Learning humility

I've been doing some writing about transparency and how that relates to community recently. Also been doing some thinking about taking risk and jumping within the context of community. So guess what two things I've been doing a lousy job of within community? Yep, transparency and risking. I appreciate the guys that helped me realize this and who talked with me about some of these things. See that is part of why I love community. I don't have to do it on my own. Hear me on this, sometimes it sucks to hear the things we need to hear. I don't always enjoy some of those tough conversations, but I am thankful for them. I am realizing that it takes a lot of humility to be a part of community. Humility says that I don't have it figured out all of the time, that I am open to correction, that I may to do some tough things that could hurt my pride, but I think someone who is humble will grow. To really learn and to lead it requires humility. The conversations that I had over the last couple of days were with some guys who demonstrate that type of humility. Probably one of the reasons why I learn so much from them and love them so much. They have humility and are also outstanding leaders. Just wish I didn't have to have those tough conversations to learn sometimes. So who do you know that demonstrates humility? What can you learn from them?

The art of grace

How do you provide room for grace while still holding someone accountability? Seems to be a tough line to walk at times in knowing when to challenge someone and when to extend grace as they grow. I honestly don't know what the most loving thing to do is in some situations. A challenge when someone needs forgiveness and understanding may hurt their growth. Letting something slide that needs to be challenged can also hurt them. That is one of the reasons that we need to be invested deeply in each others lives. If I am spending time with someone, then I usually know which is more needed at the time. If I only see someone briefly every couple of weeks or only in passing, then it becomes a lot more difficult in loving that person in the best way for them. Extending grace and knowing when to challenge someone isn't an exact science. There are no hard and fast rules, no matter what some may say. Love is the command. Sometimes that looks more like grace, other times it looks more like accountability. Do you need grace or accountability right now? Do you need to extend grace or challenge someone in their faith right now? No matter where you are at, love is always the right response. Have an incredible day loving others!

Disappointment

How do you handle disappointment? How do you respond to someone who lets you down? We have expectations (realistic or not) of how things will go and how people will respond. So what happens when it doesn't go as expected? Regardless of what we like to think at times, we don't control the outcome or results. When others are involved there can be thousands of different ways things can turn out, many which we don't expect. But really it isn't about whether are expectations are met or not. It is about how we respond. We control that part. We can choose to be bitter and hold a grudge. We can choose to forgive. We can choose to walk away and not trust again. A lot things are out of our control, but our attitude is our choice. So what do you do when someone disappoints you? What do you do when you trust someone and get hurt in the process? We can blame others, point fingers or simply decide how we are going to respond. The choice is yours.

Too busy?

How busy are you? If you fit with the typical person that I run across, probably busier than you would like. That seems strange to me. For the most part, we choose what we spend our time on. We are the ones who pack are calenders to overflowing. We try to run at a pace that we aren't meant to keep up for long distances. We try to sprint through life instead of pacing ourselves for the marathon. I know there are seasons when things beyond our control dictate a busy schedule, but shouldn't it be just for a season? A lifestyle of busyness doesn't seem healthy to me. I wonder if we try to cram so much in so that we don't have to think or feel on a deeper level. We are too busy to care about those around us because we are striving to keep our heads above water. We don't have time to think through our actions to see if they match up with the lifestyle that Jesus demonstrated. We run furiously, but have little to show for it except being more stressed than before.

As I've been trying to organize some of my thoughts about what community means and why it rarely happens, I've been wondering if the biggest reason may simply be that we are too busy. If we are running to our next appointment, the next thing on our calender, the next thing we jammed into our schedule... it seems it may be a little difficult to connect with our community. It is tough to reach a level of authenticity with others even when we are focused on it, but when we are overcommited, hurried, and looking to just survive the day, I don't how it ever happens. So when was the last time you had a real conversation? When was the last time you took the time to listen to someone, really listen, and then meet their needs? Are you running so fast that you are missing the important things? Is life passing in a blur? How busy are you? It is your choice. Just wondering out loud as usual.

