AZero rocks my comfort zone

I really like AZero, our Wednesday night high school program. Lane's teaching usually manages to kick my butt and that is a good thing. I like that style of teaching/preaching that throws it out there in front of you and makes you wrestle with it. Definitely would say that teaching is one of Lane's gifted areas. Anyway, last night was a really cool time for me. Before we got started, I had the chance to catch up with one of our former students who is now in college. He is one of those success stories that makes you stick with youth ministry. A lot of time you see those students who decide to walk away from their faith during and after high school and it can break your heart and question why you even bother working with them. It is really encouraging and refreshing to talk with those students who have a passion for Christ and want to live out trying to follow Jesus. We had a small group and were definitely lacking in the guy department, but the worship time was amazing for me. I was in the back by David and it was so incredible to hear and see the passion he displays while we were worshipping. Worship time, in whatever form, is one of my favorite parts of any service and to be around others who pour themselves into that time is really encouraging for me. (By the way, Ryan did an awesome job of leading us in worship also.) I don't think I could summarize what all Lane covered so I won't even try, but I will share what I wrote down - "I suck at making Jesus famous." We are called to make our lives about Him and that is the bottom line. I realized how little I do that makes Jesus famous. I talk a lot about Him, but he wants more than our talk, he wants our whole lives to revolve around Him and about Him. I want my live to be about making Jesus famous. What does your life say to others?

Conversation with God

Do you like challenges? Here is the latest one that God threw my direction.

God: Know that person that you are pissed at right now... call him and find a way to love him. (And yes I think God would use the word pissed. Ticked off just doesn't do it sometimes.)
Me: Come on, I don't need to do that. I am sure he is busy.
God: Talk to him.
Me: Can't I just keep being mad? Let my anger build up some more?
God: Now.
Me: I need some time to make sure I don't say something I will regret later.
God: I'm waiting.
Me: Okay. Fine.

I am so glad that God keeps at my heart. He is relentless in His love for us and wants us to be the same with others. Will I get mad again? Probably. And I will probably have to learn the same lesson over again. It isn't about me, it is about God's love. Hard to do? You bet, but if we are going to try to be like Jesus then we shouldn't expect things to be easy. Rewarding...definitely, but not easy To my friend that I was pissed at, I'm sorry and I hope you can forgive me. What lessons are you learning these days?

Random ramblings

Lots of different rambling thoughts today. Also one of those days that I am not sure why I blog. Lots of questions, but not many answers - that pretty much sums up where I am at right now. Anyway, you guessed it, it is a bullet point day as my thoughts are so A.D.D. that I don't think I can stay on one topic. (Not that I usually do, but at least I usually try to.)

• Can a person be too transparent? Also what is our motive for transparency? Is it to say this is where I am at and need help or is it to say this is where I am at, affirm me?
• Am I a sponge when I ask for advice? Do I listen to it or am I looking for someone to agree with me?
• Ever wonder why God has you in a certain place or situation? I so often feel that I am winging it, but still have the feeling that God has placed me there for a reason. Wish he would let me know what that reason is more often? (Maybe... I guess sometimes that reason may scare me more if I knew what it was.)
• I envy people who approach life simply. Those who don't care what others think. Not saying it is right, but would be nice to not live in the tension most of the time.
• Can't shake the feeling that God is stirring in my heart for the homeless. Not sure what I do with that yet, but don't think it is a coincidence that one of my new friends has this passion as well.
• Am amazed at some of the changes I have seen in people recently. Good changes that I am glad that I get to be a part of.
• Strange how a very difficult situation that I was involved in (winging it again) provided affirmation for me in the process.
• Reading Seth Godin's book "Tribes" right now. A tribe is about connections. That sounds right up my alley.
• Like this quote from Anne Jackson's blog "being the church can look different in different ways and different environments." Let's allow for creativity and what that can look like. The cookie cutter approach doesn't work.
• Don't like when people don't follow through on what they say. Screams "you don't matter" in my head.
• Seriously love reading blogs. Wonder how I could make a living by doing that?

Feeling a little reflective today. Probably won't post again until I feel I have something more worthwhile to say (or something funny happens, or something ticks me off, or ... yeah, I will probably post again tomorrow even if I don't have much to say. Can't seem to help it.)

Good thoughts from another blog

Does the fact that God knows your thoughts, your motives, your inward attitude keep you awake at night? Do we know what it means to truly repent or is it part of a game we play? Does the fact we can saturate ourselves with things that aren't in line with God's holiness and then come to Him as if nothing has happened bother you? Go read Perry Noble's blog post called "Kissing toilets" and see what you think. What does it reveal about our hearts?

Two thoughts for the price of one

I am finding myself spending more time trying to get my mind around some tough topics. One is the realization that people I know, some even pretty well, may be going to hell. Yeah, I have always know that, but I don't live it with much urgency. I have rationalized in the past that I can't push them or say certain things around them as it may offend them and I may lose an opportunity when they are ready to talk about it, but really that is the easy way out. They may talk about a relationship with Christ in a theoretical sense or even go consistently to church, but that doesn't mean they are going to heaven. I think a lot of times, I am more concerned with how they will view me instead of the fact that they may be gambling with their eternity. Don't know when you cross that line from being concerned with them to being pushy, but I think I truly have a lot of room before I get to the pushy stage. Looking at some of the friendships that I have challenged, they really haven't been hurt any when I have questioned what they believe or how they are living that out. They may not agree and are fine with where they are at currently, but it doesn't change the fact that I need to be doing my part as well. Can't shy away from the tough assignments even though I would rather pretend a lot of times that everyone I know is going to be included with the lambs. Reality tells me otherwise.

Second thought is I wonder if I will ever be able to clearly say what I believe. I know the core of what I believe, but I have been challenged a lot recently in what all that means. Things I used to take for granted, I now wrestle with and try to figure out how that plays out in my life. Things I haven't really thought about or taken the time to look at seem to be popping up with greater frequency. I don't think it is a bad thing, but a sign that I am growing. I just wonder if it all makes sense at some point. Do we get to the place where the doubts or questions we don't know how to answer finally become clear to us? I feel like the more people I know, the more I study, the more I question, the less I know. Maybe I am just realizing that there aren't any easy answers. The circumstances, the people, my past all influence what I believe and that is constantly changing. What I believed with conviction 5 years ago may not be the same as today. Some days my head just hurts from trying to make sense of it all.