One of my favorite words

Can you be too honest? Think about that question some. Are there degrees of honesty? Can you be honest to a point, but once you cross that line you have become too honest? Honesty seems to me to be an either/or type of thing. Either you are honest or you aren't.

I think what people mean when they say that is that you have crossed the boundary of the social acceptable topics. You know, those topics that when people talk about them create an awkward (One of my favorite words. It just sounds awkward saying it.) moment of silence. Are there topics that you can't be honest about? Again that doesn't seem to make sense to me. Why not be honest? Awkward... okay I get that, but let's just call it that.

I like that I have friends that I can talk about those taboo topics. I can ask those questions that may be deemed inappropriate. We become stoic on conversations about our finances, about what our relationships are really like, about those thoughts we don't share with others... you know, we don't want to be too honest about the things that really bother us. We choose to hide behind the fear of too much honesty. That people can't handle us being honest about what we are really like. I wonder if it is more about us not wanting to reveal our flaws than them being able to handle our honesty.

So I guess the question I have is this - Are you willing to talk about the awkward?

Is great a realistic option?

Is great sustainable in a relationship? Can you consistently have a great marriage? Can you have a great friendship that last? Can your relationship with God maintain at that great level?

I was reading about some of the players up for consideration for the pro football hall of fame. We mark them as great in their profession. Why? Because the did it well year after year. They put in the time and effort in the little details. The workouts, the repetition of the plays over and over during practice, the studying of the film, throwing the ball or catching the ball over and over, adjusting the technique to gain an advantage... all of the little details that played out on the field. We saw the results of their total commitment to being the best. Yes, they were usually gifted athletes, but it was the details that made them great.

So you want a great marriage? Are you paying attention to the details? You want a great friendship? Are you paying attention to the details? Want a dynamic relationship with God? Are you paying attention to the details? The details, day in and day out. We look at the results of a great career, a great marriage, someone we would describe as a great friend and we want the end results. But do you want it enough to sacrifice for it? Are you willing to give yourself 100% to it? Are you ready to bring it every day?

I wonder if we want those things, but look for the changes we need to make in the other person to have them. I want a great marriage, but my spouse needs to change_______ (fill in the blank). I would like to have great friends, but they don't _________ (fill in the blank). I want to chase after Jesus, but He needs to do ________ first. We make it about the other person, when I wonder if it isn't about us being selfless. I wonder if we spent more time focused on serving the other person or God if those relationships than trying to change them if they would be great?

Do you want the end results without the work? Sorry, it doesn't happen that way. Test it out. Ask someone who you think has a great marriage, or someone you would describe as a great friend or someone who has a great relationship with God what their secret is. I would bet a large part of it boils down to showing up every day and thinking about the other person. It is about listening when you don't "feel" like it. It is about serving when you don't "feel" like it. It is about spending time with them. It is about being consistent in their lives. So what do you think? Is great an option?

Shh... don't tell

What are your secrets? What are those things that you keep hidden from others? We keep the things that happened to us, the things we did, the addictions we have, the thoughts that we have when we are alone, the feelings that we don't measure up, the fear of rejection, the wrongs we do... we keep them safely to ourselves. What would people think if they find out? So we protect them. We aren't proud of them, but we visit them often. Really they keep us close by. We are never too far from them. Oh, we might go along as if they don't exist, but they are still there quietly behind the curtains where we don't let others know about them. We think we are managing them, but I wonder if they really don't have the control.

We are told to confess our sins. The secrets hold us back. We worry that others will look at us differently or reject us, so we don't confess. We worry that we may lose control of something, so we don't confess. We don't want to admit to the deceitfulness or selfishness that can exist in our hearts, so we don't confess. We want to stop the addiction, but still we don't want others to know, so we don't confess. Confession is about freedom. It isn't about airing your dirty secrets so others can point out your shortcomings or sin. It is about releasing you from the control of the secret. The secrets we keep that hold us back. They keep us from being who God sees us as. Look at that closely. God doesn't hold those things against us. He sees us as we were meant to be, but we choose to keep coming back to those things and put them in charge. Which are you pursuing with abandon - Jesus or keeping your secrets quiet? We throw ourselves into things to keep us busy so that we don't have to think about those secrets.