Uncomfortable leadership

If you are not uncomfortable in your work as a leader, it's almost certain you're not reaching your potential as a leader. - Seth Godin

We like the comfort zone. That place where we feel like we have things down to perfection. I like the statement above probably because I feel very uncomfortable when leading. Am I doing the right thing? Am I just going along with things because that is the way we have always done them? It is easier to be just one of the followers or even easier to be a critic. Pointing out the problems is usually the easy part, actually doing something about them is a lot more uncomfortable. "It's uncomfortable to propose and idea that might fail. It's uncomfortable to challenge the status quo. It's uncomfortable to resist the urge to settle." So where are you - comfortable or uncomfortable? Do you need to become more uncomfortable in your leadership? If you feel like you are pushing the envelope and way outside of your comfort zone, congratulations because you may be leading exactly where you are needed. Think about it some because we are all leading someone whether we are intentional about it or not. Hope I've made your day a little more uncomfortable.

The cost of caring

Sometimes I wonder if caring about other people is worth it. Is investing your time over and over again worth the indifference that is often encountered? I struggle with knowing if it really matters that I care. I often want to walk away from those relationships, but then sometimes, like last night, I catch a glimpse of why caring about and serving others is so important. The time invested, the heartache, the confrontation, the consistent love, serving again and again, the questions - all worth it when a difference is made. A lot of the times though, we don't get to see the difference as it is working below the surface. We may never know how us caring for someone will impact their life. That is the part I struggle with. See it isn't about the results. It is about me loving and serving. I haven't been promised that I will even know what the purpose of my role is, but I know that I am to care.

So is caring worth it? Definitely! Is it tough? A lot of the time - yes. But those are probably the wrong questions to ask. The better questions may be - are you showing others that you love them? Are you investing in others by serving them? If I am to pursue being like Jesus, those aren't optional. Those are what I am suppose to do. The results? Those aren't my concern. So who do you need to love and serve today? Who are you suppose to be investing in? What excuses do you need to quit making so that you can start caring? It may be tough, but then again we haven't been told that it would be easy. Matter of fact, I think someone said the road would be hard and few would choose it.

Monday morning in a different way

Shake the week up and start off with some random thoughts on a Monday morning (instead of on my usual Friday favorite).

• Last night we got to be a part of a surprise going away party for Kim. Sam and Kim are venturing out for the next couple of years to live outside the United States. (She promised to be back by the time Caleb graduates from high school in 5 years - Wow! That is a strange statement to write.) Lisa and I were discussing that we have had the chance to serve in youth ministry for at least 14 years with Kim (and Sam for parts of that time). It has been a privilege to get to see an example of a couple who is pursuing Jesus with their entire lives that up close over that long of a period. They have left a huge impact on the students over the years in probably more ways than they even realize. They will be missed, but we know that will be used in some new ways where they will be living now. Who is willing to step up and serve for the next 10 years? We have some big shoes to fill.
• Decided on Friday to jump in and participate in the B90X experience. Wondering what that is? Well, basically it is a reading plan to read through the Bible in 90 days. Read about it on Steven Furtick's blog awhile back and promptly forgot about it, but Sheyenne (who happens to be Sam and Kim's daughter) wrote about it on her blog and her reasons for jumping in and trying it. Sounded good to me, so here we go. A year seems like a long time, but 90 days seems manageable to me. Plus I might be able to remember what I read 90 days ago, but a year ago, not so much. It is a little strange to realize that I've already read through Genesis and it has only been 4 days ago that I started. Hook up the fire hydrant and forget about drinking it in slowly!
• I wish that people came with manuals. I really could use a manual that tells me how to best communicate to a person and understand what makes them tick. The process of trying something that doesn't work and then trying another way takes a lot of time. I guess that way we actually learn it instead of memorizing it for the test and then forgetting about it though. Some people are definitely tough for me to figure out (actually to even kind of understand, forget about figuring them out).
• Jumped in the scary process of putting some of my thoughts out there for people to read. I've been toying with the idea of trying to put some of my writing in a book for a little while now. After a pep talk and some pushing, I actually have written some stuff and e-mailed it to some friends to read today. Strange process to me, but I kind of enjoy it. May not go anywhere other than a few people, but I think it may be more about me sorting through some of my thoughts and being able to communicate them to others. We will see it where it goes after I get back their thoughts.
• Get to take in a couple of Cardinals and Dodgers games over the next couple of days. Should be fun and it has been a couple of years since I've been to a game. Cardinals games always make me think of my grandpa. When I was growing up we would pretty much always go to St. Louis at least once a year to watch a game and taking in the zoo, Arch, etc. He was a huge Cardinals fan. Will be at Dodgers stadium for the first time so that will be different and fun. Not a huge baseball fan (start watching about the playoffs), but really like the experience of a live game.

