We assume that others want the same things we want. We assume that others see and process things the same way we do.
You want to climb the corporate ladder and are willing to sacrifice time and energy to move up it. You assume that everyone else is motivated by the same goals and defines success the same way.
You are spontaneous and enjoy having an open agenda that allows you to just go with the flow. You don't like structure and assume everyone else thrives in the same environment.
You value quality time and just want to hang out and talk. You assume that is energizing for everyone else as well.
None of these are bad, but it isn't the way everyone thinks. We assume the way we process things is where everyone else starts out as well and that can be costly. Those assumptions could burn people out, drive away the people who enjoy structure and cost a friendship.
Sometimes we need to walk in someone elses shoes. Try to understand where they are coming from. Ask lots of questions to understand what motivates them and how they are wired. It may be similar or it may be very different from you. If you are different, neither way is necessarily better than the other, but you have to work at understanding how they see things. We've got to lose the assumptions. The assumption that we are right and everyone else is wrong. The assumption that our way is the only way. The arrogance that comes from assuming we are the norm and anything different is just weird. We have to stop assuming before the costs gets too high.
It will take hard work. It will take admitting we are wrong sometimes. It will take humility and sacrificing the need to have it our way. To quit assuming may be tough to do, but you know what they say happens when you assume... it may just make an ASS out of U and ME.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Code word "opportunity"
Here is an "opportunity" for you... those words strike fear in me. A lot of times that is polite business talk for "I have some crappy work for you that is going to take lots of time and energy." Opportunity = hard, thankless work.
What do you do when you are presented with difficult times or a situation that is less than ideal? Those really are opportunities. Opportunities to respond in love or grace. Opportunities to not complain and not be selfish. Opportunities to press into Jesus even though, or maybe because of, the situation feels out of control.
Now that doesn't mean it won't be hard work. It may be trying. It may seem like you are alone in you efforts. Difficulties, or opportunities if you like, are still difficult. It doesn't mean you just try harder. It doesn't mean you put on a "happy face" and pretend things are just great. I have a friend who is always doing GREAT! when you ask him how he is doing. I don't trust that because that isn't my reality. I have struggles. I have times when I question if I have clue in being a parent (so do my children), I have times where life feels overwhelming, I have financial pressures, I have times where I feel distant from God, I have times where I feel all alone... I also have times where things are great, times when life is fun, times when I feel like I am truly pursuing Jesus with my whole life. Life is a mixture of difficulties and joy.
The difficult times are often where character is developed. It is an opportunity. An opportunity to continue to make wise choices even though it is difficult. An opportunity to trust God even when it doesn't make sense to us. An opportunity to respond in love even when the world says to get even. The push and pull of life can be tough, but it is also where we can be shaped. It is easier to have joy when things are going your way, but when I see people respond with joy in the "opportunities" of life, that is when I take notice. When I see someone choose to forgive, even though their current "opportunities" in life may be justified in responding harshly. Those difficulties really may be opportunities to impact someone. It may not feel much like an opportunity, but it may be having a greater impact than you realize.
So what are you going to do with your "opportunities" today? Run and hide? Fake it and pretend it is great? Trust there is a purpose and approach it with joy? You get to choose how you respond to life's opportunities.
What do you do when you are presented with difficult times or a situation that is less than ideal? Those really are opportunities. Opportunities to respond in love or grace. Opportunities to not complain and not be selfish. Opportunities to press into Jesus even though, or maybe because of, the situation feels out of control.
Now that doesn't mean it won't be hard work. It may be trying. It may seem like you are alone in you efforts. Difficulties, or opportunities if you like, are still difficult. It doesn't mean you just try harder. It doesn't mean you put on a "happy face" and pretend things are just great. I have a friend who is always doing GREAT! when you ask him how he is doing. I don't trust that because that isn't my reality. I have struggles. I have times when I question if I have clue in being a parent (so do my children), I have times where life feels overwhelming, I have financial pressures, I have times where I feel distant from God, I have times where I feel all alone... I also have times where things are great, times when life is fun, times when I feel like I am truly pursuing Jesus with my whole life. Life is a mixture of difficulties and joy.
The difficult times are often where character is developed. It is an opportunity. An opportunity to continue to make wise choices even though it is difficult. An opportunity to trust God even when it doesn't make sense to us. An opportunity to respond in love even when the world says to get even. The push and pull of life can be tough, but it is also where we can be shaped. It is easier to have joy when things are going your way, but when I see people respond with joy in the "opportunities" of life, that is when I take notice. When I see someone choose to forgive, even though their current "opportunities" in life may be justified in responding harshly. Those difficulties really may be opportunities to impact someone. It may not feel much like an opportunity, but it may be having a greater impact than you realize.
