A challenge

Ever have an idea that sounds great at the time and then you realize how hard it may be?  That's where I've been for the last month.  See I had this brilliant (this may be debatable) idea to celebrate my wife's birthday for the entire month of July.

A little back story on the idea may be helpful.  I was thinking of doing something different and creative for my wife's birthday this year.  It is one of those years that no one really gets excited about... you know like 28, 37 or 43.  Not a milestone year (and who really enjoys those milestone years once you are past 30 anyways?) and it has just been a long year for both of us (bodies falling apart, transitions in life, realizing how old we really are, you know, fun things like that).  Well, we have a friend (Kelli) who always wants a week to celebrate her birthday (and really who doesn't need a least a week to celebrate) so I though if a week is good then a month would be outstanding.  My wife definitely deserves a month of celebration.  She is amazing so how hard could it be to find ways to tell her that for 31 days?

I realized I am not as creative as I would like to be.  After about two weeks I began to run out of creative ways to express my appreciation for her.  Sadly, I resorted to giving lots of gift cards over the last two weeks.  Oh she appreciated them, but I can't really say it is very creative.  Also I realized how selfish I am.  It is easy to do things for myself, but tough to spend a month focused on someone else.  Contantly thinking about ways to serve others is not something that comes naturally.  It is what we are supposed to do, but it still doesn't come naturally for me.  And you can get called names for trying to be creative.  I won't mention any names... ahem like Brian... but I actually got called a prick.  I guess some people don't like having the bar raised in the gift giving department.

So can you spend a month focused on others?  Could you write a note of appreciate to a different person each day for a month?  Could you find a way to encourage someone each day for a month?  Could you find a way to serve someone each day for month?  Can you you stretch yourself for a month to think of others before yourself?  The answer is yes you could, so I guess the question is really, will you?

It's been awhile

It's been quite awhile since I've written down my thoughts on here.  Actually it has been just a little short of year since I last posted something.  Why?

Good question.  It wasn't intentional that I stopped writing, it just happened.  I've had the same types of thoughts that produced a couple years worth of blogs.  I still have lots of questions, like to observe, have doubts, have strong opinions, still like to write, but it just hasn't happened.  A year of silence.

It has been a year of change.  Not so much outwardly, but on the inside like in how I view people, my perspective on life, the people who influence me, and dealing with a different place in life.  Not bad, but still change.  A year of transition.

Some passions of mine have faded, others are still strong.  Others have been renewed.  Writing - not sure where it falls right now.  To place my ramblings, observations, questions, ideas down for others to see... not sure it is meant to be shared in this forum.  Time will tell.  It feels good to explore my thoughts on here today, but not sure beyond today.  A chance to end or a chance to pick up where I left off?  As always, it will be interesting to see where this leads.

Hang on for the ride...

Investments of a lifetime

I've started this blog about five different times this morning.  Sorting through different thoughts and trying to find some common thread running through these seemingly contradictory ideas.  What I've landed on as the common thread of my thoughts this morning is that they are about people I've invested in.  Some who I don't see very often, but the conversations start as if there hasn't been any gap in time.  Some who encourage so naturally and others that seem to only find  faults.  Some who will call, e-mail or text every so often just to see what is going on and others who put little effort into our friendship or have walked away.  Some who are pursuing Jesus with their entire lives while others have found other things to chase after and have become more part-time fans of Jesus.  Some who I want to be more like.  Some who I am already too much like.

That is the funny thing about the people in your life... you never really know what you are getting into until you jump in.  It will be messy.  It might hurt.  It might challenge you.  It might be what helps keep your sanity intact.  It may be someone who encourages you as you grow.  It may be someone who drains your time and energy.  It may be someone who appreciates you or someone who takes you for granted.  It might be a person who helps make you a better person.  It might be someone who drags you down.  You have to jump in to find out the possibilities.

I've been thinking about 4 or 5 different people this morning.  A couple of them I am looking forward to spending some time with in the near future.  Chris and Jeff have been there through a lot of years.  We don't get to see each other very often as my brother-in-law lives in Atlanta and Jeff in Taiwan.  If I was to pick who I am most like in personality and the way I process things, these two would differently be at the top of that list.  I almost always walk away encouraged when I spend time with either of them, whether it is just hanging out together or spending time talking about the deeper things in life.  They are two guys who reflect what following Jesus looks like and whose advice I seek out.