Hope your Monday starts your week off in a good way! Catch you in a couple of days as I won't have access to a computer the next several days. Good to unplug every once in awhile.

Rhythm of life

Do you have a rhythm to your life? The start of the school always means an adjustment to the flow of life around our house. We now have a different routine as we adjust to school, homework, soccer practice, guitar practice, scouts, and the various other things that are going on. It usually takes us a little while to adjust to it and figure out what that rhythm looks like. The change in pace can make things a little hectic to begin with, but I welcome the change as it seems like a fresh start to things.

What about your rhythm with God? Does it ever change? To me there is an ebb and flow to my relationship with God. Sometimes it has the frantic pace of adjusting to the new, other times it is in the comfortable spot of the familiar, sometimes I have moved too far out of His presence - whatever the place I am currently in I know that the rhythm will always be adjusting. I like that. That change brings a fresh look at what is important and a chance to refocus on God. I think I am in one of those changes of rhythm right now. Having the chance to see God in some different ways than I have before. Can't wait to see where it leads!

What does your rhythm in life look like now? What about your rhythm with God?

The silence

Are you comfortable with being quiet? It has been pressed upon me today that I am suppose to listen more and talk less. I think sometimes I say too much of what is on my mind rather than listening to what God has to say. To much of me and not enough of others. Do you feel the need to fill the silence?

Creativity

Today is one of those days that I would love to get away and spend all day talking about the ideas running through my head and writing. I spent a little time this morning sorting through some of my thoughts and found it hard to put it aside and start working. I am realizing that there are some creative things that ignite my thoughts. Things like Rob Bell's new book "Drops Like Stars". Not so much that what he has to say is new to me, but the way the book is designed. The layout of it, the pictures, that so much of what is communicated is through these things. The art of the story. It is different from the other books I read. It isn't about talking so much as it is about communicating.

Makes me wonder how many ways we miss communicating to people on a Sunday morning. What if we stepped back and said let's start from scratch? Not tweaking what we do, but looking at it from a whole new perspective. How can we communicate in a new way? What we say isn't usually that new to people, but what if we did a better job of being creative in saying in? Don't know that I am very good at that a lot times, but I want to be. I don't want to settle for the way things have always been done. The reality is that what is creative and new today will be "tradition" in a few years. I get frustrated with people who are tied to tradition, but I need to hold on loosely to my new ideas for change because they may just become the tradition of tomorrow.

I have the desire to go to a museum, to look at photographs, to read, to have conversations that will challenge me and stretch my mind, to write, to go and take in the creativity that is all around me. What creativity inspires you?

Confirmation

Do you look for confirmation or the things that disturb you? I read the following on Seth Godin's blog this morning:

"Some people read business books looking for confirmation. I read them in search of disquiet. Confirmation is cheap, easy and ineffective. Restlessness and the scientific method, on the other hand, create a culture of testing and inquiry that can't help but push you forward."

That got me thinking. (It usually doesn't take much to do that.) Do I look for things to read that challenge my view and push me forward or do I look for things that confirm what I already believe? Do I seek out people who view life from a different perspective or ones who see it the same as I do? Am I seeking confirmation or wrestling with the subjects that create disquiet in my heart?

