Running and breathing

Complete, well thought out ideas aren't going to happen for me so here are a few random musings from my life right now.

• What if you rolled out of bed and were told that you were running a marathon today? No training, no easing into it, no buying the right running shoes, no time to eat breakfast... just go... and oh by the way you need sprint the entire way. That is what life has felt like recently. Breathing and taking the next step sometimes feel like a major accomplishment. Where is the beginners course?


• Be careful what you ask. Really I should say, be prepared for the answers you might get. I have had a couple of conversation recently where I essentially asked if there are areas in my life where I need to change or am lacking in character. You know those types of questions you ask honestly expecting to hear "no man, you are doing good" or some version of that. We often talk about having relationships that sharpen us. Guess what? Sharpening may involve some pain. It may be good for us, but it isn't always enjoyable during the process. I guess that is why we need to ask those questions and also honestly answer them when we are asked. Growth often involves some growing pains.


• Ever have one of those moments where you get the chance to breath a little and reflect on life? (Yeah, those are suppose to happen occassionally in life.) During one of those brief moments recently, I realized I am not who I was 3 years ago. Talk to someone you haven't been around much in a couple of years. You may find what you had in common then, isn't your life now. Where you spend your time and energy may be totally diferent. How you express your passions may have changed. Where you find community now may not have existed then. Sometimes it is good to look back and see how we got to where we are today. Don't camp out in the past, but reflect on how you are growing and changing in who you are suppose to be becoming.

Welcome to Friday. Now get out there and start running.

Masked motives?

Word vomit... have you ever experienced it? That moment when you start unloading on someone. You start tearing down who they are. Throwing up all of these bad things about them. I caught myself doing this recently. Oh, it was masked behind some legitimate sounding reasons and I also had someone encouraging and confirming the things I was saying. It almost sounded reasonable... almost.

The things I say or, as more often is the case, the things I think may be true. But what is the motive? To build up the person and help them move forward? Not usually. Usually it is based on something a lot less noble... selfishness and jealousy. I see what they have or the way they are treated and want it. So I start finding faults in them. Ways to bring them down to my level so to speak.

What do you do when someone you know gets promoted instead of you? What do you do when a friend gets some good news? Are you excited for them or do you start looking for reasons you should have gotten those things? Selfishness can bury itself deeply in us. It robs us of being able to find joy in others. I want that joy, but it means I have to put myself aside. That means more than just saying the polite thing when they are around. Joy has a way deeper meaning than that. It means truly celebrating with them. We know the "right" things to say, but do we mean them?

Another bad thing about word vomit is that it can be highly contagious. We are quick to jump in and point out someones less desirable traits. But what if we were as quick to encourage someone and tell them the good things we see in them? There is a time when we need to point out when someone is missing the mark, but it should always be about building the other person up in love and not because of our jealousy.

Can you celebrate someone else's good news, even when you find yourself in one of those tough places in life? We get to choose whether we have joy or selfishness. What is your choice?

Alone in the middle

Last week I was in the middle of tons of people and I didn't know any of them. I was in a mall in Dallas and felt as if I was all alone even in the middle of all of those people. Surrounded by people who didn't know me and really didn't even care. Have you ever felt like that even when you are in the middle of people you do know? Wondering how you could be surrounded by people but still feel all alone? That is where I've found myself recently... in the middle of it all, but still feeling alone.

I overheard a couple of people talking about someone who hasn't been around church much recently. The jest of the conversation was that the person who had been there sporadically at best recently, had been around long enough to know that they just needed to get involved and serve if they wanted to be a part of the community. The ones talking had tried long enough and now it was up to the other person if they wanted to find a place to belong. I've felt that way before. Felt I've tried to include others and that now they needed to do their part to fit in. But recently, I know what it feels like to be drifting out there some and just wanting someone to care enough and not give up on me. Not to have to do anything or act like I have it all together to have a place in community.

The thing that brings me hope is that no matter what I may be feeling or how alone I may feel, I am pursued by God. It doesn't matter if I am the "prodigal" son or the "good" son. He loves me where I am at. At my best or even at my worst, His love doesn't change. We may feel that we are accomplishing a lot and really pursuing righteousness or we may be barely holding on and wondering if we will make it through another day... it doesn't matter as neither is enough. It isn't because of our performance or lack of performance that we are loved. It is because of who He is that we are loved. We are loved not because of how we fit in or if we feel alone, but because of His perfect love.