Then there are a couple of guys who seem to point out all that is wrong with the world.  They definitely see the glass at least half empty and who drain me mentally in their theoretical discussions about the things in life.  The conversations revolve around what is important to them.  Then there are those who just don't have time.  They have busy lives and honestly a friendship ranks somewhere below their job, their family, their favorite sports teams and the other things going on in their lives.  It is a friendship on the side.

The thing is that I fall into all of those at some point.  I bring all of my insecurities, my baggage, my encouragement, my negativity, my thoughts, my priorities... my messiness into those friendships as well.  The thing is we are supposed to go through life together.  The good, the bad, the ugly... it is all part of the package.  Who are you sharing life with?  Trying to man up and do it by yourself?  It doesn't work.  Investing in others comes with risk, but doesn't anything that is worth pursuing?  You've got 24 hours today, what will you do with it?

Are you willing to dream?

"There are no impossible dreams, just our limited perception of what is possible"

Don't know where this quote originated, but it is money.  How often do we limit what can be accomplished because we don't have big enough dreams?  We have this need to be able to touch and see it before we can imagine it.  We shoot down ideas simply because we have a limited view of what can be done.

What if we expanded our perception just a little?  What great things could happen if we really understood that nothing is impossible for God?  Better than understanding it, what if we lived that way?  What dreams have you given up on simply because they weren't realistic?  They seemed too big to happen?  You couldn't imagine how it could possibly happen so you gave up.  And a little bit of you dies.  We accept okay because we can no longer imagine the great.  We settle for what we can see with our limited perception of reality.

Dream big.  Don't lose your innocence of believing the impossible might just be able to happen.  Don't give in to the cynics and the critics.  They are a dime a dozen, but the dreamers are who will change the world. They see what could be and don't settle for what is only right in front of them.  Impossible says God is limited to our small imaginations.  Isn't believing in something beyond our imagination the same as faith?  We can't quite grasp it but we know in our hearts it is true.  It requires a leap into the unknown.

What has your limited perception kept you from doing?  Let's not be so quick to accept mediocrity and be willing to dream a little.

I ought to...

Finish this statement, I ought to________.  Now fill in this blank, today I will ________.  Which is easier to answer?  For me I like the "ought to" statement.  It is in the future.  It is a nice idea.  It is something that might happen.  It doesn't require anything of me now.  I don't think I am the only who has this tendency.

Someday we will get around to doing it.  We will make those changes we need to address when it is more convenient.  We will have those conversations that need to happen later this week.  We will start exercising/ eating better/having a devotion/________ tomorrow.  We like the idea, we just don't want to actually do it.  So we put it off and pretend it doesn't exist.  We hope that it will magically change without any work on our part.

Inconvenient, awkward, costly, sacrifice... that is what doing something now requires and that is why we avoid it.  But should we?  I have a love/hate relationship with the following quote - "Delayed obedience is disobedience."  I love the thought behind it, but sometimes I hate living it out.  When I know I am suppose to do something and don't... that is disobedience.  We can make it sound better by saying we will do it in the future, but the reality is that now is when we are suppose to do it.  We convince ourselves that we are too busy to fit it in today, but if we had the chance to go do that one thing we have really been wanting to do, I bet we could find the time.  So what are you putting off that needs to be done today?  Will you do it or will it be something you ought to do someday?

How did you get so lucky?

Ever caught yourself wanting what someone else has in their life?  Things like wishing you had a marriage like theirs, or had so and so's body, or had a prayer life like him, or that your kids were well behaved like theirs.  For me it is often my friends that seem to have a flexible enough work schedule that everything is done between 9 and 3 including working out, having a quiet time and getting to hang out with people and then going home on time to spend quality time with their families.  (If you are thinking I might be referring to you, I probably am.)

