy the idea, but it made me think. We see so much that trains us to just walk away. That everything is disposable. Tired of a relationship just walk away. Don't feel like pursuing something anymore, then just quit. Kind of the opposite side of the mantra "if it feels good, then do it"...."if it doesn't feel good, then walk away".

Commitment means more than just feelings. It is that "no matter what" attitude. Even if I don't feel like serving someone, I will. Even if I don't feel happy at the moment, I will keep at it. Even though they drive me crazy (because they are just like me or just the opposite of me), I will still stay with it. Commitment is our choice in spite of what we may be feeling. So what are you willing to commit to?

Pardon the interruption

Maybe it is just the perspective I have at my age. Maybe it is the fact that things were slowed way down the past four days due to the snow we received. Maybe it is the relationships that have suffered because of the pace we keep. Whatever it is, the following question has captured my attention today.

I understand you are busy, but are you actually doing anything?

I hear the comment about being "so busy" from so many people that I don't think it even registers with me anymore. I know there are times when we can be extremely busy, but the real question is it busy with anything that makes a difference or just busy? We seem to feel the need to fill up all of the minutes of our day. Time spent doing things, but what exactly are we doing? A year from now will it matter? A week from now? Does it even matter an hour from now? Busy does not equal productive or important. Busy equals busy. Nothing more, nothing less. The next time your schedule feels wildly out of control, stop and ask yourself what it is your are actually doing.

Pardon me if the next time you tell me how busy you are if I roll my eyes. I am tired of the important being shoved to the side for the sake of busyness. I have decided to step off the hamster wheel for a while. Running, but getting no where. I want to do some things that matter and not just be busy. Sorry to interrupt your busy schedule, please proceed with what you were doing before.