How brave are you? Are you willing to confess? It may be painful to name those secrets. It may be awkward. It may have consequences. But until we confess, we really don't know what it means to be free. Why would you choose to stay locked up when you can have freedom? It isn't about what you have done, thought, are addicted to, lied about... it is about being free to pursue Jesus with your entire heart. Do you need to confess? Who do you need to talk? What are you waiting for? Don't listen to those familiar whispers telling you to wait until it is convenient or that no one really needs to know or that it isn't really that big of a deal or that you can handle it on your own. Just find someone and confess what it is you are holding on so tightly to.

Living small

"The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren't small, but you're living them in a small way." (II Corinthians 6:12 - The Message)

Wonder how many of us would admit that we choose to live small lives? We fence ourselves in. We convince ourselves that there are things that we just can't change about ourselves. We listen to the doubts whispered in the shadows of our lives. We accept the small because the thought of living wide open is scary. We like the confines of the known instead of the vastness of the unknown. We would rather live doing small things on our own than allow God to do something incredibly large through us. We choose the close, the comfortable, the manageable, the known, and the small.

But our lives aren't small, we just choose to live them that way. What is that thing you dream of doing, but are afraid to try? What is it that quickens your pulse and pumps adrenaline through you like nothing else, but you convince yourself you can't do? What boundaries have you set up for yourself to protect the current status, to keep you from change, that you are convinced can't be changed because of who you are? Does that smallness come from within you? Is it your doubts, your fears, your limitations?

God sees what might be in us. We try to tell him why we can't. We want the small, he see the potential for huge things. Wonder who is right? Are you choosing to live a small life? It is our choice how we live... will it be big or small?

The expectation of words

You have a choice when someone tells you something - you believe them or you don't. A promise is made, but will it be carried out? I often struggle with this choice. I want to trust them that their future actions will follow through on their current words. An expectation is set if you choose to believe. The expectation that their words will become true in the future. But what happens if they don't? Were you foolish to trust them? Were you opening yourself and being vulnerable to being hurt by failed expectations?

The other choice is to not believe them. The "yeah, right!" mentality. You've been let down before so why bother trusting them now. Have you become the cynic? The one who won't believe until belief isn't necessary. It isn't trust when the actions have already been completed. At that point it is fact.

So what do you when someone says trust me? What do you do when someone makes a promise to do things differently? Do you allow your expectations to rise upon that promise or do you show no faith in them? Is it showing faith in them or being foolish?

I've chosen both at different times in the past. Neither is a guarantee. Who are you willing to risk choosing to believe? Who believes you? Do your words deserve to be trusted? We create expectations and promises every day simply by what we say. Are you worthy of those expectations? Like with the choice of whether to believe their words or not, the solution offers two choices as well - you follow through on your words or you don't. We like to think that there is this great area of gray in between these two. We want to justify or rationalize anything short of completely following through. We are great at excuses, or so we think. Know how weak those lame excuses you hear sound. Well, yours probably sound just as lame if you don't follow through.

So what is your choice today - believe or not? What is your decision on the promises you have made - follow through or not? Good luck choosing your words carefully today.

When do you have enough information?

How much do you need to know before you make a decision? Waiting for all of the information before you decide? Do you want to be a 100% sure? If so, I am guessing you won't ever make the decision. If you are married, looking back to when you were dating or when you proposed, did you know everything there was to know about your spouse? I've been married almost 19 years now and I am still learning new things about Lisa. So if I had waited to have 100% of the information, I would still be waiting to ask her to marry me. What about the job you have now? Did you know everything about it when you started? I'm guessing that there have been a few surprises along the way that you didn't know about when you made the decision to accept the job. Do you understand how your body works? Ever gone to the doctor and have them say it appears you might have a virus or it might just be a cold or it could be something else? We don't make decision with all of the information. We usually make decisions with just enough information. Enough to make a decision which way we are going. Not all of the facts, but enough.

Ever had a discussion with somebody about God? You know, the person waiting until they understand it all before committing. I am still learning things about God and will continue to until the day I die. They want to know everything. How does God do this? How is that possible? Those questions used to frustrate me. Now, I try to explain as best as I can. Give them the information that I can, but knowing I can't answer it all for them. At some point you make a decision based on the "just enough" information. Even indecision is making a decision in the end. What is enough information for you?