A couple of thoughts about this.  First, what we really want is the results and not the work to get there.  You want a prayer life that is incredible, then you have to make the time to spend in prayer each day which may mean getting out of bed a couple hours earlier or staying up after everyone else has gone to bed.  You want a marriage that is still amazing after 20 years, then you do the hard things along the way and learn what selflessness looks like.  You want to be healthy, then you make it a priority to eat right and exercise often.  We see the results and think how lucky they are.  The truth is that it takes work and commitment over time.  We want the instant gratification without sacrificing anything to get there.

Another thing is that we often don't see the whole picture.  We see a marriage or a family that looks perfect, but the reality is that they have their off days as well.  Days when they choose selfishness instead of love.  Days when their kids are driving them crazy.  Days when they are stressed with bills, and schedules, and trying to figure out how to divide 24 hours among all of the things demanding their attention.  Days when they choose to sleep instead of getting out of bed to have some time with God.  A day where they get to end of the day and realize they haven't spent any time thinking about God.  A day when they choose the dessert instead of the salad.  A day when they decide to sit on the couch and watch a movie instead of working out.  Hope this doesn't burst your bubble, but none of us are perfect.  We strive for looking like Jesus and do our best each day.  Some days we look more like Him than others.  The key is that the next day we try again.  The things worth having usually require us to keep working at them.

Finally, for those things you want, don't be bitter that they have what you want.  Celebrate that they have an amazing marriage.  Tell them how awesome they look and that you respect their willpower in eating healthy and working out.  Ask them to pray for you and be happy that they are so madly in love with Jesus.  And learn from them.  When you see those qualities in someone elses life that you desire, ask them what they do to have them.  Figure out how that works in your life and then start doing them.  It won't happen over night, but after time it might be you that someone is looking at wondering how you got so lucky.  

Concealment or confession

Why is confessing our sins so difficult?  For me the answer lies in my image.  Confessing means I bring out into the open the things that I struggle with, the sin that is in my life, the areas that I suck at... it shatters the nice little image I have in my head of having it all together.  It is awkward to start a conversation that requires my confession.  There is no easy way to transition into it.  And I think all of that is part of why we are told to confess.

Concealing our sin is about us and protecting our image.  Confession requires humility.  It means we have to sacrifice our egos and put our pursuit of Jesus as our only focus.  We realize we can't do it on our own.  Grace follows our willingness to be humble.  When we conceal our sins, we basically tell God we don't need His grace or trust Him to take care of us.  It is once again about us.

I see there being two steps to confessing.  The first is to lay it out before God.  For me this is the easier one.  He knows my thoughts, he knows who I am in the dark, he already knows the sins that I have done.  This step is matter of confessing to someone who already knows what I am there to talk about.  It is the first step to realigning myself with pursuing Jesus and a life that reflects righteousness and holiness.  It is tough because it shines a spotlight on the huge difference between what my life looks like compared to what Jesus has called us to live, but I know his love and grace will come easily.  The second step is confessing to someone else.  This is where the image is shattered for me.  To actually admit the ugliness that is in me.  To open myself up to correction.  To humbly admit I can't do it on my own.  This is where it moves from nice theory to the tough practical.  It may mean that I actually have to change.  Someone else knows my secrets and the sin that I have worked so hard to hide.  It no longer means just confessing to God when I sin again, but also that someone may ask me some very specific questions that will be awkward and tough to answer.

The strange thing to me is that everything in me yells to keep it to myself.  It isn't that big of deal.  I can handle it on my own.  They are busy with their own lives.  They will think less of me.  But the reality for me is that some of the people I most admire are those who have those tough conversations.  They live a life with humility that I want my life to look like.  They understand grace in a deeper way.  They are the ones who I see pursuing Jesus with their whole life.  They are the ones I look up to and want to model my life after.

So that is the choice we have with our sin, we can either confess it or try to conceal it.  There isn't a choice that lies in the middle.  What are you choosing today?  If it is to confess, then do it now.  Don't wait until it is convenient because it will never be that.  Don't wait until you have your life a little more together because we never have it all together.  Don't wait until you have the time, find someone and start that awkward conversation now.  Concealment or confession... it is your choice.

Simple, but not really

What does following Jesus look like to you?  It is simple really... whatever, whenever, wherever.  Well let me clarify that, it is simple to state, but really tough to live out.  What He asks for is all of us... whatever, whenever, wherever.

