Concealment or confession

Why is confessing our sins so difficult?  For me the answer lies in my image.  Confessing means I bring out into the open the things that I struggle with, the sin that is in my life, the areas that I suck at... it shatters the nice little image I have in my head of having it all together.  It is awkward to start a conversation that requires my confession.  There is no easy way to transition into it.  And I think all of that is part of why we are told to confess.

Concealing our sin is about us and protecting our image.  Confession requires humility.  It means we have to sacrifice our egos and put our pursuit of Jesus as our only focus.  We realize we can't do it on our own.  Grace follows our willingness to be humble.  When we conceal our sins, we basically tell God we don't need His grace or trust Him to take care of us.  It is once again about us.

I see there being two steps to confessing.  The first is to lay it out before God.  For me this is the easier one.  He knows my thoughts, he knows who I am in the dark, he already knows the sins that I have done.  This step is matter of confessing to someone who already knows what I am there to talk about.  It is the first step to realigning myself with pursuing Jesus and a life that reflects righteousness and holiness.  It is tough because it shines a spotlight on the huge difference between what my life looks like compared to what Jesus has called us to live, but I know his love and grace will come easily.  The second step is confessing to someone else.  This is where the image is shattered for me.  To actually admit the ugliness that is in me.  To open myself up to correction.  To humbly admit I can't do it on my own.  This is where it moves from nice theory to the tough practical.  It may mean that I actually have to change.  Someone else knows my secrets and the sin that I have worked so hard to hide.  It no longer means just confessing to God when I sin again, but also that someone may ask me some very specific questions that will be awkward and tough to answer.

The strange thing to me is that everything in me yells to keep it to myself.  It isn't that big of deal.  I can handle it on my own.  They are busy with their own lives.  They will think less of me.  But the reality for me is that some of the people I most admire are those who have those tough conversations.  They live a life with humility that I want my life to look like.  They understand grace in a deeper way.  They are the ones who I see pursuing Jesus with their whole life.  They are the ones I look up to and want to model my life after.

So that is the choice we have with our sin, we can either confess it or try to conceal it.  There isn't a choice that lies in the middle.  What are you choosing today?  If it is to confess, then do it now.  Don't wait until it is convenient because it will never be that.  Don't wait until you have your life a little more together because we never have it all together.  Don't wait until you have the time, find someone and start that awkward conversation now.  Concealment or confession... it is your choice.

Simple, but not really

What does following Jesus look like to you?  It is simple really... whatever, whenever, wherever.  Well let me clarify that, it is simple to state, but really tough to live out.  What He asks for is all of us... whatever, whenever, wherever.

For me it often looks more like this.  I am willing to do certain things, but please don't ask me to get out of my comfort zone or do something that may be awkward or may cost me something.  Whatever really means what I feel like doing at the time.  And while we are at, I don't really want it to inconvenience me.  I mean I will sacrifice a couple of hours on Sunday morning so can't we squeeze it in then?  Maybe we justify that family time is more important than anything else Jesus may want us to do.  I mean His primary concern is that I have a happy family right?  I mean I know it is suppose to be about His glory, but really he understands that I am busy and can only give Him a little of my precious time.  And wherever definitely means right where I am at.  He wouldn't require me to go outside my comrfortable circle, would He?

Are we following or justifying how we already live? Removing myself is the toughest thing and that is what He asks.  He asks us to pick up our cross and follow Him.  A cross is about dying.  It is inconvenient.  It will require us to give up holding other things so that we can carry our cross.  It means whatever you are placing before Jesus must go.  Wherever He asks us to go, whether that is across the country or the world or across the street to your neighbor or to your family, we will go.  And it means now.  Not someday in the future.  Not after you are out of high school or college, not after you have a job or started your family, not after your kids are older or out of the house, not when you get married...now, this moment, daily.

Let's be honest, it isn't an easy call.  What do you need to do today to follow Jesus?  Not some general, good sounding generic statement, but specifically what does whatever, whenever and wherever look like in your life?  Tell someone.  Now follow Him.

Running and breathing

Complete, well thought out ideas aren't going to happen for me so here are a few random musings from my life right now.

• What if you rolled out of bed and were told that you were running a marathon today? No training, no easing into it, no buying the right running shoes, no time to eat breakfast... just go... and oh by the way you need sprint the entire way. That is what life has felt like recently. Breathing and taking the next step sometimes feel like a major accomplishment. Where is the beginners course?


• Be careful what you ask. Really I should say, be prepared for the answers you might get. I have had a couple of conversation recently where I essentially asked if there are areas in my life where I need to change or am lacking in character. You know those types of questions you ask honestly expecting to hear "no man, you are doing good" or some version of that. We often talk about having relationships that sharpen us. Guess what? Sharpening may involve some pain. It may be good for us, but it isn't always enjoyable during the process. I guess that is why we need to ask those questions and also honestly answer them when we are asked. Growth often involves some growing pains.


