Listen or talk? How do you know when to be quiet and listen versus when you need to say something? I tend to listen more than talk so it is sometimes a struggle to say what needs to be said. For others they might tend to talk more when maybe they need to remain quiet and just listen. For me, when I know I need to say something I will. I still approach it tentatively, wondering if I am doing the right thing, but still put it out there even though it isn't as eloquent as I had hoped or imagined in my mind. That's okay because once it is out there on the table, it can be discussed. Not sure what you do when you feel you need to be quiet when you usually talk.
Not at all related to the above thought, but I enjoyed a great weekend with my wife. My awesome aunt watches our boys for us a couple of weekends a year so that we can have some time for just the two of us. Much needed time away for us as a couple to recharge and spend time together. I also love that our boys get to spend time with our families whether it is at my aunt's, my parents or Lisa's parents. So thankful that they have that extended family so active in their lives. We managed to go to three movies over the weekend (Aside awesome note - you can watch a movie before 6 at the Cinemark in BA for $2.75. We were able to see all three movies for what it would have cost us to see one at the other theaters. Nice deal.) and I actually liked each of them. They were "Dinner for Smucks", "Charlie St. Cloud" and "Inception". "Inception" was our favorite even though it takes a good 30 minutes at the beginning to even understand kind of what is going on. I thought all of them were good though and a little different than anything else I've seen in a while. Good weekend spent with my wife.
Another totally unrelated topic. I love to talk to my friends about the stuff going on in their lives. To hear what is rocking their world, challenging them to grow, funny things they think and have happen in their lives, to find out how they are really doing, to ask the awkward questions that few others will, to hear what they are passionate about, to find our more about them. It doesn't happen in one conversation nor does it ever seem to reach the point where we run out of things to talk about. I look forward to those conversations and get to have several of those this week. A couple of friends that I don't get to see as often any more will be in town and I am planning on hanging out for a while with each of them. Probably means I will have less sleep this week, but a small price to pay to hang out with some awesome guys that I have the privilege to call as friends.
What are you looking forward to this week?
Monday, August 2, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
One of my favorite words
Can you be too honest? Think about that question some. Are there degrees of honesty? Can you be honest to a point, but once you cross that line you have become too honest? Honesty seems to me to be an either/or type of thing. Either you are honest or you aren't.
I think what people mean when they say that is that you have crossed the boundary of the social acceptable topics. You know, those topics that when people talk about them create an awkward (One of my favorite words. It just sounds awkward saying it.) moment of silence. Are there topics that you can't be honest about? Again that doesn't seem to make sense to me. Why not be honest? Awkward... okay I get that, but let's just call it that.
I like that I have friends that I can talk about those taboo topics. I can ask those questions that may be deemed inappropriate. We become stoic on conversations about our finances, about what our relationships are really like, about those thoughts we don't share with others... you know, we don't want to be too honest about the things that really bother us. We choose to hide behind the fear of too much honesty. That people can't handle us being honest about what we are really like. I wonder if it is more about us not wanting to reveal our flaws than them being able to handle our honesty.
So I guess the question I have is this - Are you willing to talk about the awkward?
I think what people mean when they say that is that you have crossed the boundary of the social acceptable topics. You know, those topics that when people talk about them create an awkward (One of my favorite words. It just sounds awkward saying it.) moment of silence. Are there topics that you can't be honest about? Again that doesn't seem to make sense to me. Why not be honest? Awkward... okay I get that, but let's just call it that.
I like that I have friends that I can talk about those taboo topics. I can ask those questions that may be deemed inappropriate. We become stoic on conversations about our finances, about what our relationships are really like, about those thoughts we don't share with others... you know, we don't want to be too honest about the things that really bother us. We choose to hide behind the fear of too much honesty. That people can't handle us being honest about what we are really like. I wonder if it is more about us not wanting to reveal our flaws than them being able to handle our honesty.
So I guess the question I have is this - Are you willing to talk about the awkward?
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Is great a realistic option?
Is great sustainable in a relationship? Can you consistently have a great marriage? Can you have a great friendship that last? Can your relationship with God maintain at that great level?