For me it often looks more like this.  I am willing to do certain things, but please don't ask me to get out of my comfort zone or do something that may be awkward or may cost me something.  Whatever really means what I feel like doing at the time.  And while we are at, I don't really want it to inconvenience me.  I mean I will sacrifice a couple of hours on Sunday morning so can't we squeeze it in then?  Maybe we justify that family time is more important than anything else Jesus may want us to do.  I mean His primary concern is that I have a happy family right?  I mean I know it is suppose to be about His glory, but really he understands that I am busy and can only give Him a little of my precious time.  And wherever definitely means right where I am at.  He wouldn't require me to go outside my comrfortable circle, would He?

Are we following or justifying how we already live? Removing myself is the toughest thing and that is what He asks.  He asks us to pick up our cross and follow Him.  A cross is about dying.  It is inconvenient.  It will require us to give up holding other things so that we can carry our cross.  It means whatever you are placing before Jesus must go.  Wherever He asks us to go, whether that is across the country or the world or across the street to your neighbor or to your family, we will go.  And it means now.  Not someday in the future.  Not after you are out of high school or college, not after you have a job or started your family, not after your kids are older or out of the house, not when you get married...now, this moment, daily.

Let's be honest, it isn't an easy call.  What do you need to do today to follow Jesus?  Not some general, good sounding generic statement, but specifically what does whatever, whenever and wherever look like in your life?  Tell someone.  Now follow Him.

Running and breathing

Complete, well thought out ideas aren't going to happen for me so here are a few random musings from my life right now.

• What if you rolled out of bed and were told that you were running a marathon today? No training, no easing into it, no buying the right running shoes, no time to eat breakfast... just go... and oh by the way you need sprint the entire way. That is what life has felt like recently. Breathing and taking the next step sometimes feel like a major accomplishment. Where is the beginners course?


• Be careful what you ask. Really I should say, be prepared for the answers you might get. I have had a couple of conversation recently where I essentially asked if there are areas in my life where I need to change or am lacking in character. You know those types of questions you ask honestly expecting to hear "no man, you are doing good" or some version of that. We often talk about having relationships that sharpen us. Guess what? Sharpening may involve some pain. It may be good for us, but it isn't always enjoyable during the process. I guess that is why we need to ask those questions and also honestly answer them when we are asked. Growth often involves some growing pains.


• Ever have one of those moments where you get the chance to breath a little and reflect on life? (Yeah, those are suppose to happen occassionally in life.) During one of those brief moments recently, I realized I am not who I was 3 years ago. Talk to someone you haven't been around much in a couple of years. You may find what you had in common then, isn't your life now. Where you spend your time and energy may be totally diferent. How you express your passions may have changed. Where you find community now may not have existed then. Sometimes it is good to look back and see how we got to where we are today. Don't camp out in the past, but reflect on how you are growing and changing in who you are suppose to be becoming.

Welcome to Friday. Now get out there and start running.

Masked motives?

Word vomit... have you ever experienced it? That moment when you start unloading on someone. You start tearing down who they are. Throwing up all of these bad things about them. I caught myself doing this recently. Oh, it was masked behind some legitimate sounding reasons and I also had someone encouraging and confirming the things I was saying. It almost sounded reasonable... almost.

The things I say or, as more often is the case, the things I think may be true. But what is the motive? To build up the person and help them move forward? Not usually. Usually it is based on something a lot less noble... selfishness and jealousy. I see what they have or the way they are treated and want it. So I start finding faults in them. Ways to bring them down to my level so to speak.

What do you do when someone you know gets promoted instead of you? What do you do when a friend gets some good news? Are you excited for them or do you start looking for reasons you should have gotten those things? Selfishness can bury itself deeply in us. It robs us of being able to find joy in others. I want that joy, but it means I have to put myself aside. That means more than just saying the polite thing when they are around. Joy has a way deeper meaning than that. It means truly celebrating with them. We know the "right" things to say, but do we mean them?