Maybe you are pursuing God with all that is within you right now or maybe you are wondering how you ended up all alone in the middle of a crowd... wherever you are at in life right now, you are loved more that you can imagine. Go ahead and try to out dream God. You can't. His love will stretch beyond it. We may not always do the best job of reflecting that love as Christians, matter of fact we fail at it sometimes, but because of that love we get to keep trying. It isn't about us at all, but it is all about Him. Not because we are worth it, but because He can't help himself and loves us in spite of who we are. He sees us as perfect, even when we don't. Wonder what it would look like if we started trying to see each other as He sees us? Wonder if there would be less lonely people? Wonder if there would still be people that we would give up on and just let them drift somewhere else because we are tired of trying? Kind of doubt it because I don't think God ever stops pursuing us. Wonder if that means as Christians that we should not stop pursuing others as well? Even when it is hard. Even when we don't feel like trying any more.

Just wondering what it might look like if we loved, no matter what.

Names from the past

Ever have one of those moments where you start off thinking about one thing and then a few minutes later you realize you have traveled a great distance in your thoughts and not sure how you got there exactly. Happened to me this morning as I was driving into work. I was reflecting on one of the roles I've served in the last several years that I've decided to step out of. My thoughts were swirling around that when a name popped into my head. Not sure how it was connected to what I had been thinking about before, but that lead to me thinking about another person. Before I knew it I had come up with a list of about 50 names. It was a little overwhelming as the names kept coming to my mind as one connection lead to another name who lead to a connection to another person.

Some of the guys I hadn't thought about in years. Some of them I talk to regularly. Some I had the opportunity to be involved with for only a short period, others I got to spend years getting to know. Some inspire me, others make my heart break. When I talk to some of them we pick up like no time has passed between conversations, with others it is awkward. They are spread throughout all walks of life. Some are in college, some are artistic, some are involved in business, some aren't headed anywhere, some are involved in missions, some I've lost track of and don't know what they are doing now. The list of names that flooded my mind this morning are the guys that I've had the privilege to invest in while the were high school students over the last 20 years. Each is unique and I often wondered how we ever connected. (A similar theme runs through most of my friends.) Some are close friends, some I see every couple of years and get to catch up with them, others I haven't talked to in a long while, but regardless of where they are at now, they impacted my life. Yeah, I was the one supposedly investing in their lives, but I am the one it changed. It changed how I love and serve others, it taught me to be more transparent, it taught me loving isn't always easy, it showed me that people can change (sometimes bringing unexpected joy and other times causing gut wrenching sorrow), it has shown me what pursuing Jesus looks like, it has been a wild and unexpected ride.

Maybe the change in thoughts this morning wasn't so random. Maybe it was a gentle reminder that even though some things may be changing, I am still called to invest in others. My life is going to impact others. That is a given. The question is will I do it intentionally and with a purpose or just let it happen. Another given is that you are also impacting others. Maybe not in the same way that I do, but still your life collides with others every day. You have a unique opportunity to make an impact in that other person's life. It may be only for a season or it may be over a lifetime, but it is your chance to invest in something more than yourself. What are you going to do with your opportunities? What will your list of names look like? What stories will you be a part of? It is your choice.

The pursuit of happiness

"I have often wished that Jefferson had not used that phrase 'the pursuit of happiness' as the third right... I would rather he had written, 'life, liberty and the pursuit of meaningfulness' or 'integrity' or 'truth." I know that happiness has been the real, if covert, goal of your labors here. I know that it informs your choice of companions, the profession you will enter. But I urge you, please do not settle for happiness. It's not good enough. Personal success devoid of meaningfulness, free of steady commitment to social justice - that's more than a barren life; it's a trivial one. It's looking good instead of doing good." - Toni Morrison speaking to the 2011 graduating class at the State university of New Jersey.

Don't know if the students were paying attention (come on, how many people actually listen to the graduation speeches?), but man, those are some profound and powerful words. How often do we settle for happiness? We look for what makes us happy, when we should be looking for so much more. Are you content being happy? Are you content with a life that may look good on the outside, but doesn't have much substance? Why do we chase the trivial when there are so many important things we could be chasing?

I've settled for happy more often than I care to admit. As long as things are good for me then I don't need to pursue much else. What would it look like if we pursued a life of meaning, or integrity or truth instead of our own selfishness? Pursuit isn't just some casual walk. It is a life focused on a goal. It is intentional, not just when we get around to it. Would my life be about more than just looking good if integrity and righteousness were my focus from the time I woke up in the morning until I finally went to sleep at night?

What are you pursuing? Does it have meaning or is it just another trivial pursuit? What are you letting shape your choices - happiness or something more?