I was reading about some of the players up for consideration for the pro football hall of fame. We mark them as great in their profession. Why? Because the did it well year after year. They put in the time and effort in the little details. The workouts, the repetition of the plays over and over during practice, the studying of the film, throwing the ball or catching the ball over and over, adjusting the technique to gain an advantage... all of the little details that played out on the field. We saw the results of their total commitment to being the best. Yes, they were usually gifted athletes, but it was the details that made them great.
So you want a great marriage? Are you paying attention to the details? You want a great friendship? Are you paying attention to the details? Want a dynamic relationship with God? Are you paying attention to the details? The details, day in and day out. We look at the results of a great career, a great marriage, someone we would describe as a great friend and we want the end results. But do you want it enough to sacrifice for it? Are you willing to give yourself 100% to it? Are you ready to bring it every day?
I wonder if we want those things, but look for the changes we need to make in the other person to have them. I want a great marriage, but my spouse needs to change_______ (fill in the blank). I would like to have great friends, but they don't _________ (fill in the blank). I want to chase after Jesus, but He needs to do ________ first. We make it about the other person, when I wonder if it isn't about us being selfless. I wonder if we spent more time focused on serving the other person or God if those relationships than trying to change them if they would be great?
Do you want the end results without the work? Sorry, it doesn't happen that way. Test it out. Ask someone who you think has a great marriage, or someone you would describe as a great friend or someone who has a great relationship with God what their secret is. I would bet a large part of it boils down to showing up every day and thinking about the other person. It is about listening when you don't "feel" like it. It is about serving when you don't "feel" like it. It is about spending time with them. It is about being consistent in their lives. So what do you think? Is great an option?
I was reading about some of the players up for consideration for the pro football hall of fame. We mark them as great in their profession. Why? Because the did it well year after year. They put in the time and effort in the little details. The workouts, the repetition of the plays over and over during practice, the studying of the film, throwing the ball or catching the ball over and over, adjusting the technique to gain an advantage... all of the little details that played out on the field. We saw the results of their total commitment to being the best. Yes, they were usually gifted athletes, but it was the details that made them great.
So you want a great marriage? Are you paying attention to the details? You want a great friendship? Are you paying attention to the details? Want a dynamic relationship with God? Are you paying attention to the details? The details, day in and day out. We look at the results of a great career, a great marriage, someone we would describe as a great friend and we want the end results. But do you want it enough to sacrifice for it? Are you willing to give yourself 100% to it? Are you ready to bring it every day?
I wonder if we want those things, but look for the changes we need to make in the other person to have them. I want a great marriage, but my spouse needs to change_______ (fill in the blank). I would like to have great friends, but they don't _________ (fill in the blank). I want to chase after Jesus, but He needs to do ________ first. We make it about the other person, when I wonder if it isn't about us being selfless. I wonder if we spent more time focused on serving the other person or God if those relationships than trying to change them if they would be great?
Do you want the end results without the work? Sorry, it doesn't happen that way. Test it out. Ask someone who you think has a great marriage, or someone you would describe as a great friend or someone who has a great relationship with God what their secret is. I would bet a large part of it boils down to showing up every day and thinking about the other person. It is about listening when you don't "feel" like it. It is about serving when you don't "feel" like it. It is about spending time with them. It is about being consistent in their lives. So what do you think? Is great an option?
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Shh... don't tell
What are your secrets? What are those things that you keep hidden from others? We keep the things that happened to us, the things we did, the addictions we have, the thoughts that we have when we are alone, the feelings that we don't measure up, the fear of rejection, the wrongs we do... we keep them safely to ourselves. What would people think if they find out? So we protect them. We aren't proud of them, but we visit them often. Really they keep us close by. We are never too far from them. Oh, we might go along as if they don't exist, but they are still there quietly behind the curtains where we don't let others know about them. We think we are managing them, but I wonder if they really don't have the control.
We are told to confess our sins. The secrets hold us back. We worry that others will look at us differently or reject us, so we don't confess. We worry that we may lose control of something, so we don't confess. We don't want to admit to the deceitfulness or selfishness that can exist in our hearts, so we don't confess. We want to stop the addiction, but still we don't want others to know, so we don't confess. Confession is about freedom. It isn't about airing your dirty secrets so others can point out your shortcomings or sin. It is about releasing you from the control of the secret. The secrets we keep that hold us back. They keep us from being who God sees us as. Look at that closely. God doesn't hold those things against us. He sees us as we were meant to be, but we choose to keep coming back to those things and put them in charge. Which are you pursuing with abandon - Jesus or keeping your secrets quiet? We throw ourselves into things to keep us busy so that we don't have to think about those secrets.