Another bad thing about word vomit is that it can be highly contagious. We are quick to jump in and point out someones less desirable traits. But what if we were as quick to encourage someone and tell them the good things we see in them? There is a time when we need to point out when someone is missing the mark, but it should always be about building the other person up in love and not because of our jealousy.

Can you celebrate someone else's good news, even when you find yourself in one of those tough places in life? We get to choose whether we have joy or selfishness. What is your choice?

Alone in the middle

Last week I was in the middle of tons of people and I didn't know any of them. I was in a mall in Dallas and felt as if I was all alone even in the middle of all of those people. Surrounded by people who didn't know me and really didn't even care. Have you ever felt like that even when you are in the middle of people you do know? Wondering how you could be surrounded by people but still feel all alone? That is where I've found myself recently... in the middle of it all, but still feeling alone.

I overheard a couple of people talking about someone who hasn't been around church much recently. The jest of the conversation was that the person who had been there sporadically at best recently, had been around long enough to know that they just needed to get involved and serve if they wanted to be a part of the community. The ones talking had tried long enough and now it was up to the other person if they wanted to find a place to belong. I've felt that way before. Felt I've tried to include others and that now they needed to do their part to fit in. But recently, I know what it feels like to be drifting out there some and just wanting someone to care enough and not give up on me. Not to have to do anything or act like I have it all together to have a place in community.

The thing that brings me hope is that no matter what I may be feeling or how alone I may feel, I am pursued by God. It doesn't matter if I am the "prodigal" son or the "good" son. He loves me where I am at. At my best or even at my worst, His love doesn't change. We may feel that we are accomplishing a lot and really pursuing righteousness or we may be barely holding on and wondering if we will make it through another day... it doesn't matter as neither is enough. It isn't because of our performance or lack of performance that we are loved. It is because of who He is that we are loved. We are loved not because of how we fit in or if we feel alone, but because of His perfect love.

Maybe you are pursuing God with all that is within you right now or maybe you are wondering how you ended up all alone in the middle of a crowd... wherever you are at in life right now, you are loved more that you can imagine. Go ahead and try to out dream God. You can't. His love will stretch beyond it. We may not always do the best job of reflecting that love as Christians, matter of fact we fail at it sometimes, but because of that love we get to keep trying. It isn't about us at all, but it is all about Him. Not because we are worth it, but because He can't help himself and loves us in spite of who we are. He sees us as perfect, even when we don't. Wonder what it would look like if we started trying to see each other as He sees us? Wonder if there would be less lonely people? Wonder if there would still be people that we would give up on and just let them drift somewhere else because we are tired of trying? Kind of doubt it because I don't think God ever stops pursuing us. Wonder if that means as Christians that we should not stop pursuing others as well? Even when it is hard. Even when we don't feel like trying any more.

Just wondering what it might look like if we loved, no matter what.

Names from the past

Ever have one of those moments where you start off thinking about one thing and then a few minutes later you realize you have traveled a great distance in your thoughts and not sure how you got there exactly. Happened to me this morning as I was driving into work. I was reflecting on one of the roles I've served in the last several years that I've decided to step out of. My thoughts were swirling around that when a name popped into my head. Not sure how it was connected to what I had been thinking about before, but that lead to me thinking about another person. Before I knew it I had come up with a list of about 50 names. It was a little overwhelming as the names kept coming to my mind as one connection lead to another name who lead to a connection to another person.

Some of the guys I hadn't thought about in years. Some of them I talk to regularly. Some I had the opportunity to be involved with for only a short period, others I got to spend years getting to know. Some inspire me, others make my heart break. When I talk to some of them we pick up like no time has passed between conversations, with others it is awkward. They are spread throughout all walks of life. Some are in college, some are artistic, some are involved in business, some aren't headed anywhere, some are involved in missions, some I've lost track of and don't know what they are doing now. The list of names that flooded my mind this morning are the guys that I've had the privilege to invest in while the were high school students over the last 20 years. Each is unique and I often wondered how we ever connected. (A similar theme runs through most of my friends.) Some are close friends, some I see every couple of years and get to catch up with them, others I haven't talked to in a long while, but regardless of where they are at now, they impacted my life. Yeah, I was the one supposedly investing in their lives, but I am the one it changed. It changed how I love and serve others, it taught me to be more transparent, it taught me loving isn't always easy, it showed me that people can change (sometimes bringing unexpected joy and other times causing gut wrenching sorrow), it has shown me what pursuing Jesus looks like, it has been a wild and unexpected ride.

