What is the difference between comparing myself to someone else and being challenged by their example? I often think - I want to be like that or be able to do that, but I am not like that. Often times comparison can make me bitter, but someones example makes me better. I'm not sure I always distinguish the difference between the two very well though. When I try to measure up to someone else, I see the gap between us. I compare what they have to what I don't have. I become bitter because my focus is on what I don't have. But I am inspired and challenged by incredible examples. I think the difference is my focus. Comparison focuses on the differences between us, while when I am challenged the focus is on where I want to end up.
I am extremely fortunate to be surrounded by some people who set the bar high in their lives. Their examples constantly challenge me. They challenge me to be a better husband, a better dad, to be a better leader, and most importantly to pursue a life that reflects Jesus more. Do you find yourself comparing yourself to others? My guess is that probably means you either think more highly of yourself than you should or not highly enough of the way God created you. This verse stood out to me this morning as I was reading through Galatians.
"Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best that you can with your own life." (Galatians 6:4-5, The Message)
Are you doing your creative best with your life? Your creativity isn't dependent on anyone else's. Be challenged by the examples around you and celebrate them, then go do your creative best to live it out.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
And the journey continues...
What makes you better in the various roles in your life? Being a husband and dad are two huge roles in my life that I love, but they take work. Being selfless doesn't come naturally for me and it requires a lot of that it both of those roles as well as any other relationships you have. As Lisa and I were discussing things last night (one of my favorite parts of the day) I shared a connection that I made in mind yesterday. For me to do those roles well, I need to be involved in investing in others and being a part of a community that does life with me. I know some people could spend 24/7 with their families and love it and be perfectly content, but I am actually better at loving my family when I have other relationships in my life. This last season has been tough for me in that area because I haven't had much of either of those things.
Let me back up a little. For the last 10 years, I have spent time investing in some incredible guys. I didn't have a clue what I was doing when I started meeting with Dayton and Josh ten years ago. That was okay though because they didn't know what it was suppose to look like either. We figured it out as we went. And I continued figuring out with Mark, David, Raymond, Ryan, Kyle and Cohen. Incredible guys who stretched me. Countless conversations about life. Lots of laughter. Some tears. Some challenging times. Some mountain top times. An opportunity for me to invest in someone else. A chance to learn to be a little less selfish and love those guys where they were at. I still love hanging out with each of those guys and hearing what is going in their lives. Getting to see the way their lives are being shaped. They are each very different, but I love that diversity and creativity. Some I don't get to see as frequently now as others. That's part of life that rubs me the wrong way. I want to be able to hang with each of them and see how they continue to grow, but now we just get to only occasionally catch up. I haven't found that next person to invest in and miss that. I miss being challenged to be better by pouring into someone else. As frustrating as it can be at times, I also know it helps make me a better husband and dad.
Another area of my life that has always been a high priority is having guys in my life who know the real me. I need some guys who know me beyond the surface. Guys who can challenge me. Guys who can call me out when my words and actions don't meet. On Sunday, even before Brian issued his challenged, I was wondering who I could ask if there are inconsistencies in my life between what I say I believe and how I actually live my life. (Brian was teaching on our lives bearing fruit. Also a nice illustration about our lives being like a sponge as well.) See that is a question you have to ask someone who is deeply involved in your life if you want any helpful feedback. It has to be someone you are doing life together with. The person who sees you at your best and maybe more importantly at your worse. See we can hide the worst part from most people. If you see someone for a couple of hours once a week, it is easy to appear normal. The thing is I know I am not normal. I have strengths and weaknesses. We all do. It is when I have other guys investing in life with me that those strengths can accomplish a lot more and my weaknesses are supported by them. I don't think we were meant to do life by ourselves, but that is how most of us choose to do it. Community, like mentoring, takes a lot of work. It is inconvenient. It is messy. There are some awesome moments and some not so awesome times. I have been lucky enough to have some incredible guys as part of my life for different seasons of life. Brian A., Shane, Chris E., Boyd, Jeff, Chris G., Brian J., Joe, Lane and Joel... guys who have all helped shaped who I am today. Some for longer seasons of life than others, but each making my life better. With most of those guys I could still jump into the middle of a conversation with them as if no time had passed. All of them are great dudes. But most of them couldn't answer the question about if there are inconsistencies in my life because we aren't currently doing life together.