• Ever have one of those moments where you get the chance to breath a little and reflect on life? (Yeah, those are suppose to happen occassionally in life.) During one of those brief moments recently, I realized I am not who I was 3 years ago. Talk to someone you haven't been around much in a couple of years. You may find what you had in common then, isn't your life now. Where you spend your time and energy may be totally diferent. How you express your passions may have changed. Where you find community now may not have existed then. Sometimes it is good to look back and see how we got to where we are today. Don't camp out in the past, but reflect on how you are growing and changing in who you are suppose to be becoming.

Welcome to Friday. Now get out there and start running.

Masked motives?

Word vomit... have you ever experienced it? That moment when you start unloading on someone. You start tearing down who they are. Throwing up all of these bad things about them. I caught myself doing this recently. Oh, it was masked behind some legitimate sounding reasons and I also had someone encouraging and confirming the things I was saying. It almost sounded reasonable... almost.

The things I say or, as more often is the case, the things I think may be true. But what is the motive? To build up the person and help them move forward? Not usually. Usually it is based on something a lot less noble... selfishness and jealousy. I see what they have or the way they are treated and want it. So I start finding faults in them. Ways to bring them down to my level so to speak.

What do you do when someone you know gets promoted instead of you? What do you do when a friend gets some good news? Are you excited for them or do you start looking for reasons you should have gotten those things? Selfishness can bury itself deeply in us. It robs us of being able to find joy in others. I want that joy, but it means I have to put myself aside. That means more than just saying the polite thing when they are around. Joy has a way deeper meaning than that. It means truly celebrating with them. We know the "right" things to say, but do we mean them?

Another bad thing about word vomit is that it can be highly contagious. We are quick to jump in and point out someones less desirable traits. But what if we were as quick to encourage someone and tell them the good things we see in them? There is a time when we need to point out when someone is missing the mark, but it should always be about building the other person up in love and not because of our jealousy.

Can you celebrate someone else's good news, even when you find yourself in one of those tough places in life? We get to choose whether we have joy or selfishness. What is your choice?

Alone in the middle

Last week I was in the middle of tons of people and I didn't know any of them. I was in a mall in Dallas and felt as if I was all alone even in the middle of all of those people. Surrounded by people who didn't know me and really didn't even care. Have you ever felt like that even when you are in the middle of people you do know? Wondering how you could be surrounded by people but still feel all alone? That is where I've found myself recently... in the middle of it all, but still feeling alone.

I overheard a couple of people talking about someone who hasn't been around church much recently. The jest of the conversation was that the person who had been there sporadically at best recently, had been around long enough to know that they just needed to get involved and serve if they wanted to be a part of the community. The ones talking had tried long enough and now it was up to the other person if they wanted to find a place to belong. I've felt that way before. Felt I've tried to include others and that now they needed to do their part to fit in. But recently, I know what it feels like to be drifting out there some and just wanting someone to care enough and not give up on me. Not to have to do anything or act like I have it all together to have a place in community.

The thing that brings me hope is that no matter what I may be feeling or how alone I may feel, I am pursued by God. It doesn't matter if I am the "prodigal" son or the "good" son. He loves me where I am at. At my best or even at my worst, His love doesn't change. We may feel that we are accomplishing a lot and really pursuing righteousness or we may be barely holding on and wondering if we will make it through another day... it doesn't matter as neither is enough. It isn't because of our performance or lack of performance that we are loved. It is because of who He is that we are loved. We are loved not because of how we fit in or if we feel alone, but because of His perfect love.

Maybe you are pursuing God with all that is within you right now or maybe you are wondering how you ended up all alone in the middle of a crowd... wherever you are at in life right now, you are loved more that you can imagine. Go ahead and try to out dream God. You can't. His love will stretch beyond it. We may not always do the best job of reflecting that love as Christians, matter of fact we fail at it sometimes, but because of that love we get to keep trying. It isn't about us at all, but it is all about Him. Not because we are worth it, but because He can't help himself and loves us in spite of who we are. He sees us as perfect, even when we don't. Wonder what it would look like if we started trying to see each other as He sees us? Wonder if there would be less lonely people? Wonder if there would still be people that we would give up on and just let them drift somewhere else because we are tired of trying? Kind of doubt it because I don't think God ever stops pursuing us. Wonder if that means as Christians that we should not stop pursuing others as well? Even when it is hard. Even when we don't feel like trying any more.

Just wondering what it might look like if we loved, no matter what.