Maybe the change in thoughts this morning wasn't so random. Maybe it was a gentle reminder that even though some things may be changing, I am still called to invest in others. My life is going to impact others. That is a given. The question is will I do it intentionally and with a purpose or just let it happen. Another given is that you are also impacting others. Maybe not in the same way that I do, but still your life collides with others every day. You have a unique opportunity to make an impact in that other person's life. It may be only for a season or it may be over a lifetime, but it is your chance to invest in something more than yourself. What are you going to do with your opportunities? What will your list of names look like? What stories will you be a part of? It is your choice.

The pursuit of happiness

"I have often wished that Jefferson had not used that phrase 'the pursuit of happiness' as the third right... I would rather he had written, 'life, liberty and the pursuit of meaningfulness' or 'integrity' or 'truth." I know that happiness has been the real, if covert, goal of your labors here. I know that it informs your choice of companions, the profession you will enter. But I urge you, please do not settle for happiness. It's not good enough. Personal success devoid of meaningfulness, free of steady commitment to social justice - that's more than a barren life; it's a trivial one. It's looking good instead of doing good." - Toni Morrison speaking to the 2011 graduating class at the State university of New Jersey.

Don't know if the students were paying attention (come on, how many people actually listen to the graduation speeches?), but man, those are some profound and powerful words. How often do we settle for happiness? We look for what makes us happy, when we should be looking for so much more. Are you content being happy? Are you content with a life that may look good on the outside, but doesn't have much substance? Why do we chase the trivial when there are so many important things we could be chasing?

I've settled for happy more often than I care to admit. As long as things are good for me then I don't need to pursue much else. What would it look like if we pursued a life of meaning, or integrity or truth instead of our own selfishness? Pursuit isn't just some casual walk. It is a life focused on a goal. It is intentional, not just when we get around to it. Would my life be about more than just looking good if integrity and righteousness were my focus from the time I woke up in the morning until I finally went to sleep at night?

What are you pursuing? Does it have meaning or is it just another trivial pursuit? What are you letting shape your choices - happiness or something more?

Undeserved and unappreciated

Grace... it's one of those words I don't understand. I mean I know the definition and I can understand it theoretically, but I just can't get my mind totally around it.

When I receive it, I want to try and earn it. Which can't be done. It is free and undeserved. It is a gift and simply can't be earned. I wonder if that is why it is so hard to receive? It doesn't depend on me in any way, but is totally undeserved.

Giving it to others is also hard. I want to put conditions on it. Make it available only if you jump through certain hoops. To expect nothing and to give it away requires a selfless attitude. It is a gift that may not be appreciated or even wanted. It may be treated as worthless or not even noticed. It is hard to give away a gift without it being acknowledge, but if I do it to be acknowledge, then it really isn't free.

Grace is priceless, but we treat it so cheaply. We want it given to us, but are hardly willing to give it to others. I want to move from knowing about it and learn to cherish the gift it is. How have you experienced grace? How are you living graciously in others lives?

Grace... I am so thankful for it even though I don't understand it.

The effects of whine

Ever been around that person who always has something negative to say? Ever been around the person who can find something to complain about no matter how good things are? It is draining. Draining to be around that person and also draining to be that person. It takes a lot of energy to be perpetually unhappy. To be on the constant look out for things that aren't ideal for you.

The squeaky wheel mentality may be beneficial in the work place, but it doesn't translate well to the rest of or lives. The squeaky wheel may get their way, but at what cost? The cost of friendships, the cost of tearing apart the team, the cost of killing dreams... how long can we be absorbed with ourselves at the expense of others?

I was having a conversation a couple of weeks ago and the person jokingly said "Okay, let's take the focus off of you just for a minute". Ouch! But that is the reality of whining. It is all about you. The definition of being selfish. The negative attitude, the entitlement, the perception that all things should be as you want them, the whining until we get our way, the temper tantrum (it looks even worse on an adult than when you see a 3 year old doing it)... there is only one way to really fight it... being willing to serve in love. Serving means taking our eyes off of ourselves and looking to someone else's best interest. It may not feel natural and that is part of the point. We are naturally selfish, but unselfishness is counter-cultural.