Now there is another type of person that frustrates me beyond just about anyone else. It isn't those who question things. I get that. Matter of fact, I like that quite a bit. No, the person who annoys me is the one who just gathers information. They don't ever use it though. In the church, this is the person who has listened to hundreds of sermons but doesn't serve because they just aren't sure where they are suppose to be involved. They need a little more information before they commit to anything. They stay on the sidelines gathering information, willing to critic others, offering their opinions, but just never really getting around to doing anything. They want to make sure they are 100% sure before they commit. Hmm... I don't think I will be waiting around for you to gather all of your information. Do you have enough information to make a decision to do something today? If you have questions, by all means ask, but please make a decision to do something.

Which to choose?

Does anyone else struggle with knowing when to say something or when to keep quiet? Struggle with how to balance the difference between challenging someone in love and just beating them up? I want clear guidelines. Well... not really, as I don't generally like strict rules, but sometimes it would be nice to "know" that you are doing the right thing. I need to have a conversation with a friend, but absolutely don't know what is the most loving thing to do. Listen and not say much while I try to be encouraging or challenge him to examine his actions as of late. Hard to know when someone needs to just be loved and when the loving thing is to confront them about their unwise and maybe sinful decisions.

I wonder if that is part of God's plan? Not giving us a step by step plan so that we have to keep coming back to him for guidance. He gives us room to use our judgement. A chance to grow and try to apply the guidelines He gives us. Doesn't make the conversation I need to have any easier, but glad He trusts me enough to make the decision. Even if I mess it up this time, He still keeps letting me learn and try again.

A week condensed

A weeks worth of random thoughts and happenings in no particular order.

• I love riding roller coasters. Got to ride a couple last week. Especially loved the fact that I was able to walk right up and ride one of them immediately. No line to wait in and it was one of the ones where your feet hang down (those are my favorite). Several loops and corkscrews. Nice ride.
• Had my first experience eating Ethiopian food last night. It was at a one year celebration party for when our friends got to bring home their amazing daughter that they adopted. Seems like she has been a part of our lives for longer than that. It was cool to see the pictures of when they were in Ethiopia and when they arrived back in the states last year after adopting her. Can't say that Ethiopian food is one of my favorites, but she definitely is one my favorites.
• Schlitterbahn is definitely worth it. Best water park that I have been to. Loved hanging out with my family especially in the wave river. The slides were pretty cool as well, even though we never knew for sure where we going to end up at. Nice break from the normal.
• My wife is amazing. I love just sitting down and talking with her. Yesterday was an especially long (and somewhat frustrating day), but we got to hang out last night for a couple of hours and talk. I love the insight she brings into the conversation and also that she is willing to patiently listen to me ramble on for quite awhile. I probably take her for granted more often than I should and don't tell her often enough, but she is freaking awesome!
• I don't like having to have discipline. It really isn't any fun. I know their are benefits of it down the road, but it doesn't make it any more enjoyable at the moment.
• Had the chance to open some challenge cards last Sunday at church. Love this idea, even though it will require the previously mentioned discipline. Lisa and I decided to do them together. Ours were to work out at least 3 times a week for 30 minutes and to memorize Matthew 5 by the end of the year. Like that the challenge cards will stretch the faith of those who opened them and create lots of possibilities of growth for our church. Being stretched is almost always required if you want to grow in your faith. It doesn't happen by just sitting on the sidelines or doing the same things that haven't worked in the past.
• Enjoyed the nice break of reading fiction for the last several weeks (on the sixth Harry Potter book right now with one more to go after that) and looking forward to reading Steven Furtick's book (Sun Stand Still) that is coming out in September. His blog is one of the most consistently challenging ones that I read. The book is about daring to believe God for the impossible. We settle for so much less than God is able to do.

Looking forward to the week. What has moved you this last week? How are you being stretched in life right now? Ready to jump in the deep end? I am. Bring on the week.

Thoughts from the racquetball court

Had the chance to play some racquetball last night. Here are a few things I learned while running around a small room chasing a bouncing ball.