So what are you going to do with your "opportunities" today? Run and hide? Fake it and pretend it is great? Trust there is a purpose and approach it with joy? You get to choose how you respond to life's opportunities.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
A little bit random
"Today I don't feel like doing anything" - The Lazy Song by Bruno Mars
"La, la, la, whatever, la, la, la, it doesn't matter, la, la, la, oh well, la, la, la" - Tonight, Tonight by Hot Chelle Rae
Those are two of my favorite songs right now. Probably a coincidence that they also describe my mood pretty well. It has been one of those crazy weeks (or six months) where there seems to be an endless supply of demands for my time. As I told one of my friends, it seems like I have pressure coming from 9 different directions in any given day. Hard to be motivated when you know the next day is going to be just a busy as the current one and there is no end in sight. So the idea of a day of not doing anything sounds pretty good. Imagine a day of just fun. Sleeping in, maybe reading some of that book you can never seem to get to, or watching the entire season of "Studio 60", having a two hour lunch date with your wife, catching a movie in the afternoon, or taking a nap (not high on my list, but my wife would appreciate that), hanging out with friends, playing outside, going for a bike ride... not having anything you had to do but just a day to do whatever. What would you do with a day like that?
Not sure why it is called the rat race, but I guess that would make me a rat these days. We weren't meant to run full speed all of the time. Rest is essential. We may have different ways of resting, but God created us to enjoy life. We just need to stop and enjoy it. What do you find enjoyment in doing? Give yourself a break today and enjoy it. Take an hour, half a day, or the whole day and rest. Go ahead, tell your boss I said it was okay. Make time in your schedule to rest. Don't worry, the rat race will still be there when you get back. You won't miss anything, but you might actually be energized in a way you haven't been in quite awhile. La, la, la, whatever, la, la, la, it doesn't matter, la, la, la, oh well, la, la, la...
"La, la, la, whatever, la, la, la, it doesn't matter, la, la, la, oh well, la, la, la" - Tonight, Tonight by Hot Chelle Rae
Those are two of my favorite songs right now. Probably a coincidence that they also describe my mood pretty well. It has been one of those crazy weeks (or six months) where there seems to be an endless supply of demands for my time. As I told one of my friends, it seems like I have pressure coming from 9 different directions in any given day. Hard to be motivated when you know the next day is going to be just a busy as the current one and there is no end in sight. So the idea of a day of not doing anything sounds pretty good. Imagine a day of just fun. Sleeping in, maybe reading some of that book you can never seem to get to, or watching the entire season of "Studio 60", having a two hour lunch date with your wife, catching a movie in the afternoon, or taking a nap (not high on my list, but my wife would appreciate that), hanging out with friends, playing outside, going for a bike ride... not having anything you had to do but just a day to do whatever. What would you do with a day like that?
Not sure why it is called the rat race, but I guess that would make me a rat these days. We weren't meant to run full speed all of the time. Rest is essential. We may have different ways of resting, but God created us to enjoy life. We just need to stop and enjoy it. What do you find enjoyment in doing? Give yourself a break today and enjoy it. Take an hour, half a day, or the whole day and rest. Go ahead, tell your boss I said it was okay. Make time in your schedule to rest. Don't worry, the rat race will still be there when you get back. You won't miss anything, but you might actually be energized in a way you haven't been in quite awhile. La, la, la, whatever, la, la, la, it doesn't matter, la, la, la, oh well, la, la, la...
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Performance doesn't equal worth
What are you performing for? Schools base a lot of emphasis on test performance. Work demands you jump through hoops and continue to take on more so that you can get ahead. Relationships gear toward the mindset of "what have you done for me lately?" Who are you becoming? How are you going to get there? The mentality that says prove to me that you are worth it.
A lot of times that is what we make God out to be like as well. We ask "Are you following the rules? Are you doing the things we think you should be doing? Are you becoming who God wants you to be? We make our pursuit of Jesus one more thing based on our performance. Here is the reality... God is not in love with who I am becoming, but rather in love with who I am right now*. Let that soak in. It isn't based on me in anyway. It is based on who God is. His character... His love... His grace... His acceptance of me in my current messed up state.
We want to prove that we can do it, so we perform like we are suppose to. We gut it out. We push ourselves to the next level. We try to manage it. We try to control everything. We forget how messed up we were when we surrendered our lives to God. We are now trying to prove that we are worth it. He doesn't want our performance. He wants us. Lean into who He is. His character... His love... His grace... His mercy. We don't earn any of those with our performance. Forget who you are trying to become and realize who God is now.
* - Thanks to Lane for this awesome quote and sorry if I didn't get it exactly right. It is one of those mind blowing comments that will continue to stretch how I see God. Hopefully it continues to make me realize how much I need to press into God and his character and not rely on myself. I will continue to get it wrong no matter how hard I try, but God still loves me in this moment and not for where I am heading. How refreshing is that?
A lot of times that is what we make God out to be like as well. We ask "Are you following the rules? Are you doing the things we think you should be doing? Are you becoming who God wants you to be? We make our pursuit of Jesus one more thing based on our performance. Here is the reality... God is not in love with who I am becoming, but rather in love with who I am right now*. Let that soak in. It isn't based on me in anyway. It is based on who God is. His character... His love... His grace... His acceptance of me in my current messed up state.