It is easier to seek the confirmation. It is quicker to surround myself with those who agree with me. (Not sure if that is even possible with the way I see things.) But is it better? I want to be challenged even when it is more difficult. I want to be pushed forward rather than settling. For me, I seek out those who challenge me to change. I want to learn more rather than spend all of my time defending the way things are. I want to be asking - How can I change the way I do things? What doesn't work? What can we do better? The status quo rarely moves you forward. What are you searching that creates disquiet for you? Who challenges you to see a better way of doing things?

What are you going to choose - confirmation or disquiet?

Taken for granted

"So you'll never understand the mystery at work in all that God does." (Ecclesiastes 11:5b) That verse rings true. I try to understand the whys, how things will turn out, the plan that God is working on, but usually I never fully understand. Oh, I might catch a glimpse of it or understand better on some days than others, but most of the time it is a complete mystery. I like that (well, most of the time). I like a God that is way more creative, way more in control, way more loving than what I can imagine. God is mysterious and I don't understand how he works, but I know that I can trust HIm. I think that is enough for me.

"Even if you live a long time, don't take a single day for granted." (Ecclesiastes 11:8a) Wonder how many days have gone by that I have taken for granted? So busy planning for the future that I forget to live in the present. So worried about the past that I forget about today. Today has much to enjoy. What good do I need to pursue today? What am I putting off today because I am taking for granted that I can do it tomorrow - a moment to encourage someone, a chance to say "I love you", a thank you that needs to be said today, a chance to play instead of being serious, a time to laugh with some friends, a chance to have a conversation? Are you taking anything for granted today?

Random fact that I learned from the Snapple lid this morning - seals only sleep 1 and 1/2 minutes at a time. Does that make the mothers of a newborn feel better? At least you are getting more sleep than the seals.

Have an incredible day and find someone to tell them why they have brightened your day! Get busy enjoying today and living in God's mystery.

Nobody forgets the truth

"Nobody forgets the truth. They only get better at lying." - quote from the movie Revolutionary Road. Can't tell you why exactly, but this quote struck me while we were watching the movie, enough so that I wrote it down. We pretend, we tell ourselves what we want to hear, we try to drown it out with busyness, we lie over and over again to ourselves, but no matter what we know the truth. We get better at pretending it doesn't bother us when we go the opposite direction of the truth, but it is only pretending. Good reminder why I need people who will remind me of the truth when I am lying to myself.

Can't say this movie was exactly an uplifting movie or even one I would recommend, but besides the quote above, for me it also painted a good picture of what happens when we settle. We are the most alive when we chase the dreams we have been given. When we start settling for the money, the known over the challenges of the unknown, start settling for the "happy, American dream", being content being just like everyone else - have we just gotten better at lying? Sometimes those dreams look outrageous, maybe even a little foolish to others, but what really is the draw of looking exactly like everyone else? In the movie, the death of dreaming, the given up the passion of what could be, finally paid a high price in the end. The only person willing to speak the truth was also the one who was in a mental institution, the rest were content living the lies they told themselves. Wonder if that is why when we are willing to speak the truth that sometimes people look at us like we are crazy?

As a church I wonder what God-sized dreams we are giving up on just to settle for looking like everyone else? Are we only getting better at lying?

The companion piece

Been thinking about a companion to yesterday's blog on thoughtfulness. I was talking with a group of guys last night and I kept coming back to the work "thankful" in my mind as we talked about our lives. Those two words seem to go together to me. I think being intentionally thoughtful, or even when it is spontaneous, is the overflow of our thankfulness. When I stop and realize the things I have to be thankful for, then it motivates me to share the generosity that I've been given with others. If I am focused on my shortcomings, the things I don't have, me, me, me... then it is hard to be thoughtful of others. But when I realize how incredibly fortunate I am, then it is easy to share that with others. I want them to experience the same type of things that I am thankful for.