The effects of whine are subtle. If you are reading this and thinking so and so needs to read this. Be careful because you may be the whiner waiting on an intervention to happen. There is a place to be critical and look for improvements. There is a time to challenge things. But can you honestly say it is in the best interest of others or is it about you?

The rhythm of rest

How do you rest? Do you ever think about it? We seem to be concerned with the next thing on our list, but rarely do we make time for resting. (Maybe we need to put it on our lists.) For me in the past, it has been about going full speed until I collapse. Trying to get everything done on the list. The thing is the list is never complete. There is always one more thing (or person) demanding my attention. Screaming it's importance and needing to be done now. So off we run to the next thing without ever slowing down to rest.

For me resting includes being with friends. Having time to talk or play and have fun. It might come in a variety of ways and look different depending on who I am with, but it means moving away from doing and simply enjoying just being. It doesn't mean once I get everything else completed; it means in the midst of the craziness of life. An hour or two to hang out with a friend over coffee (which I still don't drink even though I have spent enormous amounts of time at coffee shops) or playing Frisbee golf on a Saturday morning or getting beat at tennis once again. It is spending time talking with my wife once the boys have gone to bed. It is playing cards with friends and enjoying good conversation and laughter. It may be serving someone or finding time to just listen. Rest is vital, but something we don't do very well.

So when will you intentionally rest this week? When will you commit to slowing down enough to enjoy what is around you? There is meant to be a rhythm to our lives and part of that is resting. Also I have learned that when I rest well, then the other things on the list are lot easier to accomplish. I remember my brother-in-law stating it this way, we should work out of our rest instead of resting from our work. What is your ideal way to rest? Now go put it on your list and make the time for doing it.

Costly assumptions

We assume that others want the same things we want. We assume that others see and process things the same way we do.

You want to climb the corporate ladder and are willing to sacrifice time and energy to move up it. You assume that everyone else is motivated by the same goals and defines success the same way.

You are spontaneous and enjoy having an open agenda that allows you to just go with the flow. You don't like structure and assume everyone else thrives in the same environment.

You value quality time and just want to hang out and talk. You assume that is energizing for everyone else as well.

None of these are bad, but it isn't the way everyone thinks. We assume the way we process things is where everyone else starts out as well and that can be costly. Those assumptions could burn people out, drive away the people who enjoy structure and cost a friendship.

Sometimes we need to walk in someone elses shoes. Try to understand where they are coming from. Ask lots of questions to understand what motivates them and how they are wired. It may be similar or it may be very different from you. If you are different, neither way is necessarily better than the other, but you have to work at understanding how they see things. We've got to lose the assumptions. The assumption that we are right and everyone else is wrong. The assumption that our way is the only way. The arrogance that comes from assuming we are the norm and anything different is just weird. We have to stop assuming before the costs gets too high.

It will take hard work. It will take admitting we are wrong sometimes. It will take humility and sacrificing the need to have it our way. To quit assuming may be tough to do, but you know what they say happens when you assume... it may just make an ASS out of U and ME.

Code word "opportunity"

Here is an "opportunity" for you... those words strike fear in me. A lot of times that is polite business talk for "I have some crappy work for you that is going to take lots of time and energy." Opportunity = hard, thankless work.

What do you do when you are presented with difficult times or a situation that is less than ideal? Those really are opportunities. Opportunities to respond in love or grace. Opportunities to not complain and not be selfish. Opportunities to press into Jesus even though, or maybe because of, the situation feels out of control.

Now that doesn't mean it won't be hard work. It may be trying. It may seem like you are alone in you efforts. Difficulties, or opportunities if you like, are still difficult. It doesn't mean you just try harder. It doesn't mean you put on a "happy face" and pretend things are just great. I have a friend who is always doing GREAT! when you ask him how he is doing. I don't trust that because that isn't my reality. I have struggles. I have times when I question if I have clue in being a parent (so do my children), I have times where life feels overwhelming, I have financial pressures, I have times where I feel distant from God, I have times where I feel all alone... I also have times where things are great, times when life is fun, times when I feel like I am truly pursuing Jesus with my whole life. Life is a mixture of difficulties and joy.