• Don't know if you've ever seen the guys who play racquetball all of the time, but I don't think I want to ever fit the normal. The usual player appears to be somewhere between 55 to 70 (I at least have a few years before I reach the minimum age requirement). He usually appears to be pregnant or have a beer belly. Seems to have hit the jackpot on braces as he will have at least one and more likely three or four - one for each knee and elbow. Has a sporty headband for his bald head and appears to be about ready to collapse at any given point. Also he will be extremely sweaty even though he doesn't appear to run at all during the game. Optional that they talk a lot about politics (Chris this may be your sport in the future).
• Now that being said, they can absolutely kill me in racquetball most of the time. They have perfected the shot that barely touches the front wall and then just dies (a kill shot for those who don't know the term). They stand in one place and direct the ball with great accuracy. Now if they have to take more than two step for the ball, I've got a chance. Matter of fact we were given one of those compliments last night that isn't really a compliment (you know, one of those comments like you aren't nearly as fat as I thought you were going to be). We were told we had a lot of energy to run around and keep the ball in play. Translation - you can't hit a kill shot if your life depended on it. At least it sounded nice when he told us that we sucked.
• Momentum during the game can swing quickly. You can go on a streak and win 7 or 8 points in row and then it just disappears. You can't hit two winners in a row and no points are won by either of you. Or the other player seems to be able to hit serves that all of sudden you can't hit back to the front wall. A little like life. One moment everything is sailing along beautifully and then life is totally out of control. Seems to happen quickly and turns on one small event. Also we often have the tendency to run around in circles chasing the unimportant instead of just staying in the center and waiting on the ball.
• Things that look very similar are often very different. I also like to play tennis. It also involves using a racquet to hit a ball on the court, but they are two totally different games. Tennis depends on your swing and you use your entire arm. Racquetball is a game of small adjustments and depends on your wrist action. In tennis the ball is coming straight at you (most of the time anyway), whereas in racquetball in can come from many different directions. Tennis you have the net to hit it over. Racquetball requires hitting it off of four different walls. They look similar but are two totally different sports. Sometimes I wonder if we get other things mixed up because they look similar on the outside, but really they are quite different when you take the time to look at them more closely.
• Oh, and in case you were wondering. I won two of the three games. Also my shoulder is sore today. Wonder when I can start wearing some of those braces?

Hope you have a fantastic weekend! Next week will be quite on here as we are off to play for the week at Shlitterbahn and to visit Shamu.

What do you do in the moment of hesitation?

Why do we make stupid choices? Usually when I am about to make one of those unwise choices, I have a moment of hesitation. That point where I question whether I should be doing it. Usually though we rush by that moment. We don't want to dwell there because we may have to look at our real motives. We may recognize what we are about to do is simply wrong. We override the moment so that we can do want we want. And can't we be convincing in the moment? We can justify and make it sound rational to ourselves. But I wonder how well those sound decisions would be if we tried them out on someone else first? But we don't want to do that. We don't want to bring someone else in on what we want to do. They may tell us it is wrong and that we shouldn't do it and we really, really want to do it. So we go ahead with our plans because we know what's best, right?

Sounds pretty lame when you walk through it. We let our pride (we know what's best for us) convince us that we have it all figured out and don't need any help. Not sure, but I can't think of anytime when arrogance really is that helpful. It boils down to our selfishness. We want to do it so we choose not to listen to anything that might challenge us. Sometimes we may get away with it. We have our fun and no one seems any the worse for it at the moment. But sometimes, it accumulates before it hits the fan. If we make a routine of ignoring the call to be holy, at some point it catches up with us. We may think we are getting away with things, but I wonder what it is costing us that we don't see right now?

I've made those stupid choices. Choices that I knew were wrong, but that I wanted to do anyway. Hopefully I am learning to pause longer during that moment of hesitation. I have learned to slow down the decision and run it by some people who have my best interest at heart. People who will challenge me. Friends who tell me that I am wrong (even though I don't like to hear that). Someone who will point out my selfishness. I still want to do stupid things, but wanting to do something stupid isn't the same as doing it. Maybe I am learning from the past mistakes.

Know some people dealing with those stupid choices right now. You don't get a do-over. You pay for those choices. Those are the consequences, but you can learn from them. See we learn in the hard parts of life. We learn in the struggles. We learn in our doubt. We learn when things are beyond our control. The justifications, the rationales we use don't really help much then. They are great at letting us walk into the situations, but don't help much with getting out of them.