What am I thankful for? Here are few things that I thought about. Some serious, some not as much, but still things that I am thankful for.

• Talking last night highlighted for me how incredible my family was growing up. I had a consistency and love that few people have. Lisa and I often talk about the fact the we were both blessed to grow up in such strong homes and that we want to pass that on to our boys. Our extended family means a ton to us.
• Similarly our friendships are amazing. They are our chosen family and community. We have friends that we know love us and will do anything for us that they can. Because of our thankfulness for that, we can intentionally try to be that same type of friends to others.
• I am thankful for friends who give my wife awesome birthday presents. Best birthday present that I never received, but have loved.
• I am thankful for creativity. I love being around people who are creative. It is so encouraging and refreshing for me. I think that creativity has impacted me in multiple ways and helped me pass it on to others.
• I am thankful for Lisa. Can't imagine a better wife. She completes me in areas where I am lacking. That allows me to invest in high school guys and tell them the type of non-negotiables to look for in a wife.
• I am thankful that some of my friends that share a similar warped mind as mine. The fun we have allows that joy to spill over to other areas of my life.

So what are you thankful for? How does that make you more thoughtful?

Are you thoughtful?

Who do you know that you would describe as thoughtful? I may think about doing something for somebody, but often that is far as it goes. A good intention, but no action. The thought is good but actually showing them you care is even better. Steven Furtick has written a couple of blogs recently about thoughtfulness. He was talking about systematized and spontaneous thoughtfulness. Both are important. Taking the time plan to do things for someone (systematized) shows they are important to you. For example, say you know someone who likes a certain type of coffee. What if you marked it on your calendar to bring them a cup of their favorite coffee one morning in the next month. You take the good thought and plan it out. Doesn't really require much of your time, but it shows how much you value that person. We usually have good intentions, it is just the follow through that requires some help. How can you plan today to show thoughtfulness to those you care about? Plan to take them a cup of coffee, write them a note, babysit their kids so they can have a date night - put it on your calender today and make the plan.

Spontaneous thoughtfulness is even easier in my mind. It is doing right then. No advance planning necessary. Steven summarize it like this - "If you see a need, meet it. If you think a thought of affirmation, give voice to it. If you have a kind idea, implement it." Who do you know that could some spontaneous thoughtfulness today? Don't wait, show it now. We don't hesitate to point out where people fall short, or criticize the way things are done, let's be even quicker to express the good we think. Start looking for opportunities to be thoughtful and I bet you will start seeing ways to impact people every day. Have a good day being thoughtful!

Reoccuring phenomenon

It's funny to me that about the time I am ready to give up on somebody or have decided I am done investing in a friendship is when that person will call and start making an effort to initiate the friendship. I can't remember how many times I have had a similar conversation with my wife about the fact that I am done with trying to be friends with someone only to have that person call, e-mail, text, whatever within the next day or so to see how I am doing or to get together and hang out. Matter of fact I was there again not too long ago. I don't understand this phenomenon at all. It is as if they realize when I have reached that point where I am ready to quit and then they decide it is worth pursuing. That slight glimmer of hope is all it usually takes for me to be willing to reach out again, even if it is slightly tentative at first as I don't want to get burned again. That hope of what it could be is enough to motivate me to risk it again. I know the best that is offered in that friendship and even though I often feel it isn't worth it because of the hard work that can be involved, I am still drawn to the "what could be". The hope of something I have seen, even if it isn't fully what it could be.

Sometimes that is what keeps going in my faith as well - the hope of what will be. Sometimes all I see is the chaos of every day life and lose sight of what is in store. The day when things are fully restored to the good that God originally intended. I lose focus and tend to forget about the important things. I am distracted by the other things going on and forget about the relationship I can have with Him. When I am focused on pursuing Jesus, then that hope is real to me. It is right in front of me. Kind of like those good friendship that you know you can count on. They don't seem to require much effort because you enjoying being around those friends so much. That is when the hope is easy for me to see. Where do you see hope? Anybody else experience this strange phenomenon with the people in your life?