The difficult times are often where character is developed. It is an opportunity. An opportunity to continue to make wise choices even though it is difficult. An opportunity to trust God even when it doesn't make sense to us. An opportunity to respond in love even when the world says to get even. The push and pull of life can be tough, but it is also where we can be shaped. It is easier to have joy when things are going your way, but when I see people respond with joy in the "opportunities" of life, that is when I take notice. When I see someone choose to forgive, even though their current "opportunities" in life may be justified in responding harshly. Those difficulties really may be opportunities to impact someone. It may not feel much like an opportunity, but it may be having a greater impact than you realize.

So what are you going to do with your "opportunities" today? Run and hide? Fake it and pretend it is great? Trust there is a purpose and approach it with joy? You get to choose how you respond to life's opportunities.

A little bit random

"Today I don't feel like doing anything" - The Lazy Song by Bruno Mars

"La, la, la, whatever, la, la, la, it doesn't matter, la, la, la, oh well, la, la, la" - Tonight, Tonight by Hot Chelle Rae

Those are two of my favorite songs right now. Probably a coincidence that they also describe my mood pretty well. It has been one of those crazy weeks (or six months) where there seems to be an endless supply of demands for my time. As I told one of my friends, it seems like I have pressure coming from 9 different directions in any given day. Hard to be motivated when you know the next day is going to be just a busy as the current one and there is no end in sight. So the idea of a day of not doing anything sounds pretty good. Imagine a day of just fun. Sleeping in, maybe reading some of that book you can never seem to get to, or watching the entire season of "Studio 60", having a two hour lunch date with your wife, catching a movie in the afternoon, or taking a nap (not high on my list, but my wife would appreciate that), hanging out with friends, playing outside, going for a bike ride... not having anything you had to do but just a day to do whatever. What would you do with a day like that?

Not sure why it is called the rat race, but I guess that would make me a rat these days. We weren't meant to run full speed all of the time. Rest is essential. We may have different ways of resting, but God created us to enjoy life. We just need to stop and enjoy it. What do you find enjoyment in doing? Give yourself a break today and enjoy it. Take an hour, half a day, or the whole day and rest. Go ahead, tell your boss I said it was okay. Make time in your schedule to rest. Don't worry, the rat race will still be there when you get back. You won't miss anything, but you might actually be energized in a way you haven't been in quite awhile. La, la, la, whatever, la, la, la, it doesn't matter, la, la, la, oh well, la, la, la...

Performance doesn't equal worth

What are you performing for? Schools base a lot of emphasis on test performance. Work demands you jump through hoops and continue to take on more so that you can get ahead. Relationships gear toward the mindset of "what have you done for me lately?" Who are you becoming? How are you going to get there? The mentality that says prove to me that you are worth it.

A lot of times that is what we make God out to be like as well. We ask "Are you following the rules? Are you doing the things we think you should be doing? Are you becoming who God wants you to be? We make our pursuit of Jesus one more thing based on our performance. Here is the reality... God is not in love with who I am becoming, but rather in love with who I am right now*. Let that soak in. It isn't based on me in anyway. It is based on who God is. His character... His love... His grace... His acceptance of me in my current messed up state.

We want to prove that we can do it, so we perform like we are suppose to. We gut it out. We push ourselves to the next level. We try to manage it. We try to control everything. We forget how messed up we were when we surrendered our lives to God. We are now trying to prove that we are worth it. He doesn't want our performance. He wants us. Lean into who He is. His character... His love... His grace... His mercy. We don't earn any of those with our performance. Forget who you are trying to become and realize who God is now.

* - Thanks to Lane for this awesome quote and sorry if I didn't get it exactly right. It is one of those mind blowing comments that will continue to stretch how I see God. Hopefully it continues to make me realize how much I need to press into God and his character and not rely on myself. I will continue to get it wrong no matter how hard I try, but God still loves me in this moment and not for where I am heading. How refreshing is that?