We want to prove that we can do it, so we perform like we are suppose to. We gut it out. We push ourselves to the next level. We try to manage it. We try to control everything. We forget how messed up we were when we surrendered our lives to God. We are now trying to prove that we are worth it. He doesn't want our performance. He wants us. Lean into who He is. His character... His love... His grace... His mercy. We don't earn any of those with our performance. Forget who you are trying to become and realize who God is now.
* - Thanks to Lane for this awesome quote and sorry if I didn't get it exactly right. It is one of those mind blowing comments that will continue to stretch how I see God. Hopefully it continues to make me realize how much I need to press into God and his character and not rely on myself. I will continue to get it wrong no matter how hard I try, but God still loves me in this moment and not for where I am heading. How refreshing is that?
Monday, April 25, 2011
What do you do with the radical?
Seems Rob Bell's latest book is a little controversial. I am in the process of reading it right now so I will hold off on giving my opinion about it, but the way people have responded to it has gotten me thinking.
Upfront, so that you know where I am coming from, I like the way Rob Bell writes. He asks lots of questions and doesn't feel it necessary to answer all of those questions for us. He looks at things from a different perspective a lot of the time and challenges us to think about it. I appreciate that whether I agree with his opinion or not. He takes what we have always heard and does a pretty good job of turning that upside down.
A couple of reasons I like that style. First, that comes naturally for me. I like to challenge things "just because that is the way we have always done it". Why are we doing it that way? Is there a better way? Have we gotten it wrong? What if I am missing the point and need to change how I see it? Those questions are where I start. Another reason is because when I read scriptures, I see Jesus doing the same thing. He says things like "You have heard it said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." (Matt. 5:43) This is what you have always believed, now turn that upside down. See Jesus often challenged what the "religious" taught. He would challenge them to see the bigger picture or tell them they had it wrong.
That is thing that has me curious by the harsh responses to Bell's new book. Is this how people responded to Martin Luther's radical ideas back in the day? Is this how the Pharisees responded to Jesus' new interpretations of what they had always heard? Now I am not saying that Rob Bell has it right. I don't know. What I am saying is their room for us to be challenged? Could what we have always heard be wrong? Could we grow beyond what we currently know? Do you have it all figured out? If someone disagrees with you, are they going to hell? (Depending on how you see hell apparently.) Accept the questions. Dig into the scriptures and see what you think it has to say. Don't take someone else's word. Don't just fall back to what you have always heard either. Questioning isn't bad. (I sure hope it isn't anyway.) Blindly accepting things just because that is what you are comfortable with or you have always done it that way or grown up knowing, that is when it gets dangerous. I can disagree with someone who challenges my way of thinking and still respect them. I have a harder time respecting someone isn't willing to be challenged.
What do you do with the radical? How do you respond to someone who challenges your way of thinking? Probably says more about your heart than it does about whatever topic you are talking about. Remember, for those of you who are my friends, questions are good. When I ask that second question with 6 sub-parts, I am helping you grow, not being annoying.
Upfront, so that you know where I am coming from, I like the way Rob Bell writes. He asks lots of questions and doesn't feel it necessary to answer all of those questions for us. He looks at things from a different perspective a lot of the time and challenges us to think about it. I appreciate that whether I agree with his opinion or not. He takes what we have always heard and does a pretty good job of turning that upside down.
A couple of reasons I like that style. First, that comes naturally for me. I like to challenge things "just because that is the way we have always done it". Why are we doing it that way? Is there a better way? Have we gotten it wrong? What if I am missing the point and need to change how I see it? Those questions are where I start. Another reason is because when I read scriptures, I see Jesus doing the same thing. He says things like "You have heard it said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." (Matt. 5:43) This is what you have always believed, now turn that upside down. See Jesus often challenged what the "religious" taught. He would challenge them to see the bigger picture or tell them they had it wrong.
That is thing that has me curious by the harsh responses to Bell's new book. Is this how people responded to Martin Luther's radical ideas back in the day? Is this how the Pharisees responded to Jesus' new interpretations of what they had always heard? Now I am not saying that Rob Bell has it right. I don't know. What I am saying is their room for us to be challenged? Could what we have always heard be wrong? Could we grow beyond what we currently know? Do you have it all figured out? If someone disagrees with you, are they going to hell? (Depending on how you see hell apparently.) Accept the questions. Dig into the scriptures and see what you think it has to say. Don't take someone else's word. Don't just fall back to what you have always heard either. Questioning isn't bad. (I sure hope it isn't anyway.) Blindly accepting things just because that is what you are comfortable with or you have always done it that way or grown up knowing, that is when it gets dangerous. I can disagree with someone who challenges my way of thinking and still respect them. I have a harder time respecting someone isn't willing to be challenged.
What do you do with the radical? How do you respond to someone who challenges your way of thinking? Probably says more about your heart than it does about whatever topic you are talking about. Remember, for those of you who are my friends, questions are good. When I ask that second question with 6 sub-parts, I am helping you grow, not being annoying.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)