How brave are you? Are you willing to confess? It may be painful to name those secrets. It may be awkward. It may have consequences. But until we confess, we really don't know what it means to be free. Why would you choose to stay locked up when you can have freedom? It isn't about what you have done, thought, are addicted to, lied about... it is about being free to pursue Jesus with your entire heart. Do you need to confess? Who do you need to talk? What are you waiting for? Don't listen to those familiar whispers telling you to wait until it is convenient or that no one really needs to know or that it isn't really that big of a deal or that you can handle it on your own. Just find someone and confess what it is you are holding on so tightly to.
We are told to confess our sins. The secrets hold us back. We worry that others will look at us differently or reject us, so we don't confess. We worry that we may lose control of something, so we don't confess. We don't want to admit to the deceitfulness or selfishness that can exist in our hearts, so we don't confess. We want to stop the addiction, but still we don't want others to know, so we don't confess. Confession is about freedom. It isn't about airing your dirty secrets so others can point out your shortcomings or sin. It is about releasing you from the control of the secret. The secrets we keep that hold us back. They keep us from being who God sees us as. Look at that closely. God doesn't hold those things against us. He sees us as we were meant to be, but we choose to keep coming back to those things and put them in charge. Which are you pursuing with abandon - Jesus or keeping your secrets quiet? We throw ourselves into things to keep us busy so that we don't have to think about those secrets.
How brave are you? Are you willing to confess? It may be painful to name those secrets. It may be awkward. It may have consequences. But until we confess, we really don't know what it means to be free. Why would you choose to stay locked up when you can have freedom? It isn't about what you have done, thought, are addicted to, lied about... it is about being free to pursue Jesus with your entire heart. Do you need to confess? Who do you need to talk? What are you waiting for? Don't listen to those familiar whispers telling you to wait until it is convenient or that no one really needs to know or that it isn't really that big of a deal or that you can handle it on your own. Just find someone and confess what it is you are holding on so tightly to.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Living small
"The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren't small, but you're living them in a small way." (II Corinthians 6:12 - The Message)
Wonder how many of us would admit that we choose to live small lives? We fence ourselves in. We convince ourselves that there are things that we just can't change about ourselves. We listen to the doubts whispered in the shadows of our lives. We accept the small because the thought of living wide open is scary. We like the confines of the known instead of the vastness of the unknown. We would rather live doing small things on our own than allow God to do something incredibly large through us. We choose the close, the comfortable, the manageable, the known, and the small.
But our lives aren't small, we just choose to live them that way. What is that thing you dream of doing, but are afraid to try? What is it that quickens your pulse and pumps adrenaline through you like nothing else, but you convince yourself you can't do? What boundaries have you set up for yourself to protect the current status, to keep you from change, that you are convinced can't be changed because of who you are? Does that smallness come from within you? Is it your doubts, your fears, your limitations?
God sees what might be in us. We try to tell him why we can't. We want the small, he see the potential for huge things. Wonder who is right? Are you choosing to live a small life? It is our choice how we live... will it be big or small?
Wonder how many of us would admit that we choose to live small lives? We fence ourselves in. We convince ourselves that there are things that we just can't change about ourselves. We listen to the doubts whispered in the shadows of our lives. We accept the small because the thought of living wide open is scary. We like the confines of the known instead of the vastness of the unknown. We would rather live doing small things on our own than allow God to do something incredibly large through us. We choose the close, the comfortable, the manageable, the known, and the small.
But our lives aren't small, we just choose to live them that way. What is that thing you dream of doing, but are afraid to try? What is it that quickens your pulse and pumps adrenaline through you like nothing else, but you convince yourself you can't do? What boundaries have you set up for yourself to protect the current status, to keep you from change, that you are convinced can't be changed because of who you are? Does that smallness come from within you? Is it your doubts, your fears, your limitations?
God sees what might be in us. We try to tell him why we can't. We want the small, he see the potential for huge things. Wonder who is right? Are you choosing to live a small life? It is our choice how we live... will it be big or small?
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