No matter where you are in the process... in the good times, the moment of hesitation or dealing with the consequences of bad choices... authentic relationships our critical. Simply put - get over yourself. Seek out those relationships that will challenge your bad decisions, encourage you in life, and move you towards a more Godly life. Living transparently can be a little awkward for us at times, but it sure beats dealing with the mess of living selfishly. What decisions are you thinking about that you need to involve someone else in? Who in your life can you be "real" with? Who will you tell you the things you need to hear and not just what you want to hear? We do a pretty good job of telling ourselves what we want to hear so we really don't need more of those voices. Someone willing to be transparent and authentic to do life with you... don't think you can have too many of those voices in your life. As always it is your choice, but run it through this filter - Is it wise? That questions seems to cut through the noise and get to the bottom line.

Your choice of character

"Your talents and abilities can take you where your character can't keep you." - Steven Furtick

You have talent. You've built something special with hard work and God-given abilities. It takes years to establish the excellence you have reached. You have created something that is worth striving for. Momentum is going your way. You have made strides in an area that can make a difference for years to come. It is an achievement to be proud of. And it can be gone in an instant. What takes years to achieve can be gone with one single lapse of character. A decision to cut corners just this once. A decision to do something that no one else will know about. One decision that leads to a moral failure. All your momentum, all of your talent, all of your hard work... wasted because you chose to compromise your character.

We spends lots of time developing our talents. We teach our students to study hard. We spend hours becoming better at sports. We take time to learn to do things better and more efficiently at work. We spend lots of time on our talent and abilities, but what about developing our character? There isn't a short cut to developing character. It is made one choice at time. Is your character keeping up with your talents and abilities? Is there one thing out there with the potential to cancel out all of the success you've had up to this point? Your choice. Your character. Decide now because it could all be gone with one decision to compromise your character.

The weekend has arrived

It is finally Friday. This seems to be one of those weeks that has lasted twice as long as normal. Probably doesn't help that I wake up tired and am completely exhausted by 9 P.M. I'm ready for normal to return. Now if I could just define what normal is. Anyway, some random thoughts as I look forward to the weekend.

• Fourth of July is one of my favorite holidays. Two simple reasons and another obvious one. The fourth at my parents house means lots of people - aunts & uncles, cousins, family friends, you name it. There is always someone stopping by during the day with anywhere from 20 to 40 being there for the fireworks at night with room for whoever else wants to show up. Everyone is welcome. For our extended family it is a time we can all get together. Christmas tends to be chaotic with lots on everyone's schedule so it is hard to get everyone together, but with the summer, the fourth tends to be a lot more flexible. Another favorite is homemade ice cream. We are talking vanilla, chocolate, peach, strawberry, Butterfingers and who knows what else might be available. Love my mom's homemade ice cream. The obvious one - somehow me and my cousin end up being the ones who light our night fireworks before the big show begins. So I get to play with fire and watch things blow up. Pretty good day.
• Feeling like doing something to shake things up a bit. Seems like some friendships have gone a little stale and predictable. (If you know me, predictable is not high on my favorite word list.) Not sure yet what that means, but know there will be some things that are different in the near future.
• Been spending some good time praying recently. I like those times in my life when prayer seems more like a continual, on-going conversation. It isn't always that way, but that is what I strive for.
• Is it awkward for anyone else to hang out with people you used to know pretty well but now don't have much in common with? Had that happen several times recently. I'm not big on lots of small talk to begin with, but to try to have small talk with someone that I used to have deeper conversations with just seems weird. My thought usually runs along the lines of why?
• Been reading the Harry Potter books recently. (I know I'm only about 5 years behind that sensation.) We watched all of the movies about 5 or 6 months ago so now I'm reading the books along with Lisa and Caleb. I like reading fiction along with the other books about leadership, etc. that I read. Looking forward to the last couple of movies coming out in the next year also. (No I won't be dressing up or standing in a long line to see it. Don't get the Potter, Twilight, Star Wars fans who have the desire to dress up in character to go see a movie. Guess I am just not a true fan.) Should I read the book first or watch the movie? Have liked watching the movie and then reading the book. More details than the movies (obviously) plus I am not thinking "wait, that isn't how it happened in the book" while I am watching the movie.

Okay campers, be safe out there this weekend and don't blow up any body parts while playing with the fireworks. Also make sure to "ooohh" and "aahhh" loudly after each firework explodes in the sky. Your neighbors will appreciate that. Catch you next week.