That is where it connected last night. I need to be investing in someone and living life within a community. I know it isn't earth shattering news or even rocket science, but those things make me better and maybe a little less selfish. Now the tough part is finding those people. Who else wants to commit to the sometimes messy process of doing life together? It will require work and dealing with challenging people like me. Doing life together can't be faked. It becomes apparent rather quickly if your words and actions don't match. That is the good and bad of being that involved in someone else's life. Transparency removes most of our hiding places which can be scary, but it can also be awesome. And the journey continues as I look for those people in this new season of life.
Let me back up a little. For the last 10 years, I have spent time investing in some incredible guys. I didn't have a clue what I was doing when I started meeting with Dayton and Josh ten years ago. That was okay though because they didn't know what it was suppose to look like either. We figured it out as we went. And I continued figuring out with Mark, David, Raymond, Ryan, Kyle and Cohen. Incredible guys who stretched me. Countless conversations about life. Lots of laughter. Some tears. Some challenging times. Some mountain top times. An opportunity for me to invest in someone else. A chance to learn to be a little less selfish and love those guys where they were at. I still love hanging out with each of those guys and hearing what is going in their lives. Getting to see the way their lives are being shaped. They are each very different, but I love that diversity and creativity. Some I don't get to see as frequently now as others. That's part of life that rubs me the wrong way. I want to be able to hang with each of them and see how they continue to grow, but now we just get to only occasionally catch up. I haven't found that next person to invest in and miss that. I miss being challenged to be better by pouring into someone else. As frustrating as it can be at times, I also know it helps make me a better husband and dad.
Another area of my life that has always been a high priority is having guys in my life who know the real me. I need some guys who know me beyond the surface. Guys who can challenge me. Guys who can call me out when my words and actions don't meet. On Sunday, even before Brian issued his challenged, I was wondering who I could ask if there are inconsistencies in my life between what I say I believe and how I actually live my life. (Brian was teaching on our lives bearing fruit. Also a nice illustration about our lives being like a sponge as well.) See that is a question you have to ask someone who is deeply involved in your life if you want any helpful feedback. It has to be someone you are doing life together with. The person who sees you at your best and maybe more importantly at your worse. See we can hide the worst part from most people. If you see someone for a couple of hours once a week, it is easy to appear normal. The thing is I know I am not normal. I have strengths and weaknesses. We all do. It is when I have other guys investing in life with me that those strengths can accomplish a lot more and my weaknesses are supported by them. I don't think we were meant to do life by ourselves, but that is how most of us choose to do it. Community, like mentoring, takes a lot of work. It is inconvenient. It is messy. There are some awesome moments and some not so awesome times. I have been lucky enough to have some incredible guys as part of my life for different seasons of life. Brian A., Shane, Chris E., Boyd, Jeff, Chris G., Brian J., Joe, Lane and Joel... guys who have all helped shaped who I am today. Some for longer seasons of life than others, but each making my life better. With most of those guys I could still jump into the middle of a conversation with them as if no time had passed. All of them are great dudes. But most of them couldn't answer the question about if there are inconsistencies in my life because we aren't currently doing life together.
That is where it connected last night. I need to be investing in someone and living life within a community. I know it isn't earth shattering news or even rocket science, but those things make me better and maybe a little less selfish. Now the tough part is finding those people. Who else wants to commit to the sometimes messy process of doing life together? It will require work and dealing with challenging people like me. Doing life together can't be faked. It becomes apparent rather quickly if your words and actions don't match. That is the good and bad of being that involved in someone else's life. Transparency removes most of our hiding places which can be scary, but it can also be awesome. And the journey continues as I look for those people in this new season of life.
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